Tuesday

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To see and use all the Funhouse features, you need Netscape 6.+ or MSIE 5.+.

• Netscape 7.0 is available free for download or on CD.
• MSIE 6.0 is available free.

Hair (1979) is the screen version of the 60's "Folk rock love musical," directed by Milos Foreman. The IMDB summary, in this case, is hard to beat. "Claude leaves the family ranch in Oklahoma for New York where he is rapidly indoctrinated into the youth subculture and subsequently drafted." Berger is the leader of the hippie "tribe," and Claude falls in love with Sheila (Beverly D'Angelo), a rich girl who is ready to turn from her uptight lifestyle.

D'Angelo shows breasts, swimming in central park wearing only panties. We see her undressing, and then after getting out to discover that her clothes have been hidden. Everyone knows a few songs from this musical, including The Age of Aquarius, and Hair, but I find most of the songs entertaining. When my wife and I married, and merged our record albums, Hair was the only record we both had. Those who have been around the Fun House for some time might remember that I captured this DVD early in my career. With a serious shortage of new material, it is about time I revisited some of my early efforts, and I am sure you will agree that the new images are a vast improvement.

IMDB readers score this 6.7 of 10. It was nominated for a Golden Globe for best picture (comedy/musical). It scores 100% at Rotten Tomatoes. With the genre being musical, this one reaches beyond the genre, and will appeal to anyone with an interest in the 60's, so the proper score is B-.

The Sidewalks of Bangkok is a rare Jean Rollin film with no supernatural elements. (And no lesbian vampires!) It's an international superspy movie, and it's bad, but there's plenty of womanflesh. I knew some interesting stories about the filming of this movie, so the review might be a decent read.

• Yoko. She may be the smallest adult in our nudity database. I estimate she's 4'6", maybe 80 pounds. The average-sized women tower over her as you would tower over a 9 year old. (1, 2, 3)
• various other women of all shapes, sizes, and races. (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)

Besos para todos is, more or less, a coming of age story about three medical students who end up with a house full of ... um ... very experienced women. The linked review is Tuna's.

• Chusa Barbero, the Spanish Virginia Madsen. (1, 2)
• Emma Suarez, the Spanish Kim Cattrall. Actually, Emma looks nothing like Kim, and is about a decade younger, and yet she gives off exactly the same vibe. (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

Las razones de mis amigos translates into English as "A lot more dinners with Andre". Old friends get together to eat and talk, and eat. And talk.

• Paz Gómez (1, 2)

Hey, Scoop:

Hey, Scoop, I heard Leelee Sobieski did a movie in France last year with nudity but don't remember seeing anything about it at the Funhouse. Any idea of the title or if it was released anywhere?

I don't know much about it. We have mentioned it in passing. It is called L'Idole (The Idol), and co-stars James Hong, the official designated Asian guy in all Hollywood movies.  The film made its North American debut  in Canada last month at the Toronto film festival. I thought about visiting Toronto to see it (my dad lives nearby), but I wussed out. The film is in French, even though some sources say that Hong doesn't speak one word of the language, and spoke all his lines phonetically - pretty impressive for a 73 year old guy! Sobieski does speak fluent French, and I guess she speaks it in this film with an Australian accent!

The elderly Hong and Leelee have a quasi-sexual relationship. One reviewer said, "though their relationship never becomes sexual, it comes awfully close with Sarah frequently disrobing in front of Zao". Another said "the moment in which Sarah tells Mr. Zao that they will never make love drains the movie of its bewitching sexual tension". I don't wanna think about sexual tension between Leelee and James Hong. Eeeew.

Still haven't seen anything of the captures. Looking hard! Here's the IMDb link  

By the way, ignore all that crap you read about Leelee being in line for the throne of Poland. It doesn't even make sense. It's the same as saying David Eisenhower is in line by birth for the American Presidency. You see, Poland started with an inherited monarchy, but that became an elected kingship. Jan Sobieski was an elected king, so none of his descendants are in line for jackshit. Upon Sobieski's death, 18 candidates presented themselves for the Polish throne, and the winner was not even a Pole, but a Saxon. Sobieski's own son was not "in line" for the kingship, so it is unlikely that Leelee would be. Many people in Poland are descended from a king, and nobody is "in line" for the throne.  In fact, the number of people descended from Polish kings is not at all restricted to Poles, since being Polish was not a requirement for the kingship. The Polish kings included Swedes, a Hungarian (who was a great king of Poland, by the way, Istvan Batory), a Frenchman, two Saxons, many Lithuanians (some of Poland's greatest kings before the election system were ethnic Lithuanians, not Poles), and I forget what all else.

Also, Poland conferred no titles of nobility, so if you hear of a Polish Count, that is quite misleading. It is possible to be both Polish and a Count, but not really to be a Polish Count. Poles were made counts and dukes and princes and other phoney-baloney titles by the Holy Roman Empire, or by one of the surrounding kingdoms, but such honors were merely titular and included no land or power.

Coming soon:

These are Mr Skin's summaries of films in release or soon to be.

Swept Away:

The material girl shows us her isla bonitas during a scene where she is lying nude on the sand and the camera is above her head. In a similar shot just a few minutes later we get a glimpse of her delightful backside. Finally, there's a scene of her curled up, fetal style on a cot in a hut. She's nude so you can see a little crotch cleavage but only for a second and only from a distance

Auto Focus

A good movie about the life of Bob Crane AND it has a lot of nudity. Lots of anonymous nudity to be sure, but there is even a monologue / montage about "Tits" given by Crane (Greg Kinnear). As for name-names getting the bare treatment, Maria Bello in a daydream sequence strips down to an old-school whore outfit. She reveals her tits out of the top of the outfit which are then squeezed by the actor (Kurt Fuller) playing Werner Klemperer, a.k.a. Col. Klink from Hogan's Heroes. The HOT Alex Meneses also has a few nip slips that can be seen through her open blouse while she's trying to seduce Crane. Rita Wilson is also seen in a bra 15 minutes in.

Frida (Salma-loving Scoop is already in line for this one)

Should be a Skin Top 10 of the year. We've heard the rumors and boy, are they true. Salma Hayek takes it off. All off. Early in the film, she's screwing her boyfriend in the closet and we get a quick glimpse of one of her breasts. Another quick glimpse as she comes stumbling out of the closet with her shirt still open. Next, after a great deal of time in a full body cast, the cast comes off and all the butterfly analogies in the film come to life, as we get a perfect glance at Salma's canvas as the plaster is removed from her chest. We see more tits as she makes love with Alfred Molina's Diego Rivera and some nice clothed moments including a sexy tango with Ashley Judd (ending in a full-on kiss) and Hayek feeling Saffron Burrows all the way up under the table in a restaurant. But wait, there's more. Salma has a full-on lesbian scene with a Paris singer. We get to see ALL of Salma (and most of the singer too) during this scene, including another great shot of those breasts. Lucia Bravo has a nice breast scene early on, posing naked for Rivera. Mia Maestro (as Hayek's sister) gets it on with Rivera and we see a great shot of her buns on top of him and a quick view of her breasts as she turns around and covers up.

Roger Dodger

Elizabeth Berkley, Jennifer Beals and Isabella Rossellini - an impressive list of skin potential. Unfortunately, none of them take off their clothes, just lookin' damn good in this excellent and funny flick. However, Flora Diaz plays a prostitute towards the end of the film and takes it all off for a brief, but excellent display of her breasts as she lies down waiting for it, totally nude. Mina Badie also shows a tad-o-skin, as she gets drunk, we see a real close-up of her panty area. No nudity, but still a nice shot.

The Truth about Charlie

The Truth About Charlie opens with a quick "side-tit" shot from an actress named Olga Sékulic. Thandie Newton has SEVERAL nice cleavage shots, and there's one scene where her nipples threaten to tear through the fabric of her T-shirt. Alas, Newton's Apples remain covered....but MAN she's got a great rack!
 

Other crap:

• Connecticut chosen as "smartest state". New Mexico finishes last, Mississippi demands a recount.

• Turns out that there are only 49 states. Idaho doesn't exist

• You want a reason why Oklahoma kicked our asses in football? Check out our band uniforms.

Here are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.

• The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
• If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
• A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Lawdog or Junior or C2000 or Realist or ICMS or Mick Locke, or somebody else besides me)
• If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

Last Sunday, German TV aired "Bela Donna", the 1998 Brazilian flick starring Natasha Henstridge. There are already plenty of images from that film in the Encyclopedia, but nevertheless I did one collage with some images that aren't in the Encyclopedia and which show that things got fairly hot between Natasha and her Brazilian lover. As you can see in the top right and bottom right images, Willy was definitely free and ready to dive.

• Natasha Henstridge

Now let's come to this side of the Atlantic, to my homeland to be precise. In the Flemish edtion of Maxim I found these images of Miss Belgium 2000 Joke Van De Velde. As it is Maxim she not really naked, but they are beautiful pictures nevertheless. During her reign she was rather shy and insecure about herself and said she would never allow being photographed this way. After her reign she disappeared from the scene for a while. As it turns out she had a boob job and then went modelling to Milan. Now she's back with these pictures as a self-confident young women proud to show off her body. For those interested, the photos were taken at Cape Griz-Nez in France, that's where the English Channel is at its narrowest. I think that in one of the pictures you can actually discern Albion.

• Joke Van De Velde (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)

To top things off I'll end with the only nudity so far in this season of the Flemish police series "Flikken". Here's Anna Efthymiadis, an actress I've never heard of before, showing what she's made of in the presence of a policeman with a very strange look on his face.

• Anna Efthymiadis (1, 2)

"The Viking Queen"

Here is a gem from the golden age of Hammer Films. The title is highly misleading. The time period it is set in has nothing at all to do with Vikings of any sort. It takes place during the early Roman occupation of the British Islands. Lots of Celts and druids but woefully short of Vikings.

The movie stars Carita (Carita Järvinen) as Queen Salina, along with Don Murray as the Roman governor Justinian. Sadly, this seems to be Carita's one and only film.

The story takes place as the previous ruler, who signed a surrender alliance with the Romans, dies. He leaves his daughter to rule under the Roman governor. While reluctant to accept the job, she becomes queen hoping to get the best deal for her people under the Roman rule.

Soon, her and Justinian fall in love. He tries to rule fairly but is constantly challenged by his ambitious underling, Octavian (Andrew Keir) acting in concert with disgruntled merchants.

Octavian et al stage a rebellion to cause the absence of Justinian. While he is away they proceed to abrogate the treaty and pillage the locals. After flogging Queen Salina and destroying her village, she leads her people in a short-lived, self-destructive rebellion.

While the movie is predictable and the acting mediocre, it never tries to be much more than a B-movie. Of course, a good B-movie never pretends to be Shakespeare. One of the redeeming features is good period Roman costume. They don't have the phony, Ben Hur style uniforms. They also seem to act like Roman troops would be expected to. When burning down the queen's council hut, they all throw their torches in a disciplined manner.

Nudity: While this movie is risqué for the sixties, it's cheesecake falls short. I would say it is full of lots of "Almosts" We almost see something at the love scene by the river. We almost see her front while being flogged. When we get a brief flash (one or two frames) of her being taken down from the cart, she has something pasted on her chest to hide the goodies. Likewise the extra tease us with lots of almosts (pasties and body paint) in a pleasure chamber scene.

IMDB rating: 4.9

Available on DVD only from Amazon($26) or from Suncoast (in their bargain movie pile for $6). Extras include trailer and a sampling of Hammer films.

• Carita

• Others

VEGAS MAYOR PAID TO DRINK GIN
Gin Game - Las Vegas Mayor Oscar Goodman, who often brags about his drinking prowess and holds meetings with constituents known as "Martinis With The Mayor," has signed a $100,000 endorsement deal to drink Bombay Sapphire gin. He said he hopes it "gets the message out that Las Vegas is a fun place." He said he'll donate the $100,000 to charity.