Monday

 

 

 

* Yellow asterisk: funny (maybe).

* White asterisk: expanded format.

* Blue asterisk: not mine.

No asterisk: it probably sucks.

OTHER CRAP:

Catch the deluxe version of Other Crap in real time, with all the bells and whistles, here.
 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Die Stewardessen

(1971)

According to the box, this is known as Die Stewardessen, Swingin' Stewardesses, Les Stewerdesses, La Hostess or The Stewardess Report. The title screen gives us a choice of Die Sterwardessen or Alle Stewardessen Kommen in den Himmel. IMDb is sure it is Sweet Sensations, but admits that Die Stewardessen is the original title, and that it has also been released as Naked Stewardesses, Stewardess Report, and The Young Seducers. As the DVD, the title screen, and the original title per IMDb is Die Stewardessen, I went with that.

It's a Swiss sex comedy from Erwin C. Dietrich. Several stewardesses, all based in New York, have various adventures of a sexual nature at assorted overseas destinations. First, Margrit Siegel flies to Zurich. She picks up a Swiss gentleman on the plane, and he checks them into a hotel. He falls asleep while she showers, so she finds a younger fella in the hotel. Next, she and her friend Ursula Marty take a flight to Rome. Margrit agrees to keep the gay co-pilot busy while Ursula puts heavy moves on the playboy pilot. She is so successful, they come back engaged, and she donates a key and an address to Evelyne Traeger, who is on her way to Copenhagen. Evelyn is delighted to find not one, but two hunks and the equally hot Ingrid Steeger in the apartment. Finally, we follow a young woman who may or may not be a stewardess in Munich during Octoberfest, where she gets tangled up with a Marxist who lives in a commune.

These 70s sex farces are much alike, where the attitudes are open, sex is portrayed as good clean dirty fun, the women are very naked, natural and willing, and the men do what they are expected to. I enjoy them, perhaps more so than I did in the 70s.

This is a top-notch example of the genre, although it got a little ragged by the last story of the four.

 

 

Margrit Siegel

 

Ursula Marty

 

Evelyne Traeger

 

Ingrid Steeger

 

unknowns

 

  

 

 

 

 

 

Amazons

Today the Time Machine travels back to 1986 for an action-fantasy flick. This one has a fair amount of nudity.

Danitza Kingsley with some boobage.

Fabiana Smith with some nice T & A.

 

Mindi Miller AKA Ty Randolph AKA Lisa Berenger AKA Windsor Taylor Randolph

 -  by whatever name some breast exposure.

 

Penelope Reed with some boobs down at the ol' swimming hole

 

 

 and then a "Babe in  Bondage" scene with no nudity.

 

We wind it up with a unknown topless "Babe in Bondage".

 

 

 

 

 

 

Notes and collages

Murder by Death

Maggie Smith

 
 

 

 

 

 

 

Paris Hilton showing her ass in a Halloween costume. Damn, so that's what I lacked in my trick-or-treating!

A film compilation of Rosie Perez in Do The Right Thing (samples right)

This is a surprise to me. A towering Nicole Kidman playing a high school track star in Room to Move. This is an Aussie made-for-TV film from 1987 which was directed by John Duigan, the same guy who directed one of our faves, Sirens! There's no nudity, but it is fascinating. Kidman was really just about high school age when it was filmed - about 19. Check out her hair, and her perhaps too-thin frame. (sample right)

A film clip of Julie Andrews in Duet for One. I think this is the first time I have seen this scene in motion. I don't know why this has never been on DVD. In addition to featuring the career-best nudity from a major star who rarely got naked, it was directed by one of Tarkovsky's most trusted collaborators, Andrei Konchalovsky, and features many international superstars. You can see Liam Neeson in the clip. Others in the cast include Max von Sydow, Alan Bates, and Rupert Everett.

A film clip of Sigourney Weaver in A Map of the World. The quality is not spectacular, and it's dubbed clumsily, but it is a rare full-screen version and therefore shows all of the Sigourney Weaver lower-body nudity which was missing from the widescreen DVD.

Here are the non-Alba women of Good Luck Chuck

 

 

 

 

 

 

La Lozana Andaluza

La Lozana Andaluza (Norma Duval) moves to Rome where she meets Rampin and takes him as a servant and lover. Using her charm she makes a fortune. One day the plague hits Rome and she decides to move to an island to start a new life with a new identity.

 

 

Norma Duval

 

 

 

 

 

 

 
 

Two things you need to know about Scotty JX. One thing is this: he runs a website called Action Girls in which he gets some Eastern European hotties with Anglicized names to make all nice for the camera. And the second thing? He is Andy Sidaris on steroids. Not those wimpy Palmeiro kind either. Lyle Alzado, gonna eat your brain kind...that's what Scotty boy must be taking. When he makes a DVD he gets the gals way more nekkid than Andy did is his hey-day. We are talking gynocams to right of me, proctocams to the left. And he doesn't just arm a few of the gals with things covered by the 2nd Amendment, no sireee. He gives em mortars and dynamite and all sorts of explosive little toys.

The DVD I just looked at, volume 3 in the series of ActionGirls.com disks, has something of a plot that has a bit to do with post-Apocalyptic Europe and a bunch of scantily clad gals fightin' against The Man.  So you do get some fighting including a 3-on-1 in which a gal dispatches three men with a mortar. Not one lucky shot, either. Three separate shots spot on target to nail some bozos who run in straight lines.  They deserved it for being so stupid. This is not really a plot, however. More like a series of vignettes in which one gal does mean and angry things with her parts barely covered. And after each action vignette the gal of the hour strips down to her labia majora and wiggles a lot. But before you say this cannot be too entertaining, please understand the gals Scotty chooses to strip and wiggle are serious hotties. You can find most of 'em all over the web. So you laugh through the miserable action scenes and pant through the wiggle ones. Fair enough.

This volume could have been given the alternate title: Susana Spears Has a Wonderfully Big Ass. She is all over the disk and her caboose truly is the star of the show...an Academy Award winning ass. So let's start there. Here is Susana Spears in 23 collages and 8 clips. There is so much more just in case you think this stuff is sorta okay. 

Various film clips.

 

 

 

 

  
 

The Comedy Wire

Comments in yellow...



Paul Croft, a factory worker from Nottingham, England, is not happy with J.K. Rowling.  He spent $1200 and two years having a giant portrait of Hogwarts head wizard Albus Dumbledore tattooed on his back.  He said, "It seemed like a good idea at the time."  But then, Rowling announced that Dumbledore was gay and in love with another wizard. Since then, all the guys at work have been teasing him and saying, "Watch your backs, lads" whenever he enters the room.  Still, Croft says, "I don't regret it, and I'm not going to get rid of it."

*  Whoever imagined that spending $1200 and enduring two years of pain to get a giant picture of a wizard permanently etched into your skin would turn out to be a stupid idea?






Daniel Dae Kim was arrested on suspicion of DUI in Honolulu, becoming the fourth actor from the TV show "Lost" to get busted in Hawaii for drunk driving or other traffic violations.

* They may rename it "Lost Weekend".