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Cable round-up
There was no nudity on Weeds this week, but you will enjoy
this hot scene between Matthew
Modine and Mary-Louise Parker.
There was a really wild sex
scene on Californication, featuring a three-way between Duchovny, the bald
dude, and an actress named Laura Niles. (Samples below)
    
I asked Tuna to do a couple more caps from Ung Flukt because it's the only time
Liv Ullmann ever showed her arse on camera. It turns out that her one and only
exposure has been erased from history, Stalin-style. The picture has been
altered to eliminate Liv's ass crack (and the dude's). If you look closely at
Tuna's cap, you can see that a straight line has been "painted" down right over
the key area!
| Here is what the scene looks like in the new
Norwegian DVD. |
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| Here is what the scene used to look like. |
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* Yellow asterisk: funny (maybe).
* White asterisk:
expanded format.
*
Blue asterisk: not mine.
No asterisk: it probably
sucks.
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OTHER CRAP:
Catch the deluxe
version of Other Crap in real time, with all the bells and whistles,
here.
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L'Affittacamere
(1976)
L'Affittacamere, which means "the landlady," is a Gloria Guida Italian sex comedy.
Gloria and her chubby sister go with Grandma
to the horse track. Grandma has Gloria make a bet, and her horse wins,
but Gloria has bet on the wrong horse. Grandma drops dead on the spot.
Gloria and her sister inherit a villa, and decide to turn it into a
Pension. When the sister orders the advertising, the brochure,
together with the name, Pension Paradise, leads people to believe it
is a whorehouse. An investigation is started by a judge, who is
famous for enforcing morals. As word gets out, however, the place
becomes popular with the most important of the local citizenry. For
the grand finale, they all visit Pension Paraiso, including the judge
himself, his wife who is having an affair with the printer, the
doctor who wants to play doctor with Gloria, and more. When the
doctor's wife shows up to get to the bottom of everything, all the
guests end up in the same room, and it looks like a major scandal is
in the offing. Gloria, smart girl, comes up with a solution that saves
everyone's butts, and makes her a tidy profit.
Gloria was at her best, Marilda Donà was equally funny, and the
director pulled out all the stops to find laughs, including a bungling
inspector who wears bad disguises and walks along to a bouncy sax jazz
piece, and the fat, horny sleepwalking sister.
Those of you who know Gloria Guida must be salivating at the
thought of ordering this one, but you will have to wait. It will soon
be available at RLDVDs.com on an all-region Spanish release under the name Pension Paraiso.
Unfortunately it is dubbed in Spanish with no English subtitles, but
insofar as I can determine, that is the only way you will see it. Lots
of physical humor and the above plot summary serve to reduce the
language problem.
Gloria Guida and Marilda Donà both show everything.
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Notes and collages
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Fantastic Four 2
True to the theory that sequels are never as good as the original,
along comes this 2007 action adventure, based on a comic book, that tried
to build off of an original that was only fairly good, and made it worse
by dumbing it down from the original film's PG-13 to PG. As a result, the
action is tamer, the sexiness practically non-existent, and the storyline
and script much more simplistic. But hey, taking it down to PG meant a
much wider audience, and since it's all about money, money won. At least
the special effects are still pretty good.
Having defeated Dr. Doom, things are good for the Fantastic Four as
they prepare for Reed and Sue's wedding. However, when a being known as
the Silver Surfer shows up and starts destroying parts of the planet, the
wedding takes a back seat.
It turns out that the Surfer is only part one of the problem, as he is
paving the way for a giant planet-eating mass called Galactus. Meantime,
to complicate things even more, Dr. Doom shows up again, intent on
grabbing the Surfer's powerful board for himself.
I can't imagine how bad the coming sequels will be if they decide to
take this down to a G rating to attract five-year-olds, but I'm guessing
most Fantastic Four fans are already disappointed. Oh, and yes, I know Sue
Storm is a blond, but I don't like Jessica Alba as one, sorry.
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Spasso Nel Tempo
This is your typical Italian comedy, where two guys find themselves
in crazy situations and trying to have sex with every woman they meet
at their path. In this movie, Ascanio (Christian De Sica) and Walter
(Massimo Boldi) are visiting the Universal Studios in Los Angeles with
their respective families. They end up together in the Back to the
Future ride, and they travel in time for real. From Prehistoric times
to the 70's, the duo keep jumping in time, trying to get back.
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The Comedy Wire
Comments in yellow...
The Canadian Federation for Sexual Health refuted the common idea
that today's kids are having sex younger than ever. Despite filthy music
videos, online porn and other sexy media images, only 28 percent of adolescents
age 15 to 17 report having had sex, and the mean age for starting is 16.5
years. That hasn't changed since the 1960s, when the baby boomers launched the
sexual revolution. So today's teens are starting to have sex at about the same
age as their parents and grandparents. They're also more likely to be faithful
and have far fewer partners.
* 16.5 is also the age of the girls their granddads are
having sex with now.
A 26-nation survey by Durex Condoms found that women in New Zealand are the most
promiscuous in the world. They reported having had an average of 20.4 sex
partners, compared to the global average for women of 7.3. New Zealand was the
only country where the women have had more sex partners than the men. The most
promiscuous men in the world were Austrian men, who claimed to have had an
average of 29.3 sex partners.
* But that was just Arnold Schwarzenegger throwing off
the curve.
* Bill Clinton announced that if Hillary becomes president, he wants to be
ambassador to New Zealand.
A possum in a lab at Australia's University of New England hibernated for 367
days, setting a new world record for doing absolutely nothing.
* Oh, come on! Kevin Federline's gone 10 times that
long!
BIRTHDAYS - (Almanac)
Flea of Red Hot Chili Peppers (45), and "Murder She Wrote" star
Angela Lansbury (82). Trivia: Flea often performs while wearing a disposable
diaper.
* So did most of the cast on "Murder She Wrote."
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