Twentynine Palms (2003) is a Bruno Dumont film. Complete spoilers ahead. Katia Golubeva, played by Katia Golubeva, and David Wissak, played by David Wissak, are driving backroads in the Southern California desert. Why, we don't know. Periodically, they have sex. Why? We don't know. Then they usually fight. Why? We don't know. They stop in cheap motels each night, and have sex then a fight. Again, we don't know why. Then, in the riveting conclusion, they are run off the road by two men, who strip her, then anally rape him. Later, at the motel, she goes out for pizza. When she returns, he stabs her to death, then crawls naked into the desert to die.

Fortunately, the DVD includes an interview with the director, who explained all of this. To insure the actors couldn't develop a character or act, he used their real names, and never showed them the script. The complete lack of plot was intentional. He also was proud that the ending made no sense. His only regret was that the desert was too photogenic. However, only shooting ugly parts of the desert would also have bee wrong in is mind. Andy why did he do all of this? To destroy capitalism, and so pave the way for the reinvention of artistic films.

If the above makes sense to you, then you might want to rent this. The IMDb rating of 5.4 of 10 suggests that some think this was a good idea. There is ample opportunity to see Golubeva's naked body from every possible angle. Wissak also does a full frontal, and some of the sex scenes are rather convincing. The dialogue is an odd mixture of French and English. To me, this was one of the stupidest films I have ever seen. Evidently Dumont was hoping to elicit an emotional response. My only response was wishing it would end. The best part of this film is that I will never need to see it again. Despite some critics, who proved that they can be as pretentious and clueless as Dumont, this is utter crap. No plot, no characterization, no motivation for anything that happens, and most of what happens is either boring or tedious. This is an E. I don't see how anyone who is honest with themselves can claim to enjoy this film.

If I remember correctly, Demi was actually pregnant with Rumer Willis when she did this (heavily) pregnant nude scene.

• Demi Moore (.wmv zipped)

The Adventures of Baron Munchausen

Uma was naked, although not much was visible. This is, however, a really sexy scene, and Uma never looked more spectacularly beautiful. 

• Uma Thurman (.wmv zipped)

Tropical Snow

Here is slim, elegant Madeleine Stowe in her prime. It's a long download, but includes pretty much all of the nudity in this film, which has never been issued on DVD.

• Stowe (.wmv zipped)

Other Crap:

• Kevin Spacey throws four years of his life into 'Beyond the Sea'. I want to see this movie, but I don't know how widespread that sentiment may be
• Urban Legends: Bath products vendor The Body Shop gave a humanitarian award to a Palestinian group. Status: True.
• The Washington Post reviews the new A9 search engine. I checked, and A9 does NOT do the one thing I want from Google which I can't already get. My only quibble with Google is that it doesn't allow me to choose the order in which responses will be presented, allowing only the default listing in the order dictated by their secret formula. For example, I often want to see results listed by date posted, which has two purposes: (1) in the case of a new internet meme, say "Darth Cheney", I can see who used it first and when it broke into the mainstream. (2) in the case of a current events story, I can follow how it developed from day to day. I'm sure some of you may have other ways you would like to arrange the results. There should be choices!!
• FilmJerk.com's Early Report for September 19, 2004.
• Borowitz Report: KITTY KELLEY: BUSH HAD AFFAIR WITH SINATRA - Explains Absence from National Guard, Author Says
• Lisa Kudrow and Courteney Cox both have new shows lined up at HBO. I don't think they'll have any great stretch to create the characters. Get this:
  • Kudrow will star in a sitcom, as a one-time sitcom star who is trying to revive her career.
  • Cox would star in a drama, as an actress on a comeback trail.
• Arrested Development, Sopranos win Emmys; Angels in America wins 11 awards including best miniseries.
• In honor of "sing like a pirate" day - the dirty words for Barnacle Bill The Sailor
• The greatest movie critic of all, The Filthy Critic, reviews Mr. 3000.
• Box Office - no big surprises in an uninspiring weekend. Sky Captain led the way with $15 million
  • The big story is one that has been building slowly for four months. The micro-budgeted Napoleon Dynamite has been this year's version of Greek Wedding. Its rank finally cracked single figures this week, at number eight - in its 15th week of release! Virtually unnoticed by Big Media, it has flown under the radar week after week, slowly expanding to more screens. This film has now achieved a box office 80 times greater than the production budget, and shows no signs of slowing down!
• Men get a bad milkshake, so they bomb McDonald's
• Stop the presses! Ralph Nader says he probably won't win the election. Say it ain't so, Joe. Call me crazy, but if I were Ralph, I would be spending a lot of time polishing my concession speech.
• A home computer in the year 2004 - as envisioned in 1954. How could I fit this in my flying car?
• Texas Fat Asses: "Texas does have the biggest be-hinds in the country! We're talkin' bronco-bustin', cattle-ropin', pig-wrastlin'-sized rear ends. We're talkin' monster truck rally-sized bottoms. We're talkin' tobacco-chewin', fire-spittin', Kenworth belt buckle-big asses!"
• By the time you read this, Britney Spears will probably be divorced a second time.
• The Washington Post discusses Dan Rather's assisted suicide.
• Interesting article about the making of Sky Captain.
• GotFacts.com - World Statistics, Facts, Conversions, Education
• About a gazillion pictures of Italian actresses.
• The Godfather horse head prop pillow
• Some wood for your wood. Watch out for those splinters! I've never tried to roger a tree stump vagina, but I learned my lesson from puppet-fuckin'. Ouch!
• New films take three of the top four slots at the Friday box office. Sky Captain comes out swinging, nearly doubling the second place finisher, Mr 3000.
• JoBlo.com interview with Jude Law.
• The international trailer for Fascination:
  • "When Maureen Doherty (Jacqueline Bisset) announces she is going to marry Oliver Vance immediately after her husband's death, her son Scott is certain there is more to this liaison than first appears. Mistrustful of Oliver, Scott is soon blinded by his own attraction to Kelly Vance, Oliver's daughter. Convinced his father's death was not an accident, Scott, aided by Kelly, begins to investigate. Bound by this common purpose, they quickly bond and fall in love. Before they can prove their suspicions, a series of events leads to a fatal explosion that kills both their parents. When Scott learns of Kelly's deceptions, he begins to wonder if the finger of guilt is deliberately being directed at him and if he has put his trust in the wrong person. Is it possible that Kelly is behind all of this?"
  • Well, there goes pretty much the entire plot!
  • Jacqueline Bisset does crap like this?
• X-Entertainment: Crispy Critters Cereal Tribute. I suppose X-Ent is the internet's foremost breakfast cereal nostalgia page.
• Major League Baseball is a lot hipper than I thought. Today is "talk like a pirate day", and guess which is the only MLB team playing a doubleheader at home today. Woudja believe the Pittsburgh Pirates? Yarrrrrrrrrrrrr!
• The Ten Most Hated Men in Rock

Other Crap archives. May also include newer material than the ones above, since it's sorta in real time.

Click here to submit a URL for Other Crap

MOVIE REVIEWS:

Words from Scoop.

.avi's from Shiloh.

.wmv files made by Scoop from Shiloh's .avi's.

NOTE: because of a unique combination of circumstances with the Windows media player and some substantial bandwidth theft, we will have to do all of our movie files in zip format. Left click on the files as you normally would to view a picture. When you get a choice, click on "save", and put it on your hard drive in the directory of your choice. UnZIP and play from there.

I know this is not especially convenient, but it allows the film clips to continue. I can protect .zip files from hot-linking in the same way I can protect still images. For some reason, if I protect .avis and .wmvs from hot-linking, they will not play in the Windows media player, and I can't get a satisfactory work-around. Perhaps I will find a better solution, but for now this new policy allows you to continue getting the movie clips you want to see, which is much preferable to my abandoning the clips altogether.

Here are some clips from "Lust: The Movie". These are from videotape, but they ain't half-bad anyway.

Working on these clips brought to consciousness just how much of the movie's time is occupied by one nekkid babe or another. There is a total of 25 clips of Blake Pickett, alone, which take more than five minutes, total. Guess if you're going to suck at making a movie you might as well throw the skin at us to keep us happy.

Blake Pickett clips. She used the name Josie Hunter for this movie. One of five names she's sported for different roles, used without rhyme or reason.

• Blake Pickett (zipped divx .avis) (1, 2, 3, 4)

Next, a couple of Gabriella Hall clips. The funkiness here is the filmmakers' attempt to portray the virtual 2D world in a 3D setting that will then be shown again in 2D. All they really did is mess up things.

• Gabriella Hall (zipped divx .avis) (1, 2)

One clip of the bountiful Kim Dawson. Most of her stuff was shot in slomo, which does nothing but chew up disk space.

• Kim Dawson (zipped divx .avi)

First of two Monique Parent clips.

• Monique Parent (zipped divx .avis) (1, 2)

One of a half-dozen Tamara Landry clips. She gets my vote for least-obnoxious boob job in B movies.

• Tamara Landry (zipped divx .avi)

Last up is Dougie McClure's little girl, Tane.

• Tane McClure (zipped divx .avi)

Some more odds n' ends from the Ghost.

First up the tall busty 80's babe Randi Brooks in scenes from two movies...

• 'Caps of Randi Brooks topless in the Clint Eastwood movie "Tightrope" (1984) (1, 2, 3)
• Here's a video clip (zipped .wmv) of Randi Brooks in the same scene 'capped above. The vid also shows brief (and dark) frontal and rear views.

  
  

• More Randi Brooks vids (zipped .wmvs). This time she's topless in a scene from "Hamburger... The Motion Picture" (1986). (1, 2)

Next up, Part one of the Ghost's Regina Russell tribute. Today's batch of clips feature Regina in scenes from "Scandal: Sex@students.edu" (2001).

• Regina Russell (zipped .wmvs). Links 1-3 are parts of the same slow paced love scene. #1 has all 3 B's, the others mostly breasts and a little bum. Links 4-6 are from another slow paced love scene. Breasts and bum views only. (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)

Paradise Falls: Season 2, week 1
Season two opened up with a full frontal nude streak scene by two dozen gays guys before the opening credits even began. But before the queer-as-folk hot dog factor set in Cherilee Taylor (now Cherilee Garofano) has a nude sex scene but kept her thong on. But still it will be nice to see some female frontal nudity for once.

• Cherilee Taylor: topless in thong, closeup nipple play, implicit 69 scene.
• Chantal Quesnelle: underwear and bikini, full dorsal skinnidipping but possible butt double.
• Michelle Latimer: all hoed up for now, lesbian scene with no-show Danielle Hampton in opening credits.
• Kim Poirier: cleavage for now, sex scene in opening credits.
• Raven Dauda: cleavage for now, the first new female star.

"Bad Boy Bubby"
Somebody has been asking for fat, naked chicks? You get them in Bad Boy Bubby, although the chicks would be better described as broilers. This is a weird Aussie movie with incest, religion, nurses and prostitutes. Claire Benito is the mother and she is very naked. Natalie Carr brings in the religion, and she gets very naked. Fille Dusseljee and Stepanie Cooper are the very naked pros and Carmel Johnson is the very naked nurse.

• Claire Benito (1, 2, 3)
• Natalie Carr (1, 2)
• Fille Dusseljee (1, 2)
• Stepanie Cooper
• Carmel Johnson (1, 2, 3)

"The Acid House"
Continuing the theme of weird and large naked chicks we have The Acid House. This is a Scottish film and, although they speak English, they decided they would subtitle a lot of it. The old broiler with the cellulite is Ann Louise Ross. We see topless views of Michelle Gomez and Jenny McCrindle. Jemma Redgrave is also topless but most of it is a prosthetic or a body double.

• Ann Louise Ross
• Michelle Gomez (1, 2, 3)
• Jenny McCrindle (1, 2, 3, 4)
• Jemma Redgrave (1, 2)

"Real Women Have Curves"
Real Women Have Curves is another movie with plus-sized women. Soledad St, Hilaire, America Ferrera, Lourdes Perez and Ingrid Oliu get down to their underwear and discuss stretch marks.

• Soledad St. Hilaire
• America Ferrera (1, 2)
• Lourdes Perez
• Ingrid Oliu

"Paradise Found"
Another naked 'big boned girl' is in Paradise Found where we see Katerina Orlowska. However, this is tempered with a delectable Sara Lina Brown.

• Katerina Orlowska (1, 2)
• Sara Lina Brown (1, 2, 3)

"Traffic"
Traffic is a miniseries, which is concerned with trafficking drugs and not cars. No real nudity but there is the slightest nip slip by Jennifer Rae Westley. Eden Rountree plays an emaciated model and shows some pokies. Some of the other models also look sexy.

• Jennifer Rae Westley (1, 2, 3)
• Eden Rountree (1, 2, 3)
• Other models (1, 2)