Monday

Tuna
"Santitos"

Santitos (1997) is a wonderful Mexican comedy about faith and healing staring Dolores Heredia. She is a widow who has raised her teenaged daughter together with her oldest and dearest friend, until the untimely death of her daughter. The girls goes in to the hospital for a routine tonsillectomy and dies of a mysterious virus. One of her little plaster saints (Santitos), St, Jude, speaks to her from the glass door of her oven, and tells her the daughter isn't dead. When the hospital won't open the casket (for fear of infection), and the doctor is missing, she decides her daughter must have been kidnapped and sold into prostitution. Although she is a devout Catholic, she feels God has given her a mission, and she sets out to infiltrate whore houses and find her daughter. The hunt leads her all the way To Tijuana and Los Angeles. Along the way, there is much room for humor, and I laughed out loud time after time.

Heredia shows her breasts twice, first in a sex scene, and later in the bath. IMDB readers have this at 7.2 of 10. It was shown at Sundance, and again in New York. This is one of those sleepers that is a pure delight for those who enjoy this sort of film. The set decoration and the shooting locations were the sort of Mexican colorful that I really enjoy, and I couldn't help but love Heredia's character. The film garnered numerous awards and nominations, mostly for writing and for Heredia's performance. It is one I will rewatch. C+.

  • Thumbnails
  • Thumbnails
  • Thumbnails

  • Delores Heredia (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25)

    "Cousin Bette"

    Cousin Bette (1998) is a screen adaptation of the Balzac novel. Jessica Lange stars in the title role, of the cousin that had no advantages, because her family "could only afford to push one girl forward." Her sister married a baron, and Bette was little more than a servant in the 1846 Paris household. The film opens with the death of Bette's cousin. Bette had always wanted the baron, and, just when she thinks he is going to propose, he offers her the job of housekeeper. At this point, Bette swears revenge on everyone who has wronged her, including her niece, a young sculptor, the baron, and his actress girlfriend (played by Elizabeth Sue). The moral is, don't piss Cousin Bette off.

    Shue shows buns twice in bare bottom costumes, and breasts posing for a statue. IMDB readers have this at 6.1 of 10. Ebert awards three stars, ad Berardinelli 2 1/2. Ebert was the exception, as it only had a 25% positive at Rotten Tomatoes. It earned $1.6M in a short US release. I am not usually fond of costumers, and I didn't mind this one, although I would have preferred a less leisurely pace. This is a C. If you like period comedies, you will probably enjoy this one.

  • Thumbnails

  • Elizabeth Shue (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)

    • Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)

    Cry Uncle (1971)

    Throughout the years there have been periodic attempts to bring explicit porn and mainstream movies closer together. Now and then a porn movie, especially of the soft-core variety,  makes a special effort to include a comprehensible and entertaining plot, and/or some interesting characterization. Two good examples would be Warm Texas Rain and I Like to Play Games. Cry Uncle represents an attempt to amalgamate the forms from the other direction - the director starts with a typical genre script, a comedy-mystery about a low-rent detective, but films all the raunchy details that would not normally be shown in a mainstream movie, including explicit oral sex, male frontal nudity, and a four-way which features a hooker sodomizing a guy with a gigantic dildo on camera.

    • This film features a very distinguished director, John Avildsen, who directed such widely accepted and honored films as Rocky, Save the Tiger, and The Karate Kid, and some smaller, more personal films like Joe and Slow Dancing in the Big City. Avildsen also acted as cinematographer and editor for Cry Uncle, and he was quite capable of doing both. He edited The Karate Kid, for example, and was the cinematographer for Joe.
    • It also features such talented and familiar character actors as Melvin Stewart, Paul Sorvino, and Allen Garfield. It features cameos from future honchos like producer Steve Tisch (Forrest Gump and a zillion other mainstream successes) and studio boss Lloyd Kaufman, whose Troma Pictures would later acquire the rights to the film.
    • The screenplay was written by David Odell, who would continue a mainstream Hollywood career for 15 years after Cry Uncle, penning such films as The Dark Crystal and Supergirl.

    Strange blend of obscenity and drama and comedy. Just about unique - can't think of anything like it off the top of my head.. One IMDB reader calls it an "X-rated bawdy porn detective film". That just about sums it up. It was one of those things, but it was one directed by John Avildsen.

    About five people saw this film in theaters, and four of them were my wife and I and another couple who grew up with us.  We were all newlyweds at the time. My most vivid memory is of Allan Garfield, who was then obese, finding a special use for a still-warm corpse. You probably think that a fat, sweaty, low-rent detective fucking a corpse in a mainstream movie would still be pretty shocking today, so you can only imagine how our wives reacted back in 1971!

    We have to give a nod of thanks to Troma, for bringing obscure and unique classics like Cry Uncle and Cannibal, the Musical (Trey Parker's full-length student film) to DVD. These are not films for the whole family, except maybe the Manson family, but they are bizarre and harmless fun, and are surely delightful curiosities that many of us want to see.

    Read Brainscan's comments here

     

    OTHER CRAP:

    Other crap archives. May also include newer material than the ones above, since it's sorta in real time.

    Click here to submit a URL for inclusion in Other Crap

     

     

    PIRATE COUNTDOWN:

    days left until International Talk Like a Pirate Day (Sept 19)

    Link goes to (where else) TalkLikeAPirate.com - now with new English-to-Pirate instant translator

     

     

    MOVIE REVIEWS:

    Here are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.

    • The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
    • If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
    • A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Lawdog or Junior or C2000 or Realist or ICMS or Mick Locke, or somebody else besides me)
    • If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

    PAL
    Isabelle Adjani The French actress going topless in scenes from "Quartet" (1981).

    Ursula Andress Brief breast exposure in scenes from the 1966 World War 1 movie, "The Blue Max".

    Valeria Bruni Tedeschi The older sister of model Carla Bruni topless in scenes from "La Baule-les-Pins" (1990).

    Shelley Plimpton The mother of "Goonies" co-star Martha Plimpton. Here she is topless in "Alice's Restaurant" (1969).

    Raquel Welch Semi-see thru views from "L'Animal" (1977).

    Variety
    Josie Davis
    (1, 2, 3, 4)

    		The former "Charles in Charge" star all grown up and nekkid! Here she is showing breasts, bum and a shaved pubic area in scenes from Nicholas Cage's directorial debut, "Sonny" (2002).

    Kari Wuhrer
    (1, 2)


    		The long time B-movie favorite in her undies and baring breasts, bum and possible pubes. Vidcaps by DeVo from the movie "Spider's Web" (2001).


    Jane March
    (1, 2, 3, 4)

    		She pretty much vanished completely after making this movie, but March looked fantastic while baring everything in scenes from the 1994 Bruce Willis movie "Color of Night" (1994).

    Kathleen Kinmont
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)

    Toni Lee
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)

    		Señor Skin 'caps from the 1989 flick "Rush Week". Kinmont shows off her big'uns and wears a thong. Lee also shows off her very nice breasts and even goes full frontal in link #4.

    Pat Reeder www.comedy-wire.com
    Pat's comments in yellow...

  • Kylie Minogue is the biggest calendar hit of the past few years