Thursday

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To see and use all the Funhouse features, you need Netscape 6.+ or MSIE 5.+.

• Netscape 7.0 is available free for download or on CD.
• MSIE 6.0 is available free.

Kiss Me Quick (1964) was the first feature film produced by Harry Novak, and the first monster/nudie cutie ever. Harry decided to do something for himself, after 20 years in film distribution, and teamed with Frank Perry and Max Gardens. They owned 50%, 40% and 10% respectively. Perry also directed, although he is credited as Seemore Tukas. Perry never used his real name when working on nudies. Gardens owned one theater at the time, but went on to own over a hundred, including the Pussycat Theaters. He appears in the film as well. After the films success, Novak invested in himself, and bought out their interest, and thus Boxoffice International was born. Harry was known as the master of foreign distribution, and is still distributing his films to the foreign market.

The film was shot in 6 days over two weekends for a very simple reason. IF they rented the camera equipment on Friday, they paid for one day, but didn't have to return it till Monday. All of the editing was done in camera, and the titles and credits were done with voice-over to save even more money.

The story is simple, and not really the point, which is T & A. On a faraway planet, there is only one sex, but they become interested in Earth Women, as they would like a slave class to do all their work, so one of them is sent to Earth to obtain a perfect specimen from Dr. Breedlove as breeding stock. From there the film is nearly non-stop T & A, punctuated by bad jokes (mostly puns), and the appearance of a mummy, Dracula, the Wolfman, and Frankenstein. Universal owned everything about Frankenstein at the time, but Harry was never contacted about his infringement.

The women were as follows:

Boobra, played by Natasha, a famous LA stripper. Boobs and buns.
Kissme, played by Jackie De Witt. Boobs and buns.
Barebra, played by Bebe. Boobs, bush and Buns.
Hottie Tottieplayed by Claudia Banks. Boobs
Gertie Tassle, played by Althea Currier.Boobs
G. G. String, played by Dona. Boobs and buns.
Lotta Cash, played by Lucky. Boobs, and bush through sheer panties.

The one named girls, other than Natasha, were "Columbia Slaves," that is, Columbia Pictures contract players, who were moonlighting for the money, as there day job was hard work and little money. Hence, no real names in the credits. If you have peeked at the images, you see the excellent photography. It is no accident, as the DP was none other than László Kovács, who had no yet been able to break into the union. IMDB readers score this 5.7 of 10. This is half of another great release from the folks at Something Weird Video, and is an excellent transfer. There is also a fascinating commentary with Harry Novak, who talks more about his history, and the early history of exploitation, then he does the film. As to a score, it delivers exactly what it is supposed to deliver, woman-flesh, is especially un PC (at the end of the film, Dr. Breedlove gets a new shipment of women. As they enter down a shoot, he labels them Prime, Choice, Ok, Kosher, etc.), and is, in short, a nearly perfect genre effort. C+.

• Victoria Thompson  - she got naked only in this movie and the sequel (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
• Laurie Walters - as far as I know, she got naked only in this movie and the sequel, but she was quite a big TV star there for a while, as a star of the popular series, Eight is Enough. (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
• Sharon Taggart - her breasts also made in appearance in the classic film, The Last Picture Show (1, 2, 3)
• Extras (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
• Group Activities (1, 2)

also new to DVD this week, but only available at Blockbuster and only in markets with lots of Spanish-speakers, Manuela Sáenz, a Venezuelan biopic about "La Liberadora", the feisty woman who fought as a colonel in Bolivar's army by day, and saluted his flagpole by night. Fairly interesting biopic. Although she was one of the most important figures in the liberation of Latin America from Spain, she is largely forgotten. This is not that great as a movie, but it's satisfactory, and they had a fascinating story to work with. In Spanish.

• Beatriz Valdés (1, 2, 3, 4)

Updates:

new Encyclopedia volumes for: Indira Varma, Katarina Vasilissa, Valentina Vargas, Michelle von Flotow, Arielle Dombasle

updated volumes for : Monica Bellucci, Laetitia Casta, Kim Cattrall, Julie Christie

Here are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.

• The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
• If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
• A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Lawdog or Junior or C2000 or Realist or ICMS or Mick Locke, or somebody else besides me)
• If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

• Maggie O'Neill, toplessness and a brief frontal view in scenes from "Under Suspicion" (1992).

Be sure to pay Graphic Response a visit at his website. www.graphic-barry.com.

Here she is with a breast popping out of her dress at the premiere of "Red Dragon".

• Gayheart, single frame by Squiddy
• Gayheart collage by ZonononZor.

The Man Who Fell to Earth is sho-nuff odd, but the people who made it knew what they were doing and they did it well. The casting is inspired (David Bowie in the part he was born to play, the illustrious Rip Torn, Bernie Casey and Buck Henry. Buck Henry???!!!) and the pacing is intentionally slow, the action deliberately episodic. Or so I assume, but since I don't know shit from shinola when it comes to movies, this could be the worst hunk of horse dung since Manos, the Hands of Fate. But... and here you gotta figger the makers surely knew what they were doing... we got two nekkid babes.

First up Candy Clark. Her scenes have been covered well over the years, so I'm throwing in a half-dozen collages for grins. The first two are from one of the last scenes, when Candy has learned that Bowie's character is truly an alien. Or maybe she caught Bowie, himself, out of makeup. Same difference. Topless in each. Third one is from a long hair-washing scene, four from a candle-lighting scene, both again topless action. Five and six come from an early sport-humpin scene, in which Candy is nekkid and all, but she just doesn't look all that good, so I grabbed the best pair of frames in the sequence. The last one is notable because ever-so-briefly and oh-so-slightly the camera panned south of the Mason-Dixon line and caught Candy's furry bits.

Fine. Now the real reason I capped this puppy goes uncredited but is Claudia Jennings, Hefmate of the month Nov '69, of the year '70. Every once in a while the Hefmag offers a monthly babe who is not an artificially inflated bleach blonde. Once in a blue moon these days. But in the old days the natural beauties seemed to have outnumbered the man-made variety. And Claudia was one of the best. Two collages. The first strings together 14 frames from a brief full-frontal scene, whereas the last has three of the better frames blown-up a bit. This woman, late and lamented, was a serious babe and a successful B movie queen when movies still had to be released into theatres.

• Candy Clark (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
• Claudia Jennings (1, 2)

• Christine Chatelain and Keegan Connor Tracy, lesbian kissing scene. (1, 2, 3)

• Emmanuelle Vaugier breast exposure. (1, 2, 3)

• Assorted Hot Women...toplessness, see-thrus, pokies, and a banana. (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)

• Lina Teal, possible nipple sighting in #1, rear nudity in #2. (1, 2)

• Monet Mazur, photocopying her crotch (with panties on darn it). (1, 2)

• Shannyn Sossamon, subtle breast exposure (1, 2, 3, 4)

• Vinessa Shaw, cleavage and a little leg (1, 2, 3, 4)

• Alley Baggett, the model/actress going topless.
• Catherine Bell, the "JAG" star showing some very impressive cleavage.
• Kari Wuhrer, doing the ol' hands on boobs routine.
• Natasha Henstridge, toplessness from "Species"
• Tori Spelling, ultra tan in a bikini.

Scoop, a little follow up from the other day...

This is not my scan, but Justine Priestley recently made the cover of Steppin' Out magazine (August 21/2002). Many more similar photos inside but the pages are printed on newsprint. In the interview she said she actually did a Hefmag photoshoot (5,000 frames!) but it won't be published in the foreseeable future. They gave her some b.s. reasons but she says it's because "I'm a skinny girl with no tits". There was even talk about putting her on the cover. For anyone interested in a scanning project, back issues of Steppin' Out> magazine can be ordered at www.steppinoutmagazine.com

RUBBING BREASTS MAKES THEM BIGGER
He's A Good Breast Man - British blonde bombshell Denise Van Outen told the Sun tabloid that dancing in the musical "Chicago" made her breasts shrink from 34C to 34A, but they've come back thanks to her boyfriend rubbing them. She also ate more and trained less, but she credits him "playing with them all the time" for their regrowth. One plastic surgeon backed her claim, saying that massage increases blood flow, and any body part that increases in blood flow can get bigger, but if the massaging stops, they'll get smaller again.