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Timber Falls
(2006)
This is yet another film in which city folks become the torture victims of
depraved and inbred rural mutants.
Given that fact, you'll get no comments from me. I have watched my last torture
porn film unless it's a genre parody with Leslie Nielsen. I just fast forwarded
to the nude scene. Brianna Brown
shows her breasts in a brief sex scene, but never in the same frame as her
face, and when the sex scene is over she is seen wearing a bra.
Secret Diary of a Call Girl
(Episode 5, October 25, 2007)
ITV series from Britain. This is last night's episode.
Two high-class call girls, Billie Piper and Beth Cordingly, double team a john.
Reasonably entertaining sex scene, well worth a look. Cordingly is a 30ish actress who is most famous for having played Kerry Young on The Bill, a
police drama series in the UK. If you are from the UK you certainly know who
Billie Piper is. If you hail from elsewhere, Billie was sort of the British equivalent of Britney
Spears back in the late 90s and now seems to have successfully migrated into
acting.
Update
French Cinema Nudity is updated
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* Yellow asterisk: funny (maybe).
* White asterisk:
expanded format.
*
Blue asterisk: not mine.
No asterisk: it probably
sucks.
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OTHER CRAP:
Catch the deluxe
version of Other Crap in real time, with all the bells and whistles,
here.
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The Book of Revelation
(2006)
Directed by Australian Ana Kokkinos, who also wrote the
screenplay, The Book of Revelation is a simple story about sexual
abuse with the usual gender roles reversed. A brilliant
modern dancer, the male lead in a show choreographed by his teacher
and mentor, steps out between rehearsals to buy his girl friend a
pack of cigarettes, and doesn't return for 12 days. When he returns,
he is uncommunicative, and can't return to his former life. We
gradually learn, in a series of flashbacks, what happened to him.
Three masked and hooded women drugged and abducted him, chained him
in a warehouse, and used him in many demeaning and mostly sexual
ways, including riding him, forcing him to masturbate for them,
anally raping him with a strap-on and forcing him to dance for them.
When they were done, they dumped him in a field. He never saw their
faces, but each had a distinctive tattoo or birthmark in an intimate
place.
He started imagining that all of the women he saw were the three,
and tried undressing as many as he could to look for the
incriminating marks. He met a black girl, obviously not one of the
three and therefore safe, and it looked like he might, with her
support, be able to get past the event, but that was not the case.
Some think of the film as one long female sexual fantasy for
women, with a good looking male star. My take is a little different.
The story is about the devastating effects of sexual abuse. I am
guessing that women see the gender reversal as a possible way to
make more people "get it." Hence, the film has a VERY strong
feminist message. I viewed an Asian edition, and some of the nudity
was censored. I would wait for an uncensored edition at least, if
you even need to see this. The pace is deliberate, the non-linear
narrative is irritating, the ending, while probably lifelike, is not
at all satisfying, and the only real action is during the
flashbacks.
IMDb readers say 5.8, but way out in chick-flick territory with a
huge male/female differential (5.6 to 7.1).
Scoop's notes:
This film is irritating. It has what seems to be a massive,
deal-breaking plot hole in it ... or was it intentional? When the
guy tries to find his abductors by seducing every woman he meets and
checking for matching tattoos or birthmarks, he forgets one
extremely important matter. Although he does not know what they look
like, they know exactly what he looks like. In the unlikely event
that they meet him somewhere, they are obviously not going to get
into a situation where he can undress them. Therefore, any woman he
can get into bed is 100% certain NOT to be one of the abductors.
The reason this is so irritating is that we in the audience do
not know whether the screenwriter made a mistake or not. It is
possible that she meant the dancer to be so traumatized by sexual
abuse that he cannot reason this simple matter out. There is nothing
else in the script which would contradict that assumption, so that
may indeed be what the screenwriter intended. Or it is possible that
the screenwriter simply never thought through her own premise. I am
inclined to believe the latter, despite some award nominations for
the occasionally pretentious screenplay.
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Notes and collages
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La Hija de la Celestina
Three swindlers - an old woman, a man and a beautiful young woman (Victoria Vera)
- travel from town to town cheating people out of their money. Justice catches up
to them and only the young woman escapes while the other two are killed. She
eventually marries a rich old man but falls in
love with another man, so she decides to kill her husband, but
this time she is caught and killed too.
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Gettin' It
If you like your comedies with big-boobed babes, and very little
comedy, then this 2006 effort will probably suffice. Personally, although
I certainly liked the women, of which there were several, I could have
done with more comedy. It was barely funny, mostly lame, and overall
pretty stupid.
A teenage boy is desperate to lose his virginity, but feels hopeless
after his longtime girlfriend keeps turning him down. Never one to lose
hope, he even goes and buys a condom, but even that gets screwed up when
he's accidentally given a jumbo 12-15 inch size, which is way too large
for him.
His mother finds the condom, and is so shocked by the size, she has to
tell her female friends. Of course, they have to tell their friends, and
soon, every woman in town knows the young man is sporting over 12 inches
of tool. Suddenly, he finds himself pursued by every young woman in town.
Yeah, there's definitely a comedy movie in that plot, but they didn't
make it. They got the beautiful women right, but the lines suck, the
acting is bad, and the whole thing is mostly boring and dumb, so just
watch it for the babes.
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| Jessica Canseco |
Tara Rice |
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The Comedy Wire
A barmaid in Pinjarra, Australia, pleaded guilty to violating hotel licensing
laws by twice baring her breasts and crushing beer cans between them. She and
the hotel manager were each fined $900 (US), and a fellow barmaid was fined $450
(US) for hanging spoons from her colleague's nipples. A police spokesman said,
"It sends a clear message...that we will not tolerate this type of behavior in
our licensed premises."
* Question: where would she go to apply for a license to
do that?
A state investigation of the officers who tasered a University of Florida
student who refused to stop talking during an appearance by John Kerry found
that the cops were justified in zapping him.
* Their exact ruling: "It was cool to tase him, bro!"
Ron Howard is trying to beat the writer's strike deadline by rushing to get a
sequel to "The Da Vinci Code" ready before the end of the month. You can tell
it's a rush job: it's about a plot to cover up the
secret that the Mona Lisa was Buddha's cousin.
* Hey, he used union writers on the first one, and look
how that
turned out.
* Writers should refuse to work on that, strike or no strike.
Prostitutes in El Alto, Bolivia, who have gone on a hunger strike to protest the
bars being closed have taken it a step further by sewing their lips together.
* Sounds like they really didn't think this through. Now
they not only can't eat, they can't work.
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