Monday

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To see and use all the Funhouse features, you need Netscape 6.+ or MSIE 5.+.

• Netscape 7.0 is available free for download or on CD.
• MSIE 6.0 is available free.

Stardom (2000) is a Canadian mockumentary about a female Canadian hockey player, who becomes a supermodel, and is meant to be a spoof of modeling, stardom, the fashion industry, advertising, etc. While I laughed out loud at some scenes (my favorite was two experts pointing out that buying animal fur coats was supporting indigenous people, and therefor the only moral thing to do), the pace was dizzying, and I ran out of energy long before I ran out of film. Jessica Pare looked wonderful as the hockey player turned super-model, and did a one frame topless scene yelling at her husband for filming her nude.

The film bombed at the box office, and most critics were not impressed, but those who enjoy the film really enjoy it.The problem with the film was not execution, but rather concept. The idea would have been a killer 30 minute skit, but the gags wore very thin after the first half hour. This is no Spinal Tap, or Almost Famous. It is a C at best.

El Rey Pasmado is a 17th century costumer which was nominated for pretty much every Goya (Spanish equivalent of the Oscar) in the early 90's. I talked about the historical basis of the plot in great depth on the review page, for those of you interested in history.

 I did enjoy this one, although you'll enjoy it far more if your Spanish is fluent. I am confident of this since 1) there were no English subtitles, and my spoken Spanish is rudimentary,  and 2) there were many instances where people were speaking ironically, and I generally missed the point until I thought about it later, or maybe I am still missing it. It's about the hypocrisy of the churchmen and courtiers in the early reign of Felipe IV, when poor Felipe merely asked to be able to see his wife naked, prompting various public and private discussions in which people rarely said what they meant. Yes, it is a historical costume piece, but the satire is fairly broad, making it more of a comedy than a drama.

• Laura del Sol. These Spanish movies sure produce some beautiful captures in general, and this one is an especially colorful movie. (1, 2)

Divinas Palabras is a film that was nominated for 6 Goyas in 1988. Frankly, I didn't understand one damned thing that was going on. Oh, the Spanish wasn't that hard, but understanding the words was a long way from understanding the point. I do know that it involved village idiots and evil dwarfs, and a guy who fooled everyone by wearing an eyepatch, even though everyone in his tiny village had known him all his life. Or maybe he was working for Satan, as he claimed. Or maybe he was Satan. Or maybe the woman seduced by him just dreamt he was Satan. Beats the shit out of me. Despite my flagrant lack of comprehension, I think it is one of the funniest reviews I've written.

• Ana Belen (1, 2, 3)

Other crap:

• The Sun picks up the Paris fashion scene this week. Naked chicks!
• THE TV AD NICOLE KIDMAN DOESN'T WANT AIRED IN THE U.S. (and other interesting commercials)
• For reasons clear only to him, the LA district attorney has decided to go after Winona with four felony counts of theft, burglary, vandalism and drug possession. Supposedly eight attorneys are working full time to prepare the DA for Ryder's trial. The National Review, which is certainly not soft on crime, quotes an NBC News study of L.A. county records which found that none of the other 5,000 people prosecuted for shoplifting in the last two years has been hit with such harsh charges -- and in two specific cases in Beverly Hills where the amount stolen exceeded that in Ryder's case, both defendants pleaded out to misdemeanors. OK, I know that Winona and her lawyer spouted a lot of bullshit and changed their story umpteen times, but I also know that the tape which was supposed to provide conclusive evidence against her, didn't. WTF is going on here? The prosecution has even pursued this case against the wishes of Saks Fifth Avenue! To me the worst part of it is that all of this is being prepared at the public's expense, and is taking eight employees of the DA's office away from serious criminal matters. I still say the best plea bargain is to let her go, as long as she agrees to appear very, very naked in a women-in-prison flick.
• According to Newsweek, Saddam told local commanders that if communications were cut with Baghdad, they had authority to fire chemical weapons the moment a ground attack began. Ya gotta love the guy. Those are, if you remember last week's lies, the chemical weapons he does not have.
• Jude Law's 2 year old daughter ingested Ecstasy pill at a childrens party
• supermodel Caprice shaves off all her hair - from her head
• MGM president Michael Nathanson has announced a movie version of the raunchy best-selling "Girls Gone Wild" videos .
• National Enquirer reports that Tara Reid has been living with Tom Brady since Sept 6
• Funny review of Elvira's movie, including pics of Elvira's spinning nipple tassles, and a description of Edie McClurg's sex scene
• James Earl Jones to do Darth Vader's voice in new Star Wars movie

  
  
  
   

Here are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.

• The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
• If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
• A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Lawdog or Junior or C2000 or Realist or ICMS or Mick Locke, or somebody else besides me)
• If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

I picked up ten collages of Holly Sampson, posing in a most interesting fashion while surfing the web recently. You have Holly's mini-hooties throughout, lots of bum, even more bush and in a couple of these....let us search for the proper psychology metaphor... Holly opens up to reveal her inner self.

• Holly Sampson (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)

• Holly Towne, topless and rear nudity.

• Lindsey McKeon, the daytime soap actress and star of "Saved by the Bell: The New Class", topless, but the nipples are covered. (1, 2, 3, 4)

• Angelica Huston, brief breast exposure in "The Postman Always Rings Twice" (1981). (1, 2)

• Jessica Lange, pokies, cleavage and a bit of bush. Also from "The Postman Always Rings Twice". (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

• Rebecca De Mornay in "Risky Business" (1983) (1, 2, 3)

• Francine Locke in the famous shower scene from "Risky Business". (1, 2, 3)

Teri Hatcher