Baadasssss! (2004) is a mockmentary by Mario van Peebles about the making by is father Melvin of Sweet Sweetback's Baadassss Song. It was not a great film, but was the first strong black film, and a very early indie. Mario plays the part of his father, much as Melvin played the staring role in Sweet Sweetback's Baadassss Song. He based the film on a book written by his father, and on his own personal memories. Sweet Sweetback's Baadassss Song had been a major success, partly because black audiences were looking for a film that portrayed real black people, and partly because of a lot of support from the Black Panthers.

The story is a great yarn, and is well told. Peebles senior had finished Watermelon Man and was offered a three picture contract with a studio. He had arrived in Hollywood, but was expected to make more stereotypical black comedies. He had a different idea, and proceeded to do it outside the studio system. He decided early to use a 50% minority crew, and so had no union support, so he went to the porn industry to find qualified crew. In a full length commentary with van Peebles Jr. and Sr, senior frequently comments on how accurate the story was that was told. Mario created some composite characters based on several real life people, but essentiall told an accurate story of the making and marketing of the film.

Karimah Westbrook, and several other actresses show everything/ IMDb readers say 7.3 of 10. Baadasssss!, like Sweetback's Baadassss Song was made in a little over two weeks on a very low budget. Even with the small budget of $1M, the film looks great, and held my interest start to finish. This is a very strong C+. Obviously, some people weren't as taken with it as I was, but it is one of the better films I have seen this year.

(Complete Spoilers)

I suppose the full Spanish name of this film should be Siesta de Suciedad.

Dirt nap.

Cuz' that's what it is about.

You see, it is yet another of those re-tellings of Ambrose Bierce's "An Occurrence at Owl Creek Bridge". This is a famous story about a Southern civilian who was hanged by the Union Army during the Civil War. The noose snaps, he falls into the creek, escapes .... to make a short story even shorter, it turns out that none of that happened. The entire story of his escape is simply the thoughts that go through a man's mind as he is about to die. The story ends with his neck snapping -  he is still in the noose.

Since it is recognized as one of the great stories in the history of American literature, I suppose that just about everyone in the United States had to read this story in high school, along with The Outcasts of Poker Flat, The Legend of Sleepy Hollow, The Devil and Daniel Webster, The Monkey's Paw, To Build a Fire, and two or three of Poe's most famous stories. Even if you have read nothing else in your life, you have probably read most or all of these classics, through the educational force-feeding process.

Here is the complete story if you are one of the eleven people in the world who has never read it.

When it was written, the surprise ending probably packed a pretty good punch. Even when I was a kid, I was impressed by Rod Serling's version on The Twilight Zone, which aired just before I had to read the story for a sophomore English class, so I wasn't expecting the ending, and it really worked for me. (Note that this was not a Twilight Zone original, but an award winning French short film which had been adapted by the Twilight Zone people, adding Serling's customary solemn pontifications at the start and finish.)

That was nearly a half a century ago, however, and the ol' "dying man's last thoughts" gimmick has been worked and reworked so many times that it is now almost as hackneyed as "I woke up, and it was all a dream." I guess the best version of it in recent years was Adrian Lyne's "Jacob's Ladder", which succeeded because of Lyne's masterful control of the film's atmosphere, and because of the meticulous attention paid to nuances and details. It is one of the few "surprise ending" films that you can watch and re-watch, just to see all the clues planted into the story. When you watch it a second time, you will be kicking yourself for not realizing that you had never seen his post-Vietnam life as that era really was, but rather as someone in the late 60s would have envisioned the upcoming years.

Oh, well. I'm straying too far from the topic, which is Siesta, yet another version of Owl Creek Bridge.

Ellen Barkin wakes up on a runway in Spain, covered with blood. She is wearing only a red dress, with no underwear. Her memory of the previous days is unclear. She is haunted by the nagging feeling that she has been involved in a murder.

As it turns out, she was right. Unfortunately for her, the murder was her own.

That's the short version.

The longer version of the story is that she is some kind of female Evil Knievel, and is planning a stunt so daring that she may not survive. It seems to involve a free-fall into a volcano, so I can certainly understand her trepidation. Since the stunt may take her life, she decides to settle some accounts before she attempts it. She visits an ex-boyfriend in Spain to make peace with the love of her life. He's sorta happy to see her, but his new wife is decidedly not.

In the process of Barkin's adventures in Spain, many confusing and arty things happen. Poseurs pose. Eurotrashers act trashy. Spain's only taxi driver is always everywhere when a ride is needed. He doesn't even need a road. Everyone acts far too mysterious, and all characters possess far too many eccentricities. Everyone skulks around, shifts his eyes beadily, and obfuscates. The film makes Mulholland Drive seem as simple and straightforward as The Sound of Music.

All the confusion is, of course, theoretically resolved when we find out that Barkin is already dead, and we have been watching the jumbled thoughts of her final moments - a hodge-podge of memories, fears, fantasies, and free associations.

Bah, humbug!

Some trivia:

Siesta had a good cast.

• The film co-stars Gabriel Byrne, who romanced Barkin on and off screen, and later married her. (The film was made in 1987. They married in 1988, divorced in 1993.)

• It also features Jodie Foster. Jodie was a child and adolescent star from 1976 to 1984 (ages 14 to 22), and then became a major adult star in the period from 1988 to 1994 (ages 26 to 32). Siesta was made in the lull between her two periods of success, when her career was truly in the doldrums, and she was looking for an adult identity.

• The rest of the cast is filled out by some of the top B-list actors: Isabelle Rossellini, Martin Sheen, Julian Sands and Grace Jones.

It did not have an especially good director.

The director, Mary Lambert, had achieved a modicum of success directing music videos before attempting to make the move into feature films. Lambert's video for Madonna's Material Girl was voted among the top twenty when Slant Magazine chose the Top Hundred Videos of All-Time in 2003. Lambert's feature film career has been notably less successful. Here's how it looks, ranked from best to worst:

1. (5.69) - Pet Sematary (1989)
2. (4.91) - Grand Isle (1991)
3. (4.90) - Siesta (1987)
4. (4.04) - In Crowd, The (2000)
5. (3.64) - Pet Sematary II (1992)

It appears that Ms. Lambert would make an excellent subject for Dr Peter's disciples when they make their next study of the Peter Principle. It appears that Music Videos represented her highest level of competence, and that her skill at making them got her promoted to theatrical films, which represent her personal level of incompetence.

If Ellen Barkin had never removed her dress, this movie would be unbearable. But the fact of the matter is that Barkin did remove that dress. She got naked several times, exposing every nook and cranny of her tremendously well-toned body, including a scene where she sunbathes on her back in bright sunlight. Therefore, I am suggesting that this film is not without great entertainment value, since Barkin is one of the sexiest and most athletic women in screen history. So watch it for that alone. Just make sure you have your remote handy, so you can fast-forward through the crevices between Barkin's nude scenes, and thus avoid any contact with the poor man's David Lynch movie which resides in those crevices.

The film clips below were provided by one of our all-time great contributors from the early days, ICMS, aka The Flemish Flash.

• Ellen Barkin. Only one capture, but it's a good one. I ordered a copy of this Region 2 DVD from Amazon France, and should have some extensive still captures in the next week or two.
• Ellen Barkin clips (zipped .avi versions, about 5 meg each) (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
• Ellen Barkin clips (zipped .wmv versions, about 2.5 meg each) (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)

Other Crap:

• 'Boondocks' strip spoofing reality shows may offend many.
• Dangerfield's Wife Says He Is in Coma in L.A.
• A new trailer for Stage Beauty, a film about the men who used to play women on stage, and how they coped when female parts started going to women.
• Four TV spots for Friday Night Lights, Billy Bob's movie about Texas high school football.
• Two clips from Woody Allen's new movie, Melinda and Melinda.
• An international teaser from Oliver Stone's Alexander the Great biopic.
• VIETNAM SEEKS CONFIRMATION THAT WAR IS OVER Recent Bickering Over War Leaves Communists Confused.
• Billy Joel gets a star on the Walk of Fame
• The Emmy Fashion police
• Last month, TBS announced that it was doing a reality show called The Real Gilligan's Island. Now, Carmen Electra has been chosen to be 'the movie star'
• Dan Rather's apology over the Rathergate memos.
• "I'd like to say that Dan Rather needs to resign from his profession. But, judging from the last few days, he already has."
• ABC's star-studded Sunday telecast of the 56th Annual Primetime Emmy Awards scored an all-time low rating, and lost the night to a slate of CBS re-runs.
• Press Your Luck - the Michael Larsen episode
• URL says it all: www.EssayGenerator.com
• The creator of one of the world's most famous guns, the AK-47 assault rifle, has launched another weapon in Britain -- Kalashnikov vodka. Get drunk with Kalashnikov? It's automatic!
• Kitty Kelley Bush Biography: President Bush's Statement Formally Refuting Specifics of Kitty Kelley's Rude Examination of Pre-1974 Youthful Presidential Hijinx - WHITEHOUSE.ORG
• The Daily Show reports on Hurricane Ivan.
• BeingFamous.com | Wacky Funny Videos and Home Made Movies
• Weekly World News: YOU CAN KEEP the fires of love alive no matter how old, cranky and wrinkly you are. 'Just because you're a bag of bones with a face like an alligator shoe doesn't mean you have to give up on romance,' says Dr. Sheila Marsha, a geriatric sexologist from West Palm Beach, Fla.
• CBS News Concludes It Was Misled on Rathergate Memos
• Update: the movie version of DaVinci Code
• The trailer from Unleashed, a film written by Luc Besson. : "This is the story of Danny (Jet Li), a slave who has lived his whole life without any sort of normal human education, with the mind and personality of a young child, with only one lesson learned: how to fight. Treated like a dog by his owner/boss, Bart (Bob Hoskins) which includes having to wear a collar, Danny has been raised to be a lethal fighting machine who fights in illegal gladiator-style fight clubs, where he earns lots of money for Bart as the undisputed champion. After a car accident that lands Bart in a coma, however, Danny meets a kind elderly blind piano tuner (Morgan Freeman) on the run because he knows secrets some bad guys don't want known, who uses music to teach Danny some things about the world and about being human."
• 'Fat liberation' movement declares war I don't think we're supposed to say "fat" or "lard-asses" any more. I believe the proper term is now "Crisco-Americans"
• President Clinton's Final Days - starring the real President Clinton. Funny.

Other Crap archives. May also include newer material than the ones above, since it's sorta in real time.

Click here to submit a URL for Other Crap

MOVIE REVIEWS:

Words from Scoop.

.avi's from Shiloh.

.wmv files made by Scoop from Shiloh's .avi's.

NOTE: because of a unique combination of circumstances with the Windows media player and some substantial bandwidth theft, we will have to do all of our movie files in zip format. Left click on the files as you normally would to view a picture. When you get a choice, click on "save", and put it on your hard drive in the directory of your choice. UnZIP and play from there.

I know this is not especially convenient, but it allows the film clips to continue. I can protect .zip files from hot-linking in the same way I can protect still images. For some reason, if I protect .avis and .wmvs from hot-linking, they will not play in the Windows media player, and I can't get a satisfactory work-around. Perhaps I will find a better solution, but for now this new policy allows you to continue getting the movie clips you want to see, which is much preferable to my abandoning the clips altogether.

Perhaps these tips will help if you have trouble with the codecs for these movies:

Shiloh says:

FYI when I hypercam vids to make the file size smaller I use DivX MPEG-4 Fast-Motion for the video compressor, then I use virtualdub to compress the audio. The properties for the vids says the video codec:  DivX Decoder Filter & audio codec:  Morgan Stream Switcher which I'm not familiar with. When I compress the audio with virtualdub I use MPEG Layer-3.  A friend of mine told me about compressing the audio about (6) mos. ago. Like I said previously, only been capping for a year & a half & I'm no expert. Hopefully this info will help members with the proper codecs for my vids.

 

When I cap big brother's I use hypercam mostly & sdp & asfrecorder if the set up allows me. I stopped using camtasia cause the file sizes were always too big, could never figure out the process, over my head lol, plus it cost too much to buy in my opinion.

A reader says:

You mentioned that some users were having trouble with the videos on your site. There is a tool designed to determine what codec is needed for a video. http://www.headbands.com/gspot/ Hope this is useful to you or your users.

Scoop says:

I made the .wmv versions of each video. The codecs for these: Windows Video V8, Windows Audio 9. The upside of these is that you know the codecs, and they'll play in the Windows Media Player. The downside is that they are slightly larger, and slightly lower quality.

My own treatment of the well-capped Auto Focus (2002). Movie was okay, I guess, but it gave me a great idea: let the dust settle and do a biopic of Bob Guccione. He's lead a much more interesting life than Bob Crane, with the kind of rise and fall story that made Aristophanes famous. And just think of the number of nekkid babes you would have to cast to do justice to the story's essential truth. In fact, I'll let you keep the writing credits, just let me be the casting director.

Anyway, here's the exposure as done by all but one of the credited gals...I'm saving the last for another day.

About the collage labeled Kelly K.C. Quan: IMDb identifies her as the blindfolded gal. Well, there are two women blindfolded, one of them much larger than the other. Don't have a clue which is Kelly.

• Alex Meneses (1, 2)
• Amber Griebel (1, 2)
• Kelly K.C. Quan
• Kitana Baker
• Maria Bello
• Porcelain Twinz
• Teri Geary

Today from the Ghost...part 2 of his tribute to Skinemax babe Regina Russell, featuring scenes from "Sex Files: Creating the Perfect Man (2000).

• Regina Russell zipped .wmvs. She is fully nude in all of these but pretty much only shows breasts. However, #5 does offer some pube views. (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

Jeremiah: season one DVD set
Made for Showtime sci-fi series starring Sideshow Luke Perry as a survivor named Jeremiah in a post-apocalyptic world. Twenty episodes from season one are available on a six-DVD set with a bonus DVD featuring some Stargate episodes. Note syndicated episodes shown on regular cable networks such as Spaced in Canada has the nude scenes removed.

The main starlets:

• Kim Hawthorne: cleavage, pokies.
• Kandyse McClure: tight t-shirt.
• Ingrid Kavelaars: nipple pokies. In the last frame that's her real life evil twin sister Monique Kavelaars.
• Monique Kavelaars: Ingrid's evil twin sister in see through brassiere having sex with Jeremiah. Something Ingrid will never do.

The nekkid guest starlets:

• Jenn Bird: topless as then waitress, then boobs and butt in sex scene.
• Sarah Deakins: topless tied up.
• Kirsten Robek: topless sex scene.
• Missy Crider: butt in sex scene.
• Polly Shannon: topless as carney hooker.
• Alana Husband: topless as carney hooker.
• Sophie Olson: topless cheerleader. I think she's the missing Olsen triplet.
• waitress: unknown topless.
• carney: unknown topless.
• hookers: unknown topless.

The sexy guest starlets:

• Tricia Helfer: sex in skimpy t-shirt. She played Farrah Fawcett in a Charlie's Angels tv movie recently.
• Sabrina Grdevich: fully clothed sex scene.
• Erin Karpluk: slight cleavage.
• Shannon Jardine: giving birth.
• Dominika Wolski: nice cleavage.
• Amber Rothwell: outdoor sex scene, no nudity.
• stuntwoman: upskirt.

Stargate SG-1: Children of the Gods (1997) (DVD)
This is from the bonus DVD that came with the Jeremiah set. This pilot features full frontal nudity by one of the stars but the rest of series only maybe had one other nude scene

• Vaitiare Bandera: classic full frontal.
• unknown: partial nudity as "vessel".

NEW MISS AMERICA CROWNED
Healthy Enough To Survive Anorexia - Saturday, Miss Alabama Deidre Downs, an aspiring medical student, was crowned Miss America on a vow to work to regain public respect for the pageant. She pledged to help bring Miss America "back into the realm of popular culture" as a major event, and end criticism that it's outdated and irrelevant to modern women. She began by defending the new scanty Speedo swimsuits, such as the string bikini she wore, saying they demonstrate a healthy lifestyle at a time when obesity has become an epidemic.