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| Johnny
Web (Uncle Scoopy)
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Tom Sizemore sex tape, part 7:
We will carry it in eight parts, as it was posted in Usenet.
Part Seven
consists of Sizemore, two hookers, a vibrator, and a can of Reddi Whip. Yawn
(Zipped .wmv)
Dead End Road (2004) This review has a picture so it's better situated
at The Movie House. I think
it is a pretty funny review. And ya gotta see the picture of Principal Belding!
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Dann
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Captures and comments from Dann
Originally released in 2003 as Peak Experience, then released on DVD in
2005 as Lost Lake, this adventure/fantasy is set in a remote ski lodge in
the High Sierras, and if nothing else, provides some cool ski footage and some
equally breathtaking mountain scenery.
Kat (Angel Boris) is a poet and thrill-seeker who jumps at the chance
to take a job at a ski lodge. After arriving, she begins to be haunted by
visions she doesn't understand. When an avalanche traps everyone in the lodge,
the visions intensify, and things get really weird.
The movie was filmed on location at Mammoth Lakes, California, and the
photography is beautiful and well-done. Angel's nipples, as everyone
knows, are equally amazing, and the story isn't bad as long as you're into
weird. A solid B-movie that might have been better written, but is still worth a
look, if only for the great scenery (and the nipples).
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Angel Boris |
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Crimson Ghost
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Captures and comments from the Ghost
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| Hankster
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'Caps and comments by Hankster:
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Variety
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| Movie Reviews
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MOVIE REVIEWS:
Here are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.
- The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the
review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
- If there is a white asterisk, it means that
there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined
there might be something else of interest.
- A blue asterisk indicates the review is written
by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
- If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too
ashamed to admit it.
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| Other Crap
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2005 NFL Cheerleader Tour - Day : Dallas Cowboys
Baseball, football, hot dogs, apple pie, Chevrolet ... and The
Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders. A friend of mine lives overseas in a
third world country. When he once asked a local if they knew
anything about American football, one person said, "Dallas
Cowboys." Another person next to him smiled and said, "Dallas
Cowboy Cheerleaders." This squad had truly defined what
cheerleading is today in the NFL. One look at the
history page and a smile will cross your face when you
remember the Love Boat appearances, as well as the classic
made-for-TV movies. I give you America's Sweethearts...the
Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders.
We saw them cheer their team to a heart breaking loss last
night to Washington. Still, they looked fabulous in the most
famous cheerleading outfits in the world. World Class cheerleaders
need a world class web site, and boy, do they have it. I have
already made mention of the history page, but there is much more:
a swimsuit calendar (with lots of pictures), a celebrity
scrapbook, a page on their show group, and a nod to their sister
team, the Dallas Desperados of the Arena League. I do enjoy the
team photo and the bios (click on your favorite lady to learn
about her), although the bios only include one picture. I wish
there were more. The only major fault I can find with this squad
and their site is the cheerleaders themselves. The ladies are
stunning, but I thought the ladies of Philadelphia, Washington,
and Tampa had a slight edge on them, and even their sister
Arena League team gives them a run for their money. This is
still an incredible group, but just a few big hitters away from
reclaiming the title.
Ranking 9.0 out of 10.
Much to the general disgust of its agents, the FBI is joining the
Bush administration's War on Porn. "I guess this means we've won
the war on terror," said one exasperated FBI agent.
"The RIAA has been pushing the FCC to impose a copy-protection
mandate on the makers of next-generation digital radio
receiver/recorders"
MadTV wonders how Kenny Rogers would do on "Jackass." Bizarre
concept, outrageous execution. Completely stupid, but I found myself
laughing against my will!
"Dutch police and park rangers have admitted they are powerless to
stop a growing trend of outdoor sex orgies." Eric Droogh, who is
director at the Veluwe National Park, said: "A national debate on
wild sex parties in the countryside is essential." The head of one
of Holland's biggest national parks says the problem is getting
worse and has called for the government to make clear guidelines on
outdoor sex orgies.
- You want guidelines? Here's my clear guidelines. It's OK if it
involves naked hot chicks, especially celebrity lesbian orgies or
women having sex with octopuses. If it involves any flabby guys in
black socks, fatties, or ugly-bugly chicks, make 'em cover that
shit unless they are having sex with hot chicks, unlikely though
that might be. That is all.
- I would like to add, however, that the USA should also have a
national debate on wild sex parties in the countryside.
Conan shares some exclusive satellite television programming from
the giant NBC satellite dish.
This is a real news story, not a satire.
Governor Jeb Bush becomes the highest-ranking government official
since Gerald Ford to have an imaginary friend. In all fairness,
though, it turns out that while Ford claimed his friend was
imaginary, he actually turned out to be real. In fact, it was former
baseball commissioner Bowie Kuhn. Therefore, I think we can give Jeb
the top spot.
Feds' FOIA papers reveal an eye for gossip. Sinatra, Liberace,
Walt Disney and Warhol among those with FBI files
"Beedogs.com is the premier online repository for pictures of dogs
in bee costumes."
Yankees sign Donald Trump for the stretch drive. He's got some
wicked form!
CHENEY TO SPEND ENTIRE MONTH ABOVE GROUND ... Will Expose
Himself to Sunlight to Boost White House Approval Ratings.
- According to one of the vice president’s aides, Mr. Cheney’s
decision to climb out of his subterranean hideout for the entire
month of October would mean his longest visit to the Earth’s
surface since 2001.
VH1's Eclectic Cast For The Brand New Season Of The Surreal Life.
SHERMAN HEMSLEY, TAWNY KITAEN, FLORENCE HENDERSON. Still no sign of
Potsie.
Jon Stewart's slightly censored Emmy speech about the handling of
Hurricane Katrina.
The first trailer for the new version of
The Producers
SCIENTISTS REVEAL LAWYERS & LEECHES HAVE IDENTICAL DNA"
Some odd stuff.Monty
Python's "Black Knight" sketch, as re-enacted by Star Wars Lego
characters!
Everything you would ever possibly care to know about the etymology
of the word "cunt"
The teaser, trailer, and two scenes, from Dear Wendy ,a typically
strange Lars van Trier script, directed by Thomas Vinterberg. The
flick features a topless scene from Alison Pill.
- "'Dear Wendy' is a story about the young loner Dick who lives
in the poor mining town of Estherslope. When he happens upon a
small handgun one day, he finds himself strangely drawn to it,
despite his fervent pacifist views. Together with his newfound
partner he soon convinces the other young outcasts in the town to
join him in a secret club he calls The Dandies. A club based on
the principals of pacifism and guns. Despite their firm belief in
the most important Dandy rule of all - never draw your weapons -
they soon find themselves in a predicament where they realize that
rules are made to be broken."
The trailer for a Thai film, The Overture
- "The Overture' is inspired by the life of musician Luang
Pradit Pairoh, whose mastery at playing an instrument called the
ranard-ek (sort of like a wooden xylophone) made him a legend in
the world of classical Thai music."
The trailer and four clips from Unknown White Male , a
documentary.
- "A young man with a British accent turns up one rainy day in
Coney Island, frightened and alone, with no clue to his identity.
The process of re-establishing his family ties and life story
forms a fascinating portrait of a man who, as far as he knows,
doesn’t have a past."
Five clips from A History of Violence, David Cronenberg's latest
The trailer for Dirty Love (Jenny McCarthy's comedy.)
A seven minute sneak peek of Flightplan (The Jodie Foster
airplane thriller.)
WTF??
Katrina, The Drink? "Get Blown Away." Very tasteful.
This week's movies:
Tim Burton's Corpse Bride - 84% positive reviews. Tim has become
a critic's darling, and not without reason!
This week's movies:
Flightplan - only two reviews on file. It's impossible to draw
any conclusions from those two reviews, because they are at opposite
poles.
- Hero Realm didn't like it at all: "When the truth does finally
come out, it’s so laughably improbable that it destroys any sense
of decorum the movie might have left. Add to that a completely
ludicrous finale, and you’ve got a movie that might’ve looked good
on paper but utterly fails in execution. It isn’t the worst flick
you’ll ever see, just drab, dull, and pointless."
- The other reviewer loved it: "You could say that Flightplan is
to airplane stories what Das Boot was to submarine tales, an
exciting thriller that takes full advantage of the properties of
film as a unique medium, manipulating (in the positive sense of
the term) limited space, constrained time, and generic
expectations."
This week's movies:
Roll Bounce - only three reviews on file. They all say the same
thing - essentially that the film succeeds in its own modest, cheesy
way.
The Weekend Warrior makes his predictions for the upcoming weekend.
Tim Burton's Corpse Bride goes into 3000 theaters, and is expected
to take the #1 spot. Another new film, Jodie Foster in Flightplan,
heads for 3400 screens, and is expected to finish a strong second.
Roll Bounce, the roller disco movie, will be on 1700 screens, and is
expected to slip into fifth place.
`Fat Actress' Kirstie Alley Loses 50 Lbs and her show! ... "'I
think (they) have great concerns about me not being fat."
"ET has learned that lovebirds JERRY O'CONNELL and
model-turned-actress REBECCA ROMIJN are engaged"
The soundtrack for Elizabethtown
GALLUP:
Bush Ratings Reach Low Points of Presidency
retroCRUSH looks at the worst Halloween costumes ever. I kinda
like the Father Murphy costume. I think you could wear it and claim
to be Torgo!
Simon Wiesenthal, holocaust survivor turned Nazi hunter, dies at 96.
There are not many of the WW2 generation left. The war ended 60
years ago.
"Acting angry is not hard," said Geraldo. "Crying on camera really
is. But I have my own technique. When I say 'Can you get a shot of
that dead body over there' and the camera pans away, I rub pepper in
my eyes."
ZELLWEGER SAYS CHESNEY LIED ABOUT SADDAM'S WMDs ... Phony
Weapons Claims at Heart of Celebrity "Fraud" Annulment
I-Mockery.com - The Greatest Horror Movie Moment!
Here is a bigger, better picture of that Lohan nipple-slip.
Make your plans to attend the end of the world on June 1, 2014 at
9:15 A.M. BYOB. |
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Pat Reeder
www.comedy-wire.com
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HURRICANE AFTERMATH NEWS NOTES
Just Blame Bush - President Bush has been pressuring Mayor Ray Nagin to stop
encouraging people to come back to New Orleans so soon. With Tropical Storm
Rita on the way, Nagin suspended the reopening of the city and ordered everyone
out again.
* No, wait...
* Nagin felt sure Rita wouldn't strike his home...But then, his home is in
Dallas now.
Do They REALLY Want Beachfront Homes? - Critics of President Bush's proposal to
spend $200 billion rebuilding the Gulf note that for that much, he could give
every one of the 500,000 displaced families a $400,000 check, enough to buy a
beachfront home almost anywhere in America.
* For example, in the Florida Keys.
* Or a lifetime supply of booze and lap dances!
* Better yet, they could buy mansions on the prairie, a thousand miles from the
nearest ocean.
RIDICULOUS RELIGIOUS SYMBOL NEWS
Sign Of The Times - The Red Cross and its Islamic counterpart, the Red Crescent,
are looking for a new, less dangerous symbol. Israel's help agency, which uses
a red Star of David, can't help people in a lot of places because they get
attacked for being Jewish, and now Red Cross and Red Crescent workers are afraid
of being attacked for appearing Christian or Muslim. They are considering
substituting the Red Crystal: a meaningless red diamond shape that wouldn't
offend anybody.
* Here's a suggestion: if a place is full of people who
would kill their rescuers because they're Christian, Muslim or Jewish, how about
we just don't rescue those people?
Don't Blow Up Over It - Burger King has withdrawn its "BK Cone" ice cream treat
because some British Muslim customers complained that the label design of a
stylized soft-swirl ice cream resembled the Arabic script for the word "Allah"
when turned sideways.
* Who turns it sideways? The ice cream falls off the cone!
* Also, Dairy Queen cones offend Southern Baptists because they resemble their
women's hairdos.
SCOTLAND IS MOST VIOLENT NATION
Exhibit A: Groundskeeper Willie - In a surprising U.N. study based on interviews
with crime victims in 21 countries, Scotland was named the most violent place in
the developed world, followed by England and Wales. More than 2,000 Scots are
attacked every week. Scots are three times more likely to be attacked than
Americans. The study blamed it on Scotland's "booze and blades" culture.
* The anger starts as soon as children are introduced to
haggis.
* Scotland: Truly a land where a man can get kilt!
HAIRDO AT GUNPOINT
Dye Or Die!! - A Polish man in the town of Czestochowa burst into a hair salon
brandishing a gun and forced the owner to give his girlfriend a free cut and dye
job. The next day, he returned and demanded at gunpoint that they redo it
better. He also insisted they add hair extensions to fix the length. Police
are still searching for him.
* He's described as armed and in denial about being gay.
* This gives a whole new meaning to the phrase, "Extreme Makeover."
CHEESE INFLUENCES YOUR DREAMS
Cheese Heads - A study by the British Cheese Board claims that the type of
cheese you eat can influence your dreams. Volunteers who ate Red Leicester
before bed tended to have nostalgic dreams. People who ate Stilton reported
weird dreams, about a vegetarian crocodile that's upset because it can't eat
children, or an army fighting with kittens instead of guns. 60 percent of test
subjects who ate Lancashire cheese reported dreaming of work. And a whopping 70
percent of cheddar eaters dreamed about celebrities.
* Cheesy celebrities, like Fabio and Yanni.
PENGUINS: GAY SWINGERS OR MORAL ICONS?
Bye, Bi Birdie - Silo and Roy, the famous gay penguins at New York's Central
Park Zoo, have split up after Silo went straight. The two had hatched an
adopted chick and were role models for six other same-sex penguin couples. Then
a female penguin named Scrappy arrived from Sea World, and Silo started building
a nest with her. Poor Roy is sitting at the edge of the penguin enclosure,
staring at the wall. The zoo's penguin expert said of the breakup, "Presumably,
they've got their reasons," but Roy is probably getting ready for the next
courting season.
* He and the other gay male penguins are already in their
tuxedos and ready for a night at a Manhattan piano bar.
* Maybe Silo isn't building a nest with her; maybe he's just consulting on the
decor.
* This won't last: Scrappy thinks Silo is another female penguin.
CHICK FLICK DRAWS NOTHING BUT CHICKS
Add Nude Scenes - Reese Witherspoon's "Just Like Heaven," in which she plays a
ghost who falls in love with the guy who moves into her old apartment, topped
the weekend box office but with an anemic $16.5 million. It made less than
expected because the audience was 77 percent female. A Dreamworks spokesman
admitted that was the highest percentage of women he could recall for any
movie. He said hope women who liked it will bring men to see it.
* Good luck with that: it opened the same week as
football season!
* That would be like men trying to drag women to a "Deuce Bigalow" movie.
* They could start advertising showings of it as "A great place to pick up
chicks!"
BANKS REMOVES BRA ON TV...JUST TO PROVE TWO POINTS!
Great Moments In Boob Tube History - Supermodel Tyra Banks is tired of being
accused of having breast implants and claims her bodacious figure is the result
of push-up bras. So to prove it, on the episode of her new talk show airing
today, she removed her bra from under her shirt and let a plastic surgeon
examine her boobs on national TV and confirm they are natural.
* He then recommended she consider getting implants.
* His check is in the mail...His SECOND check...
ACTRESS WANTS BREAST IMPLANTS BUT CAN'T HAVE THEM
"I Was Such A Boob!" - Contactmusic.com reports that ultra-thin actress Lara
Flynn Boyle desperately wants breast implants but can't get them. She said when
she was given "great boobs" for "Men In Black II," she belatedly realized their
importance, but she can't get them because she's already been such a vocal
advocate against plastic surgery. She said, "I got myself in trouble. Who
wouldn't want a boob job?"
* Answer: Aretha Franklin...Each of her boobs already weighs more than Lara
Flynn Boyle.
* She doesn't want big breasts, just a boost up to an A-cup.
* Lara Flynn Boyle with breast implants would look like a snake that swallowed
two bowling balls. |
| A quick site note
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Hey gang, we invite you to check out our new affiliate program at Scoopycash.com.
If you have your own site or blog, sign up today and earn some extra cash in 2005 by promoting the Fun House!
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