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Thursday
Contact junior by writing junior@scoopy.com. Contact Scoopy by writing unclescoopy@msn.com. Contact Tuna by writing tuna@scoopy.com Send submissions to scoopy@scoopy.net
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Use this search device to seek additional information from amazon.com about any of the books or movies you read about here.
To see and use all the Funhouse features, you need Netscape 6.+ or MSIE 5.+.
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| Tuna
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"Death Mask"
Death Mask (1998) is a throwback to early horror films is style, and has breasts and buns from Linnea Quigley, Diane Cantrell, and Cynthia Beckert. It was written by, and starred James Best, and was produced by his wife. It takes place in a carni, which gives good atmosphere. Best was the son of a drunken clown, and burned his face as a punishment, leaving him horribly scared, both physically and emotionally. He carves death masks, and exhibits them in the sideshow.
Linnea Quigley is the only one who actually cares for him, and the sleazy womanizing carnival owner, Guido, is out to fire him. Quigley dances in skimpy outfits in another sideshow attraction, and is sleeping with Guido. Best wants to carve a masterpiece, and Quigley takes him to meet a swamp witch, who agrees to give him the power, in exchange for his life and his soul. He carves the mask, and finds that when he puts it on, people stare into his eyes, and die. The more often he wears it, the harder it is to take off.
The premise is pretty cool, and could have made for a decent horror film, if the writing, direction, and acting had been decent. As is, it is only interesting for fans of Sheriff Rosco P. Coltrane in Dukes of Hazard (Best). C-.
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Cynthia Beckert
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"Dagon"
Dagon (2001) is purportedly the first film to accurately portray a Lovecraft novel. This being the case, Lovecraft is off my future reading list. The story concerns an ancient octopus, who turns people into aquatic zombies, and an American couple who fall prey to them. The entire film was shot in lovely Spanish locations, but was done entirely with a hand held camera. While I will admit that the camera work was very good for hand held, there were some places where it was out of place, and really jarring. For instance, Ezra Godden enters a room where Macarena Gomez (the monster queen) is in bed at the far side of the room, we approach her with a very shaky camera, only to find out that Godden hasn't moved.
Raquel Meroņo, as Godden's wife, shows breasts being sacrificed to Dragon. Someone, possibly her, or possibly a stunt double also shows buns, and full frontal. Given that all of the breast and face shots are closeups, and all of the full body shots have the face more or less hidden, and the actress hanging by her hands from a trapeze=like affair, with wrist cuff safety tethers, my guess is stunt double. Gomez shows breasts three or four times during the film.
IMDB readers have it at 6.5 of 10. The few critics who reviewed this straight to Vid hover around 2 stars. I was not impressed on the whole, although the locations, the make-up effects, and some of the photography were impressive. C-.
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Macarena Gomez
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| Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)
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Updates
I worked on updates today. There are new Encyclopedia volumes for:
- Madchen Amick
- Isabelle Adjani
- Anoushka
- Lisa Boyle
- Lara Flynn Boyle
- Romane Bohringer
- Daneen Boone
Check it out in the Naked Encyclopedia
Movies and stuff
Old Business: I changed the score of We Were Soldiers to a B. So many guys wrote in to
tell me that their wives cried over that movie, that I guess it must reach out
way beyond the usual market for war movies, and my previous grade of C+ is
therefore inappropriate, since it meant
"great flick, but for genre buffs". I got so many e-mails about this
film that I read the book last week,
and enjoyed it.
How can you not be moved by this passage:
JFK told the world that we would "pay any
price" for freedom. We were the down payment on that costly contract, but the
man who signed it was not there when we fulfilled his promise. He waited for us
on a hill in Arlington Cemetery, and in time we came by the thousands to fill
those slopes with our white marble markers, and to ask on the murmur of the
wind if that was truly the future he had envisioned for us.
I'd say that's some pretty good writin' for a General.
Other crap
Here are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.
- The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded
into thinking it includes humor.
- If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant
humor, but I inexplicably determined
there might be something else of interest.
- A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Lawdog or
Junior or C2000 or Realist or ICMS or Mick Locke, or somebody else besides me)
- If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.
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| Graphic Response
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Images by GR, comments by me...Jr.
- Jane Adams, topless in the movie "Happiness" (1998).
- Robbi Chong, Rae Dawn Chong's younger sister baring lovely breasts, and almost some frontal exposure in scenes from an episode of "Poltergeist: The Legacy".
- Sarah-Jane Potts, the Uk actress some folks may remember from the TV show "Felicity", bares breasts and a hint of bush in scenes from the indie "Wonderland" (1999). I reviewed this film a while back.
Be sure to pay Graphic Response a visit at his website. www.graphic-barry.com.
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| Penman
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Amina Annabi
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Debra Winger
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Finally on DVD is the Bernardo Bertolucci movie "The Sheltering Sky". I agree with both Tuna and Scoop's comments...Tuna said "it was the greatest cure for insomnia since 'Out of Africa'". Scoop added "Whatever else you may think of the movie, I promise that you will be impressed by the sights and sounds. It is a tremendous travelogue."
Excellent toplessness by Annabi, and Winger shows pubes plus partial breast and bum views.
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Bridget Fonda
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Lara Flynn Boyle
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Traci Lind
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Also new on DVD is the 1994 movie "The Road to Wellville". An attempt at a dark comedy that doesn't quite succeed. There are a few funny moments, but they are few and far between. Dana Carvey is particularly bad as the black sheep son.
The nudity however is a plus. All three ladies bare their breasts, and Lind adds her bum. Lara Flynn Boyle was down right chunky when she made this...maybe even a whole 105 pounds!
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| Mr. Nude Celeb
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Mr. NC pays tribute to the great 80's noir, "Angel Heart". Probably the only time we can say the words "Starring Mickey Rourke" and not laugh. He's actually perfectly cast and very good in this movie. Of course De Niro is devilishly wonderful and Bonet broke her Cosby mold and turned in a sexy, sweaty and very nude performance. Hard to believe the same director later went on to make "The Road to Wellville" and "Evita".
- Charlotte Rampling, the long time cult favorite topless and covered in movie blood.
- Lisa Bonet, sweaty topless, and occasionally covered in movie blood.
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- Elizabeth Whitcraft, toplessness, great cleavage and no movie blood.
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| Variety
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| Jennifer Love Hewitt |
A very sexy and barely covered bedroom pose from Rolling Stone.
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Jessie Capelli
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Images and some comments by Brainscan:
Jennifer (Jenny) Leone, who played the topless tutor in Van Wilder, is or was a very active nude model, that went by the name of Jesse Capelli. I present these images to show how active as well as how nude.
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| Pat Reeder www.comedy-wire.com
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Pat's comments in yellow...
JUSTICE DEPT. GETS MARTHA CASE
Martha Stewart 20-To-Life - The House committee investigating Martha Stewart's alleged insider trading had enough of her stonewalling, document dumps and changing stories. Tuesday, they sent her case to the Justice Department with a recommendation that they launch a federal criminal investigation. Her lawyers said that if she's subpoenaed, she'll take the Fifth and not testify.
Or she'll send someone from her staff of 50 to take the Fifth for her.
But she will send the feds a wonderful recipe for some festive pinwheel cookies!
The right not to incriminate yourself: it's a good thing.
Martha's Calendar for today reads, "Carefully pack up summer clothing, flee to Brazil."
PEST PUNCHED BY BUZZ ALDRIN
To Da Moon! - Beverly Hills Police were called to the Luxe Hotel on Rodeo Drive to take a report from Bart Sibrel, 37, of Nashville, who claimed he was attacked by Apollo 11 astronaut Buzz Aldrin, 72. Aldrin had already left. Sibrel believes the moon landing was faked and he reportedly confronted Aldrin and began demanding that he swear on the Bible that he really walked on the moon when Aldrin punched him in the face.
Wow! Buzz Aldrin is a hero all over again!
Buzz punched that jerk so hard, HE almost flew to the moon!
HIGHWAY LINE PAINTED OVER DEAD BADGER
Plus It Was Really Funny - The Somerset, England, County Council is investigating after newspapers ran embarrassing photos of a dead badger on a road with a white line painted right over it by a highway crew that was too lazy to move it. The photo was taken by a local salesman who said he reported it to be a good citizen.
Actually, he just likes badgering people.
He sells shovels.
They just thought it was one of those newfangled furry speed bumps.
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| Mail Bag
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Hey Scoop,
Just wondering if anyone has the newest FHM with Elisha Cuthbert, the young actress on the TV series 24. I heard there were some hot pics of her!
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