Tuesday

Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)

UPDATES:

  • I added a few dozen more individual volumes to section B of the encyclopedia. New ones highlighted in yellow.

Rome (Episode 3):

These caps come from the most recent episode of Rome, which aired Sunday. The nudity this week was nothing special, but I'll tell you what is extraordinary. If you remember, last week I ran some clips from usenet which purported to be from episode three of Rome, and my comment was something to the effect of, "That is Polly Walker, but I don't know how this could be from episode three of Rome because that hasn't even aired yet."  Well, guess what? Those clips were the real deal, the very same scene captured here. I don't know who did those clips or how he got them, but ya gotta be impressed.

These are not my captures, but simply framed edits of some original captures by an imager named "Mr Blonde."

Polly Walker
 

Mailbox:

Scoop:

These are supposedly the chick from the "GODADDY dot com" commercial. from a movie called Hotel Exotica

Scoop's note:

Your use of "supposedly" indicates that there is some doubt, but if so, I'm not aware of it. If anyone has any further thoughts on this, let me know.

I guess it's actually Hotel Erotica with an "r", and it's not a movie but a naughty adult cable series, according to IMDb. In support of the I.D.:

1. Crimson Ghost knows adult cable better than anyone.

2. It looks like the same woman to me.

3. IMDb does list this appearance on Candice's filmography page, although the actress slash wrestling diva slash fitness model seems to have left this show off of her personal resume, presumably because of the skanky-sounding title and sex scene. (The nudity shouldn't bother her since her website's lingerie modeling section features see-through tops and bottoms.)

One interesting thing on her resume: she lists "hockey" as a special skill.

 

Candice Michelle

Crimson Ghost

Captures and comments from the Ghost

Susanne Benton from "A Boy & His Dog."

Alexander Keith in "Capitol Conspiracy."  (Aka "The Prophet").  This movie is bad even by Fred Olen Ray standards, and Alexander Keith is about as sexy as Keith Jackson, the voice of college football.  (He is great doing football, but I wouldn't want to kiss him.)

Hankster
'Caps and comments by Hankster:
 

Computers are a pain in the neck, but we have recovered from our little bump in the road.

 
So today we take the old Time Machine back to 1975 and a little epic called "Frankie and Johnnie...Were Lovers". This soft core flick has
been nicely restored by Something Weird Video.You know what's great about these kind of movies? They are chock full of nudity. You can fall asleep watching it, wake up and still be right in the middle of more sex.
 
The star of this one was Rene Bond, a legend of both soft and hard core porn in that era. Rene gives us all 3 b's in well lit scenes. Because of the computer crash this is all we had time to do, so tomorrow we will be back with more from this movie.
 
From a guy with a bad back to another, tell Jr. to take care of that thing. Hope he is feeling better.
 

ICMS

'Caps, clips, and comments by ICMS:  
 
 
A few days ago I promised I would submit more revealing material of actress, former Bond-girl and Chanel model Carole Bouquet, so here it comes. I already submitted caps from the film "Tag der Idioten" (1982; Day of the Idiots) way back in 1999. In the November 21, 1999 edition of the Fun House I still seemed to have a clue what this"movie" was about. Today I'm totally clueless. Carole plays the role of Carole, a nut-case who ends up in mental asylum and the whole film consists out of nothing else but senseless mumbo-jumbo and total utter crap.
 
Somehow you gotta admire the director: he got a Bond-girl stark naked for some 3 minutes, and persuaded several other unknown or lesser known actresses to follow suit. Maybe he should let us in on his secret here, it would certainly be much more interesting than this poor excuse for a movie. In my opinion this is a solid E since it is not technically inept, although I really feel like giving it the lowest score possible. How this ended up rated 8.2/10 in the IMDb is a complete riddle to me. There is only one review of it available at IMDb and I agree totally with its author. I seriously doubt this stinker will ever make it to commercial DVD. Not even a naked Carole can make this one watchable.
 
This flick was re-aired some time ago so now I was able to record it on DVD. I'm only presenting caps and clips from German digital TV of Carole Bouquet here. That way, uncle, you don't have to sit in a stable and firm chair.

(SCOOP's note: The last paragraph refers to the Nov 21, 1999 article about this film, which included some offbeat golden shower pictures with some royal ugly chicks. The film aired uncut on German TV! Gotta love those Germans. We feel all guilty about a little nipple peek from Janet Jackson, and they run golden showers.)

Film clips (1, 2, 3, 4) (zipped .avis)

Dann

Comments and caps by Dann:

Inserts

This strange but excellent 1975 drama will leave you shaking your head. It's supposed to, thus the NC-17 rating.

A renowned silent film director struggles as the new talkies are released. He is unable to make the transition, so he becomes a brooding hermit in his own home. To make money, he films silent porn films on a set he built at his house.

This is a guy filled with feelings of inadequacy. He's impotent. He hates what he's doing. He hates the talkies. He hates himself.

His producer shows up with girlfriend in tow to see how the latest porn film is coming. He also brings the female porn star's heroin, which she requires in order to keep working. The producer leaves, but the girlfriend stays to watch filming.

Unfortunately, the lead dies of an overdose before the inserts, close-ups that are spliced between scenes, are filmed. Because the producer's girlfriend so admires the director's work, she offers to stand-in for the inserts, leading to additional problems when the producer returns.

This is a one-room drama, which doesn't always convert well to movies, but this one is played beautifully, and has sharp comedy throughout, although it maintains a fairly serious tone. It has a slow pace, but is still interesting, and given the adult nature of the subject, is of course loaded with nudity and adult conversation. I liked it despite its weirdness.

Jessica Harper

Veronica Cartwright

Variety

Hey, it's Lucy on 7th Heaven!! Beverley Mitchell is her name, and she's schmoozing and being seen in public now. Perhaps a little more of her was seen than she might have hoped.
No nudity, explained by one word: Albamania.
Movie Reviews

MOVIE REVIEWS:

Here are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.

 

  • The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
  • If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
  • A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
  • If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

Other Crap

Quote of the day: "While it is true that 1.5% of home accidents are caused by large penis related incidents, only a small number have ever been known to be fatal."

Religion of the week: Pastafarianism. Further proof of the existence of the Flying Spaghetti Monster

First look at director Rob Marshall's "Memoirs of a Geisha"

"Louisiana's film industry is still open for business despite the damage inflicted by Hurricane Katrina" Hell, this could be their boom time. I think they can corner the market on post-apocalyptic location shoots.

From the "obvious" files: Who Is The World's Most Useless Star?

Two clips from Lord of War (Nic Cage as an arms dealer)

A new clip from Waiting.

  • "A hilarious comedy about frustrated waiters, stingy tippers and dicey food, Lions Gate Films' 'Waiting' stars Ryan Reynolds, Justin Long and Anna Faris as young employees battling boredom at Shenanigan's, a generic chain restaurant."

Borowitz: "HASTERT SUGGESTS RETURNING LOUISIANA PURCHASE TO FRANCE" ... Angry Chirac States France's No-returns Policy.

Urban Legend: "Pat Robertson said that Hurricane Katrina was caused by God's anger over the selection of lesbian comedienne Ellen Degeneres to host the upcoming Emmy Awards."

  • "By choosing an avowed lesbian for this national event, these Hollywood elites have clearly invited God's wrath," Robertson said on "The 700 Club" on Sunday. "Is it any surprise that the Almighty chose to strike at Miss Degeneres’ hometown?" Status: false.
  • At first I was wondering why Snopes bothered to debunk something that could not possibly be believed, but then I thought about Pat Robertson and concluded he is probably capable of saying something like that.

"Apprentice" Wannabe's X-Rated Past

[SpoilerFix.com] Get your daily fix of TV spoilers!

You want to be in the world of art, but don't have the talent? Why not be a brush?

Porn Star or Pop Star?

Conan talks to the Clutch Cargo version of The Governator

The trailer and two TV spots for Boy Eats Girl. "When your schoolmates develop a taste for human flesh, it pays to know who your friends are and what they've been eating."

DiCaprio to Play Theodore Roosevelt, Scorsese to direct  HUH??

Now you no longer have to choose between religion and mummery, because K&K preach the gospel through mime. (With picture of K&K in their holy mime garb.)

Obesity linked to stuffing face with crap for years on end.

Bush Says He Hopes Troops Can Be Withdrawn by End of Year ... from New Orleans.

  • “We are training the New Orleans' people to maintain order and do rescue efforts themselves,” said the President. “And we are making progress. But we will stay in New Orleans until we get the job done.”

"Jocks Unsure if They Should Beat-up Rotisserie Geeks" ... “Sure they’re dorks, but they also seem to really enjoy sports. It’s kind of a conflict of interest for us."

Top ten rejected titles for the next Harry Potter book.

To cut back on truancy, school to make surfing an approved course. Spicoli now considered a candidate for valedictorian.

Some of Nostradamus's lesser-known works predict Hollywood gossip.

Nearly two years after nipple-gate, CBS is slipping.

X-tina's waist getting smaller as her chest gets larger? It's a miracle!

Bar Tricks. Some cool bar room tricks. Watch, learn, win free drinks.

From our cheerleading expert:



2006 NFL Cheerleading Tour - Day 3: Atlanta Falcons



"Week 1 of the NFL has seen its share of upsets. Miami, Tampa Bay, Jacksonville, the 49ers, all pulled off shockers and surprised the experts. Tonight the Falcons play Philly in Atlanta, and we see another upset in the making. Well, I'm not talking about any on-field action. The city is called as Hot-lanta, and is famous for it's "Georgia Peaches." It also boasts more gentlemen's clubs than any other in the U.S.


Given these facts, I have to be disappointed with this squad. Atlanta has a deep talent pool to draw from. They have been an up and coming squad for the last few seasons. This year they take a few steps back, and it even shows in the web site. (Incomplete bios on the ladies...come on, the final auditions were back in April!). Some video is nice, and a pretty deep gallery of pictures from auditions and years gone by help, but this squad is on the down swing.



Rating 7 out of 10.

 

"both Tina Fey and Maya Rudolph will miss a number of episodes of Saturday Night Live this autumn to take maternity leaves."

History of the Standin' On The Corner in Winslow, Arizona Park

A most merry and illustrated history of The Hippies

RPS - 15. The fifteen gesture version of Rock, Paper, Scissors

This is not from a satire site: "Senior Citizens Are Not Rude, Just Have Uninhibited, Aging Brains"

Pat Reeder     www.comedy-wire.com

HURRICANE KATRINA INCOMPETENCE NEWS ROUND-UP

One More Disaster - The federal government will discontinue giving $2,000 debit cards to Hurricane Katrina evacuees.  Among the problems: fights in the long lines, people applying who weren't really from the affected areas, and reports that people were using them to buy things such as X-Boxes and Rolexes.  Also, some entrepreneurs were offering $1500 cash for them, since the cash could be used to buy drugs, booze and cigarettes.  One upscale store reported two affluent-looking young women using the cards to buy $800 monogrammed Louis Vuitton handbags.

*  Well, they already HAD enough cash for booze, drugs and cigarettes.
*  If you're going to relocate to Dallas, that's a necessity.
*  It was either that or a tank of gas.
*  Nice to know that even after a natural disaster, all it takes to get rich in America is a good idea.



What Can Brown Do For You? - FEMA head Michael Brown was removed from direct command of Hurricane Katrina relief efforts Friday, but he privately blamed the media for scapegoating him, saying FEMA's response time was about the same as usual for dealing with a major hurricane.  He told the A.P., "I'm going to go home and walk my dog and hug my wife, and maybe get a good Mexican meal and a stiff margarita and a full night's sleep," and then he'd go back to helping victims.

*  Look for him next week, sometime...
*  That's a margarita, not a hurricane...He stays far away from hurricanes.
*  He knew he was in trouble when his dog refused to be seen out with him.
*  He was accused of being an incompetent no-nothing who got a government job by knowing the right people, and that's unheard of in Washington!


FLYING SPAGHETTI MONSTER CHURCH GROWING IN POPULARITY
Saucy! - Thanks to the Internet, the fastest-growing religion in the world may be the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster.  It was founded by physics grad Bobby Henderson of Oregon, who opposes the push to teach "Intelligent Design" in schools.  Realizing proponents didn't specify which God did the designing, Henderson declared that it had been revealed to him that the universe was created by a flying monster made of spaghetti and meatballs, and he wants that in the curriculum.  His website (www.venganza.org) is now getting two million hits a day, images of it are everywhere, and one blog is offering $1 million to anyone who can disprove
the existence of the Flying Spaghetti Monster.

*  And his archangel, Oregano.
*  I can!  If there were any creature made entirely of spaghetti and meatballs, Luciano Pavarotti would've eaten it by now.
*  On eBay, you can buy slices of garlic toast with the image of the Flying Spaghetti Monster on them.



WORLD'S SLOWEST POLICE CHASE
Slower Than O.J.? - Jethro Smith of Devon, England, was sentenced to two years' community supervision after leading the slowest car chase in history.  Dairy farmer Chris Lees of Devon, England, called police to report that Smith had broken into his house, loaded belongings into his wheelbarrow, and was escaping by pushing it down the road in a pouring rain.  The cops said they were busy and to follow at a safe distance until they could arrive.  Lees and his children got in the car and crept behind Smith and the wheelbarrow for eight miles until the cops finally arrived, two hours later.

*  In England, thieves pushing wheelbarrows usually outrun the cops.
*  This aired live on British TV, and was still more exciting than the usual programming.






GAY COWBOY MOVIE WINS TOP PRIZE
Saddle Sore - The grand prize at the Venice Film Festival went to director Ang Lee's "Brokeback Mountain," a western starring Heath Ledger and Jake Gyllenhaal as two cowboys who have a gay sexual relationship while tending sheep in Wyoming.  Lee said it shows the film is "unique and so universal."   He called it "a great American love story."

*  Like "Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid!"...Oh admit it, you know what was going on with those two.
*  They were just two gunslingers who couldn't go straight.
*  This gives a whole new meaning to the phrase, "The cowboys went out to slap leather."
*  Animal lovers like it, too, because for once, the lonesome cowboys left the sheep alone.



MOST POINTLESS BRITISH CELEBRITIES
The Pia Zadora Award - In a poll by the British TV show, "The Death of Celebrity," which mocks people who are famous despite having little or no talent, Victoria "Posh Spice" Beckham was voted the UK's most pointless celebrity.  Her husband, soccer star David Beckham, was second, with busty glamour models Jordan and Abi Titmuss were #3 and #4 and Tony Blair at #5.  Surprisingly, the entire Royal Family lumped together only made it to #7.

*  There's just so much competition now.
*  I remember when there was nothing more pointless than the entire British Royal Family lumped together.
*  Brits were confused: they think Posh Spice and David Beckham ARE the Royal Family.
 *  How can Posh Spice's fame possibly be more pointless than the other four Spice Girls'?



TYRA'S PORN DOUBLE TROUBLE 
Totally Not Tyra - The New York Post reports that model/TV host Tyra Banks is having doppelganger trouble: the September cover of the porn mag Xtreme features a naked model who looks just like her.  The woman was discovered by a porn director at a mall, and has now posed nude, made a movie called "Boned" and launched a website called "TotallyTyra.com."  Banks' spokeswoman saw the Xtreme spread and said, "Clearly, this is not Tyra. Tyra doesn't smoke or drink, and she wouldn't pose nude in a million years."

*  Of course, for a model, one year equals a million years.
*  We know she wouldn't: that's why this woman is so popular.
*  All it really takes is going to the same plastic surgeon.
*  The lookalike's next gig: hosting a reality show called "America's Next Top Porn Star."

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