Thursday

ABOMINABLE (2006):

Abominable is a cross between a giant creature film and Rear Window.

Say What?

Yup, no kidding, that's exactly what it is. Imagine that in Rear Window Jimmy Stewart had seen crimes committed by a giant creature instead of by normal humans, and you have the exact idea. Update the story to 2006, so that the crimes are reported over the internet, and you have the exact movie.

A wheelchair-bound man is trapped in the top of his mountainside A-frame. His vertiginous vantage offers him a good look at the neighboring forest and and nearest neighbor. The neighbor's house has been occupied by five college girls, and the forest has been occupied by Bigfoot.  Peering through his binoculars, he can see what is happening and what is going to happen, but he can't seem to communicate it to anyone. His phone line is out, and he's the only guy in the world without a cell phone. He tries simple shouting, but the girls think he's a pervert. He tries sending e-mail to the sheriff, but the police think he's nuts. And so it goes until only one girl is left and she, together with the crippled man, must somehow make it to a car while the beast lurks nearby.

The film is assembled quite well. The direction manages to convey the star's increasing panic, and the flight to the car is extremely suspenseful. Give the director a lot of credit for understanding how to create and maintain dramatic tension, and Matt McCoy a lot of credit for his understated portrayal of the troubled, panicky man.

There are a few problems as well:

1) The actual creature is ridiculous. It's one of those "guy in a suit" monsters like the ones from every Roger Corman horror movie in the 60s and 70s. It looks like a cross between Groundskeeper Willie and John Candy in a Harry Crumb disguise.

2) There is a long, long sub-plot about some local guys trapped in the woods nearby. Rather than being intricately interwoven with the main plot, it's basically another similar movie stuck somewhere in the middle of this one. It seems to go on forever (more than twenty minutes). I can see why the auteur thought he needed some colorful characters (Jeffrey Combs and Lance Henricksen) and some humor in an otherwise too serious drama (by genre standards), and the sub-plot did allow the script to show where Bigfoot lived and what he did with his victims, but this scene goes on so long that we have enough time to forget the paraplegic guy!

On the plus side: a nice shower scene, as seen by the Jimmy Stewart guy through his binoculars. (zipped .wmv) This scene is well worth a look. It could be, in fact, a self-contained story on its own, albeit a very brief one.

Tiffany Shepis

Overall, it's not a bad little movie. Of all the movie genres in the cinematic universe, the giant creature genre has to be in my bottom five percent, right down there with pretentiously symbolic art films, Bollywood musicals, and graphic splatter flicks. Given that fact, this must be quite a decent little film to have held my attention as well as it did. With a better creature it would have been a keeper.

C

 

 

THIRD PARTY VIDEOS:

God's Sandbox (aka Tahara)

We saw the caps of Meital Dohan the other day. Here are the film clips.  (Five very small .avis zipped together). Sample captures below.

Meital Dohan

 

 

V for Vendetta: 

Natalie Portman.  (Two .avis zipped together).

Mr T made these videos, with these comments:

Hi Scoopy,

There isn't really much nudity here, but it is Natalie Portman showing a bit of her bum in V for Vendetta. I haven't seen this clip in the Funhouse so I thought I would send it along. The first clip just sets up what she's wearing, and the second has the money shot as she rolls over on the bed.

Scoop's note: I couldn't get these to render a video at first. In order to get them to work, I had to go to www.divx.com and download the latest codec. I'd say it was worth it, for those into Portman. (Check the sample capture below). I reckon I'm gonna have to get me this film on one a them thar' new-fangled DVD thingers

Natalie Portman


 

 

 

OTHER CRAP:

The Twins have their backs to the wall.

Farrah Fawcett Tackles New Challenge: Cancer (She has a tumor in her intestines.)

Screech Sex Tape Preview

  • "To say the least, the video is unique and, dare we say, entertaining."

Sharon Stone has now taken to appearing in public without make-up.

"Kim Basinger has been arraigned on contempt charges."

Ann Coulter always has a contrarian view of the world. Often a crazy one. Sometimes she makes an interesting point. This time she asks, "How have the Democrats reacted in the past when one of their own was caught in a similar scandal?"

  • Representative Gerry Studds was a 46 year old man in 1983, and was caught having had a sexual tryst with a 17 year old page. He stayed in the House for another 14 years after the scandal.
  • He also had the greatest porn name ever, except for his brother Harry.
  • In all fairness, it should be pointed out that (1) the teenager in the Studds scandal was not a legal minor, having reached the age of consent as determined by the applicable state law at that time (2) the affair had happened ten tears earlier than the investigation.
  • More on the Studds hearings.

Iggy Pop has "the single most entertaining concert rider TSG has ever obtained."

The Daily Show: 10 Fucking Years of Stupid Animal Stories

"A review for the spec script for Game Boys, which as the Hollywood Reporter reported back in May, was picked up by Disney and Jerry Bruckheimer."

Stars photographed in their homes - New York Magazine

The '80s Movie Montage Hall of Fame

Man Recites Pi to 100,000 Places

  • Woo-hoo. A world record. I guess his girlfriend will give him something special tonight to celebrate. Oh, wait ...

This is a real company: "Analtech - the logical choice"

  • Their game is analysis. They hope to work with NASA on Uranus

The trailer for Ghost Rider

Colbert is thrilled to see Nixon's team back in power!

The Daily Show looks at our re-interpretation of the Geneva Convention

Jon Stewart interviews Dennis Miller, Part 1 ... Part 2

Paris Hilton gets ass whupped by former beauty queen

  • Where are those paparazzi when you really need them? This is one to capture on HD video.

People caught having sex in public (Unfortunately, mostly UGLY people)

Moviemappr: Find Movies Filmed Near You

"A poem by Robert Frost that has lain unpublished and forgotten for 88 years has been rediscovered by a student in Virgina. "

Australia. Pornography way uop. Violent sex crime way down.

Letterman's "Top Ten Albert Haynesworth Excuses"

Letterman's "Top Ten Surprises In Bob Woodward's New Book"

  • Instead of pursuing Al-Qaeda, CIA agents originally pursued Al Pacino
     
  • President's military strategy based on reruns of 'F Troop'
     
  • Both Bush and Clinton could have done more to prevent the new Kevin Costner film
     
  • Frequent use of the word 'Brangelina'
     
  • The nude fold-out of Donald Rumsfeld

Video Of Condi Rice Playing The Piano: Rare Jazz Form, Or Just Key-Thumping?

CRACKED.com ... Fall TV Preview

Orange City, Iowa, where locals complained about "Jackass Number Two" decorating the marquee, causing it to be changed to Jackbutt

  • This didn't come up until the sequel? You'd think they would have straightened this out when Jackass Number One was out.

ExtraTV.com: Are Keanu and Lindsay Hooking Up?

  • Keanu says there's only one flaw in the theory. He doesn't know her. OK, maybe two flaws.

NOLTE HAS AN EXCUSE for his infamous hair style

FilmJerk.com's Early Report for October 3, 2006

"Studio 60" is sinking fast

Kenny the Clown is running for mayor of Alameda, thus maintaining the Alameda tradition of electing clowns to the job.

This is a real quote from a news story: "Police in Poland have launched a nationwide hunt for a man who farted loudly when asked what he thought of the president."

The theatrical trailer for Saw III

US scientist Roger Kornberg wins Nobel, 47 years after his father

Mark Foley Page Scandal: Speaker Dennis Hastert Dispatches Emergency Memo to Clarify Common Congressional Terminology for House Pages (WHITEHOUSE.ORG)

 

 

 

Movie Reviews:

Yellow asterisk: funny (maybe). White asterisk: expanded format. Blue asterisk: not mine. No asterisk: it probably sucks.

 

Bliss - Season Two

Bliss (2003) is a 30 minute Oxygen Network offering in Canada. It is erotica made by and for women. Frankly, 30 minutes is long enough for each of the eight simple stories. As these are made for women, much of the screen time is taken up showing facial close-ups, and the male characters are rather one-dimensional. They were not, however, hard to watch, and most featured breasts and the occasional buns.

Episode 1: Three

Jennifer Podemski and two male friends live in a remote estate as roommates. She invites a male friend for dinner, and when the friend doesn't show, they do the logical thing -- they have a three-way. It takes the guys the rest of the half hour to get used to the idea. Jennifer Podemski shows breasts.

Episode 2: Nina's Muse

Nina wants to learn the secret of casual sex, and somehow thinks secretly photography her gay slut neighbor is going to provide her the answers. She eventually makes contact with him, and discovers that he is not entirely gay. Thea Gill shows breasts.

Episode 3: Cat Got Your Tongue?

An older woman has an affair with a friend of her college-aged son. No nudity.

Episode 4: The Marvelon

The Marvelon is a clothing alteration store run by lipstick lesbian Linda Boyd. When a very butch Lauren Evans brings in her drag outfit for tailoring, Boyd's old lover, who is due to marry another woman, does not approve of this young woman who uses strap-ons. For her part, Evans doesn't understand lesbians who act straight. Both Boyd and Evans show breasts.

Linda Boyd

Lauren Evans

Episode 5: Chasty

A nun, about to take her final vows, works in a food bank. One minor problem. She is in lust with her male coworker. While there is no nudity, I found Cara Pifko to be the most appealing woman in the series, and included a shot of her in a bra.

Episode 6: Office Management

Professional woman Rachel Hayward only wants men for one thing, and only twice a week. She dumps her current lover, and puts an add up on a dating site. The young man that responds is a romantic. Will he win her over? Rachel shows breasts and buns.

Episode 7: The Piano Tuner

Neglected housewife Shannon Lawson seduces the blind man who comes to tune her piano. She shows breasts and buns, and he shows her the attention she has been missing.

Episode 8: Aural Sex

Danny Gilmore has a late night radio show, where he reads erotic letters from listeners. Lately, he has been reading hot bondage letters from someone named Lulu. His girlfriend, Raven Dauda, listens intently. No wonder, as she is Lulu. Raven Dauda shows breasts.

If you believe IMDb scores, nobody saw this, and the few that did didn't much like it. 13 voters give it a 4.2. The comments are a little more positive. It is estrogen-centric, but it didn't fare any better with female voters. Most of the women are relatively plain, and should not have intimidated female viewers. I found it acceptable for very soft couples erotica. The 30 minute length of each segment was a big plus. This is a C-.

 

 

 

 

 

 


 

Caps from "I soliti ignoti" aka "Big Deal on Madonna Street" -1958-

http://imdb.com/title/tt0052216/

 

Claudia Cardinale
Carla Gravina
Rosanna Rory

 

 

and "I Soliti ignoti vent'anni dopo" aka "Big Deal After 20 Years" - 1987-

http://imdb.com/title/tt0094005/

 

Clelia Rondinella

 

 

Erika Smith in Sinful.

Misty Mundae in Sinful.

 

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