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* Yellow asterisk: funny (maybe).
* White asterisk:
expanded format.
*
Blue asterisk: not mine.
No asterisk: it probably
sucks.
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OTHER CRAP:
Catch the deluxe
version of Other Crap in real time, with all the bells and whistles,
here.
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Guarded Secrets
(1997)
Guarded Secrets (1997) is an erotic thriller, but very short on
erotic. Not that thrilling either.
As the film opens, Mark Long is doing the nasty in a motel with
Gabriella Hall. He wakes up in the morning to discover that she has
left with his car and his money. That should have taught him a
lesson about picking up hitchhikers and rescuing damsels in
distress. He elects to thumb to somewhere he can get back on his
feet, and is picked up by Billy Maddox, who, it turns out, is head
lifeguard at a posh resort, and has an opening. As our boy was on
his way to join the Navy Seals when the hitch occurred in his plans,
he gets the job. He will be paid to sit next to a pool all day,
watch beautiful women, and screw many of them The only hitch is
Michael Russo, a frightening criminal type. Of course, our hero,
faced with an endless smorgasbord of willing women, decides to
seduce and rescue the gangster's wife, Lesli Kay. After he saves the
gangster from drowning, he is admitted into the gang, and becomes
painfully aware of what she puts up with, and just how bad Russo is.
So, will our boy scout save the fair damsel and vanquish the evil
gangster? To find out, you will have to suffer through this just
like I did.
This marks the first time I have ever complained about excess plot
content in a soft core. I love a little story with my porn, but obviously the story should be interesting,
which this is not. And also
there should still actually be some porn. This is light on both counts, and
hence a weak D. (IMDb readers say 1.9 with 25 votes.)
It is only available in the US from RLDVDs.com in a dual
region (1 and 4) English Language DVD.
Gabriella Hall shows breasts. Carla Sofia Lescius shows breasts,
buns and a modesty patch. Brandi Coppock and two unknowns do full
frontal and rear. Lesli Kay shows breasts and buns.
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Notes and collages
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Testigos Ocultos
Majo (Carolina Touceda) is a young prostitute who works along her drug addict boyfriend/pimp, making videos of the clients she picks on the street and then blackmailing them. Iván Odesky (Fernando Guillén Cuervo) is a Federal Agent trying to take down a sect
which he believes is a cover for prostitution. He enters in contact with Majo and makes her help him, telling her that if she doesn't he will put her behind bars. She finally agrees to help him and meets Gerard Suarez Folk (Fernando Aguilar), the person Iván believes to be the leader of the sect. Carolina does a great job in this movie, being the more novice actor of them all, is a surprise how she steals the show.
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The Comedy Wire
Dan Rather is still bitter about being forced to retire from the CBS Evening
News for airing a 2004 story about President Bush ditching his National Guard
duty that turned out to be based on forged memos from a longtime Bush opponent.
CBS said an independent investigation found it was neither fair nor accurate.
Wednesday, Rather filed a lawsuit against CBS, seeking $20 million in
compensatory damages and $50 million in punitive damages. He claims CBS was
trying to curry favor with Bush and made him a "scapegoat" for the story, which
he still maintains is true.
* And so does the forger!
MarketWatch estimates that the thousands of journalists who will flood into Las
Vegas for the O.J. Simpson trial could pump up to $50 million into the local
economy
* He should be sentenced to community service,
traveling around to various economically-depressed cities and committing crimes
in each one.
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