Mad Dogs and Englishmen (1995), according to IMDB, is a Thriller / Drama / Mystery / Romance. I couldn't figure it out either. This UK made film begins by introducing dozens of characters, without explaining who they are and how the relate to each other, the story, or anything else for that matter. This is what I surmised. Liz Hurley is the daughter of an aristocrat whose mother died of an overdose. She is following in Mums footsteps. An American student (C. Thomas Howell), who earns cash as a messenger, starts dating her, and encourages her to get off the drugs. Meanwhile, a police official, who has looked the other way with an upper class drug ring, decides to put them down when he discovers that they have hooked his daughter, and are screwing her as well.

Hurley shows breasts in a overly arty orange colored sex scene. Louise Delamere as the cops daughter shows breasts in a window that her father has under surveillance. IMDb readers have this at 3.4 of 10, which is way to high. The entire film is disjointed, there really isn't any character development and Howell plays the only likable character in the film. As far as the film goes, the only problem with Hurley's addiction is that daddy and boyfriend don't like it. The comments at IMDB are not favorable. Add to all of this a really bad transfer and you are well advised to avoid this film. D-.

The Assault of the Part Nerds 2 (1995)

Has there ever been a movie where the sequel was more eagerly anticipated than Assault of the Party Nerds? Not even Star Wars generated that kind of anticipation for the "rest of the story".

The original Party Nerds was made for $40,000 in four days, a quickie from the Jim Wynorski - Fred Olen Ray school of filmmaking, as created and assembled by that school's star pupil, their hope for the new generation, Richard Gabai.

When I say "created and assembled", I'm not using that phrase casually. I have not seen that first film, but in the second one, Gabai is the star, director, producer, editor, songwriter, casting director, cinematographer ... oh, yeah, and his band recorded the music. Gabai is the Grade-Z Edward Norton - he even resembles him somewhat.

The economical use of personnel didn't stop at Gabai himself. The female lead was the bartender at his favorite watering hole, and had never worked in a film before. She did OK, but never worked again. Other non-showbiz buddies rounded out the cast. Gabai hired Burt Ward (Robin, the Boy Wonder) to be a corporate bigwig, and Ward showed up with his wife, so Ward's wife in real life became the bigwig's wife in the script. Actress Tane McClure also laid down some vocal tracks (her singing is pretty decent!)

There are two conflicts to be resolved in the script. The Party Nerds are about to be evicted from their frat house. One of the evil snooty frat boys has now become an evil corporate exec, and is scheming to steal his father-in-law's company. Gabai, now graduated from the Party Nerd house and working as a detective, must keep the evil snobby Bud from getting the company and the frat house.

Other interesting cast members include Rhonda "Up All Night" Shear and Arte "Verrrry Interesting" Johnson.

The shooting schedule was doubled to eight days for the sequel, so you can bet that the production values in #2  are positively lavish. That might not be so bad, but the DVD is approximately the same quality as VHS, so it looks even worse than you might expect.

Assault of the Party Nerds 2 (1995)

• Michelle Bauer (1, 2, 3)
• Linnea Quigley (1, 2)
• De'Ann Power
• Maureen LaVette
• Rhonda Shear

Assault of the Party Nerds (1989). This movie is trailered on the DVD for Part Nerds 2.

• Michelle Bauer
• Linnea Quigley

The Last American Virgin (1982)

I reviewed this yesterday. Find the other pics and comments in that edition. This is a frame I missed - Louisa Moritz's pubic hair.

• Louisa Moritz

UPDATES:

• Updated volumes: Louisa Moritz, Linda Fiorentino, Diane Franklin, Claire Forlani, Farrah Fawcett, Edwige Fenech, Nikki Fritz, Sherilyn Fenn, Jane Fonda, Sadie Frost

OTHER CRAP:

• Playmate Gallery Courtesy of PlayboyPlus.com! - ANKA ROMENSKY, PLAYBOY PLAYMATE OF THE MONTH - FEBRUARY 2002.
• Having won the war on terrorism, Ashcroft turns his attention to porn
• Welcome to "An Evening with Joe - Stalin The Musical"
• 'I don't know that I want a governor where I know what his penis looks like.' -- "
• Iraqi WMDs: President Bush Releases Recovered Warzone Documents Offering Incontrovertible Proof of Iraqi Acquisition of Weapons of Mass Destruction
• Report: J.Lo dumps Ben for ultrahunk Karl Rove
• titties on The Drudge Report?
• A federal appeals court has ruled that police may not use deadly force to stop someone trying to get away in a car, even if the chase itself presents a danger to public safety. It's better, the court said, for police to just stop chasing. Whoa, there goes the "summer blockbuster" down the drain.
• ESPN picks The Last American Virgin as the most underrated movie of all time. Unfortunately, the credibility of that claim is diminished somewhat by the fact that the remaining choices are either (a) OVERrated, like Saturday Night Fever, or (b) just plain incompetent. We presume these are either the only movies the columnist has ever seen, or were generated by random selection. No, random selection would have to result in a better list.
• ESPN.com: SPORTS NATION - SportsNation: Underrated movies - reader's selections. This list actually has some good choices.
• George W Bush has added to the drama of California's recall election by saying movie star Arnold Schwarzenegger would make a good governor. The reason? Bush feels that Arnold would look stunning in a flight suit.
• Strip Search. The ’70s had Doonesbury, the ’80s had Bloom County and the ’90s had Dilbert. But what will be the comic strip of this decade?
• German Penises Can't Fill the Average Condom
• A mathematician has devised two formulae that he claims have a 94 per cent success rate when it comes to forecasting whether a couple are compatible.
• Guantanamo inmate 'wants to stay'. He's a Russian citizen, and he says that conditions in Guantanamo are actually better than conditions in a Russian vacation resort! (Or as they call them in Russia - Gulags). Here's the way to pay for America's foreign adventures - charge Russian tourists to stay at Guantanamo!

Other crap archives. May also include newer material than the ones above, since it's sorta in real time.

PIRATE COUNTDOWN:

MOVIE REVIEWS:

Here are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.

• The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
• If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
• A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Lawdog or Junior or C2000 or Realist or ICMS or Mick Locke, or somebody else besides me)
• If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

• Diane Franklin topless in her film debut. Of course she'll always be remembered as Lane Myer's love interest from the comedy classic "Better Off Dead"(1985).

• Louisa Moritz, baring breasts and bum.

Be sure to pay Graphic Response a visit at his website. www.graphic-barry.com.

"Delta Delta Die!"

This movie requires the viewer to make a choice: do you want a decently done B-movie horror flick, or do you want lots of nudity and some really badly done gore thrown in?

If you made the second choice, this is the movie for you. Lots of nudity, along with one of the most lame, poorly acted movies you'll see in a while. Still, Julie Strain continues to love to show those boobies, and she has some help in this one. The plot is simple: a sorority has a quaint little secret. They're cannibals. House Mother Julie sets a yummy example for her girls as she eats her way through the local male population.

See it with someone you love (to eat :-).

• Julie Strain, showing off the robo-hooters.
• Katie Adams, breasts and bum.
• Rachel Myers, mega-robo-boobs as well as frontal and rear nudity.
• Tiffany Shepis, more toplessness.

As Scoop pointed out a few weeks ago, "Punch" is a sensitive and well-written comedy/drama which is beautifully acted, and resembles "American Beauty". However, one thing about the film is a little creepy...The writer/director of the film is Sonja's father, Guy Bennett, and he directed the spread-eagle nude scene we see in these 'caps.

For more details, read Scoops's review.

HEAT WAVE HITS EUROPE; TEXANS SAY, "CHILL OUT"
Reason #97 Why Germany Never Invaded Texas - A record heat wave in Europe has politicians demanding action to stop apocalyptic global warming and the media running stories about people desperately trying to cool off. But some Texans mocked the Europeans as wimps. The highs reached 86 degrees F. in Germany, 96 in London and 104 in Paris. Wednesday in Dallas, the high was 109.