*Costner is 45, the same age as Jolie's husband Billy Bob Thornton.

Anna Nicole Smith is being sued for $4 million by a producer who says she backed out of an agreement to appear in his movie.

*And probably another six million by the producer of Skyscraper for agreeing to appear in it.

Attention!!! We interrupt your regularly scheduled nudity to bring you a special Tuna tangent. What is nearly 40 years old, deserved and won 10 Oscars, and is just as relevant today as it was on October 18, 1961?

West Side Story

Before I watched the DVD, I remembered great dancing, wonderful songs, the best modernization of Romeo and Juliet ever, and great supporting performances. What I did not remember was the superb art direction and photography. The story takes place in New York, in a poor neighborhood composed of second generation European immigrants, and recent Puerto Rican arrivals. The two groups, naturally, hate each other, and have formed rival gangs. The head of the Jets, Tony, has tried to leave the gang and has gotten a job, but "When you're a Jet. you're a Jet all the way from your first cigarette to your last dying day." Tension is running high, and Bernardo (George Chakiris), head of the Sharks, and Riff (Russ Tamblyn) are moving closer to all out warfare. 'Nardo is in love with Anita (Rita Moreno), and very protective of his sister, Maria (Natalie Wood).

The plan is for the Jets to challenge the Sharks to a rumble while at a dance in a gym which is neutral territory. Tony meets Maria at the gym, and the two fall instantly and desperately in love. Like Shakespeare's version, there are happy endings for nobody. In 1961, gang warfare was something that happened in large cities, and was something of an unknown to most in the US. Like Romeo and Juliet, all of the problems stemmed from hatred and prejudice, and just like Romeo and Juliet, love could have solved all of the problems. What a sad commentary that most of us have rival gangs in our communities still fighting over prejudice and hatred, and often killing each other.

The actual violence in West Side Story was toned way down, and shown as intricate dances. That did not, however, rob them of their power or effectiveness. There was no blood shown, even after gun shots. Rather the film focused on how the senseless violence effected everyone who remained. Was this a perfect film? No, not quite. Natalie Wood was cast in the lead despite the fact that she couldn't sing, and was not very convincing as a Puerto Rican, because she was a big box office draw, and could dance. The male lead, Richard Beymer was cast based on dance ability, but could neither sing nor act. The material is strong enough that some of the scenes between them worked anyway.

Oscars for:

1. Best Picture
2. Best Supporting Actor (Gerge Chakiris)
3. Best Supporting Actress (Rita Moreno)
4. Best Art Direction/Set Decoration
5. Best Cinematography
6. Best Costume Design
7. Best Director
8. Best Film Editing
9. Best Music, scoring of a musical
10. Best Sound

Despite the fact that the songs, words by Stephen Sondheim, music by Leonard Bernstien has at least 4 classic still popular today (Tonight, Maria, Somewhere and I feel Pretty), Moon River won best song. I watched this last night, and capped it this evening, and will probably watch it again tomorrow. Maltin gives it 4 stars, and over 4,000 IMDB readers have it at 7.7/10. If you have not seen this, or have not seen it in Widescreen from DVD, do it.

Leon: The Professional (1994)

This is a notable movie in many ways. It is the flick that jump-started Natalie Portman's career in almost the same way that Taxi Driver started Jodie Foster's or Pretty baby played Brooke Shield's. All three played kids too old for their years. It was also the first American film from French auteur Luc Besson, and is rated by IMDb viewers as among the best 100 of all time.

Well, don't believe that best 100 stuff. It is a beautiful piece of filmmaking. The violence is done with spectacular balletic choreography and pin-point coordination with the music. In fact, the coordination of photography, music, acting, characterization and emotional intensity could easily qualify this as one of the best movies ever made.

But there is one big flaw. And we're not talking about a zit here. We're talking the Black Plague

This script makes no sense at all.

First of all, let's get the general premise out of the way. Jean Reno is a professional hitman who lives in a succession of cold water flats, wears 10 year old shoes, never shaves, and has only one pair of pants (and that pair five or six inches too short). He makes a lot of money doing hits for the mob, but he never takes any of the money because he has no use for it. the mob boss "holds" it for him. He can't read or write. By the way, this is more or less exactly the same character Reno played in Besson's "La Femme Nikita", except that the first name is different.

Natalie Portman plays a 12 year old kid whose drug dealer dad and her entire family are killed by renegade DEA agents. She was spared only because of some fast thinking and Reno's aid.

Well, she decides that she's in love with Reno and that she wants to be a hit woman to get revenge on the DEA. Reno agrees to teach her, but doesn't agree to screw her - although he's moving in that direction and has started sleeping with her.

In a hilariously over-the-top finale, Portman and Reno are trapped in their apartment by 200 cops and federal agents. Portman escapes through a ventilation shaft, and Reno almost escapes after taking out about 100 of the cops and disguising himself as one of them. He probably would have made it except that his wounds caused him to collapse just before he made it out to the streets.

So there you have the general premise.

Now, some of the additional details. These are great. Mind you that we find out at the end that the entire movie took place over a four week period.

• About halfway through, Reno tells the mob boss "I can read now". OK, he's a quick study. Name an adult who learned to read in two weeks. This guy would have taken that long to learn the alphabet.
• To show that she's ready, Portman takes one of Reno's guns and fires it repeatedly down at passersby. Nothing ever comes of it. No police, no neighbors. Nobody checks it out,
• Reno teaches Portman how to be a sniper from the top of the Plaza Hotel, firing at joggers in Central Park, about five hundred yards away. It is silly enough that Portman hits a guy on her first-ever shot with a rifle from that distance (with blood capsule bullets), but when Reno sets up the scope, he never adjusts it for wind or gravity (more important at long distances). He just pops it on there, she looks through, and hits the guy in the chest. Then they calmly pack up the rifle and leave.
• We hear that Portman's school in is Wildwood, New Jersey, but she is able to get there by taking the skyride to Roosevelt Island.
• At the end, Portman returns to the room and is captured on the way. They ask for her keys and if there is a special secret knock she uses. She gives them a false knock to warn Leon, but why would they ask even her about a knock if she took the keys.
• There are at least two day-night continuity errors.

As the baddie, Gary Oldman outdoes even his own high standard for overacting. He make Chris Walken and Woody Harrelson seem as wholesome as Tom Hanks.

But as bad as the script is, I actually watched some scenes over again several times to admire the precision of the music and the actor's movements. Besson is a brilliant director, and the Portman/Reno combination was excellent, Portman so effective as a child with an adult mind, and Reno so effective as an adult with a child's mind. If you just ignore all the holes in the plot and play along with his fantasies, Besson will deliver a good thrill ride.

But the boy genius Besson is no boy any more. He's older than Atom Egoyan, and he's a decade older than Hollywood's wunderkind, P.T. Anderson. Both of them have eclipsed him in the past decade, even though he was the cock of the walk ten years ago when he was barely thirty and Nikita was released.

Besson has never directed a script that he didn't write. I'd say it's time for Besson the great director to fire Besson the hack writer.

No nudity. C'mon. Portman was 12. Here's a couple of cool collages.

*And if she can't, she could have a brilliant Presidential career!

Last week, Italy was shocked when police raided one of the nation's top schools, the University of Messina in Sicily, arrested 37 academics, doctors and students, and put 79 professors and researchers under investigation. They said the 452-year-old university had been run by the Mafia for 25 years. Two professors have been kneecapped by unknown assailants, one was murdered in a contract killing ordered by a colleague, four buildings were bombed and several lecturers' cars were set on fire, and teachers were routinely threatened before exams by students claiming Mafia connections.

*That explains the correlation between straight A's and students with middle names including quote marks and the word "the".

*The reason Italians were shocked by the raid is that they thought the Sicilian police were also run by the Mafia.

Top Ten Rejected Gore/Lieberman Campaign Slogans

10. "Vote For Me Or I'll Come To Your Home And Explain My 191-Page Economic Plan To You In Excruciating Detail"
9. "Remember, America: I Gave You The Internet, And I Can Take It Away. Think About It"
8. "Your Vote Automatically Enters You In Drawing For The 123 Billion-Dollar Budget Surplus"
7. "With Lieberman On The Ticket, You Get All Kinds Of Fun New Days Off"
6. "We Know When The Microphone Is On"
5. "Vote For Me, And I Will Take Whatever Steps Necessary To Outlaw The Term, 'Whazzzup!'"
4. "Gore/Lieberman -- You Don't Have To Worry About Pork Barrel Politics"
3. "You'll Thank Us In Four Years When The Escalator To The Moon Is Finished"
2. "If I Can Handle Letterman, I Can Handle Saddam Hussein"
1. "I'll Be Twice As Cool As That President Guy On 'The West Wing'"