The Notorious Bettie Page (2006)

There is absolutely nothing unpleasant in the experience of watching The Notorious Bettie Page. It stays close to the facts as they are known, it reproduces some of her modeling experiences as accurately as possible, and it features a performance by Gretchen Mol that seems to evoke perfectly Bettie's innocent spirit and radiant smile. The distinctive characteristic of Bettie Page was the fact that she was just so "aw, shucks" wholesome and square in a world that previously seemed to belong to perverts and creeps. She was like Annette Funicello in the Marquis de Sade's world. Her presence in that world served to humanize it, and to make it seem normal. As to whether that was a good thing, I defer to the teachings of my spiritual mentor, the esteemed Dalton, the lead character in Road House, who would have said, "Opinions vary." On the one hand, Bettie's presence in fetishland made a lot of people with harmless fetishes feel more comfortable with themselves, and that has to be a good thing. On the other hand, it made fetishland a popular amusement world accessible to more people, and that might or might not be good.

I compare Bettie's cultural influence to that of the new type of strip club. When I was a young man, strip clubs were grungy, forbidden places filled with sleazebag managers and low-rent customers. There was a good chance that any given customer would get ripped off in some way, and there was a good chance that any given night would feature some kind of mayhem. The dancers seemed to be mostly run-down old broads whose primary business was really selling themselves for cash or drugs. These days, the customers in "gentlemen's clubs" seem to be with middle managers in Brooks Brothers suits, many of the dancers are college kids, and the employees run the cash registers as transparently and honestly as the people at Safeway. If your daughter told you she was working in one of the new style clubs, you wouldn't celebrate, but you also wouldn't panic, because there would be no reason to assume that she was a junkie or a whore. Is the change good or bad? I guess it's probably a bit of both. I'm more likely to go into one of the new gentleman's clubs than I was to go into the old sleaze joints, and I think many guys feel the same way, so I guess it means more people spend more time stripping and looking at strippers. I'll leave it to the sociologists to debate whether that is a positive or negative cultural development, but the point is that the business grew because it was turned into an unthreatening and pleasant experience. Bettie Page had the same impact on fetish photography. She made it seem downright wholesome fun!

This movie accomplishes the same thing. It makes everything that Bettie did professionally seem to be a pleasant experience for her which brought other people pleasure. Notorious Bettie will leave you with the feeling that you've been watching a Disney film, even though you've actually spent 90 minutes watching naked people and people in bondage gear.

I started out by saying that there is nothing unpleasant about the experience of watching The Notorious Bettie Page, and that's true. Unfortunately, there's nothing so very interesting about it either. The film doesn't evoke any great feeling of nostalgia for the era. It has no special point. It often drifts aimlessly and dispassionately through its paces. It does not criticize Betty, nor does it find fault with those in power who wanted to stop the circulation of bondage films. The tone is absolutely neutral, and the presentation is completely even-handed. The people who work in the films are just average joes and josephines carrying their lunch-pails to work and making a buck. The cops and senators who prosecuted them are pictured the same way - just doing their jobs, sincerely believing in what they say, really trying to do good for society. The film is refreshingly lacking in cynicism, but it leans so far in the opposite direction that it's also completely devoid of any point of view.

People say there is a fine line between wholesome and bland. Maybe there is no line at all, because I found this film to be both.

Gretchen Mol looks great both naked and dressed, however, and I have no problem watching her hang out for 90 minutes. I can't tell you for sure that I will vote for this as the nude scene of the year in our annual December balloting, but this will certainly be the standard by which I judge all future possibilities. Gretchen is beautiful, she's a mainstream actress, and she's stark naked from all directions in good light. By all means watch it for that reason alone, but understand that there's nothing more to the film other than supplying a context, or maybe a pretext, for Gretchen's nudity.

IMDB voters score it over 7.0, and reviews were mixed-to-good (Ebert: three and half stars!. It found no audience and was distributed as an arthouse film. (There are more than 110 reviews at RT, but it was never in more than 73 theaters!)

Gretchen Mol (Three .avi's zipped together).

unknown

 

OTHER CRAP:

Movie Reviews:

Yellow asterisk: funny (maybe). White asterisk: expanded format. Blue asterisk: not mine. No asterisk: it probably sucks.

Leslie Hope

 

 

This movie is so seriously messed up it is a hoot. Take one part judo expert call girl, one part butt-ugly roommate, two parts snuff film, mix with a male lead too odd for polite words and finish off with a turning point that predates an entire season of Dallas, Oh wait, and I forgot about a Weekend at Bernie's moment that makes absolutely no froggin' sense at all. And what do you have, boys and girls?

Such a mess. A big, wet stinky mess like a golden retriever pup who jumped into the neighbor's port-o-potty ... repulsive and lovable at the same time.

I am glad I watched it. I wish to see it never again.

We got four nekkid gals. I might have said nekkid babes but, lordy, one of those gals is so far from a babe that she and the term occupy different parsecs. There are breasts and bums ... some real nice looking bums ... and they are all screen for lots of time. Lots. That you gotta like.

 

Diane Michaels

Inga Olsen

Joy Kahl

Lucky Winn

 

Kate Winterich in Kissing on the Mouth (2005)

Another angle on one of Kate Bosworth's recent slips.

Claudia Michelsen in Forever and a Day

Al Gore suggested replacing all payroll taxes, including Social Security and unemployment, with a tax on carbon dioxide emissions.  Gore said the amount of tax revenue would remain the same, except instead of penalizing businesses for employing people, they'd be penalized if they created pollution, so they'd take steps to reduce emissions.  

*  Which would lead to clean air and the bankruptcy of Social Security.

*  Of course, if it worked they'd have to bring back the payroll taxes ... Talk about an inconvenient truth!

 
 

Surgeons at Guangzhou General Hospital in China report that they performed the world's first successful penis transplant.  A man who lost his penis in an accident was given a new 10 cm (3.9-inch) penis from a brain-dead donor.  After two weeks, doctors said there was circulation and the
body wasn't rejecting it.  But they still had to cut it off because of a severe psychological problem of the recipient and his wife.

*  He couldn't stand the cruel irony: his name is Won Long Dong.

Richard Gere is filming a movie called "Bosnian Holiday" in Sarajevo,
and his bullying security guards haven't made him popular with the locals.  Even worse, Gere complained that he got sick from the smell of cevapi, the
traditional Bosnian grilled sausages, and some nearby restaurant owners had to close down to soothe the star's stomach.  They said they made an effort by offering him the best cevapi to be had, but were told he's a Buddhist and a vegetarian.  

*  So they offered him a nice, big bowl of American spinach.

Lindsay Lohan's wrist is in a cast after she slipped at a New York Fashion Week party and fractured it.  Her rep told Access Hollywood that "there's a
pending investigation" into the incident

* Yeah, it's a real mystery why Lindsay Lohan might have fallen down at a party