Welcome to the NFL, Mr. Smith: Alex Smith vs the Colts: 9 for 23 for 74 yards, four interceptions.

Mayor Ray Nagin asks, "How do I ensure that New Orleans is not overrun by Mexican workers?"

• My suggestion - make all the workers wear badges.

Film Jerk's Early Report for October 9

Two clips from The Legend of Zorro

The daughter of Cuba's revolutionary hero Che Guevara told AFP that socialism is still possible in Latin America, and that leftist Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez inspires hope. Hope for a bright future ... all the way to the year 1972.

GOD'S PHONE LOGS PROVE HE DID NOT SPEAK TO BUSH ... "Out of the Loop" On Iraq, Almighty Says

Former Door Densmore slams the door on lucrative endorsements

Sunday baseball: Clemens came out of the pen to seal the lid on the Braves in an 18 inning marathon.

• Turns out I was right and wrong - right to be worried about Brandon Backe, who got lit up like the White House Christmas Tree, but wrong to think it mattered. The remaining Astros showed why they are the best pitching staff in the game. In the last ten innings, the 'Stros relievers gave up no runs on four hits and struck out 12.
• By the way, the rosters were so depleted that Clemens entered the game as a pinch hitter - for the only time in his career.

Robby the Robot: "The True Hollywood Story of a Superstar's Resurrection"

Bill Maher's latest "New Rules"

"Some Rabbis Criticize New Madonna Song", while others, the tone deaf ones, enjoyed the hell out of it.

Weekend Box Office Results, October 7-9, 2005. Not much change from Friday's report.

• The chixploitation flick, In Her Shoes, disappointed.
• As I predicted Tuesday, the lowbrow comedy, Waiting ..., did far better than expected.
• The film I never heard of, Gospel, totally kicked ass. It averaged $8200 per screen compared to $4400 for the week's #1 film, Wallace and Gromit (which exceeded expectations, by the way.)
• If I were a filmmaker and had no aspiration other than profit, I'd be making a devout, inspiring prequel to The Passion of the Christ. Call it The Birth of the Christ and open it on Christmas 2006.
• Oscar hopeful update: Clooney's Murrow movie raked in $38,000 per screen, but was only on 11 screens. Capote pulled in $17,000 per screen on 24 screens. They both made the top twenty!
• Overall, the week was down about 10% from last year, which had the blockbusting Shark Tale at the top and a strong opening from Friday Night Lights.

Oswalt baffled the Braves; the mighty Cardinals bade farewell to the Padres.

• By getting swept, the Padres finished the season with 82 wins and 83 losses, making them the only losing team ever to play in the post-season, and giving them a worse overall record than the Washington Nationals, who finished LAST in the East.

No success at monster.com? Al-Qaeda puts "help wanted" ads on the internet.

• Qualified applicants will be fluent in ululation and willing to relocate to the afterlife.
• Benefits include major medical and dental, but no life insurance.

"Clinton Inducted Into Women's Hall of Fame"

• And some day Hillary hopes to join him.
• But he hopes she knocks first

Sing along with me ... ♬ Internet killed the cinema star. ♬

VIDEO: The philosophy of Team America

The Staten Island Boat Graveyard: Wrecks - Abandoned

Bill Gates Tries His Hand at Rap

• "Kanye West has had his credibility as a rap artist questioned because of his clean upbringing, which is notable for its lack of drug dealing, car jacking or other activities inspired by the latest video games. Despite this, he has managed to achieve recording success and Gates feels he can match that success."

Esquire has named Jessica Biel the sexiest woman alive. She barely edged out Harriet Miers.

"We've gotten a variety of opinions about region controls. Even in the Steering Committee, they are extremely unpopular; we decided to not put them in. HD DVD probably won't contain any region playback controls. "

The British Library has placed 14 classic books online. This includes Leonardo's notebook, a Koran, a Haggadah, and olden treasures of art and science.

The United Nations to take over the internet?

• Politics and chauvinism aside, I have one good reason why this should not happen. Scoop's Law. Here it is in a nutshell: "Whosoever criminalizes the free expression of ideas must NOT be placed in charge of a medium designed to promote the free expression of ideas."
• The U.S. is the only major country which passes the litmus test, maybe the only country period. The scaremongers have been making arguments against giving control of the internet to Iran and Zimbabwe. Forget those monsters. I would not trust free speech in the hands of Germany, Canada, and the U.K! They have all supported policies that declare their citizens free to say only what the government allows them to say. Don't get me wrong. This is not a chauvinism issue. I have lived in six different countries, and worked in more than two dozen, and I think that many countries are better than the United States in many ways, but defending the right to freedom of speech is not one of them. When governments ban "hate speech," it means that they assert a fundamental principle: that governments have the right to restrict free speech in some way. I don't know if that principle is good or bad. Perhaps it is good that governments tell you what you cannot say, although I tend to doubt it. I do know that the assertion of governmental control over speech, whether good or bad in the absolute, disqualifies the asserter from control of the internet.
• The First Amendment to the U.S. Constitution says, "Congress shall make no law abridging the freedom of speech." NO law. PERIOD. When the U.N. and its member countries adopt the equivalent of America's First Amendment, they can be placed in charge of free speech. And if America repeals or modifies the First Amendment, then you can argue that control of the internet should be taken away, and I will support you.
• That is all.

iowahawk's internet property has been eminent domained!