Friday

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To see and use all the Funhouse features, you need Netscape 6.+ or MSIE 5.+.

• Netscape 6.2.2 is available free for download or on CD.
• MSIE 6.0 is available free.

Movies

Loaded is one seriously god-awful pretentious movie, but it does have clear nudity from Catherine McCormack  (Braveheart, Dangerous Beauty) , and a hint from the massive chested Biddy Hodson

• McCormack (1, 2, 3, 4)
• Biddy Hodson You can't quite make out a nipple, but the Bidmistress has some serious Jumbo Jacks (1, 2)

Stakeout is a comedy/romance/cop movie. Entertaining. Two Cops have to observe a woman who used to be the girlfriend of a bad guy. One of the cops falls in love with her. Gimmicky, but cute, funny, and energetic.

• Madeleine Stowe (1, 2, 3, 4)

Mailbox

Scoop - The pictures on the internet claiming to be Tiger Woods's girlfriend are actually Kim Hiott, a Playboy ' Special Editions' model.
 

Other crap

• A college football preview that should manage to offend just about everyone from every school mentioned.
• here is a review of Soderbergh's Full Frontal, in which there is no nudity from Julia Roberts. Some excerpts: "Full Frontal is very definitely about some very exacting film-lab processing that makes the digital video sections look like 8mm home movies processed in Uganda in the early 1950s. We're all used to digital transfers and funky film stocks being used for stylistic or dramatic import, but this is a new extreme that seems aesthetically pointless" It's been playing in a preview in Austin, but I've had no trouble staying away.
• Turkmenistan is renaming months and days of the week, ala Julius, Augustus, and Sid Caesar. Bush to start his own counter campaign. February 30th to be named "Cheney".
• This article is hilarious - why the Russian mob is filled with pansies - would Tony Soprano fix ice dancing?
• Charlie's Angels 2 in production - with Demi Moore as a "fallen" angel
• American Pie 3 signs up the leads (Jim, Jim's dad, band camp chick, and Stifler are all signed. The rest don't matter.)
• Vince Neil of Motley Crue will be arrested (misdemeanor battery)
• Dogme 95 filmmakers have been cheating. Of course, these guys are all as nutty as fruitcakes. They want their films to be real, not artificial. Of course, no camera has the same resolving power as the human eye. Therefore, by deciding never to use artificial lighting, they have declared that they never want their films to approach reality at any time. Instead of looking the way the world really looks, they want their films to look the way the world looks through a movie camera, before making the adjustments necessary to make it duplicate the eye-view. Sheer genius!
• Barbie whacked
• The latest in political spin: I love this quote from right-wing nutbag site News Max. "For the sake of their own political survival, not to mention the interests of the people who voted them into office, the Bush political team needs to force the issue. Reporters should be told in no uncertain terms: The White House will entertain no further questions on the accounting practices at Halliburton and Harken Energy - until Clinton and his wife are pressed for answers about the most heinous crime ever alleged against a president of the United States".

• What is "the most heinous crime ever alleged against a president of the United States?". They are referring to the rape charges from the 1970's. Rape is a serious crime, to be sure, but remember we are discussing allegations, not reality, so the site's claim is positively ludicrous. In fact, nearly the opposite is true, in that nearly every president has been accused of something worse.  Nixon and Andrew Jackson were accused of genocide. Bush Sr and George Washington were accused of treason. Harry Truman was accused of war crimes. Lyndon Johnson - well, you name a crime, and I'll bet he was accused of it. And unlike those pussy presidents mentioned earlier, in Lyndon's case, he probably really did it! And bragged about it later!
• Yup, refusing to answer questions will really improve their press coverage and their poll ratings! That's the way to go. Exactly the same advice I would give them. If I were Al Gore.

Here are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.

• The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
• If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
• A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Lawdog or Junior or C2000 or Realist or ICMS or Mick Locke, or somebody else besides me)
• If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

• Thumbnails
• Nicole Kidman (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 ,8 )
  
   

Cocktail (1988) is one of those films everybody points to as an example of a bad movie. Despite a wonderful looking Elizabeth Shue, Gina Gershon, Kelly Lynch and Bryan Brown, charmingly playing himself as a lovable bad guy, some interesting sets and a picturesque Jamaica location for part of the film, I found it totally forgettable after the first time I saw it, and got to rediscover why it was bad all over again today. The story is a little trite, but no more so than many films I enjoy more. To me, the reason was Tom Cruise with his little boy smile. At the start of the film, he was supposed to be hungry and ambitious. He was neither.

For those who, like me, mercifully forgot the plot, Cruise gets out of the Army and goes to New York to get rich in business. He discovers that you can't land a power job with no credentials of any kind, and takes a job tending bar with Bryan Brown. Brown teaches him the ropes, and both dream of opening their own bar and getting rich. Brown wants to marry money, Cruise doesn't care how he gets it. They fight over a woman, and Cruise goes to Jamaica for low cost of living and high pay. That is where he manages to meet, fall in love with, bed, and chase away Elizabeth Shue all in a few days. That should be enough to refresh your memory.

Shue shows most of her left breast in a sex in the river scene. Gershon shows the profile of a nipple in bed with Cruise, and Kelly Lynch as Brown's wife/benefactor, shows buns in two different butt-floss type swimsuits. IMDB readers say 5.1 of 10, yet the film grossed $78.2M, with another $36.5M in rentals. It won Razzies for worst screenplay and worst picture. Rotten Tomatoes shows 100% negative, and Ebert awards a generous two stars. I suppose the genre is Romantic Comedy, and this is not a good one. D.

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• Thumbnails
• Gina Gershon (1, 2, 3)
• Kelly Lynch (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
• Elisabeth Shue (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 )
   

• Alex Kingston, full frontal nudity from The Croupier

Be sure to pay Graphic Response a visit at his website. www.graphic-barry.com.

The Spanish Sunday magazine of "El País" newspaper features a once a year article about new faces in Spanish cinema. They usually hire a well-known photographer who usually takes beautiful fine-art photos of the young actress of the moment.

Back in 1996, Silke was the hottest new thing. I include three beautiful photos. Next, in 1997, there are a group of young beauties, who you can recognize.

I expect you'll enjoy this.

¡Hasta la vista!

• Leire Barrocal
• Nawja Nimri
• Ruth Gabriel
• Eva Santolaria
• Elena Anaya
• Silke (1, 2, 3)
   

A massive collection of scans today. Publicity stills from movies.

Mathilda May (Lifeforce) (1, 2, 3)

Anne Bennent (Swann in Love)

Charlotte Rampling (?)

Eleonora Giorgi (Oltre la porta)

Katja Bienert (Liane) (1, 2, 3, 4)

Kim Evenson (Porky's Revenge) (1, 2, 3)

Maruschka Detmers and Jane Birkin in la Pirate

• A Scream in the Streets (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)

Well done, Penman!

Ali Landry in "Repli-kate" (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

From "The Exhibitionist Files"

• Catalina Larranaga
• Candace Washington
• Diana Kauffman
• Sydnee

Hello Scoopy,

These are the first DVD captures I've seen from the Spanish movie 'The Tunnel' with a young Jane Seymour (1, 2, 3). Hope you enjoy them.

Best regards,
Hexum           

Carrie Anne Moss in Red Planet

RIOT TO STOP BEN AFFLECK MOVIE

Last Sunday on an El Al flight from Zurich to Jerusalem, angry Ultra-Orthodox Jews began screaming insults at the crew and covering the movie screen with blankets to protest a showing of the Ben Affleck movie, "Changing Lanes." Ultra-Orthodox Jews condemn any entertainment that depicts lifestyles and dress they find to be immodest or offensive. The captain quelled the riot by shutting off the movie.

* They just showed Madonna videos instead.

* "Changing Lanes" is rated "R" for "Reform Jew."

* Maybe they just saw Ben Affleck and thought it was "Pearl Harbor."

* This happens in movie theaters every time Ben Affleck releases a movie.

SINGER'S SPACE TRIP IN JEOPARDY OVER MONEY

After going through so much training to prove he was physically able to go into space, 'N Sync's Lance Bass may be sunk by economics. He was reportedly to pay the Russian space agency $20 million to tag along on an October mission, but on Wednesday, a Russian spokesman said he missed the first installment payment deadline, giving them the right to dissolve the contract. His backers asked to move the deadline to Friday, but the Russian said they can't wait forever for him to pay.

* They really needed the money last week if they were going to get the oxygen tubes repaired in time.

* They've got someone else who's interested: Michael Jackson.

* There's been a misunderstanding: Lance thought THEY were paying HIM $20 million.

* I'll bet if we could took up a collection, we could easily raise $20 million by Friday!

SUMMER MOVIE RANT FROM PAT...

A couple of interesting articles for the movie buffs, about why so many summer movies like "Star Wars Part II: Attack of the Clones" are so forgettable and generally sucky...

http://www.nandotimes.com/entertainment/story/490429p-3913693c.html

http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/news/727531/posts

Personally, I think I have figured out why the current batch of "Star Wars" movies are so awful.  It struck me while reading TV Guide's recent list of the 50 Worst TV Shows of All Time.  The key is that the new "Star Wars" movies are to the first trilogy as "After MASH" was to "MASH."

Think about it:  They both use their titles to convince you they're the same as the originals that you loved, but they aren't.  The sequel was just a cynical attempt to keep cashing in on the goodwill engendered by the original. What did you love about "MASH?"  The sharp writing, interesting characters, and engrossing setting and situation?  "After MASH" was billed as a continuation of "MASH," yet it had none of those things.  Same with the new "Star Wars" movies.

• The heroes you grew to love (Hawkeye, BJ, HotLips/Han, Luke, Leia)?  Sorry.  They don't appear.
• Your favorite heavy with the deep, erudite voice (Maj. Winchester/Darth Vader)?  Not present.
• In fact, the only connection to the original is two minor comic characters (Klinger,Father Mulcahy/C3PO, R2D2) and one wise father figure (Col. Potter/Yoda).  Needless to say, this is NOT enough.

Now that I have proven with scientific logic and pure deductive reasoning that the current "Star Wars" films are nothing but "After MASH" with too many CGI effects, could George Lucas please mail me a refund for the money I wasted on movie tickets?