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* Yellow asterisk: funny (maybe).
* White asterisk:
expanded format.
*
Blue asterisk: not mine.
No asterisk: it probably
sucks.
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OTHER CRAP:
Catch the deluxe
version of Other Crap in real time, with all the bells and whistles,
here.
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"Treasure" (1997)
A DAN PROJECT
Treasure (1997) is a soft core comedy shot on location in Hawaii, and concerns a modern treasure hunt. Lisa Falcone has hired to soldiers of fortune to assist her in recovering a fortune buried by her ancestor, Boody B. Dunk. She has the one and only coded map, but is rightfully afraid of rogues, the worst of which she has hired to outfit and guide her, Big Jack (played by Terry Rose). It is not a good sign when your guide walks around with a macaw on his shoulder and has a crew of lovely women and a strange man who lives under his porch. The trip is uneventful until Lisa Falcone overhears the rest plotting to steal the treasure, but only kill her and her two hired troops if necessary.
One of the soldiers of fortune is a lady's man, and the other hits it off with Lisa Falcone, facilitation sex scenes with all of the women. Carla Holmes, Lisa Falcone, Alina Kaley and I Wan do full frontal. Lori Morrissey shows all three Bs, but not at the same time. Christine Lydon does shaved full frontal.
Nine IMDb readers have this at 4.1. Oddly, that is not far off, although it was a quick watch. This film is short on sex and nudity and long on story. Much of the humor derives from exaggeration, but not all. In a showdown scene between the soldiers of fortune and Big Jack and his gang, they shoot the macaw right off Big Jack's shoulder, at which point Big Jack makes the surprising statement, "You shot my bird." We will call this a C- due to the light erotic content, but it might not be a bad choice for mixed company, and would be even funnier after a few drinks.
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A few more from 1985's "Tomboy"....
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"La Flaqueza del Bolchevique" aka The Weakness of the Bolshevik (2003)
Español
* La Flaqueza del Bolchevique (2003):
Pablo López es un tipo normal. Tiene treinta y tantos años, trabaja en un banco de inversiones y está harto de todo. Un lunes por la mañana, en un atasco en plena Cibeles (calle muy famosa de la ciudad de Madrid, España), su coche se empotra contra el descapotable de la pija más pija de Madrid y se monta un escándalo: ella es de armas tomar, le insulta hasta hartarse y le mete en un lío monumental con la policía y el seguro. Así que Pablo, para divertirse un poco, decide hacerle la vida imposible. Un día, cuando ya empieza a aburrirse de esa situación, Pablo se topa de bruces con María hermana pequeña de la pija. Y ese día su vida da un giro espectacular. Cínico y resentido, Pablo jamás pensó que su existencia pudiera volver a tener sentido, y, ahora que la luz ha estallado ante sus ojos, siente que no puede – no debe – enamorarse de una chica de quince años.
===========================
English
The Weakness of the Bolshevik (2003) was adaped to the screen by Lorenzo Silva from his own acclaimed novel.
Pablo Lopez is an average uptight businessman. He is thirty-something, works as an investment banker, and is world-weary and cautious about life. One Monday, in a traffic jam in the heat of Cibeles (a very famous street in Madrid), he has a fender bender with a convertible, and forms an antagonistic relationship with the woman driving the other car. His life changes when he falls in love with the woman's younger sister, who is 15. Although the teenager reawakens his interest in life, their relationship must lead to dire consequences, especially considering his adversarial relationship with her older sister.
In other words, it's basically American Beauty rewritten as Spanish Beauty. The musical score is even similar, and the lead actor even looks a bit like Kevin Spacey!
The film was nominated for two Goyas: Silva was nominated for the screenplay and Maria Valverde was nominated as the best newcomer for her role as the teenager.
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Pat's comments in yellow...
DAMON IS BIGGEST BARGAIN IN HOLLYWOOD
Bourne To Make Money - Forbes reports that Matt Damon
is the best investment in Hollywood. His last three
"Bourne" movies grossed $29 for every dollar that the
studio paid him. Brad Pitt was #2, returning $24 for
every dollar of pay, followed by a tie between Vince
Vaughn and Johnny Depp at $21. Surprisingly, the most
profitable actress is Pitt's ex-wife Jennifer Aniston,
who pays off 17-1, while Angelina Jolie is only sixth
among women with $15 per dollar paid. And some of the
biggest names may be overpaid: Tom Cruise brought in
just $11 per dollar of salary, Jim Carrey $8, and
Russell Crowe was at the bottom with just $5.
*That’s $5 TOTAL
*Next summer, every movie will star Matt Damon, including "Nancy Drew 2"
*Jennifer Aniston pays off big…As long as she’s co-starring with Vince Vaughn, Jim Carrey and Ben Stiller.
*They couldn’t calculate the return rate for Ben Affleck since he works for food.
WOMEN OVER 40 ARE BIGGEST DRINKERS
On “Age Of Love,” They Binge Drink - The University of
Cardiff in Wales found that women in their 40s are
more likely to binge drink than college girls.
Researchers breathalyzed 893 drinkers late at night at
the city center and found that 40 percent of men and
20 percent of women were drunk enough to risk injuring
themselves. But in men, the alcohol level peaked at
age 29, while in women, it rose with age and peaked in
women over 40. A spokesman said they don't know why
women over 40 are the booziest of all, but "we
speculate younger women have more responsibilities at
home, and once the children have left home, then the
sky's the limit."
*No, they start drinking because the kids have moved BACK home.
*This is surprising because men buy far more drinks for women in their 20s.
*Actually, they missed the biggest drinkers of all because teenagers have a curfew.
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