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This top section includes Scoop's site notes, images, vids, web finds, and meandering prattle. |
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Jacqueline Hyde (2005)
Just call me Rip Van Winkle. It seems I watched this
film after having slept for many years.
You see, it's a story about a mousy, overweight girl
who discovers her grandfather's Jekyll/Hyde formula, That turns out to
be a very
potent concoction which allows her to transform herself into anything -
a gorgeous supermodel, a lithe dancer, even a hunky guy. It stars
Gabriella Hall.
Now what does that have to do with Rip Van Winkle?
Well, I would have expected Gabriella Hall to play the "after", but
she plays the "before" - she's the frumpy chunky-monkey telemarketer. I guess I
probably should have set the alarm for 1996 when I took that long nap.
Either that, or I should have paid my cable bill. I guess the Cinemax
world kind of passed me by.
I read a few pans of this film from the online
reviewers linked at IMDb. Filmcritic.com went so far as to say, "The
film is so badly made it's hysterical." I don't agree with that at
all. The film has some serious lighting issues, but I think director Rolfe Kanefsky did a lot of things quite
competently in this film, given the obvious budgetary constraints.
(1) He found an architecturally unusual mansion to
be his primary filming location, and that choice lent the film a
unique look and gave it plenty of detail and texture. The mansion's
interior, complete with a full range of gags and gimmicks, and
decorated with vintage posters and showbiz memorabilia, seemed
totally appropriate as the former home of a professional magician -
because it really was a magician's home! Kanefsky rewrote parts of
the script after he found the location.
(2) In general, I like what he did with the
placement and movement of the camera. With few exceptions, the storyboarding is smooth
and coherent.
(3) The music blends well with the visuals to
accentuate the appropriate moods.
Of course, it is also possible to draw up a list of
criticisms. With any B movie, Santa's "nice" list is always balanced off
in full or part by the "naughty" list, because there are always
compromises when money is tight. Some of the acting is good, some
isn't so good. Some of the special effects are shaky. I expect those
sorts of things in a low budget movie, so I brush them away mentally.
The only important thing on
my "naughty" list is the lighting, which really poisoned the
cinematography. The exterior daylight shots in this film are quite
good, and some of the daytime interiors look fine, but just about all
of the evening and night activity needed a few more lightbulbs. That's
a critical flaw because the film features gore effects and pretty
girls en deshabille, and those elements don't serve much purpose if you
can't see them!
Excluding the lighting, however, I think Kanefsky
delivered a pretty good bang for the buck in terms of production
values. Unfortunately, I don't think the film has an audience. It is a
reasonably interesting interpretation of the Jekyll/Hyde story, but in
the final analysis, it is a genre film without a genre.
- It isn't really scary enough to be a balls-out
horror film.
- There isn't enough gore to please the gorehounds.
- There isn't enough nudity to please the Cinemax
crowd, but there is too much sexual content for the film to work as
a studio-style Halloween release. I watched the unrated version, and
it is definitely a hard R or NC-17, but without much clear nudity,
and no lower body frontal nudity at all.
The lead character is obsessed with sex, there are numerous sex
scenes, and there are various self-induced orgasms, but there is
simply not
much nudity, and the sex scenes have not been shot to
feature the nudity. Too much editing; too few light bulbs.
The tame nudity, even in the unrated version and the
deleted scenes, is surprising because Kanefsky has delivered some pretty good
soft-core films in the past. We know he can do it right, so he must
have been deliberately trying to avoid going in the direction of
erotica. A quick peek at the most recent films in Kanefsky's IMDb
filmography seems to confirm that he wants to move away from sex films
in order to become a horror film director. The following "official
summary" indicates that he hopes Jacqueline Hyde can be taken
seriously as a psychological horror drama:
"A lonely and shy young woman inherits a house and stumbles upon a secret formula that
enables her to transform her body in any way she wants. Each time she
takes on a different form, she loses parts of her own personality
until she doesn't know where her real self ends and her new alter-ego
begins. The struggle between her new found abilities and her own
conscience lead up to a climax where she will have to recapture her
old life or give in to her desires."
Frankly, this film is not going to please the literary people who
want to see their favorite Stevenson story re-interpreted. So who is going to be pleased with this film?
Not the splatter/slasher crowd. Not the people interested in sexual
titillation. I don't know of an audience. I honestly think Kanefsky could have been on to something
with Jacqueline Hyde if he had simply thought in advance, "Who is my
audience? How am I going to deliver a kick-ass film for that
audience?"
Rolfe Kanefsky made a pretty good
film when he was only 21 years old - the rough but promising There's
Nothing Out There, a self-referential precursor to "Scream."
Fifteen years later, that is still his highest-rated film at
IMDb ...
Just as Jacqueline Hyde is a genre film looking for
a genre, Kanefsky is a director searching for a niche to match his
abilities and interests. Maybe next time.
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"Halloween III The Season of the Witch"
Halloween III The Season of the Witch. (1982), in honor of the season. This episode focuses less on gore than most in the series. A man is killed mysteriously in a hospital. His daughter (Stacey Nelkin) enlists a doctor, Tom Atkins, to help her figure out what happened to him. Everything leads to a town controlled by a toy manufacturer (The Silver Shamrock Corporation), who has the most advertised and hottest selling masks. Hidden in the logos is a hybrid electronic circuit, which, when triggered by a TV commercial, will kill anyone wearing it.
Nelken shows breasts through a shower door, and most of a breast when her towel handling gets careless. As this is unlike the other films in the franchise, I am guessing fans don't consider it a real Halloween film. I, on the other hand, sort of liked it for that very reason. Some of the acting was top notch, and Nelkin is easy to look at.
IMDb readers have this at 3.6, even though it earned $14.4M against an estimated $2.5M budget. This is a C. It has suspense, a little gore, a little nudity, in short, all of the genre essentials.
"Hardcore"
Hardcore (2004), made in Greece, is a portrait of two teenage hookers, 16 year old Dannai Skiadi, and 17 year old Katerina Tsavalou. Initially, Katerina is jealous of Dannai, whom she feels gets special treatment from the boss, and she assumes gives more pleasure to the customers since she is younger. They both date male hookers from the same establishment. The two become friends, then flat mates and lovers, then competitors again when Dannai becomes famous after getting her boyfriend to kill the boss. Katerina again has the jealousy problem.
Both women do full frontal. IMDb readers say 6.4 of 10. The two actresses are cute, and believable, but the gritty realism made it a rather unpleasant experience for me. If teenage hooker character driven dramas are your thing, then you will enjoy it. C.
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D'oh!
Some of the luggage got lost on the way back from our visit with "Ginger", but they finally found it and dropped it off this morning. By the way, why does lost luggage always end up in Cleveland?
Here's an unknown from "Ginger"; forced to strip and spread the legs wide.
It's a short trip for the Time Machine today to 1999 to visit "Alien Files", a flick with one thing in mind...skin.
First we have Gabriella Hall topless in a "Babe in Bondage" scene of sorts and then more Robo-Hooters in a hospital bed.
Next is Delphine Pacific Playing with her boobies, just a hint of bush and then a little sex with the Captain of the space ship.
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We've got only one celebrity from the tiny Grand Duchy of Luxembourg in the Encyclopedia. Her name is Désirée Nosbusch, she is very well known in Germany and she does have her own volume in the Encyclopedia, which must probably uncover her as exhaustively as possible. That's why I thought it was high time to see this young lady in motion pictures.
The occasion is "Nach Mitternacht" (After Midnight), her very first role back in 1981, when she debuted with a triple B performance. Désirée also had a try at international stardom under the name of Desiree Becker, most notably in Good Morning Babylonia, but I don't think she achieved the goals she set for herself in this domain. But please enjoy these two clips and stick your nose in the the aptly named Miss NosBUSCH's affairs.
For the sake of completeness I am adding a clip of another actress who showed some skin in this movie. I'm referring to Krista Stadler who showed breast and buns at age 41 in a bath tub scene.
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'Caps and comments by Spaz:
"Eric Idle's Personal Best"
Recent Monty Pyhton compilation by Eric Idle with all new (female) nudity.
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unknown:
topless, nudge nudge, wink wink, say no more |
"Jabberwocky" (1977)
Monty python-esque movie starring Michael Palin.
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Deborah Fallender:
all three Bs |
Alexandra Dane:
Carry On actress almost falling out of her bodice |
"The Missionary" (1982)
Another monty python-esque movie starring Michael Palin
as a naughty priest who opens up a shelter for wayward prostitutes
which soon turns into a brothel.
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Tricia George:
almost falling out of her bodice |
Valerie Whittington:
full frontal |
unknowns:
nude in bed with Michael Palin and Valerie Whittingto. |
"Body & Soul": episode Shadow Boxing
The thing about tv show about holistic medicine it's
an excuse to show actresses in very revealing yoga
exercises. Next week it's high kicks with no underwear.
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Larissa Laskin:
almost falling out of her leotards |
"Dead Man's Gun": episode Next of Kin
A rare appearance by Helen Shaver where she
keeps her clothes on during a sex scene.
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Helen Shaver:
almost falling out of her bodice |
"Over There" episode Situation Normal
Mrs. B gets out of uniform again this time as a lesbian.
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Nicki Aycox:
full dorsal in shower |
Cathryn De Prume:
partial boobs as evil lesbian |
"Lexx miniseries"
Probably the most feared woman in sci-fi, she-cannibal Giggerota the Wicked. Literally Polish for "liver eater".
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Ellen Dubin:
mega cleavage |
"Lexx: episode P4X"
Now with the wonders of google
the two shower nudes have finally been sorted out.
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Lydia Klenck:
boobs and tatoos |
Beth Mahaney:
boobs and butt |
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'Caps and comments by Oz:
"Loverboy"
No nudity in Loverboy (1989), just a few sexy half-dressed women such as Kate Jackson, Barbara Carrera, Rebecca Holden and Kim Myori.
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| Kate Jackson |
Barbara Carrera |
Rebecca Holden |
Kim Myori
"Spider-man 2"
Kirsten Dunst seems to attract a lot of criticism in the gossip pages, but I must have missed what she did wrong. However, in Spider-man 2 (2004) there's pokies and an upskirt.
"Jericho Mansions"
The best bit of Jericho Mansions (2003) is Jennifer Tilly's incredible cleavage, with a bit of see-through nipple. Johanne McKay is topless but is covered with food, and there are nice caps of Maribel Verdu and Susan Glover.
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| Maribel Verdu |
Susan Glover |
Johanne McKay |
"Sexy Boys"
Sexy Boys (2001) is the French version of American Pie, with just the right amount of titillation. There's see-through breast exposure of Violette Palcossian, who plays an amateur porn star. We also see the breast of a girl I couldn't identify and we have a good look at Sarah Marshall, Armelle Deutsch and Virginie Lanoue.
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| Unknown |
Sarah Marshall |
Armelle Deutsch |
Virginie Lanoue |
"Starsky and Hutch"
The only nudity in Starsky and Hutch (2004) is by Brande Roderick, and we only see it from the back. Pokies and cleavage by Carmen Electra and Amy Smart.
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| Amy Smart |
Brande Roderick |
Carmen Electra |
"Cape Fear"
More of Juliette Lewis in Cape Fear (1991). Again, no nudity just pokies and underwearh by Juliette and Illeana Douglas.
Illeana Douglas
"Ed Wood"
Ed Wood (1994), the story of the infamous director, has Sarah Jessica Parker and Lisa Marie in the process of undressing.
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| Sarah Jessica Parker |
Lisa Marie |
"White Chicks"
Some sexy shots, upskirts and pokies by Brittany Daniel and Jaime King in White Chicks (2004).
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| Brittany Daniel |
Jaime King |
"Johnny Dangerously"
Plenty of cleavage and leg in Johnny Dangerously by Marilu Henner, Glynnis O'Connor and Trisha Long.
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| Marilu Henner |
Glynnis O'Connor |
Trisha Long |
"New York Minute"
New York Minute (1994) reminded me of the old TV show The Patty Duke Show, where Patty Duke played two dissimilar cousins. The idea was recycled in New York Minute with the Olsen twins playing dissimilar sisters. An upskirt by both girls.
"Kids"
There's see-through nudity in Kids (1995) by Michele Lockwood and Carisa Glucksman when they go swimming in their underwear. Sarah Henderson comes close to nipple exposure and there's nice caps of Yakira Peguero, Rosario Dawson and Chloe Sevigny.
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| Carisa Glucksman |
Chloe Sevigny |
Rosario Dawson |
Yakira Peguero |
Sarah Henderson
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Famed French actor Gerard Depardieu says in a newspaper interview that he's
ending his film career - and swears he wasn't drunk when he said it. For
once.
How much worse could it get for the Vikings?
- Opposing players are doing TD celebrations by pretending to be on a
boat.
- The team is getting blown out. They were down 24-0 at halftime,
accumulating only 76 total yards.
- "Minnesota coach Mike Tice said the team feared Culpepper will miss
the rest of the season."
The 90 second trailer for BloodRayne, Ewe Boll's latest.
- What an amazingly eclectic cast! T-X, Mr Blonde, and Gandhi head up
the cast, and the minor players include Billy Zane, Meat Loaf, Udo Kier,
and Eddie the Cruiser.
- It seems that Gandhi has now entered the Aging John Gielgud portion of
his career, in which he will be required to wear a silly wig, or at least
a silly hat, in every role.
Top Ten Star Cars from TV
Bill Shatner tells his Secrets. This is a very funny comedy bit. I think
it is originally from Conan's show.
Film Jerk's Early Report for October 30
- "... detailed coverage of all films scheduled to be released in the
upcoming six weeks, including screen counts, running times and ratings.
This week's Early Report covers the 61 known new movies opening in
theatres or expanding their runs between Wednesday November 2 and Friday
December 9"
If you haven't had sex on a Jet Ski, you haven't had sex
The "Headline of the Day" award goes to the AP:
"Suicide Mistaken for Halloween Decoration"
David Spade reviews showbiz news on The Showbiz Show
David Spade has a plan to save Katie Holmes, and it involves a parakeet and
a PT Cruiser.
"BUSH STRIPS LIBBY OF NICKNAME" ... Renames Cheney Aide "Lying Bastard"
In Secret White House Ceremony
- According to a White House source, the president takes nicknames “very
seriously” and therefore stripping a staffer of his playful moniker is the
greatest punishment that Mr. Bush can levy on a subordinate who has found
disfavor with him. “It’s something all of us dread,” said the source,
whose own nickname is Chatty.
- According to Professor Davis Logsdon of the University of Minnesota’s
School of Law, Mr. Libby’s new nickname could come back to haunt him when
his case eventually goes to trial: “When you put your hand on the Bible
and say, ‘I, Lying Bastard Libby, swear to tell the truth,’ that could
potentially hurt you with a jury.”
Weekend box office - Saw II shows some teeth.
- The overall box office, as measured by the top twelve films this year
versus the top twelve last year, was down 7%, but (a) that was a major
improvement over last week (b) Saw II was a major exception.
- Saw II was the winner of the week, with a thirty million dollar
opening. That was about 50% better than expected, and about 65% better
than Saw's debut last Halloween.
- According to Mojo, Saw II was made for four million dollars. Wow!
That'll make a buck or two.
- Unfortunately, the success of the Saw sequel seems to have
cannibalized from other films. Compared to the predictions made by Box
Office Mojo, Saw 2th was the only film to exceed expectations.
- The other new releases were just slightly off target, and all finished
within the range established by Weekend Warrior and Box Office Mojo.
- The carry-overs got killed. The big loser of the week was Doom, which
entered record-setting territory by dropping from $15.5 million to $4.0.
It dropped 73.8% from its first weekend to its second. Among films with an
opening weekend above $10 million, this is the second worst performance of
all time, exceeded only by Star Trek: Nemesis.
- My guess is that Saw II and Doom share the same target market, and
those moviegoers devoured the fresher meat. If they hadn't already seen
Doom, they chose Saw II instead - a logical choice since it's a horror
movie, and it is Halloween weekend. But I'm just speculating.
- Capote and "Good Night, and Good Luck" continued to pull in solid
revenues per screen in limited runs.
Bob Dylan, George Harrison and Leon Russel sing/play Just Like a Woman in
the 70s.
"B-list Hollywood celebrities ... are finding that ... the release of their
home-made sex videos can be a big career boost"
From your source for
Hollywood insider info: The Pakistan Daily Times.
The hardest choice a man will ever have to make ...
Jennifer Aniston or beer?
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Here are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com
- The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
- If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
- A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
- If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.
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