Tuesday

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Tuna
"Dark Passion" (1999)

Dark Passion (1999), which is called Vipers by IMDB, is another Blockbuster exclusive. I am not sure if it is intended as a soft core or as a suspense film, but it is a D+ either way. Morgan Daniel goes to work as a resident caretaker, and sees the owner, Dr. Bortz porking the maid, Taimie Hannum, before he is ever interviewed. It is not long before he is in the sack with the mistress of the house, Michelle von Flotow, then walks in on the daughter, Shayna, Ryan, who is entertaining a friend in bed. Before the film is over, Daniel does her too.

Lets see ... Daniel is there to pork the women, and little else. They set him up as a martial arts expert, then forget to have him fight anyone. Nobody likes anybody, but everyone wants to end up with the money. Nobody of note has reviewed this film. All three women show hooters, but little passion. The editing and photography were sloppy at best.

  • Thumbnails
  • Thumbnails

  • Michelle von Flotow (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)
  • Shayna Ryan (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
  • Tammie Lynn Hannum (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)

    "Downward Angel" (2000)

    Downward Angel (2000) has assassin Matt Schulze infiltrating the "Guild" as a hit man. We first see him going to confession, confessing a sin he is about to commit. Bad theology, folks. Forgiveness is based on contrition, and if you are sorry about a sin, you would not commit it. Evidently the priest missed this part of theology in the seminary. At any rate, accept that Matt is a very moral killer, and won't whack anyone unless they deserve it. We gradually find out why he is working his way into the Guild, trying to revenge his parents death, and eventually find out that he is a cop working undercover.

    If they had shared his true identity with the audience at the beginning of the film rather than at the end, we would have understood his Mr Nice Guy personality, rooted for him, and felt the suspense as he gets closer to being caught by the bad guys. The way the film is written, he is just another dislikable character. He does bed Catalina Larranaga, who shows all three Bs in a lengthy scene, and Gabrielle Fitzpatrick, who barely shows a breast in the shower.

  • Thumbnails

  • Catalina Larranaga (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11)
  • Gabrielle Fitzpatrick

  • Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)
    A brief note on "Dangerous Attraction", which Tuna reviewed yesterday. (Pics in yesterday's edition)

    This film was nominated for a Leo award (Best Director). The Leo's are the movie and television industry awards for productions made in British Columbia. They are generally considered even more prestigious than 

    • the Dayo awards, which are given only to movies which feature calypso music
    • the Thee-o awards, given annually to the best Amish movies. Well, at least in theory, since the Amish community has not yet sanctioned any film productions. They were thinking about approving a short on butter-churning, but rejected it for bad language ("Thou may kiss my bonnet, brother")

    However, it is worthwhile to note that only three theatrical films were eligible for awards in the Leo movie category, and this film didn't win any. For the record, three of the four film awards (Best Picture, Best Director, Best Female Performance) went to a movie entitled "My Father's Angel", and the other one (Best Male Performance) went to a made-for-TV movie rather than anything Dangerous Attraction had to offer!  

    In other words, the producers of Dangerous Attraction might think about cutting in some Belafonte tunes and resubmitting to the Dayo's. I believe Canadian Calypso is eligible

    Everybody now. 

    All day, all night, Marianne

    Under de snow now, siftin' sand.

    All de hockey players love her, eh?

    Hey, my Marianne, OK?


     

    Idiot Box is a strange Aussie movie. I think it would become a college cult film if Americans ever discover it. Although I watched it because of the R rating, it has no nudity. It really cracked me up, however. Kev and Mick, although not animated characters, are the Aussie equivalent of Beavis and Butthead,  no-hope losers who are made humorous by their own cluelessness, bickering, and lack of respect for authority. Like Beavis and Butthead, they're not even smart enough to know they're stupid, yet they are somehow kind of loveable. A pretty cool movie. 


     

    Mararia is a Spanish movie which features beautiful and interesting photography of the landscapes and people of one of the Canary out islands. The setting for the plot is excellent. Unfortunately, the plot itself is a dreadful melodrama with very little dramatic or psychological tension and a languid pace. Nice travelogue, however. Would be a good addition to the Discovery Channel if they ever opt for nudity.

    • Goya Toledo. In some camera angles she resembles Julia Roberts, but she has several advantages over Julia. (1) she's younger (2) she has a better body (3) she gets naked on film (1, 2, 3, 4)

    Graphic Response
  • Tara Reid great collage of her topless scenes from "Body Shots".

    Be sure to pay Graphic Response a visit at his website. www.graphic-barry.com.

  • Spaz
    "Sweater Girls" (1978) is an R-rated comedy set in 1956 about a bunch of teenage girls who form a social club "The Sweater Girls". Many scenes of these girls in their tight sweaters, maidenform brassieres, plus some of them nude. Pre-Dallas babe Charlene Tilton's name is plastered all over the videobox but the truth is she only has a small bit part at the tail end of the movie (she was not even a sweater girl!).

    If you liked "Slumber Party '57" (1977) you will like Sweater Girls.

  • Tamara Barkley: topless in car, getting chased out of bathroom, boobs and butt changing.

  • Julie Parsons: boobs and butt getting out of wet clothes, topless in bedroom with guy.

  • Group shot: Carol Anne Seflinger, Kate Sarchet, Noelle North (topless in Slumber Party '57), take off their sweaters and show their maidenform brassieres. Group shot all five sweater girls doing this again all together.

  • Charlene Tilton: fully clothed but in hot pants

  • Scorpion's Skinemax
    Brandy Davis Breasts and bush from "The Pleasure Zone".

    Cheri Lacey Big ol' robo-hooters and the other two B's also from "The Pleasure Zone".

    Denice Duff Brief toplessness in a shower scene from "Bloodstone: Subspecies II" (1993).

    Fleur Cooper Now who is this? A new-to-me, and very cute blonde from the late night cable series "Thrills". Are those real breasts on Skinemax?

    Holly Sampson Topless and a little phony sex, also from "Thrills".

    Kira Reed If it's Kira, then you know you'll be seeing pretty much everything. The only B no present in these 'caps from "Thrills" is her bum.

    Lauren Hays
    (1, 2)

    Again, a mysterious lack of bum exposure from "Thrills". There is an abundance of everything else though, so that helps.

    Melanie Shatner Shatner? That's right gang, it's Captain Kirk's daughter in scenes from "Bloodstone: Subspecies II" (1993). Seen here topless behind a shower curtain. You can make out very nice breast shapes, and possible a hint of see-thru nipple.

    Rebecca Ferratti Robo-boobs, bare bum, and bush...the Trifecta of nudity. Scenes from "Erotic Confessions".

    Schmutzfink
    This week's theme.....
    As Dr. Evil might say...."These ladies all have a common...bond?"

    Here are Bond Babes showing skin in Non-Bond movies.

    Barbara Bach Bond Babe name...Major Anya Amasova from "The Spy Who Loved Me". Here she is looking great topless in this brief scene from "Force 10 from Navarone" (1978).

    Honor Blackman Bond Babe name....Pussy Galore from "Goldfinger" (1964). Here are topless scenes from "The Fight for Rome" (1968).

    Alison Doody Bond Babe name...Jenny Flex from "A View to a Kill". Seen here in dark, far-off topless 'caps from "Taffin" (1988).

    Moving on to a Bond tangent....My brother and I recently had a discussion about "A View to a Kill", and here's what we came up with. It's an underrated Bond movie.

    It's often panned as the worst of the Roger Moore flicks, and as being a bad flick in general. However...it has some of the best elements ever in a Bond film. Granted, the execution wasn't the best, but you have to at least give credit to the following.

  • Grace Jones...fantastic as the enigmatic, evil henchwoman/Bond love interest. Although seeing her with Moore in a love scene was a tad creepy. Not from the white/black perspective of course, but because Moore was about 123 years old and didn't need to be taking his clothes off. Ok, so he was only 58, but he looked 123!
  • Patrick Macnee...a classy tough to add John Steed from "The Avengers" into the Bond mix. He and Moore had a terrific chemistry as they tongue and cheeked their way through the Man and Servant roles. Similar to the playful banter with Q. It's a shame they killed him off, he could have made a fantastic recurring character.
  • The soundtrack of course. I read once that a great way to judge a Bond film is by the song. Good song = Good Film. I think that's pretty much right on target.
  • The Plot...An evil industrialist plans to destroy Silicon Valley so that the world has to use his product. Can you say Redmond, Washington? I think the writers were ahead of their time.
  • Christopher Walken! Possibly the best Bond Bad Guy Ever! Evil, yet with a twinkle in his eye. A happy psycho. Plus he was very much a hands on bad guy, not just barking orders while stroking a kitty, or typing kill commands on a laptop. Zorin was actually pulling the trigger, dropping people our of blimps, and having a lot of fun toying with Bond. You know, Walken being Walken! Again, too bad they killed him off.

    The Bond franchise turns 40 next year and there is a Bond number 20 set for release. Maybe we the fans can convince Hollywood to bring back Walken for the birthday Bond!

  • Trick Ripper
    A warm welcome to a new contributor and his first vidcapping efforts.

    Jennifer Connelly Lower frontal nudity in scenes from "Requiem for a Dream".

    Shannon Elizabeth Looking great topless in "American Pie".

    Rose McGowan Topless in the tub from "The Doom Generation".

    Joey Lauren Adams Topless in "Mallrats" (1995).

    and ...
    Kristin Davis Kristin's stunt butt from Sunday night's "Sex and the City". Thanks to Life32.

    Christina Ricci
    (1, 2)

    Great see-thru nipple sightings at a movie premiere.

    Reese Witherspoon Looking fantastic in bikini bootleg 'caps from "Legally Blonde", by Freakie.

    Jennifer Aspen Very nice topless 'caps from "Sometimes They Come Back Again", by Scanman.


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