Monday

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To see and use all the Funhouse features, you need Netscape 6.+ or MSIE 5.+.

• Netscape 7.0 is available free for download or on CD.
• MSIE 6.0 is available free.

Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home (1986) - As the holiday season approaches, we can expect to see several new boxed sets. This week, all nine Star Trek movies are being released in a deluxe set. I didn't expect any nudity, but checked the usual sources just in case, and both CNDB and SONDB listed poke through action from Catherine Hicks. Sure enough, her turtle neck sweater is no match at all for her nipples as she discovers the Klingon ship in Golden Gate Park. Later, she is soaking wet in the same sweater in the ocean, and there is no hint of nipple. My guess would be wetsuit under the costume.

This is my favorite of the Star Trek films, as a large portion of it takes place in present day San Francisco, and has a good deal of humor. In short, it is not very Star Trek like. The enterprise crew time travels to find humpback whales to return to the future, where they are extinct, so they can talk to an alien probe that is inadvertently threatening to destroy earth.

IMDB readers award 7.0 of 10, with 7,459 voting. It was nominated for 4 Oscars, including best effects, best cinematography, best sound, and best music, original score. Ebert awards 3 1/2 stars, and Berardinelli 3. If this is a representative sample of the box set, it is very well done.

Valmont is a different interpretation of Dangerous Liaisons, in which the characters were more likeable.

• Annette Bening (1, 2, 3)

No pics, but I added some comments to Tuna's reviews of Showgirls and The Bridges of Madison County. I didn't really have anything so interesting to say about Showgirls, but I went on at some length on Bridges.

J-Lo:

She's pretty much the big story of the day. First, WENN ran this story:

J.LO'S PROFESSIONAL NIPPLE-TWEAKER. Pop princess JENNIFER LOPEZ has her own nipple-tweaker on hand for those music video emergencies.  Video directors wanted to see more of the OUT OF SIGHT actress' nipples through her top as she shot the video for her new album THIS IS ME....NOW in Los Angeles.  So in an extraordinary promotion most men can only dream of, a  male make-up artist moved up to slide his hand under her T-shirt and carry out his orders.  A witness reports, "As this guy was playing with her boobs, another one was brushing her hair. And every so often a third person would come along and hold a bottle of water so she could take a sip. "There was even a man on her team to check her nails and give them a polish."

That kinda sounded like bullshit, right? Not so. we actually have the pictures.

• Here's the nipple tweaker
• Here's the water bottle dude - very good picture - great see-through. He applied for the nipple job, but his SAT scores were too low. So here's a tip for you youngsters: stay in school.
• And here's a whole bunch more. You'll want every one for your collection.

Now the rest of the story is that there are some really good pics of  J-Lo out there. How long before they surface? Check out this story from WENN (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11)

ACTRESS HOLDS ONTO NUDE SHOTS OF J.LO. Latin sensation JENNIFER LOPEZ had better not upset a rising American TV star anytime soon - because the actress owns a set of nude pictures of the diva.   Pretty PAULA MARSHALL, who stars as a suburban wife who tries to keep her marriage sizzling on the new sitcom HIDDEN HILLS, has dabbled in a lot of amateur photography, often taking advantage of her access to Hollywood celebrities. And among her impressive collection of snaps lays a shot of a totally naked J.LO.   Although the picture was taken five years ago, Paula, a friend of the I'M REAL singer, jokes it could be worth lots of cash.  She says, "I did take some shots of Jennifer Lopez.  "In one, she has no clothes on, and she's stunning. I'm sure someone would love to get their hands on it - but that won't happen anytime soon." (RGS/TS/ES)
 

Finally, a big chunk of her buns made The Sun

Other non J-Lo crap:

• A streaker who interrupted an ice hockey game in Canada had to be taken away on a stretcher after falling on the ice, and passing out, bruised. Smart guy. Based on my mother's folk wisdom, the ice is the best place to get bruised, because it keeps the swelling down.
• Courteney Cox hoping for a test tube baby
• Vin Diesel - Hollywood's latest sex addict. Just think of him as Billy Bob with muscles.
• Opera troupe with naughty calendar, and The Sun is there. Unfortunately, it's a bunch of guys. And you don't even want to know what they do with the horned hats.
• The Ring tops the box office. But expected to slow down. No second viewings, since those who see it die. My Big Fat Greek Wedding now at $169 million - compared to a budget of thirty seven bucks and a bunch of Pop-Tarts for the crew to snack on. It is now the most successful independent film ever made.
  
   

Here are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.

• The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
• If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
• A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Lawdog or Junior or C2000 or Realist or ICMS or Mick Locke, or somebody else besides me)
• If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

The last couple o' babes from Exposed: TV's Lifeguard Babes.

Tonya Poole is a reasonably active B movie babe with at least one nude scene in the second Pamela Principle movie, but there isn't a nekkid picture to be found of her that isn't bunnymag stuff. Gasp! A babe who isn't in the back issues or the Encyclopedia? We must attribute this to a rip in the time/space continuum and we just gotta do something about it. So, here are ten collages of Tonya.

Robo-hooters in all but #3; bum in 3 and 4. Best close-up in #7 and the last three have her posing with legs open, but with bikini bottoms on... a provocative pose, nonetheless.

• Tonya Poole (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)

And the very lastest babe of this DVD has the best exposure in both quality and quantity. Azalea Davila has done a few things nekkid and a lot of things clothed. In this DVD she is most decidedly the former... for a long time... and the cameraman got so close to her he was forced to pay her child support. Grabbed a shit-load of frames, picked out the best thirty or so and stuck them together in thirteen collages.

Azalea shows off her natural wonders in all 13, reveals some bum in #'s 10 and 13, and pulls her bikini bottoms real narrow in 8 and 9.

• Azalea Davila (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13)

Solange (1972) (aka "What Have You Done to Solange?" aka "Cosa avete fatto a Solange?") is an Italian mystery about the murders of a clique of private school girls in London, England. Camille Keaton (I Spit On Your Grave) has a small but key role as Solange. Fabio Testi is the teacher who's the main suspect, mainly because he's sleeping with one of his students (Cristina Galbo). The clique of schoolgirls is led by Claudia Butenuth and Giovanna Di Bernardo whom seem to be a bit too close with eachother. Pilar Castel is murdered very early in the movie before she could particpate in the communal shower scene. Euro-actress Carla Mancini has an unidentified role as a student (can someone please point her out in the shower scene?).

The alleged "uncut" version runs 102 minutes but the still and artwork gallery on the DVD shows some scenes not shown in this particular video release. Video transfer is dark which is another bummer.

• Cristina Galbo: topless love scene, nude in bathtub
• Claudia Butenuth: topless tied up, topless in shower with Giovanna
• Giovanna Di Bernardo: brunette topless in shower
• Pilar Castel: breasts and bush
• Camille Keatton: topless in outtake
• Outtakes: more nudity we are not allowed to see
• Unknowns
  1: breasts in obligatory communal shower scene
  2: full frontal of nude model
  3: sweater scene with major pokies
  4: topless murder victim

I checked out www.Screenit.com, and looked up Jessica Biel's new movie: "Rules of Attraction". She appears to do a nude scene, any bootlegs out there yet?

Details from www.screenit.com

"THE RULES OF ATTRACTION"

Sean has sex with Lara (Jessica Biel). He then sees a photo of Lauren and imagines he's having sex with her (we see her below him). During this, we see movement implied by alternating views of both of their faces. Lara tells him not to stop and keeps repeating "C'mon." We then hear some of his related voice over narration and she says, "Keep f*cking me" and we see more movement and the sides of her bare breasts.