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* Yellow asterisk: funny (maybe).
* White asterisk:
expanded format.
*
Blue asterisk: not mine.
No asterisk: it probably
sucks.
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OTHER CRAP:
Catch the deluxe
version of Other Crap in real time, with all the bells and whistles,
here.
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Goya's Ghosts
(2006)
Goya's Ghosts (2006), AKA Los Fantasmas de Goya, takes place during
15 years in the life of the Spanish painter Francisco Goya. It was
directed by Milos Forman, who helmed such noteworthy projects as
Amadeus, One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, Man on the Moon, The People
vs. Larry Flint, Valmont, Ragtime, Hair, etc.
This is the part where I give would normally a concise summary of
the story. The only problem is that I just watched it, and am not sure
what the story is. I am not the only reviewer with that problem. Goya
has been turning out etching prints that contain imagery that the Holy
Office (the Inquisition) finds potentially demonic, but a monk (Javier
Bardem) convinces them that Goya is merely showing the evils in Spain,
and is actually a proponent of the church. The monk also persuades the
Office to give him control over the Inquisition to bring back the "old
ways." Bardem trains his henchmen to be especially wary of
anyone reading French literature, and anyone who might be a Jew.
Goya, if you will excuse a trite saying, is fat, dumb and happy.
Not only is he getting lucrative portrait and mural work from the
church and the king and queen of Spain, but his etching prints are
selling briskly, and he has a beautiful muse (Natalie Portman) in the
person of a lovely young daughter of a wealthy merchant. Trouble
arises when Inez (Portman) refuses pork in a public house, suggesting
that she might be Jewish. She is summoned by the Inquisition, put to
the question (tortured until she confesses), and left to rot in the
dungeon, where she is raped and impregnated by Bardem. Her father
decides to put Bardem to the question, and gets him to sign a
confession that he is the illegitimate offspring of an ape and a
monkey. Nice move, but he doesn't get his daughter back, although he
does manage to disgrace Bardem.
15 years later, when the French invade Spain, Bardem shows up as a
French prosecutor, accompanied by a wife and family. Inez is let out
of the dungeon, and comes to Goya for help in finding her daughter -
the result of Bardem's repeated rapes. The daughter, also played by
Natalie Portman, is a hooker. It's Goya vs. Bardem until the British
invade.
So, this does not seem to be a biopic of Goya, Inez, or the monk
played by Bardem, and it's not a history of the inquisition since it
shows only the tail end of that wonderful group. I am not sure
what exactly it is meant to be about, but is impressively mounted, and
contains enough small themes to overcome the lack of a major one. I
will grant that the first half of the film was more engaging than the
last, which covered too much ground too quickly, and I would have
liked to see someone find redemption, but do not regret the time spent
watching it.
IMDb readers say 7.1, with over 2,000 votes. That is completely at
odds with the box office, and also with most critics, who admit that
it looks great and was well acted and directed, by blame bad writing
for what they consider a failure. Roger Ebert seems to be a lone voice
of support in awarding three stars.
It is available from RLDVDs.com on a Russian Superbit DVD which
includes English, Russian and Spanish soundtracks and lots of extras.
It is a Region-free PAL, and so will play on your computer.
Natalie Portman shows buns and partial breasts while being molested
by Bardem. Unknowns also show breasts.
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Natalie Portman
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Some other chicks
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3-Way
Ali Larter shows a little butt crack.
Gina Gershon, just some leg and a "Babe in
Bondage" scene with some cleavage.
Joy Bryant lets us see a little tit.
Roxana Zal shows off her breasts.
 
Dance With The Devil
And a bonus cap, as Jessie Faller is forced to show her boobs during a
bank robbery.
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Notes and collages
The Big Blue
This is a film about the friendship between two men who both love ocean
diving for very different reasons.
As far as the plot goes Ms. Arquette's character should have been left on the
cutting room floor....but since she is there...and looks great... here are some
collages.
I have not seen anyone collage the "dolphin pool" scene so I started with
that...
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Cuentos Cortos
An asthmatic runs a restaurant with his wife. He hires a drifter to finish a
room he is working on. What should be a couple of days work starts taking longer
since the stranger is not only working on the room but on the wife too, and both plan to cause him an asthma attack
to take him out of the way.
(Scoop's note: I guess the postman sometimes
rings more than twice. Except for the asthma angle, it's pretty much the same
plot.)
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Morir in San Hilario
2005
Espańol
San Hilario vivía de su espléndido cementerio y de la habilidad de sus
gentes para organizar los entierros más hermosos. La gente viajaba a San
Hilario a morirse a gusto. Las prisas y la modernidad casi han dejado al
pueblo sin trabajo y es por eso que, ahora, esperan anhelantes la llegada
de Germán Cortés. Germán, un nuevo cliente, desea morir en el pueblo y
esto permitirá a sus habitantes esmerarse como nunca y, probablemente,
remontar el negocio. Todo se complica cuando Germán muere antes de llegar
a su destino y, por error, los de San Hilario dan la bienvenida a un
prófugo de la justicia. Éste, por esconderse, no deshace el malentendido y
asiste, atónito, a la preparación de su entierro.
English
San Hilario's economy once prospered on the basis of
a splendid cemetery and the
ability of its people to organize the most elaborate funerals. In the
old days, people
traveled to San Hilario to die in style. Unfortunately, the fast pace of
modern life has left the town without any source of income, which is why they
await German Cortes with bated breath. German, a new client, wishes
to die in the town, so the inhabitants plan to welcome him like no one
before.
Everything gets complicated when German dies before arriving
and the citizens of San Hilario mistakenly roll out the red carpet for a fugitive
from justice. The criminal, sensing a perfect place to hide from the law,
does not clear up the misunderstanding and assists the townspeople in the preparations
for his interment.
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Ode to Joy
The main nudity in the Polish movie Ode to Joy aka Oda do radosci (2005) is by Barbara Kurzaj
 
with Malgorzata Burczkowska down to her underwear.
In the Battlefields
In the Battlefields aka Maarek hob (2004) is an Arabic movie set in Lebanon
and based on the problems Lebanon is currently having. The side boobage comes from Rawia Elchab.
 
Out of Line
A bit of cleavage by Jennifer Beals in Out of Line (2001).
 
Ladies Night
Some nice topless nudity by Ona Grauer in Ladies Night (2005).
 
We Don't Live Here
Naomi Watts
  
and Laura Dern are naked but, unfortunately, nothing is visible in We Don't Live Here (2004).
Nicotina
Nicotina (2003) is a Mexican movie. No visible nudity by Marta Belaustegui.
 
The Bridesmaid
Laura Smet is nicely nude in the French movie The Bridesmaid aka La Demoiselle d'honneur (2004).
 
Mind Prey
Some pokies by Laura DeCarteret in Mind Prey (1998).
The First Great Train Robbery
No nudity in The First Great Train Robbery (1979) but Lesley-Anne Down looks good when she is only half dressed.
  
Criminal Law
Plenty of a naked Karen Young in Criminal Law (1988).
Remember Me
No nudity in the Italian movie Remember Me aka Ricordati di me (2003)
but Nicoletta Romanoff,
Laura Morante,
and Maria Chiara Augenti are photogenic.
The House of Yes
No visible nudity in The House of Yes (1997) but Tori Spelling is in her underwear.
 
Babylon Disease
Babylon Disease aka Babylonsjukan (2004) is a Swedish movie and Nina Waha is topless.
 
A Song for Martin
A Song for Martin aka En Sĺng för Martin (2001) is another Swedish movie.
No nudity but Lisa Werlinder
and Viveka Seldahl show a bit of cleavage.
 
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The Still Life
Julian Lamont is an unknown drunken artist who is struggling to deal
with the various calamities of his life. When his girlfriend convinces her
gallery owner boss to look at his work, the guy convinces Julian to
destroy some of his work, calls the wrecked paintings "destructionism",
and displays the results in his gallery. Destructionism takes the art
world by a storm, and Julian's work becomes a huge hit.
As with many people, Julian is unable to cope with success, especially
since he himself thinks destructionism is total bullshit, so he engages in
even more destructive behavior while continuing to search himself for the
true meaning of art and life. This leads to many talky, draggy moments in
the film.
Personally, I found this 2007 film to be boring and self-absorbed, but
many people like this kind of thoughtful drama, so this one is strictly
buyer beware. In any case, you'll doubtless like the nudity.
About the Kyrie Maezumi collage, which admittedly looks a little
strange: The top two rows are scenes from the movie, and with the
exception of the first panel, they rotoscoped them to simulate a painted
effect, because they are part of a daydream sequence that Julian had while
lecturing before an art class. They are blurry and distorted on purpose,
for that reason. The bottom two rows are the raw footage of the actual
scene as shot, and show this beautiful young woman much better, which is
why I included them in the collage
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| Kyrie
Maezumi |
Angel
Boris |
Holly
Fields |
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