Dickless Zombies

2021

All caps, clips, collages and comments by Brainscan

So, okay, I have seen more than my fair share of Bill Zebub’s movies and have gotten more laughs than annoyance at some of them, but this one, this very recent effort on Bill’s part is a stinking pile of horseshit.  His writing consists of dialogue, spoken by characters who do not even share the screen (they are shot separately in front of green screen and then stitched together awkwardly during that whole editing thing), but all of it is nothing more than one gal saying something only to have the other piss on her for being so ill-informed.  One scene after another is a straw woman set on fire by a napalm-wielding harpy.  

And the acting?  Good gawd, it is terrible, miserable, awful, horrendous, atrocious.  Yes indeed.  My least favorite of the actresses (sic) is Misty Lovelace, who comes across as an arrogant, witless shrew.  If you asked Jimmy from South Park to describe Ms. Lovelace and her character, he would tell you she is a continuous source of joy.  Her delivery just simply blows chunks, big chunks… industrial strength puke… and she does it while topless, which is alright I suppose, but when she turns around you see ass for days.  Maybe weeks. 

With a last name of Lovelace you might guess she was once a pornstar and you would be right – the kind of pornstar who does other gals and herself, but nary a guy.  And she once graced the cover of Penthouse magazine.  Those were her salad days, and by the look of her then and now, that term is both metaphorical and literal.

Anyway, this very recent release by Bill depressed the living daylights out of me because he has returned to a style that I prayed he had abandoned a decade ago and the women he has signed on to make it all palatable do pretty much the opposite.  The robust Ms. Lovelace joins the equally robust Jessica Walach, the waifish Erin Melancholic, a tall gal named Ajna Wysowski (she is a good foot taller than the guy who holds a gun on her) and an unknown who might be Heather Beck, maybe, possibly, I dunno.  

The only one of Bill’s regular cast to show up is Andrea Hall but her scenes are originally from Scienceless Fiction, which means her voiced is dubbed….by Bill…in falsetto.  I chuckled a bit with the first scene of this construct, but the second through ninth time did nothing but piss me off. 

Bill’s bete noire in Dickless is word choice in a woke culture.  I’ve seen Ricky Gervais take on the same demon in a recent stand-up performance and laughed my FAO. He has the IQ and the comedic chops to get a person thinking about things, whereas all Bill can do is offend for the sake of offending and then pretend it is high comedy.

Geez Louise, Bill, we had the right to expect you to get better at this movie-making thing with time and effort, but you’ve fallen into the lowest-energy orbit and seem content to churn out the same humorless, drama-free, boring drivel now that you turned out a decade ago.  You want to keep doing that?  Fine.  I do not watch your movies for their artistry, and I would keep watching.  But if you don’t get women I enjoy watching as they act badly in the buff, I will be spending my dollar-dollar bills somewhere else.

Ajna Wysowski



Andrea Hall



Erin Melancholic



Jessica Walach



Misty Lovelace




unknown (maybe Heather Beck)