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OTHER CRAP:
Catch the deluxe
version of Other Crap in real time, with all the bells and whistles,
here.
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Auditions
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This is a real treasure, a
rarely-seen film which is not available on DVD, and is long gone
from the available video tape market. IMDb summarizes it as, "A
pseudo-documentary about the processes involved in putting together
and casting actors and actresses for a porn film. Although several
actual porn stars are in the film, it is not a porn film itself."
It is a nudie film, and the exposure is basically non-stop, the
most memorable bit (at least as seen from 2008) being Linnea
Quigley's nude debut. Clip 1: dancing around energetically and stark
naked, she shakes her booty and everything else. Clip 2: her
character starts to do a three-way sex scene when the producer finds
out that she is only 15 years old.
Linnea Quigley film
clips. Linnea herself was barely legal and just as cute as a button.
Film clips of various others
who did not have the fortune to become famous. (Warning:
massive download 200 meg)
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Notes and collages
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This section will present film clips to accompany
Charlie's collages (which are found in his own site).
Today's duo:
Austria's superstar, Romy Schneider, the first woman I
ever saw naked on screen (thank God for "art" theaters), showing off a nice
booty and offering a good look at her chest in
La
Califfa.
Veronique Genest in
Nana
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Emmanuelle 5
(1987)
Emmanuelle 5 (1987) stars Monique Gabrielle and is helped along in one
extensive sequence by the presence of three pair of hooters, owned and operated
by Heidi Paine, Roxanna Michaels and Michele Burger. Those three gals and
several other topless and nameless women cavort as members of a prince's harem.
The man looks Indian and dresses Indian but he keeps a harem and operates it
like a prison.
The sequence of scenes with Ms Paine, Ms Michaels and Ms Burger are the pivot
point for the whole movie, for with them Emmanuelle 5 veers from the path of
previous Emmanuelle movies - passionless sex with random figures - to a Jess
Franco WIP feature. It is Emmanuelle in Love Camp. Lots of bullets, lots of
blood, dead folk everywhere...and it just does not work. That kind of shit would
scar anyone, especially since a lot of folks Emmanuelle was supposed to care
about get blown away. But Monique's Emmanuelle goes from the insouciance of a
moron on Viagra through hell on earth only to wind up in the feckless passion of
a good lay, all without missing a beat. It annoyed me to no end. No number of
hooters sported by no gaggle of gorgeous women makes up for that kind of idiocy.
Who to blame? We could start with the screenwriter, I suppose - these are his
words on the screenplay. But I get the sense you could hand Monique Gabrielle
the best screenplay ever written - my own vote would be either The Big Lebowski
or Silence of the Lambs - and even if she had no lines she would doom the
production to failure. Ye gads, but that woman cannot act. She makes Bo Derek's
acting style look and sound like Judi Dench's. Monique is a black hole into
which all acting talent disappears, pulled in by the gravity of her awfulness.
That is so obvious throughout the movie that whenever anyone else has a line, or
a wordless scene in which they are on camera, you feel a sense of relief that
here is a real person, not someone's pasteurized, processed and pre-packaged
preconception of what a bimbo fuck machine ought to look and sound like. I
recall a press release for this film claiming they had found the perfect woman
to replace Sylvia Kristel as Emmanuelle. Someone must have misplaced her and
hired Monique instead.
Not since George Lazenby (may he rest in peace) was hired to replace Connery
as James Bond has such a purportedly long search turned up so empty.
So, I get it - the movie is bad because the lead actress is bad. Next. The
redeeming qualities are in these clips and collages. Monique in her pre-inflated
days had a kick-ass body and in Emmanuelle 5 she gives us a complete survey -
she dresses, she poses, she bathes and she sport-humps. Add Heidi, Roxanna and
Michele plus a passel of naked unknowns and you have all there is to offer. Had
the producers shown the decency to make this a strip-and-wiggle offering - no
words, only bodies - they would have done the world a favor. But they and
Monique had delusions of competence and the result is an extravaganza of awful.
The other women from this film are in yesterday's page. Today:
clips of Monique Gabrielle.
Warning: massive download (250 meg).
Collages below:
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Pics
VERY interesting Aniston upskirt, especially
the middle one below
  
One more of Katherine Heigl's butt in the Pink Bikini
Anna Friel in Niagara Motel
Chandra West in The Perfect Son
  
HQ versions of Anna Kournikova in German Maxim. Some athletes let
themselves go a bit when they no longer have to compete at the highest
levels. I'm going to go out on a limb and say that Kournikova is an
exception, and is still maintaining her diet and exercise.
Or, to condense that to one word, "wow."
 
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