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Slaves to the Underground (1997):
This is a story about the eternal love-triangle. A couple
broke up because she was raped by one of the guy's friends, and
she couldn't tell him or deal with it emotionally. She is a
guitarist, wanders off into a band, and strikes up a sexual
relationship with the lead singer. She realizes that she wants
to go back to her boyfriend, but can't do it because she doesn't
want to mess up the band, which is on the verge of breaking
through.
Blah, blah, blah. Usual stuff. Nothing so new and different.
Never would have caught any attention at all if the lead singer
had been a man. But the lead singer is another woman.
If I were a 22 year old filmmaker today, I would make
gay-themed movies. The reason is that you can take any old
clichéd story that has been done a zillion times, and any old
unoriginal dialogue, and make a movie which seems fresh to a
built-in audience if you simply change the sex of one of the
lovers. Then, instead of reviewers saying, "This is the
same old crap," they will say, "Breaks new ground in dealing
honestly with same-sex relationships." The ides of showing gay
characters doing the same old stuff as straight characters seems
fresh because very few mainstream movies have treated gay
characters without condescension or some kind of implicit
understanding they they are out there doing some kooky, almost
non-human stuff 24 hours a day.
Hey, gay filmmakers. If you have to re-hash the same old
crap, why not do it with some great stuff? How about Casablanca.
Just make Rick a tough-talkin' butch, and put in plenty of nude
scenes, and you'll get my nine bucks. I recommend Laetitia Casta
as Ilke and Hilary Swank as Rick. If you do a lesbian movie with
plenty of nudity, hetero guys will watch it as well. That
formula worked perfectly in this film. The two stars in this
film got naked and looked great in the clinches. Molly Gross was
a screen newcomer, with a kind of intense, confused charm, and
quite a nice body. Marisa Ryan was a TV veteran. As a girl, she
was one of the daughters on Major Dad. More recently, she was in
that "Mary and Rhoda" reunion movie as Rhoda's daughter, if you
were one of the three people who saw that. I found her a dubious
casting choice as the lead singer because she can't carry a
tune, but I guess it doesn't matter that much in grunge.
In fact, many reviewers praised this movie for an accurate
portrayal of the grunge scene. I have to defer to their
knowledge on that. This movie score is mostly just noise to me,
a definite candidate for my least-favorite musical score in
history. (But I still have to cast my vote for the all-Donovan
1960's hippie score in Zefferelli's Francis of Assisi, a story
located 650 years before the hippies were spawned.)
Reviewers in the gay community also praised the accuracy of the
lesbian politics in Slaves to the Underground. Again, I
must defer to their insider knowledge.
Setting aside the matters of accuracy and originality, I
found this film to be pleasant enough as a bland romantic comedy
with more nudity than usual, and I generally enjoyed it when
there was no grunge music playing.
Here are some third-party film clips of
Molly Gross and Marisa Ryan
in Slaves to the Underground. (Four
.avi's zipped together.)
I Capture the Castle (2003):
I Capture the
Castle (Link goes to the Movie House Review) is basically the
film equivalent of a romance novel. That's the bad news. The good
news is that the filmmakers did a good job on it! I liked it fine,
and Ebert gave it three and a half stars!
OTHER CRAP:
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If
you get this question right, you are a true pop
culture vulture.
Bob Saget. William Shatner.
Jimmy Kimmel. Donny Osmond. Howie Mandel. What
do these five men have in common?
(Sorry, it's not that they're all douchebags.
You need to be more specific.)
Martin Scorsese plans to
take a break from Hollywood blockbusters and
focus on the small-scale adaptation of a
Japanese novel for his next work
Names of Satan, as
mentioned in the bible
The Tigers have a long time
to rest before the World Series.
The Good Wife's Guide
- You ain't gonna
believe the way we were in my youth. An actual
1955 article from a housekeeping-themed
magazine.
The Device, a Patented
Process-Indicating Apparatus
- In Texas we often
discuss "goat-roping." The expression has many
different meanings, one of which is "doing
something that makes your boss think you're
busy, but actually serves no useful purpose."
This device is a goat-roper's delight.
Tom Cruise Sues over
Unauthorized Use of Image on Butt Plug
Dove Commercial Video which
demonstrates that some foreign markets allow
much riskier broadcast advertising than the USA
Weekend Box Office Results
for October 13–15, 2006
- The overall box
office was very healthy compared to last year.
It was up almost 40%.
- The Gridge 2 petered
out after an excellent Friday to finish below
analysts' expectations. It is headed for a
gross in the $50-60 range, which makes it a
severe disappointment compared to its
predecessor.
- The Robin Williams
movie did better than expected, thus
justifying the studio's decision to market it
as a zany comedy in the trailers and TV spots.
(It isn't. It's a political thriller in which
the main character is a comedian.)
- The biblical epic
called One Night With The King did twice as
well as expected. Films marketed outside
traditional media, particularly within the
Christian or minority sub-cultures, often fool
the experts. The niche marketing channels are
obviously more effective than they are
generally understood to be, and the analysts
are still trying to get a handle on this.
- Scorsese's The
Departed, presumably buoyed by effusive
reviews and good word-of-mouth, dropped only
30% in its second week, thus nearly hanging on
to the top spot.
- In contrast to
Scorsese's endurance, the Chainsaw movie
dropped about 60% from last week.
- LIMITED (or trial)
RUNS. Three true stories tested the waters.
The second Capote film, Infamous, did very
poorly in a 179-screen trial, averaging only
$2400 per screen; the Idi Amin film scored a
more encouraging $5900 per screen in its own
trial run; the Queen Elizabeth film was the
champion in this league, raking in an
impressive $22000 per screen.
The complete 80-minute
video of George Carlin Again!
(Interesting to see how weird was his younger
self.)
Jessica Delfino sings a
happy song about her snatch
Worst Halloween Costume
Ever - excepy maybe for the kid who came as Dick
Cheney
Salman Rushdie remains
untired critic of fundamentalist Islam
Disney reacts to character
orgy video
URL says it all:
Elvira.com
Vintage covers from 50s-60s
Girlie Mags
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Movie Reviews:
Yellow asterisk: funny (maybe). White asterisk: expanded format.
Blue asterisk: not mine. No asterisk: it probably sucks.
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Cotton Mary (1999)
Cotton Mary (1999) is a Merchant-Ivory production set in the 1950's in
formal colonial India. Its subject is the social status of Anglo-Indians, and
the whites who chose to remain. When we meet Cotton Mary (Madjus Jaffrey), she
works in the local British Hospital as a nurse's aide and prides herself on
being half British. When a white woman (Greta Scacchi) gives birth to a sickly
baby and can't nurse. Scacchi is completely ineffectual, partially
because her husband, a BBC correspondent, spends half of his energy
philandering, and the other half chasing around after stories. Cotton Mary
manages to find a wet nurse (her crippled sister) for the baby, and moves into
Scacchi's household, seeing this as her chance to enter upper class British
society.
Cotton Mary no sooner moves in than she starts trying to take over the
household. Her main opponent is the butler who has been there forever and has
been a best friend to Scacchi's young daughter. Mary finally gets rid of the
butler, and begins bringing in her relatives to consolidate her power.
However, when she brings her own daughter (Sakina Jaffrey), the girl ends up
performing translation and more personal services for the Master. When he
finds out through Mary's daughter that his own baby daughter has been sucking
an Anglo-Indian tit, he goes postal, even though he has been doing the same
thing. It is at this point that Mary's world crumbles.
For me, a film needs to have either a central character or a central theme
that I can relate to. This had neither. Exploring foreign cultures is often a
favorite film theme of mine, but this film failed in that regard, as it was
too tightly focused on only a few characters, and none of those characters was
appealing. Master was a philandering jerk who ignored his family; Scacchi
played a wallflower too stupid to come out of the rain; and Cotton Mary was
calculating and self-serving. The film is technically competent, and there is
nothing wrong with the performances, but the concept is flawed.
IMDb readers say 5.1, with women over 40 giving it a little more credit.
Ebert awarded two stars, a pretty typical critical response. It's a D+ on our
scale - a film I should have liked, but didn't.
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Greta Scacchi shows her left breast trying to
nurse. |
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Sakina Jaffrey, doing her first nude scene, and
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The Romantic Englishwoman (1975)
This is a French/English Comedy/Drama with Michael Caine as a British
writer, and Glenda Jackson as his bored wife. As the film opens, she is off on
holiday to Baden-Baden, whilst he stays home with their son and au pair. Caine
is offered a job as a script writer, with a concept that at first bores him.
It is to be about a woman who goes on holiday by herself to find herself.
After he finds out that his wife met Helmut Berger in the hotel, he assumes
she got lucky in Baden-Baden, takes the job, and starts patterning the
screenplay after his own life. In an effort to learn the truth, he invites
Helmut Berger over, and moves him in. He believes that Berger is a poet, but
we know he is a heroin smuggler in big trouble for losing a shipment.
It is not until the end that we learn whether Jackson did have sex with
Berger in Baden-Baden. By then, everything is out in the open, and Jackson
leaves with Berger. That is not destined to last.
Glenda Jackson is the only member of parliament to have won two Oscars (A
Touch of Class, Women in Love), as well as Emmys, Golden Globes and BAFTAs.
Talk about an over-achiever... Despite her good performance, and two more from
Caine and Berger, I was simply never involved in the story. Caine's character
was too self-absorbed, Jackson's was not emotional enough, and Berger's was a
creep. Even Jackson's kid was a brat, leaving absolutely nobody to root for.
C- on our scale.
- It is not available on Region 1 DVD.
- There are no meaningful reviews available.
- 164 IMDb readers have this at 6.3.
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Glenda Jackson does full frontal and
rear nudity, assuredly making her the only current member of parliament to have
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Notes and collages
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Tawny Kitaen in The Perils of Gwendolyn in
the Land of the Yik-Yak. Ms. Kitaen was such the hottie when she made
this film; the last police mug shot of her is a reality check...sigh
Sophia Loren in Boy on a Dolphin. I
apologize for the graininess of this piece: at the moment it's the best
I have to work with. Here is Sophia Loren, braless in a soaking wet
dress; for us old-timers who could ask for anything more ...
Iresha, in Click. I dedicate this collage
to all you people who have drifted your car on the road while trying to
watch a female jogger on the sidewalk, myself included.
Mira Sorvino in Norma Jean and Marilyn. By
the time Mira won the Oscar for her debut role in "Mighty Aphrodite," I
respected the Academy Awards slightly less than the gum an eight year
old sticks beneath a school desk. Regardless of that, Mira threw
herself into this role of Marilyn Monroe; she caught the whispery nature
of Marilyn's voice: well done.
Madeleine Stowe in Short Cuts. great dimples
Madeline Smith in The Vampire Lovers. This
pixie's skin is so pale it's pink; exquisite.
Barbie Benton in Deathstalker ... a decent
sword & sorcery film; and then there is Barbi Benton having her flimsy
gown ripped off of her ... thank you ...
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| Jane Birkin in
Sept Morts Sur Ordonnance Scoop's note: I have no reason to suspect that
Melaninis is incorrect with this ID. Birkin is listed in the credits for
this movie, and that does look like her. I do want to inject that neither
Mr Skin nor The Bare Facts identifies this movie as having included any
Birkin nudity. (Those guys cover just about everything, so that makes this
an excellent find by Melaninis, if his ID is correct.) |
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| Emmanuelle Seigner in
Detective I believe this was the first nude scene of her career. |
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