Uncle Scoopy's Fun House

* Yellow asterisk: funny (maybe).

* White asterisk: expanded format.

* Blue asterisk: not mine.

No asterisk: it probably sucks.

OTHER CRAP:

Catch the deluxe version of Other Crap in real time, with all the bells and whistles, here.

Zombie Death House

(1987)

Zombie Death House stars Dennis Keillor as a former special forces hero now down on his luck and working as a chauffeur. Without knowing his boss is a crime lord, he starts an affair with Dana Lis, the crime boss's girlfriend. When the kingpin finds out about their relationship, he murders her, and frames Keillor for the murder. Keillor is transferred to death row. The crime lord's brother is in the same prison, and pretty much runs it.

Then the ACTUAL plot begins.

A government scientist uses the death row inmates as guinea pigs to test experimental viruses, and his newest virus works far better than he planned, giving the infected person super-human strength, followed by a contagious fatal virus. The contagion creates an ever-increasing number of zombies in the prison. Dennis Keillor breaks out of solitary early in the film, and becomes the leader of the uninfected prisoners. He also manages to lure the crime boss to the prison.

There is some suspense here and there, but there is no new ground here, the performances are not especially good, and the gore effects lack any real punch.

IMDb readers say 4.1.

Dana Lis shows breasts and buns.

Tane McClure, in an early role, shows breasts in a fantasy sequence.

Blonde Heaven

1995

Various film clips:

Michelle Bauer

Raelynn Saalman

Saalman and Julie Strain

Director David DeCoteau has a bad-filmography to rival even Jim Wynorski and Fred Olen Ray, Ray has 29 films rated below 3.0 at IMDb, DeCoteau 20, Wynorski a mere 10.

Wynorski's median rating is 3.5, Ray's 3.3, Decoteau's below 3.2! All three are below filmdom's equivalent of the Mendoza line - The Ed Wood line, which is 3.6. (John Derek is at 2.8, but for a mere five films.)

And for all that, this film is below DeCoteau's midpoint

DeCoteau's rated films:

(5.37) - Puppet Master III: Toulon's Revenge (1991)

(5.17) - Leather Jacket Love Story (1997)

(4.80) - Working Girls (1985)

(4.66) - Skeletons (1997) (TV)

(4.28) - Nightmare Sisters (1987)

(3.85) - Dreamaniac (1986)

(3.71) - The Brotherhood 2: Young Warlocks (2001) (V)

(3.70) - Witchouse (1999) (V)

(3.65) - Retro Puppet Master (1999)

(3.64) - Totem (1999) (V)

(3.63) - Voodoo Academy (2000) (V)

(3.54) - Killer Bash (2005) (TV)

(3.47) - The Brotherhood (2001) (V)

(3.47) - Final Stab (2001) (V)

(3.46) - Beach Babes from Beyond (1993)

(3.43) - Alien Arsenal (1999) (TV)

(3.43) - Beach Babes 2: Cave Girl Island (1998)

(3.34) - Test Tube Teens from the Year 2000 (1994)

(3.29) - Curse of the Puppet Master (1998)

(3.26) - Prey of the Jaguar (1996) (V)

(3.20) - The Killer Eye (1999)

(3.20) - Shrieker (1998)

(3.13) - Prehysteria! 3 (1995) (V)

(3.05) - Talisman (1998)

(2.99) - Blonde Heaven (1995)

(2.92) - Sorority Babes in the Slimeball Bowl-O-Rama (1988)

(2.82) - Beastly Boyz (2006) (TV)

(2.73) - Witches of the Caribbean (2005) (V)

(2.70) - The Sisterhood (2004) (V)

(2.68) - Ring of Darkness (2004) (TV)

(2.63) - Brotherhood IV: The Complex (2005) (V)

(2.58) - The Journey: Absolution (1997)

(2.55) - Prison of the Dead (2000) (V)

(2.49) - Dr. Alien (1989)

(2.47) - Tomb of Terror (2004) (V)

(2.43) - Grizzly Rage (2007) (TV)

(2.25) - Wolves of Wall Street (2002)

(2.22) - The Brotherhood III: Young Demons (2002) (V)

(2.20) - Creepozoids (1987)

(2.19) - Leeches! (2003)

(2.14) - The Frightening (2002)

(2.04) - Petticoat Planet (1996)

(1.90) - Ancient Evil: Scream of the Mummy (2000)

(1.87) - Speed Demon (2003)

TV Babes

Julia Louis-Dreyfus looking very sexy for a mature woman on a "Saturday Night Live" appearance.

Speaking of mature women, do you remember Heather Thomas from " The Fall Guy"? Well, here she is on the "Today Show," looking tremendous and showing off some legs which seem to be as good as ever.

Notes and collages

Daddy

Lynda Carter

Lewis and Clark and George

Rose McGowan

Dancing at the Blue Iguana

2000

Director Michael Radford has also made such respected films as Il Postino, 1984, and The Merchant of Venice (Pacino as Shylock). Because he has established those credentials, we can say that in the history of legitimate films from respected directors, there are very few examples with more nudity from more gorgeous famous women than this one.

It will take several days to cover this flick.

Today's clips and collages feature a top Canadian star, Sandra Oh of Grey's Anatomy (four Emmy nominations and a Golden Globe win), who has won two "best leading actress" Genies (the Oscar for Hosers), and whose stateside film career was lifted momentarily by the surprising success of Sideways.

Film clips here, collages below

French Cinema Nudity is updated today!

This section will present film clips to accompany Charlie's collages (which are found in his own site).

Two films from Marion Peterson: Le Gerfaut and Is there a Frenchman in the House?

Two films from Jeanne Balibar: Call Me Agostino and Versailles Chantiers

Nympha

2007

American Sarah (Tiffany Shepis) arrives at a convent in Italy where she wishes to leave her past behind and become a nun. She is stripped naked of all her worldly possessions, which is not unexpected, but then things get strange, as she is put through a series of "tests".

First, her eardrums are punctured, then her eyes are put out with acid, her hands are burned, and her tongue is cut out. Now in touch with God only in her mind, she finds him in the form of Ninfa (Caroline De Cristofaro), with whom she has sex.'

Without giving away the ending, it turns out that this isn't your garden variety order of nuns, and Sarah probably should have stayed home.

This Italian horror film, starring scream queen Tiffany Shepis, is set in a convent, but it is not a typical "nunsploitation" flick, although frankly, I might have liked it better if it had been. Instead, it's a kind of mean-spirited and nasty torture flick, and if it made a point, I failed to get it.