Monday

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Updates:

Volume Q is completely updated. There are new volumes for Linnea Quigley, Kathleen Quinlan, and Brandi Quinones. If you aren't into B movies, you may not know who Linnea is, and are now wondering why she gets her own volume.

If you are into B movies, she's a tiny blond goddess. This is no slim volume, but 100-something pictures from 20+ films and various posed sessions. Linnea getting naked and dead was a staple component of American crappy horror movies for nearly two decades, highlighted by her nekkid tombstone boogie in Return of the Living Dead and her famous chainsaw duel in Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers. The latter parodied every light saber and sword battle in history, and was free of special effects -  performed by the girls with real working chainsaws (the blades were replaced with plain rubber tracks, but Linnea almost choked on the fumes while in a closed space, waiting to emerge). The last time I checked, Queen Quig was still the official queen of the scream queens, in that she held the record for the longest scream in screen history. She has also done a book of photos, "Skin", which is a parody of Madonna's "Sex", and she has written an autobiography of her time in movies - "I'm Screaming as Fast as I Can"

It's a fun encyclopedia volume because Linnea's figure has really changed over the years. She was chubby and ordinary when she arrived, then became a workout monster, and whittled her tiny body down to the minimal body fat level. Then she decided to go in a different direction, added some curves, got implants. All in all, it's like looking at several different women.

Notes:

Yesterday, Tuna reviewed something called 976-EVIL. I haven't seen this movie, but as I looked it up in IMDb, I discovered that there is an actor named Evil Wilhelm.  He's not "Evel", like Evel Knievel, nor is evil his nickname. He's not Hoyt "Evil" Wilhelm. Nor is it a title. He's not Evil Kaiser Wilhelm, for example. No, apparently Evil is his real first name. What were his parents thinking of? Parents, if you have to give your kid a dumb-ass name, make it something the other kids will envy, not laugh at. How about Hercules Wilhelm, or Cool Papa Wilhelm, Kickass Wilhelm, Duke Wilhelm, Macho Wilhelm, Big Dick Wilhelm, or Doctor Wilhelm. But "Evil"?

Mr. Wilhelm has only one credit at IMDb. He played the Radio Werewolf in Mortuary Academy. This reminds me of my own greatest role as the Radio Love Mime in Crystal Blue Strawberry Peace, a Woodstock-era hippie comedy. Regrettably, I haven't seen Mortuary Academy, so I can't comment on the essence of Evil's performance, but it seems to me that it isn't that hard to play a werewolf on the radio.
 

Other crap

• Premiere magazine picks the Top 100 movie quotes of all time. More than just a soulless list, this article is really worth looking at. It manages to be educational and amusing.
• You may be interested to see how ad professionals view the Top 100 Ad Campaigns of all time. I really enjoyed remembering some of the oldie goldies
• That bastion of journalism, The Sun, thinks Madonna may be pregnant again. Or maybe she's just doing a DeNiro, and is training for the lead in a Kate Winslet biopic.
• The complete repository of Bush's mangling of the English language: dubyaspeak.com
• You may know that the film Manhunter (the first film to feature Dr Hannibal Lecter), already a fine film and not even that old, is being remade as Red Dragon, this time featuring Anthony Hopkins as Dr Lecter, and starring Edward Norton. The creepy Dollarhyde is played by Ralph Fiennes. Great cast, also including Phillip Seymour Hoffman and Emily Watson.. Here's a review of the test screening.
• in baseball news, the Cubs still suck, but still have some cool fans who bare their breasts in the outfield
• Poll shows Afghani women edge out British as world's ugliest.

Here are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.

• The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
• If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
• A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Lawdog or Junior or C2000 or Realist or ICMS or Mick Locke, or somebody else besides me)
• If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

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• Trixie Bowie ( 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12 )
• Alison Cuffe ( 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
   

Muertos de risa (1999) is a broad comedy featuring Santiago Segura as Nino, and El Gran Wyoming as Bruno, a comedy team who make it big, but secretly hate each other. Appropriate to its title, which translates to Dying of Laughter, the story begins near the end, with Nino and Bruno rushing to a reunion, where they actually shoot each other on camera in front of a live audience. The audience laughs uproariously, as they think it is the typical slapstick and rivalry they expected from this comedy duo. This leaves their manager to explain how it all happened. Bruno is quick witted and good looking, is a part time actor and bartender in a small club in the sticks. Nino lives with his mother, who is not on speaking terms with him, and sings sometimes in the bar. One night, a bunch of Franco's troops burn the bar down after Nino accidently kills their goat. The pair head off to Madrid to become famous as a comedy team.

Bruno has nerve enough for both, but is just not funny. Nino freezes during their first possible break, but they attract a manager. They are booked into a traveling vaudeville troupe where the star attraction is topless dancers. In front of a particularly rough audience, Nino freezes as usual, and Bruno slaps him across the face. The audience roars with laughter, and the seeds of their success are born. Bruno is a straight man who everyone loves, but who would love to be naturally funny. Nino is naturally funny, but feels nobody respects him. This leads to competition between the two that eventually grows into full hatred. An incident with Laura (Carla Hidalgo) is one of the big reasons. She and Nino are hitting it off perfectly, then she disappears. Nino goes back to the room, and finds Bruno asleep, and Laura naked in the shower.

Laura is a radical, and protest to the Franco regime, and the coup attempt after his death, add realism to the story. Much of the humor is physical, and all is broad, but slapstick can still be funny, and I thoroughly enjoyed it here. Hidalgo does lengthy full frontal nudity in the shower when Nino sees her, and the Showgirls in the vaudeville troupe show their breasts on stage. IMDB voters have this at 6.6 of 10. The only English language review I could find loved the film as much as I did, but the IMDB comments are sharply polarized. For me, this was a total delight, whether you identify with Nino, who makes a living getting his face slapped, or Bruno, the man who would give anything to be really funny, you will relate to someone in the story. The Letterbox transfer is decent quality, and the subtitles are well written.  Unfortunately, it is only available on Region 2 DVD from Spain. To me, this is a B-.

 

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• Carla Hidalgo ( 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9 )
• dancers ( 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 )
   

Today we have the Kayti Edwards shaved gyno pics from late last year. Starting material was none too good, but Kayti sho does know how to pose. Recall that she is the granddaughter of Blake Edwards, which makes her Julie Andrews's step-granddaughter, ergo all the Mary Poppins-like props in the scene. (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10,11)
 

Amy Smart in Road Trip

Michelle Williams in If These Walls Could Talk 2

Alexandra Neldel in an episode of Heimliche Kuesse

Anette Hellwig in an episode of Dr Stefan Frank

Annett Renneberg in "Im Visier der Zielfahnder ..."

Annika Murjahn in an episode of Tatort

Annika Pages in "Man(n) sucht Frau"

Antje Schmidt "Koma - Lebendig begraben"

Berivan Kaya in "Toedliche Wahrheit"

Bojana Golenac in an episode of "OP ruft Dr Bruckner"

Christiane Brammer in an episode of Dr Stefan Frank

Claudia Karvan in "Beruehrungen"

Doreen Jacobi in "Der Runner"

Edda Leesch in "The California Quartet"

one more of Edda Leesch in "Das kalifornische Quartett 3"

SciFi fans - here's Eva Habermann on a non-SciFi German show

Eva Herzig in "Eine toedliche Liebe"

Gosia Dobrowolska in "Beruehrungen"

Hanna Schygulla in "Die Ehe der Maria Braun"

Judith Pinnow in "Im Namen des Gezsetzes"

Julia Jentsch in "Zornige Kuesse"

Julia Kuntze in "Freier Fall'

Katharina Meinecke in "Toedliche Wahrheit"

Labina Mitevska in "Weg"

Maria Schuster in an episode of Gnadenlos 2

Maria Simon in "Zornige Kuesse"

Nadine Neumann in "Toedliche Wahrheit"

Simone Thomalla in "Unser Papa, des Genie"

Suzanne Uhlen in "Das kalifornische Quartett 3"

Suzanne Uhlen in "Das kalifornische Quartett 3"

Tanja Lanaeus in 'Verstehen Sie Spass?"

Ulrike Panse in "Koma - Lebendig begraben"

Victoria Madincea in an episode of Gnadenlos