Tuesday

Sunday Night Cable

Updated with HD upgrades!

(Videos from Deep at Sea, captures from Mr. Skin)

Alanna Ubach film clip, caps below

Rebecca Creskoff film clip, caps below

 

 

Tenderness

2009

Total spoilers

I suppose Russell Crowe may no longer be on the A-list, but if he is, he joins the long list of A-listers whose latest releases have gone straight-to-vid this year. That list includes Morgan Freeman, Antonio Banderas (twice), Liam Neeson and Tommy Lee Jones. If you want to extend the list to former A-listers, you can add Val Kilmer.

Actually, it's a trend I like. It makes my daily tasks a lot easier when I can watch a serious film starring a talented guy like Crowe or Freeman instead of the cheapjack genre films that often populate my in-box just because they include some bare flesh. And Crowe is genuinely talented. He may be a very difficult man, as per his reputation, but nobody ever said he couldn't act.

He does a good job here in a quiet role as a semi-retired police detective who is determined to see that a released killer does not kill again. The story is adapted from a typically dark Robert Cormier novel. The basic premise is that the detective once succeeded in getting the sociopath convicted and imprisoned, but the courts eventually released the young man for two reasons: (1) he was a minor when he murdered his parents; (2) experts testified that his behavior was prompted by a over-medication which his parents forced upon him.

The detective is conflicted. While he has no desire to hurt the kid, he knows that society is in danger, and he wants to make sure the kid can't do any more harm. The detective ultimately hits upon a perfect, if utterly cynical, plan to see that the kid is sent back to prison. A young suicidal runaway attaches herself to the killer. The cop finds the two of them together and essentially makes no effort to send the girl back to her parents or to place her on a suicide watch in protective custody. He reasons that she's going to kill herself eventually anyway, but some good can come of her death if she stays with the sociopath. Eventually either the killer will give in to his instincts and kill the girl, in which case he can be convicted as an adult and returned to prison, or she will kill herself, in which case the kid can be framed for her murder and returned to prison.

It's a film that's made for discussions in English class. The detective dooms the girl by using her for bait, and he is willing to send the kid back to prison for a crime he was either forced into or did not commit at all. The cop's actions seem very wrong on the surface. Yet the girl wanted to kill herself, and the kid needed to be in jail because he really was a killer. After all, the reason why we have jails in the first place is to keep guys like him away from the rest of us.

Did the detective do the right thing or not? Discuss.

I liked the way the story was presented with moral ambiguity, and there are a few interesting plot twists as well, but the film just plods along too slowly. At one point I looked down at the timer on my DVD player and it revealed that I was 52 minutes into the movie, but not one blessed thing had happened. The entire first hour of the film survives solely on the dramatic tension created by what might happen, and some things that almost happen. While the plot does finally advance at the tail end of the film, that movement is a long time in coming.

If you grow impatient waiting for the plot to unravel, you'll be pulling your hair out waiting for the nudity. I was cursing because the film was just about over, with everything resolved, and there had been no nudity at all. I was sure I had wasted my time. Crowe was doing the voice-over that seems to summarize and wrap-up every detective movie, and it was obvious that the credits were about to roll. The visual presentation which accompanied Crowe's obligatory world-weary narration consisted of Crowe tending to his wife, who was in a coma.

And then he took off her clothes and gave her a bath, basically just as the ending credits began. That was the sum total of the film's nudity: T&A from a quick sponge bath of a character in a coma, a character virtually unrelated to the storyline. Specifically, a character played by Tanya Clarke.

 

  • * Yellow asterisk: funny (maybe).

  • * White asterisk: expanded format.

  • * Blue asterisk: not mine.

  • No asterisk: it probably sucks.

OTHER CRAP:

Catch the deluxe version of Other Crap in real time, with all the bells and whistles, here.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Rambling Rose

1995

Laura Dern film clip

Raw screen grabs

Scoop's notes

It is rare, but Tuna and I do disagree now and then. In this case we didn't disagree on the movie - two thumbs up, even though it is a chick-flick. But we did disagree on the musical score. Tuna recommended the score unreservedly. I liked the Louis Armstrong material, but absolutely despised the corny Broadway show-tune incidental music that Elmer Bernstein supplied for the background music. I suppose this is a matter of my personal preference. Remember, I'm the guy who fell asleep during Cats, now and forever. I believe that there is a place for show tunes, but that place is a public bath where men hang out in order to look at each other naked.

Don't write me any hate mail if you like show tunes. I'm just kidding. I'm the guy who used to sing in musicals for a - I was about to write "for a living", but I don't think that is accurate! Let's just say I did them. Why did I stop? Let's put it this way. Here is a career guideline that I will pass on to you younger guys so that you can learn from my wisdom. If you are in any profession that Robert Goulet can do better than you, think about a career change.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Pics

Beyonce. No nudity, but a fine-lookin' woman.

More of Kim Kardashians' Twitter self-posts

Kelly Brook (Some new, some we've seen before. All gorgeous, especuially the last three.)

   

Film Clips

Melissa Keller in Impact Point