L'Ultimo Capodanno (1998) is an Italian comedy which weaves several stories in a luxury condo on New Years Eve together to culminate in a total catastrophe at midnight. I will get to some of the other players later, but first the main reason to watch this, and also why many of you will need to buy it if it is ever released in your country. Monica Bellucci comes home, starts to listen to answering machine messages, ad undress at the same time. She removes her bra, replaces it with a red one, then takes off her panties about the time the answering machine is playing back clear evidence that her husband has been doing the nasty with her best friend. She then storms around the apartment for about 10 minutes showing her bush and venting her anger.

At the start of the film, a motorcyclist has a big problem with a bus full of a soccer team and their coach, who is also the team mascot, and dressed as a big turkey. The bus is covered with lights, and, perched on top, is a 20 foot high turkey. The motorcyclist survives, and is headed to see his pot smoking buddy in the same condos. Meanwhile, the soccer team meets up with a former team member who is now a gigolo to an aging countess. The countess is throwing a big party at, you guessed it, the same condos. The soccer team crashes the party. The pot smoking kid is planning on setting off two sticks of dynamite at midnight, Bellucci swears revenge on her husband and her best friend, a family man gets the headlights needed to finish his classic car restoration, a businessman is in a S&M outfit being humiliated by a dominatrix for hire, three Mafia men are after him, his neighbor woman has decided to commit suicide because her husband is jailed in some exotic country, etc. The whole bunch are heading straight to the big climax at midnight.

This is a case where the film might have been better had I spoke Italian, as the dialogue might have been clever, which is not easy to translate in subtitles, but I did find some genuine laughs. There is no way I could get mad at a film that has Bellucci naked for so long at the start. IMDB readers have this at 7.0 of 10, but based on only 25 votes. I could find no reviews, and no evidence of a theatrical release. This is a C-, but is a major release from the standpoint of celebrity nudity.

One Night at McCool's (2001)

The first time I went through this movie, I missed a tiny bit of nudity. Normally, this would not be a big deal, but in this case the ass crack in question belongs to the lovely Liv Tyler, so it's worth going after (collage 1). She is supposed to be pantyless in collages two and three, but if you really think you're looking at her persqueeter, please send me my check for your deed to the Brooklyn Bridge.

Oh, I guess it might be her womanly essence. It's nice to think so, anyway.

• Liv Tyler (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
• the comments page for this film

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Other crap archives. May also include newer material than the ones above, since it's sorta in real time.

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PIRATE COUNTDOWN:

Link goes to (where else) TalkLikeAPirate.com - now with new English-to-Pirate instant translator

MOVIE REVIEWS:

Here are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.

• The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
• If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
• A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Lawdog or Junior or C2000 or Realist or ICMS or Mick Locke, or somebody else besides me)
• If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

Today we feature Kari Wuhrer from 1997's "Luscious" aka "Vivid".

Kari was truly luscious in this movie as she bared it all for us to enjoy. She got naked so much that I will be back with a 2nd chapter of Kari's fabulous body.

• Kari Wuhrer (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14)

The video was distributed in two versions - one version has only three stories, the other version has four. Ohana's nudity is in the story "Final Call" which only appears in the four-part version.