Bloody Birthday (1981) is a reverse on the standard slasher theme, in that the slashers are 10 year old kids. Three babies are born at the same time in the same town during a total eclipse. According to the logic of the film, this bit of astrology left them without a conscience. 10 years later, people start dying. First, two teenagers are making out in the cemetery, and end up dead. Then the sheriff is killed, and an unpopular teacher. These three sweet kids continue on their killing spree.

The best reason to watch this film comes when one of the evil kids sells peeks through a peephole into her sisters room to other kids for 25 cents. Sister is Julie Brown, and we see her do a lengthy strip in front of a mirror. The scene is well lit, and we get a long look at her breasts and her bum. We also see breasts from Sylvia Wright, who is parking in a van with her boyfriend when one of the kids shoots them.

Producer Gerald T. Olson made the film with the idea of making a lot of money. He was persuaded to hire director Ed Hunt by a co-investor. In an interview on the DVD, he describes Hunt as being totally crazy, and stupid. Watch for a cameo from José Ferrer, and Susan Strassberg in a supporting role. While the critics savaged the film, it did very well at the box office. IMDB readers have it at 4.5 of 10.It has a cult following, and has some bad movie energy. Unfortunately the Wide Screen transfer is full of dust a chips, and the images are mostly overly contrasted and under-saturated. This is for genre fans only. C-.

UPDATES:

• New volumes: (1) Elizabeth Ward Gracen, ex girlfriend of Bill Clinton.
• Updated volumes: (34) Heather Graham, Monique Gabrielle, Judith Godreche, Joanna Going, Valeria Golino, Aitana Sanchez-Gijon, Pam Grier, Gina Gershon, Melanie Griffith, Rachel Griffiths, Jo Guest, Michelle Hall, Gabriella Hall, Landon Hall, Salma Hayek, Goldie Hawn, Elizabeth Hurley, Lauren Hutton, Rachel Hunter, Holly Hunter, Natasha Henstridge, Geri Halliwell, Eva Herzigova, Gail Harris, Eva Habermann, Linda Hamilton, Suzanna Hamilton, Daryl Hannah, Lauren Hays, Mariel Hemingway, Anne Heche, Isabelle Huppert, Helen Hunt, Katie Holmes

   

MAILBOX:

Heya Scoop,

I'm a big fan of the new HBO show 'Carnivale'.  Best fucking TV show since Twin Peaks all those years ago.  Odd, supernatural, compelling stuff.

And then, of course, there's the nudity.  Every episode has had a little, if memory serves.  This week took the cake, however.

Two sisters are the showcase girls of the 'coochie show'.  Very different gals, one very thin, one very curvaceous.  This week, both found themselves topless, but Dora Mae, the plus sized one, got a whole lot of naked.  As part of the 'blowoff' (in the carny slang) she dropped her drawers as well as her top, including a handstand split where you could nearly see her kidneys.  It was fast and kind of distant, so she may have had a patch over the holiest of holies but between that and a very well-lit closeup of her in her see-through g-string I think we pretty much saw every single inch of this girl's anatomy.

I'm a lover of women all shapes and sizes, so I'd love to see some caps from the boys out there in TiVOland, if you'd be so kind as to pass on the request.  Other notable nudity on the show includes the girl's momma in the coochie show, the thinner sister's boobs in at least two or three episodes, and a topless post-coitial hooker in last week's show.  Keep up the good work,

Mr. Dark
 

OTHER CRAP:

• Best picture yet of Mariah in that Versace dress

• Great movie reviewer! Talk about politically incorrect! "'My favorite moment of Kill Bill did not occur until the very end. It was just as the credits began to roll, when the gentleman in front of me hurled a large cup of Pepsi at the screen and shouted, 'That movie ate a dick sandwich with a side of balls! Fucking fuck you, Tarantino!' ' 'After stepping out of the theater, I immediately drove to the ASPCA and adopted a puppy - a gorgeous, playful Black Labrador mix. I named him Here's What I Think of Kill Bill, and then murdered him with a salad fork out in the parking lot.'" I may be wrong, but I don't think he liked Kill Bill.

• Halle Berry: " I recently had to clean the dingleberries off my dog's ass"

• Live Sheep Camera, Cam Updated Every 5 Minutes. "I love ewe, ewe love me, we're a ..."

• Forbes weighs in on the richest fictional characters. Who is richest? Bruce Wayne, Richie Rich, Mr Howell, Monty Burns, or Scrooge McDuck?

• Sex jokes for all of us

• The photoshop wizards at Fark.com weigh in on "campaigns for other celebrity candidates" (This one requires broadband)

• Pop quiz - according to AmIAnnoying.com, who is the most annoying celebrity? Can you guess? Link goes to the answer.

• Paparazzi pic of Yvette Mimieux

• 10 Worst Cartoon Characters Of All Time

• Kill Bill's Killer Bodies

• Weekly World News: "The Mafia has muscled its way into new territory -- it's landed a manned spacecraft on Mars and begun colonization. "

• Colin Farrell update

• You know Larry Schonbrun must be OK, because all sleazebag lawyers hate him. Class action suits, under the hypocritical guise of helping the little guy against powerful corporations, are usually just scams to enrich lawyers, often ending up with the lawyers getting millions while consumers get a miniscule discount on their next purchase, or something like that. Schonbrun keeps reminding people of the problem. In court.

• Was Jessica Simpson raised by a pack of French poodles?

• Brilliant column, in which the columnist parodies the style of Rush Limbaugh to show what the jaunty junkie would have said if Bill Clinton had admitted to the exact same drug addiction as Rush. And you know what? He is 100% on the money.

Other crap archives. May also include newer material than the ones above, since it's sorta in real time.

Click here to submit a URL for inclusion in Other Crap

MOVIE REVIEWS:

Here are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.

• The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
• If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
• A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Lawdog or Junior or C2000 or Realist or ICMS or Mick Locke, or somebody else besides me)
• If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

Since I'm feeling like a hyperactive child this fine day, here are single collages of five A-list babes in their most exposed performances. Will do the usual expulsive treatment of them later this week.

Who we got?...

• Amanda Peet in "The Whole Nine Yards"... the window scene.
• Amy Smart in "Road Trip"
• Reese Witherspoon in "Twilight"
• Sherilyn Feen, blindfolded in "Two Moon Junction"
• Tara Reid, riding the love pony in "Body Shots".

On an unrelated note, I saw new Denzel movie "Out of Time" last night. Three observations:

1) If you've watched enough thrillers, every plot move will be apparent to you twenty minutes before it is spelled out. The movie stays so close to convention, the two might as well be welded together.

2) It won't matter. You will be entertained, anyway, mainly because Denzel Washington is spot-on perfect.

3) Not much exposure from Sanaa Lathan (cleavage and nothing else) and no exposure at all from the astounding Eva Mendes. There were times Eva made appearances on-screen and audible gasps went up from the audience. The guys were thinking, "Ten minutes. Just ten minutes with her. Okay, five. Five minutes is all I ask. Shee-it, who I am kidding... three would be more than enough." And the women were thinking, "Maybe I should give this girl-on-girl stuff a chance." Here's a production still to prove my point.

• Eva Mendes

NO JOKE: RODNEY DANGERFIELD WANTS TO BE CLONED
Anything To Avoid Paying Writers - The New York Post's Page Six reports that Rodney Dangerfield and his wife Joan met with Raelian cult representative Brigitte Boisselier to discuss cloning Rodney. Joan said the couple are skeptical but "clone-curious" because Rodney would like a clone of himself to help him write jokes. She said they asked how much it would cost and were told Rodney wouldn't be charged anything. But they asked to see some proof and Rodney didn't give Boisselier a DNA sample.