Mind Body & Soul (1992) is listed as horror at IMDB, but is more a titty flick in the tradition of 70's exploitation, but with none of the charm. The plot is transparent, the acting is non-existent, and the images are totally lacking in contrast. Ginger Lynn Allen is taken to a Satanic cult gathering by her boyfriend. Up to this point, she had no idea what he was into. They are preparing to sacrifice a kidnapped Veronica Carothers when the police raid. Everyone except Ginger was masked and escapes. The police jail her supposedly for withholding evidence. She is put in a cell with Tami Bakke, who is there for exposition, and also to provide bra/panty and arms over boob shots late in the film.

An attorney not only bails Ginger out, but moves her into his home. As she is getting ready to leave jail, she is raped by a guard, and manages to grab a satanic emblem from his neck. The big surprise of the film is the attorney's true motives. Mrs. Tuna watched 30 seconds of the film, and figured those out. The cult wants to get even with Ginger, the police want to get even with the cult, and Bakke wants to get even with the world for something, but we never know what. In the process of all this, both Ginger and Bakke meet a black arts priestess, Toni Alessandrini. Probably the most entertaining moment in the film is watching Alessandrini flap her arms like a bat to conjure up a spirit.

Basically, all four women are topless, but Alessandrini has some transparent thing on that hides nothing, and Bakke uses the arms over nipples ruse to keep her nipples safe from prying eyes. Panties were required in every scene, including a shower scene, two sex scenes and a rape. IMDB readers have this at 1.4 of 10. Nearly half of the votes (8 of 17) are 1, the lowest possible score, and there are two 10s. This is a terrible film, but there is no denying that Gingr photographs well. D.

Mindhunters (2004):

No, I didn't get the date wrong. This is a 2004 film. Even says so in the credits. MMIV, don't you know?

It is Renny Harlin's new thriller. The premise is simple. The FBI trains people to profile serial killers. The classroom training is supplemented by various simulation exercises. The final test occurs on a deserted island which has been set up to duplicate some American urban scenes. The Bureau isolates the latest class of profiler-trainees on the island for a weekend exercise, and they start getting killed for real. They realize that there is a serial killer in their very ranks, and that the killer has been trained to think exactly like them.

The film has been delayed three times already. The release dates have been:

I'm not sure of the exact reasons for the delays. I know that Renny kept cutting and re-cutting the film because he wanted to improve the pacing, but I don't know the relationship between that and the delays. The two circumstances may be partially or totally independent of one another. I do know that the studios don't usually release a big film on the week AFTER the lucrative Christmas break, so the studio bosses can't be all that thrilled with its potential.

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Other crap archives. May also include newer material than the ones above, since it's sorta in real time.

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Scoop - In the interests of full disclosure it should be noted that the org. behind the Premiere rebuttal is ICGF whose Chairman is Mr. Schwarzenegger.

Very true. My concern about Schwarzenegger is this - he was the biggest box office draw in America for decades, holding tremendous power over who would work in his pictures, able to give women a break with a wave of his hand, and in all that time he only groped six women? Six women in 20 years? How could that be? What the fuck is wrong with that guy? Is he undersexed? Is he gay? Let's get the truth out. I think it is safe to say that all of us in the same position would have groped six women per day. I would have gone the Charlie Sheen route and tried for six per hour, at least until my dick fell off. But then, we're not running for governor, and I believe the California laws specifically require the governor to be a lame, dickless wuss. Even Arnold, who is certainly lame and appears to be nearly dickless, is having a difficult time proving that he qualifies.

MOVIE REVIEWS:

Here are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.

• The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
• If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
• A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Lawdog or Junior or C2000 or Realist or ICMS or Mick Locke, or somebody else besides me)
• If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

Emmanuelle in Soho (1981) is one weird-ass, bad mofo. How weird? How bad? Well, Ed Wood coulda made it on one of his worst days and the product woulda looked better.

Whole thing starts out as a documentary of the sex business in Soho, breathlessly narrated by a gent who most obviously disapproves of this nekkid babe stuff. There are lots of nekkid babes shown in this sample of a photoshoot or that excerpt of a movie, but none of the babes is named and none of them is capped, because life is just too short for a body to waste time on such things.

And then without nary a transition, not even a Cosby-esque "I told you that story to tell you this one"... presto, change-o we have ourselves a drama of sorts about Emmanuelle and her two friends, a married couple, all of whom do something in Soho's sex business. Scenes come, scenes go and the movie just sorta jogs in place like those yuppies you see at busy crosswalks. Brownian motion, that's all it is.

There could be some seriously good news about this cinematic opus. Full frontal good news from all sorts of women, which would have made up for a screenplay that couldn't have been any more than 3 pages long. But then something happened between the time a wise man said, "Let's put it out as a DVD" and the puppy showed up in my mailbox.

This is a DVD of less than VHS quality. More like kinetoscope quality. We got your motion chatter on top of a noise source that drowns out the signal. Bad comes nowhere near covering it. Awful will not suffice. Lousy piece of shit comes close. Can't describe what a tragedy this is, when nice lookin babes troop around without a stitch on and the caps just ain't worth a warm pitcher of spit.

So, fine, I mucked around and put together five collages that aren't so bad as to make me puke.

First up is Julia Lee. She plays the female half of the couple, who gets a job dancing in a nudie review. Three collages of the attractive Ms. Lee.

• Topless in her undies
• Triple B as the undies come off
• Full frontal in what coulda been a dazzling couple of scenes.

Julia has a sport-humpin scene later in the movie but its dark and boring and barely revealing. Fahgetaboutit.

Next is Mandy Miller as Emmanuelle. That's right, we can now add to the list of women who have played the divine Miss Em. Mandy is nekkid a lot so I grabbed the best frames and stuck them all together.

• Mandy Miller

Last collage is of naked showgirls. Now, these women are credited and the list includes some long-time UK nude models such as Linzi Drew, Marie Harper and Louise London. And I have scans of those women but I cannot tell for sure which of the showgirls is each of them. So, here you go... pretty nekkid babes all in a row, none of whom I know for certain.

• Unknown Strippers

What so say then? Best advice I can give for those thinking to rent this movie is borrowed from King Arthur.... Run away.