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| Johnny
Web (Uncle Scoopy)
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Updates: I added about 200 new pics to the Encyclopedia,
mostly in volume B, but also in A, F, R, and W. All updated volumes are
highlighted in yellow, and they are the ONLY things highlighted in yellow
(I reset the others). Miscellaneous:
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Crimson Ghost
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Captures and comments from the Ghost.
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ICMS
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Zipped .avis and comments by ICMS Hello!
Today it's just three clips from "The Day of the Jackal" (1973).
Olga Georges-Picot shows breasts and buns while it's not so clear what exactly Delphine Seyrig
(1,
2) is displaying.
For those who are interested, there is an
excellent review, as always, written by Scoop in
the Movie House.
I hope to be back tomorrow with better stuff.
P.S. One last note on the Millau Viaduct: it's a pity the viewpoint at
this URL wasn't yet accessible to the public when I passed there in
early June. Bummer.
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Saving Face
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AI gave not seen this, and it doesn't come out on a commercial DVD for a couple
of weeks. These caps are taken from a screener DVD. Amazon describes the film as
follows:
Saving Face starts like you
might expect a Chinese-American lesbian romantic comedy to start: Young surgeon
Wilhelmina (Michelle Krusiec, in her first starring role) has kept her sexual
orientation secret from the conservative Chinese community of Flushing, NY--but
when her mother (Joan Chen, The Last Emperor) becomes pregnant and is
kicked out by her own parents, Wil suddenly has to juggle her mother's secrets
with her own...which include her sparky new romance with Vivian (Lynn Chen), a
ballet dancer and the daughter of Wil's boss.
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Hankster
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'Caps and comments by Hankster:
Today we have a little "Grab Bag" of caps.
| First up is Sharon Stone in "A Different Loyalty"
with some boobage in a dark scene. |
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| All the way back to 1980 for Rhonda Snow in her only screen
credit at IMDB showing off her nice tits while humping away at the "American
Drive-In". |
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| From the same movie Emily Longstreth being
harassed by some
punks in a "Damsel in Distress" scene that had
great potential but
never materialized as she never loses any
clothing. She was cute tho. |
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| And finally a quick cap of Julie Bowen in "Joe Somebody",
again just cuteness. |
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Variety
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| Movie Reviews
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MOVIE REVIEWS:
Here are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.
- The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the
review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
- If there is a white asterisk, it means that
there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined
there might be something else of interest.
- A blue asterisk indicates the review is written
by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
- If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too
ashamed to admit it.
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| Other Crap
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An
early ultrasound shows Katie Holmes is pregnant with a tiny PR rep
BoSox lose a squeaker, have their backs against the wall. If
they can't win three in a row, it's the start of a new curse.
Hudson wasn't sharp. The Astros laid a ten spot on the Braves.
The Braves, facing the best pitching staff in the majors, are facing
an uphill struggle. Roger Clemens is next.
David Strathairn discusses playing Edward R Murrow
"My source tells me that the scuttlebutt around town is that the
White House knows something bad is coming, in terms of Karl getting
indicted, and they're already trying to distance him from the
president."
Art Linkletter spars with property owner.. I'm impressed that
Art is still involved in zoning hearings. I had no idea he was still
alive. He turned 93 in July!!
Officials say that paparazzi were not a factor in the Lindsay Lohan
car crash.
Kanye West Saturday Night Live Reunion with Mike Myers
VIDEO: Janet Jackson's Nude Sunbathing
Nick and Jessica Deny Breakup
PYTHON VS. GATOR EVERGLADES GUTBUSTER DEATH MATCH UPDATE with
hi-res picture
The teaser trailer for Yesterday Was a Lie
- "Hoyle -- a girl with a sharp mind and a weakness for bourbon
-- is investigating introverted artist/archaeologist John Dudas.
But her work takes an unforeseen twist as she begins to experience
events around her in a mysterious, disjointed manner. With the
assistance of her loyal partner and a cute young lounge singer,
Hoyle uncovers a plot to unravel earth-shattering cosmological
secrets, smuggled out of 1930s Germany by a Nazi defector. But
when Hoyle's deeper relationship with Dudas is revealed, she
learns that the most potent forces of all -- human love, human
pain -- cannot be grasped by science alone."
Four clips from The Greatest Game Ever Played
Letterman's "Top Ten Questions To Ask Yourself Before Buying The
Meat-Normous Sandwich"
Letterman's Top 10 Signs Your Supreme Court Pick Isn't Qualified
Katie Holmes is pregnant
. I guess she's not a virgin any more,
unless - wait ... Oh, God. Black masses use crosses, except upside
down. Will the Antichrist be a virgin birth, to mock Jesus? Shit,
this could be bad.
2005 NFL Cheerleading Tour - Day 18: Minnesota Vikings
With the 2005 NFL season already one quarter of the way
completed, the Minnesota Vikings have to be one of the league's
most baffling stories. The Vikes were considered by many to be
contenders for the NFL crown. Instead they have only racked up one
victory in the NFL worst division. The team is
swirling in troubles, with rumors of firing head coach Mike
Tice, and an ailing QB in Daunte Culpepper.
The Minnesota Viking Cheerleaders appear to be following in the
footsteps of their on field counterparts. The home page for the
cheerleaders is distracted by a picture of Vikings center Matt
Birk. Birk is looming over the right side of the screen looking as
if he will pounce on a cheerleader at any moment. Ironic thing is,
Birk is out for the season, and isn't even listed on the
Vikings roster. Bottom line is this...this site doesn't scream
"Cheerleaders Here!" (I even found out that the Vikes are getting
a new stadium on this page...why is this information here?) The
roster page has individual photos leading to bios, and one picture
of a swimsuit calendar. I couldn't find any more pictures of the
calendar, but that was alright by me. After going through the bios
(all with only one picture of each girl) I determined that only
Katie,
Niki, and
Alli were worth looking at in swimsuits. There is evidence
that these girls make
appearances, but I have no idea where they are, what they are
doing, or which cheerleaders attended the event. You also have no
idea where they may be in the future, for they do not list any
upcoming appearances. The one saving grace for this site is the
Alumni section. Check out photos, uniforms, and cheerleaders from
days gone by. This site, the cheerleaders, and the team all seem
to be on the same course this year. Going nowhere fast.
Rating 5.5 out of 10.
Daily Show:
"The Bush administration says the ice cap is not melting. Rather,
the water has been liberated."
The White House spokespeople does their best to reassure the right
about Harriet Miers. In code.
The Daily Show:
"Nate Corddry gets lessons on geography, names and being a sailor,
in a story about a big boat and the city of San Francisco."
At this moment, it seems he can do no wrong, but
even for Peter Jackson, a video game movie that doesn't suck is a
tall order.
Evangeline Lilly in a green bikini
Photo Gallery - Movers And Shakers - 33 NFL and college cheerleaders
Nic Cage names his son Kal-el
Yet another new nickel - with Jefferson facing forward and smiling.
The next one features him firing up some chronic.
NHL drops the puck for the first time since ... what? 1974? Is
Rocket Richard still playin'?
"Hurricane Rita inflicted substantially more damage to offshore oil
and gas facilities in the Gulf of Mexico than Katrina"
"After enduring a year of rumors that their marriage was in trouble,
Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey have really split." But - and
this is the key point - they still insist that the rumors were
untrue.
The Roman Catholic Church has instructed the faithful that "some
parts of the Bible are not actually true ... like that whole
wacky New Testament. In fact, we're actually still Jewish. Who would
have guessed? It's fakokta."
Emperor Palpatine leading Harriet Miers look-alike contest.
"Madam" and Zell Meller are also in the running.
Many of you have written in to say, "nice page, Scoop, but you
need more gosh-darn capital letters." We aim to please.
PRESIDENT NOMINATES TOKEN VULVA-EQUIPPED JUDICIAL HOBBYIST HARRIET
MIERS AS ASSOCIATE CRONY OF THE U.S. SUPREME COURT (WHITEHOUSE.ORG)
Scientists find:
Only earthlings worship God. The rest of the universe worships
Oprah.
Dedicated fans of "Lost" view episodes multiple times.
- Hey, I can relate. I still have, stored in memory, all the
songs from Popeye cartoons. "Oh, I don't care whose brother you
love ..."
- Of course, I was six at the time that I re-watched all those
episodes of Popeye and The Three Stooges.
Conan O'Brien's latest edition of "If They Mated"
"Emilio Estevez has added Sharon Stone and Elijah Wood to the
high-wattage cast for 'Bobby,' his passion project about the
assassination of Robert F. Kennedy, which he will write and direct."
There is a special emotional connection between Bobby Kennedy and
Emilio Estevez.
- Emilio's dad (Martin Sheen) played Bobby in The Missles of
October.
- Martin Sheen also played John Kennedy in a TV mini-series.
- Like Bobby Kennedy, Emilio Estevez has a perpetually hammered
brother, and a brother who really likes poontang. Of course, in
Bobby's case it was two different brothers.
Any Bonds Today?. Bugs Bunny takes time out from his usual zany
WW2 antics (making racist fun of Japanese people) to do something
completely different (making racist fun of black people)! Vintage
Americana look at "the way we were," which is to say "the way we
didn't have enough sense to avoid being."
Some French dudes seem to have scored a King Kong poster. Or
not. But it looks cool.
Bush Explains Magic Suit Criteria In Supreme Court Choice
North Korea Offers Delay Political Asylum ... 'Hammer' Will Fit
Right In, Says Kim Jong Il
From Dave Barry:
Python tries to swallow Gator in Glades creature clash. Don't
miss the picture.
Conan O'Brien and John McEnroe look far into the distant future -
all the way to the year 2000.
- "President Bush finally throws himself into helping with the
hurricane aftermath when he's assured aftermath doesn't involve
actual math."
- "Paris Hilton will be featured in 'U.S. News and World Report'
when it's revealed that, after the University of Texas, she has
the greatest number of incoming freshmen."
- "Michael Jackson will give back the entire Beatles song
catalog when he realizes that it's over 11 years old."
- "The Vatican will maintain its official ban on gay priests,
but will, as a conciliatory gesture, allow bayberry-scented
candles during mass."
Four featurettes about "Dreamer: Inspired by a True Story," aka "Seabiscuit
II"
"Conan to Turn Entire Show Over to U2 "
- I'm not sure that's what the headline writer meant. I think he
meant "Conan to devote one entire show to U2," unless Bono is
planning to do all of Conan's schtick from now on!
- This headline writer did better than CNN, which wrote "Conan
giving show to U2," which made me picture Bono sitting quietly
while Conan does hand shadows.
- This brings me to a pet gripe. Why do some people write
internet headlines in condensed form with the artificial present
tense ("Dog bites man") instead of in normal English ("A dog bit a
Kingston man on High Street yesterday")? The standard headline
format was designed because newspapers have a limited amount of
space in both dimensions - but there is no need to apply that
convention to the internet (except for humor, as Andy Borowitz
does). Web pages don't run out of room! In this Conan/U2 case,
artificially dropping the article changed the meaning of the
headline. If he had just typed "Conan to Turn An Entire
Show Over to U2," it would have communicated his message, but he
dropped the article to conform to a newspaper convention, even
though he was not writing for a newspaper, but for a radically
different medium which requires different conventions.
- I would prefer "Conan WILL Turn AN Entire Show Over to U2."
Complete sentence. Correct verb tense. And while we're at it,
capital letters in the middle of a sentence are for dinosaurs and
Germans. Why not a nice, simple, "Conan will turn an entire show
over to U2"?
- Since headline format is, by its very nature, ungrammatical
and ambiguous ("New Zealand finds Black Cocks hard to swallow"), I
suggest dropping that convention faster than President Bush
dropped Advanced Calculus at Yale.
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Pat Reeder
www.comedy-wire.com
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Pat's comments in yellow:
BUSH DEFENDS MIERS PICK
You Know, Like Pooty-Poot! - Tuesday, President Bush held a press conference to
defend his nomination of his personal legal counsel, Harriet Miers, for the
Supreme Court. Asking conservatives to trust him, Bush said he'd known Miers
long enough to know she won't change and start legislating from the bench. He
added, "I know her heart."
* In Bush's world, that qualifies him to be a cardiologist.
* Okay, now does anyone know if she has a brain?
* It would be nice if he stopped looking into nominees' hearts and looked into
their resumes instead.
* Don't worry, she won't legislate from the bench because she has no idea how.
* Bill Clinton never nominated one of his personal lawyers, and he had
HUNDREDS!
BIG LOAD OF POOH: PIGLET BANISHED (CAREFUL! TOUCHY SUBJECT!)
A Bear Of Very Little Brain - Due to complaints by offended Muslims, workers in
the city council office of Dudley, England, were ordered to remove all pig-theme
toys, calendars and novelty items from their desks, including a tissue box
featuring Winnie the Pooh and Piglet. Muslim Councillor Mahbubur Rahman
defended the policy, saying it is just "a tolerance of people's beliefs."
* Well, his beliefs...
* What if you believe this is really stupid?
NOBEL PRIZE FOR DRINKING BACTERIA
They Flip A Coin? - The 2005 Nobel Prize for medicine went to two researchers
who proved that stomach ulcers are caused by bacteria, not stress. One of them,
Australian Prof. Barry Marshall, turned himself into a human lab rat by drinking
a cocktail of the suspected bacteria. It caused nausea, vomiting and stomach
pain, which was cured by the treatment for ulcers. Marshall said everyone
thought they were crazy, so "somebody had to do it, somebody had to swallow
those bacteria and develop the disease."
* Of course, swallowing all that bacteria was VERY stressful...
* And yet, he had to share the prize...DAMMIT!!
* And deliberately drinking ulcer-causing bacteria proved he WASN'T crazy?
* If drinking cocktails until you vomit is all it takes, Paris Hilton should
win a Nobel Prize.
NEW ANTI-CELLULITE MACHINES SUCKS YOU THIN
This Thing Sucks! - The New York Post reports that Bergdorf Goodman is
selling a new, $1600 anti-fat machine called the Wellbox, which promises to
fight wrinkles and cellulite. It's like a vacuum cleaner with multiple
heads that you run over various parts of your body, and the maker claims
the suction gives underlying tissues a workout and spreads fat more evenly.
But Manhattan plastic surgeons expressed skepticism. One said his office
bought a similar machine, it didn't work very well and is now gathering
dust, and he suspects the home version will end up in the back of people's
closets with their Stairmasters.
* You know, if you got that Stairmaster back out of the closet, you might
not need a fat vacuum.
* It makes you look like a teenager again, because you have hickeys all
over you.
* Women find it to be useless, but men think it's the best sex partner
ever.
MEN TAUGHT TO IRON
One Day Won't Do It - One-day courses in how to iron clothes are being held
for men across Austria. An instructor says there are three types of men
who sign up: confirmed bachelors, men who want to impress their wives or
girlfriends, and men who've just split up. Their slogan is "A real man
knows how to iron." To give the men more incentive, they get to compete at
ironing a shirt before a timer goes off, and there's a wine-tasting after
class.
* It would be more fun to have the wine BEFORE the ironing contest.
* Real men already know what an iron is for: making grilled cheese
sandwiches.
* When I hear about Austrian men pumping iron, this isn't what springs to
mind.
* Australian men want to make it clear that this is going on in AUSTRIA.
MAN SOUGHT TO HAVE VASECTOMY ON TV
Key Word: "Relatively" - An Australian health care provider is looking for
a man who's willing to have a vasectomy on TV. A spokeswoman said they
want to show how simple and "relatively pain-free" a vasectomy is, and to
dispel common misconceptions. The show is inspired by a similar show last
week on British TV. Vasectomy recipient John Klapvijk said the worst thing
about starring in it was the ribbing he got from his friends.
* That, and the first hour after the anesthesia wore off.
* The ribbing would've been even worse if the director hadn't muted the
screaming.
* Keep in mind, the person saying it's pain-free is a spokes-WOMAN.
* In America, any man who wants to get a televised vasectomy can just be
interviewed by Ann Coulter.
SPIDER FOOLS MATE INTO NOT EATING IT
A Win-Win, Except For The Insect - Many male spiders are killed by the
females after mating, but a researcher at Denmark's Aarhus University
discovered a British spider has developed a unique way to survive sex. The
male presents the much-bigger female with a gift of a dead insect, then
collapses at her feet, pretending to be dead. While she's preoccupied with
eating the insect, the male creeps up under her, copulates and flees before
he gets eaten.
* This is why a man who wants sex always buys a woman dinner first.
* So she eats during sex, like Kirstie Alley.
* This is similar to the mating habits of other British creatures, such as
Prince Charles and Camilla.
WOMAN SUES OVER BACK PAIN CURE (CAREFUL! NOTE SUBJECT!)
Good For What Ails Ya! - An unnamed Oregon woman is suing her former doctor
and his medical clinic for $4 million, claiming he convinced her he could
cure the pain in her back and "lower extremity" by having sex with her. He
claimed the sex was consensual, but he lost his medical license and spent
60 days in jail after pleading guilty to charging the state health care
plan $5,000 for his 45-minute "treatments."
* 45 minutes?! He must have quite a bedside manner!...Most doctors would
be in and out in ten minutes!
* It didn't help her back, but it sure helped HIS lower extremity.
* If she'd wanted to be screwed by a quack, she would've joined an HMO.
TARA REID'S BOOBS DIDN'T SHOOT GANDHI
Serious Boob - Tara Reid told Steppin' Out magazine that she's tired of
journalists treating her as nothing but a party girl, and she just needs
one more great role to prove she's a serious actress. As for that incident
where she stood on a red carpet, oblivious to her breast hanging out, she
told FHM that it was reported "like it was the worst crime in the world"
and "you would think my boob had popped out and shot Gandhi!" But it won't
happen again: Reid said she now uses "double double tape" so "my hooters
are under control."
* I guess it's true: duct tape can fix anything.
* Standing there with her boob hanging out didn't mean she's a party
girl...but the fact that she didn't notice it for 15 minutes, well...
* If her boob really could pop out and shoot Gandhi, I'd pay to see a
movie of THAT.
* She just needs one more role as deep and powerful as Melody in "Josie &
The Pussycats."
LINDSAY LOHAN IN ANOTHER CAR ACCIDENT
Was She "Fully Loaded?" - Tuesday afternoon in West Hollywood, just three
months after a paparazzi crashed his car into hers to get photos, Lindsay
Lohan crashed her Mercedes into a van. There appeared to be no serious
injuries, thanks to Lohan's air bags.
* They're not as big as they used to be, but they still do the job.
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| A quick site note
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Hey gang, we invite you to check out our new affiliate program at Scoopycash.com.
If you have your own site or blog, sign up today and earn some extra cash in 2005 by promoting the Fun House!
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