I received a thorough a persuasive argument via email that I did not properly identify Uschi Digard in the images last night. The comment was, "That ain't Uschi." That was my reaction while watching the film, but the credits, and all available online sources say Uschi is in the film. Of the three actresses credited, Uschi is the only one who has done other films. There are 5 naked women in the film. Assuming that one of them has to be Uschi, I started eliminating possibilities looking for things such as moles on breasts, and obvious physical reasons why each one couldn't be her. I was able to eliminate four of the five naked women in this manner.

The question then became, could this one be a young Uschi? If the answer is yes, she had warts removed from her face, gained some weight, and grew a lot more boob before we saw her next. Following the Sherlock Holmes reasoning, I gathered the facts, threw out the impossible, and what was left, however implausible, had to be the truth. This is, however, an ID based on process of elimination. If anyone has any specific knowledge that will help, or even a well reasoned theory, please share it with us. If this is really Uschi, it would be the earliest nudity we have from her, and before she was fully developed, which is sort of big news.

Final Examination (2003) is a high budget direct to vid whodunnit cop film staring Brent Huff and Kari Wuhrer as the police detectives. I will be writing a complete spoiler, so don't read further if you plan on seeing this 3.7 rated masterpiece.

As the film opens, Huff, of the Metropolitan Police Force in LA, somehow screws up a drug bust and pisses of the DEA. He also incites a high speed chase that causes no end of accidents, and the department is in danger of being sued. So, his lieutenant transfers him to Hawaii. Lets examine just that part. LA city has LAPD, and LA County has a sheriffs department, so there is no Metropolitan Police Department. They never actually say the city is LA until much later in the film, so I will excuse that. But what is this about transferring a police detective, not only to another department in another city, but to a totally different state? Policemen are suspended, transferred to another precinct, or drummed off the force, but they are not military, and can't be transferred against their will to another department.

We will excuse that as well, because they needed to have a high speed car chase in a busy city action sequence to open the film, and then they needed to move the guy to Hawaii, where they had a great location to film the actual story. So lets set up the real plot. There is to be a 5 year college reunion at a resort hotel organized by the rich publisher of a girlie magazine, and four sorority sisters are to become the centerfold of the next issue of the magazine. The first night, one of them is strangled in a spa, just after having sex with her boyfriend. Huff and Wuhrer are assigned the case, ad learn pretty quickly that a young woman who was treated pretty badly by the four had committed suicide driving off an unfinished freeway overpass. They specifically mentioned that she had no next of kin, as her single mother died of a drug overdose when she was young.

Another of the sorority sisters is killed, then the boyfriend of the first one killed. then the police begin to unravel it. So, who dun it? The magazine publisher, his female photographer, and the student assistant to a professor who got the dead girl pregnant and then dumped her just before her suicide. And why did these three extract this revenge? Because they were the brothers and sisters of the dead girl with no next of kin. Who knows, they may even do a sequel. It should be easy to transfer Huff to some other city, and come up with a whole new set of brothers and sisters.

We have breasts from three of the four sorority sisters, breasts and buns from the fourth, and breasts from the photographer. Amy Lindsay is the one that shows both breasts and buns in a shower scene. The photographer is played by Debbie Rochon, and the other three sorority sisters are Kim Maddix, Kalau Iwaoka and Belinda Gavin. Wuhrer shows no skin at all. The lighting was bright and the location was picturesque. The transfer is top notch. They use far too many cross fades during the sex scenes, but don't put the camera on a merry-go-round, or flash a bunch of lights, so the nudity is clear. The acting is reasonable. In short, all it lacks is a decent plot. D+.

Demolition Man (1993):

This futuristic action comedy/drama wasn't the best action movie in the world, but it is an entertaining cartoon. It has two great strengths.

1. A tongue-in-cheek view of the future in which political correctness has grown to be pandemic. There is no unpleasantness, but the world has also banned anything that is bad for us, therefore just about anything that is fun. Meat is gone, and salt, and cigarettes, and booze, and sex, and cussing, and contact sports ... you get the picture. The whole thing is just plain silly.

• Taco Bell is the only restaurant left, because they won the "franchise wars". In the future, all restaurants will be Taco Bell. Of course, without cheese and meat and sour cream, that won't be much fun.
• Stallone, brought into the future from the 20th century, can't figure out how to use the toilets, and there's no toilet paper -only 3 sea shells. But there are ubiquitous machines that issue instant citations for naughty language, so Stallone lets loose with a torrent of raunchy phrases, thus being issued enough paper citations to use as toilet paper.
• Best of all, the Los Angeles/San Diego area has become a separate society from the rest of the planet, and they don't even care what happens outside of Southern California. Hey, wait a minute. That's no different from now.
• Sandra Bullock does her research at the Schwarzenegger Library. It seems that Arnold became President after the 61st amendment allowed naturalized citizens to hold the office. It appears that he is dead in 2032, and will not "be back". (Given some decent luck and medical advances, Arnold may well still be alive in 2032.)

2. Wesley Snipes plays a hilarious over-the-top comic book villain, a man who hurts people just for the sheer joy of it, and who exults in being bad. Snipes is a 20th century criminal who is defrosted from cryo in the 21st century, where he reigns unchallenged over a world of wimps. Stallone is a rogue 20th century cop who is defrosted to combat Snipes because the wimpozoid people in the future need someone just as ruthless and violent as the criminal.

At one point Snipes decides to defrost other 20th century mass murderers to join him in his ruthless takeover of the future.. His best line: "Jeffrey Dahmer? I love that guy!" (Dahmer was still alive when the movie was made.)

No, it's not the best drama or the best action picture or the most imaginative sci-fi, and it never takes itself seriously enough to derive any moral currency from its conception of the future, but it is pretty damned funny. As we often do with films we like, I simply overlooked its flaws, sat back, and enjoyed it. Besides, how can you not love a film with Jesse Ventura and Nigel Hawthorne in the same cast?

• Brandy Sanders

Brandy was a Pet of the Month in 1990. She has also worked as Brandy Ledford. Here are the rest of her nude credits in our files:

• Indecent Behavior 1993 (1, 2)
• Killing for Love 1995 (1, 2)
• Irresistible Impulse 1996
• Zebra Lounge 2001 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)

OTHER CRAP:

• This time the Sox did follow their pre-ordained script. They staked Pedro to a 4-0 lead, knocked The Rocket out of the box, and were on the verge of glory. Of course, they lost in in extra innings. How else could it end? It is written that they have to get so close to winning that they can taste it, then lose. So it goes.

• Weekly World News: starving supermodels busted in bakery robbery

• GM decides that the Buick Masturbator is not a good name for a car.

• British Pathe has 12 million images online, all from their old newsreels. Fascinating history. You can search through and view the stills for free.

• Weekly World News: woodpeckers only attack stupid people. Those woodpeckers are no fools. Why attack a guy smart enough to figure out a defense?

• Today's kids review yesterday's video games

• Rush Limbaugh's Top 10 Most Overrated Athletes of All Time (satire)

• If real life worked like The Matrix. Check out the ping-pong movie

• what the world needs now is love sweet love ... oh wait ... sorry ... what the world actually needs now is Roboshark

• More important news about audioanimatronic sharks. The world's only robotic swimming shark is moving into an aquarium with four live sharks. Stay tuned, as we expect to become your full service one-stop robotic shark news page. Combining live sharks with audioanimatronic figures is not a new idea. They previously tested the sharks by having them swim with the audioanimatronic Richard Nixon from Disney World's Hall of Presidents. Interestingly, the sharks did not attack. Professional courtesy. Also, they were confused because Nixon's eyes darted around more than theirs.

• Rhode Island has lost their Mr Potato Head. I'm pretty sure California has plenty if you guys really need one.

• First look at the new Pixar Film...The Incredibles! from TheMovieBox.Net

• Fake Winning Lottery Tickets from PrankPlace.com

• Politically Incorrect Halloween Costumes

• Urban Legends Reference Pages: Halloween Special

• Seanbaby's Super Friends and Legions of Doom Page

• BABES! The Southern Fried Football League

• "Another tragic heroine in the news, Maria Shriver, is starting to resemble a Georgia O'Keeffe cow skull, and I say that with deep concern." The rest of the Ah-nuld article points out that Arnold is popular in Austria, but not as popular as David Hasselhoff. (near bottom of page)

Other crap archives. May also include newer material than the ones above, since it's sorta in real time.

Click here to submit a URL for inclusion in Other Crap

MAILBOX:

Hey Uncle Scoop,

Is it just me or is Bobcat Goldthwait and Nikki Cox a real life version of Roger and Jessica Rabbit?

D

====================

Scoop,

In the "Deneuve" volume of the Encyclopedia, the 4th frame from the movie "Le sauvage", actually comes from "Le vice et la vertu" (not from "Satan mène le bal", as the caption would suggest). This Vadim B&W flick, released in 1962, stars a very young Deneuve (only 19 years old), still known as Catherine Dorléac, her real name. It was five years before her older sister, Françoise Dorléac, lost her life in a car crash.

X

Scoop replies: thanks and merci. Got it fixed.

UPDATES:

• Updated volumes: (20) Catherine DeNeuve, Carrie-Ann Moss, Jodie Foster, Diane Franklin, Robin Tunney, Angel Tompkins, Monique Parent, Avalon Anders, Charlotte Lewis, Tamara Landry, Amy Locane, Sheryl Lee, Pauline LaFont, Tiffany Limos, Jennifer Lopez, Kay Lenz, Li'l Kim, Jacqueline Lovell. Juliette Lewis, Beverly Lynne
• New volumes: (25) Claudia Teixeira, April Telek, Sybil Temchen, Ellen Ten Damme, Orly Tepper, Jill Terashita, Tiffany-Amber Thiessen, Frankie Thorn, Lisa Throw, Ingrid Thulin, Julia Thurnau, Jennifer Tilly, Sabine Timoteo,  Saira Todd,  Trisha Todd,  Kathleen Tolan,  Laure Tonke, Nancy Travis, Louise Treamont, Laurence Treil,  Sarah Trigger, Alexandra Tydings, Nikki Tyler,  Hunter Tylo, Susan Tyrrell

LINES OF THE DAY:

FROM COMEDIAN JEFFREY ROSS AT A ROAST IN HONOR OF LARRY FLYNT ...

• HE SAID TO ED NORTON, "ED, YOU'RE MY HERO: YOU'RE THE ONLY MAN IN HISTORY TO
  FUCK COURTNEY LOVE AND NOT KILL YOURSELF"…
   

• AND TO LARRY FLYNT: WHO ELSE BUT LARRY FLYNT COULD MAKE A LIVING JUST BY PHOTOGRAPHING CUNTS,  EXCEPT, OF COURSE, FOR THE CAMERAMEN ON "THE VIEW" ?

(What about the guys who photograph Charmed and Real Time with Bill Maher?)
 

MOVIE REVIEWS:

Here are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.

• The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
• If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
• A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Lawdog or Junior or C2000 or Realist or ICMS or Mick Locke, or somebody else besides me)
• If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

At it's very best, this could have been an ok SNL bit that would have run a little too long and had no ending. But sadly it didn't even give us it's best. The movie is poorly written, poorly directed, poorly edited and chock full of homosexual stereotypes that even straight people may find offensive. Although I admit, Roger Moore was kinda funny as "an old Queen".

Even the DVD is lame. There are extra scenes and outtakes, but the deleted scenes were just as lame as the regular movie, and the outtakes are terribly unfunny. The only good thing is the extra nudity found in the "Tanning Tips" section. A few former Heffers try to act and talk about wearing sunblock.

Save yourself the price of the rental and go try to find one of those deep fried cheeseburgers on a stick instead.

• Topless Heffers (1, 2)
• Deanna Brooks, topless (1, 2, 3)
• Jami Farrell, topless (1, 2, 3)
• Natalia Sokolova, yup you guessed it, topless. (1, 2)

Some guy (not me) is selling bootleg copies of nekkid gymnasts. I think the English title is Gold Bird: Stark-Naked Rhythmic Gymnastics It's listed in the so-called "mature" section of Ebay (where softcore hefmag videos are sold alongside with chick-with-dicks hardcore, a real fucking sewer). Click here to see the auction listing (requires ebay password)

Anyways various gymmasts wearing masks are shown doing gymnastics in the nude (maybe the earlier Romanian Gymnasts not wanting to known to be in adult title). There is alot more full frontal nudity and gynocam shots but the Japanese censors fuzz out the crotch areas.

The video comes on two VCD disks. The buyer is in Canada but is very discrete in packaging. Again this is a bootleg and comes with no original case with cover art.

SILICONE BREASTS GET SUPPORT
No Leakier Than The White House - Wednesday, after listening to days of pro and con testimony on silicone breast implants, an FDA advisory panel voted 9-6 to let them back on the market after 11 years, pending FDA approval. But they demanded some conditions, such as close monitoring of women who get them, and ongoing tests to see how they hold up over 10 or more years.