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MAILBOX:
Scoop: (re: Doriana Grey)
"Actually, Jesus Franco churned out a lot of pornos in the
80s. I've seen 'El ojete de Lulú' (Lulu's Asshole), in which Lina Romay puts an
Oscar in her ass (I think there's some symbolism there), 'El mirón y la
exhibicionista' (The Voyeur and the Exhibitionist), 'Lilian, la virgen
pervertida' (Lilian, the Perverted Virgin), and some others. Most of them are
legitimate, no-holds-barred hardcore porn films."
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* Yellow asterisk: funny (maybe).
* White asterisk:
expanded format.
*
Blue asterisk: not mine.
No asterisk: it probably
sucks.
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OTHER CRAP:
Catch the deluxe
version of Other Crap in real time, with all the bells and whistles,
here.
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Confessions of Driving Instructor
(1976)
Driving Instructor is the third in the
"Confessions of" series, and doesn't deviate from the formula. This time, the film chooses the upper class to poke fun at.
Anthony Booth has decided to open a driving school, and his partner
will be Robin Askwith. They are next door to an aristocratic driving
academy, so their work is cut out for them, especially since their
competitor is a
snooty rich Scotsman who has it in for them. Fortunately, the snob's daughter (Lynda Bellingham) fancies Askwith.
Not that it makes much difference. The business, as usual, ends in
disaster. En route, Askwith nails the rich girl, his secretary (Maxine Casson), and
various customers (Suzy Mandel, Sally Faulkner and Chrissy Iddon).
Robin's dotty dad has less
to do than in the two previous films, but manages to join in the
snob-bashing by making a mess
of a pretentious restaurant.
Compared to the earlier entries in the series, this one had a
higher ratio of physical-to-verbal in the humor category, and the
dialogue was not so clever. At this point in the series, Askwith and Booth had
both become caricatures of themselves and the entire joke was
wearing thin. That is not to say it is an utterly bad
film. There are plenty of beautiful naked birds doffing their kits and a comical rugby match
which must be seen to be believed. But Driving Instructor is definitely a step down from the first two
Confessions.
Lynda Bellingham shows her left breast. Maxine Casson, Suzy
Mandel, Sally Faulkner and Chrissy Iddon do full frontal.
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Notes and collages
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Film clips:
Jennifer Ehle in The
Camomile Lawn. It always surprised me that she never became known in
America. In her prime she was gorgeous, and the camera loved her. Plus she
was stacked, unintimidated by nudity, and a competent actress.
Tara Fitzgerald in
The Camomile Lawn. Has anyone ever seen Tara dressed?
Lena Headey in 1994's Fair
Game. The quality of the clip is not very good, but it's a bit of a
rarity - a Brit TV movie which has never made it to DVD, and which is
neither in our Encyclopedia nor Mr. Skin's database - and the nudity from
a young Lena is VERY sweet. I will own a copy if this ever does make it to
disc, not just for Lena's nudity, but also because it sounds like my kind
of 70s nostalgia film. Since there are no captures from this in the
Encyclopedia, perhaps one of you wants to give it a try. The poor quality
made it beyond my imaging skills.
Clemence
Poesy in Bienvenue chez les Rozes
Claire Keim in The Girl
Rowdy Roddy's favorite cousin,
Billie Piper,
in Secret Diary Of A Call Girl
Sheila White in a TV series
often listed among the best in history, "I, Claudius" It's also one of
my 25 favorite books. Well, to be precise, it's two of my favorite
books - "I, Claudius" and "Claudius the God." In fact, I think I liked
Claud the God even more than the first one. (Sample cap of Sheila below)

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The latest from the "crack pack." No crack this time, but some
all-but-toplessness from Paris Hilton while slumming.

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James King in the green screen version of Sin City |
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Species IV
Like Species III, Species IV: The Awakening is a direct-to-video
release that premiered on the Sci-Fi Channel, and like III, IV is a poor
imitation of the very good original, but also like III, IV had some nice
nudity that I assume was cut from the TV presentation. I've seen/capped
all four, so I feel qualified to state that this latest in the series is
also the worst, story-wise.
Miranda (Helena Mattsson) is a beautiful and brilliant young college
teacher who lives with her scientist uncle. When Miranda suddenly becomes
ill, the truth comes out: Miranda was "made" (they never used the term
cloned) by the uncle and a colleague, and they used alien DNA in the brew,
causing Miranda to try to violently mate with any male that moves. At a
loss to cure Miranda, who is now being hunted by police for offing a bunch
of guys while trying to have alien sex, they head to Mexico to find the
rogue scientist partner.
They find the guy in Mexico, happily churning out half-aliens who are
running amok killing the locals, but hey, it's Mexico, so nobody cares
(according to the evil scientist). Now, they're in a race to save
Miranda's life.
Yeah, it's really bad, and it's a real stretch to even connect it to
the original, but hell, at least the nudity's good. Species V, anyone?
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Helena Mattson |
Marlene Favela |
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