Saturday

Tuna
"Enemy Gold"

Enemy Gold (1993) is the lowest rated of the Sidaris Guns, Babes and Bombs series at 2.5 of 10. The story takes place in exotic Texas, outside Dallas. Three federal agents bust some drug smugglers, killing two, and arresting the other two. The agent in charge of the district is furious with them for not letting him in on what they were doing. Turns out there is a good reason for him to be upset. The boss of that smuggling ring is his partner. He gets the three agents suspended, and the person the feel is really their boss, but who now rides a desk in DC, tells them to go camping while she tries to straighten things out. Meanwhile, the head smuggler calls in professional hit woman Julie Strain to get even with the three agents. In a sub-pot, Quantrell's Raiders had hidden stolen gold in the area, and the three agents are going to look for it while chilling out.

This had far less plot than the first four releases in this series, but it was easy to follow. There was only one exploding helicopter, and the only other toy was the same crossbow with exploding arrow tips we have seen before. But, like every other film in the series, it delivers on T & A.

Julie Strain shows breasts and buns, playing the heavy.

Suzi Simpson as one of the three agents shows breasts and buns, including a lovely outdoor shower scene.

Tai Collins as the DC agent shows breasts and buns.

Stacy Lynn Brown and Angela Wright showed breasts and buns. They had no character names, and no way to tell which is which.

Tai Collins, as Tanquil Lisa Collins, wrote 11 episodes of Bay Watch. I am a fan of the series, as these films are perfect when you are in the mood to watch but not think, but this one was beneath even my tolerance level. The DVD, like the others in the series, is full of special features. D+.

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  • Stacy Lynn Brown and Angela Wright (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13)
  • Julie Strain (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
  • Suzi Simpson (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18)
  • Tai Collins (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12)

  • Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)
    MOVIES:

    Justine is an excellent example of 60's Euro-cult cinema. Directed by Jess Franco, starring Klaus Kinski and Jack Palance, it was an adaptation of a novel by the Marquis de Sade. It had a big budget by the standards of the era, some name stars, and crisp visuals, making it one of the Cadillacs of the genre. It included a tremendous amount of nudity by 1968 standards, and even some brief frontals (although they were never seen in the USA or the UK, which ran an English-language version with about 30 minutes cut from it, mostly to make it more double-feature friendly for the USA drive-in market. (It was called Deadly Sanctuary in its North American release). The transfer is excellent, with fully saturated colors and sharp focus.

    • Romina Power. She was the greatest weakness of the film. She got the job because she was Tyrone Power's daughter, and she couldn't act a lick. But she looked ok, if immature.
      (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11)
    • Maria Rohm (1, 2, 3)
    • Sylva Koscina (1, 2)
    • others (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)

    MAILBOX:

    (scoop's replies in yellow)

    Do you happen to know if any actual photos exist of The View's Meredith Vieira accidentally flashing the audience on an April 2, 1999
    episode?  In the episode she was modeling a wedding dress and I think part of the top slipped off (I think Star Jones was tugging at it).  I
    remember it being on the news at the time and Meredith later made a parody of the incident by coming on the show with prosthetic breasts
    (you have a few good pictures of that latter spoof).  I know this really happened- I think there may have been a censored version on the news- but when I do a search on the web I find nothing.  It seems almost as if either no one ever taped the show (it is live, of course), or ABC destroyed the part with the boob slip, pulling a 'Joan Crawford' (Rumor has it that the Hollywood Studios apparently  destroyed all of Joan's pornographic films from the silent era once she became a star).  I truly hope that this has not happened with Meredith, but I am sure someone, somewhere has a tape of the show.  I think it is- pardon the analogy- the 'Holy Grail' of celebrity nudity on tape. 

    Nope, don't know. Welcome reader comments.


    UPDATES:

    • Updated Encyclopedia volumes for Xuxa, Kari Wuhrer, Deborah Unger, Vanity,  and Sean Young

    OTHER CRAP:


     

    Here are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.

    • The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
    • If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
    • A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Lawdog or Junior or C2000 or Realist or ICMS or Mick Locke, or somebody else besides me)
    • If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

    Graphic Response
    • Nicole Kidman, full frontal and rear nudity from "Billy Bathgate" (1991).

    Be sure to pay Graphic Response a visit at his website. www.graphic-barry.com.

    Brainscan
    'Caps and comments by Brainscan:

    Antoinette Abbott in "Model Solution". A triple B performance with many a good look at her lower half. This movie is notable for sending the camera lens below the equator almost as much as above, and this is where Antoinette shines.

    The rundown:

    Helvete
    Chusa Barbero
    (1, 2, 3)

    The Spanish actress topless in love scenes from "Besos para todos" aka "Kisses for Everyone" (2000).

    Paz Vega
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)

    Another beautiful Spanish babe showing off the goods. This time we see all three B's (link #5) and plenty of breast exposure in scenes from "Lucía y el sexo" (2001).

    Hankster
    'Caps and comments by Hankster:

    Today it's back to "Werewolf Shadow" and Gaby Fuchs.

    First, Gaby is somewhat of a "Damsel in Peril" as she is frightened by a mummy. Then she suffers a little blood letting at the hands of 2 female vampires. Not to worry...it was a dream. Next, Gaby shows breasts while lovemaking with Paul Nascy.

    • Gaby Fuchs (breasts visible in links 6-10) (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)

    Variety
    Dana Delany Excellent full frontal nudity as she emerges from the pool in "Exit to Eden". 'Caps by Finn.

    Nicole Kidman Once again...full frontal, plus rear nudity in "Billy Bathgate". Thanks again to Finn.

    Marine Delterme
    Philippine Leroy-Beaulieu
    (1, 2)


    Both ladies bare breasts (Leroy-Beaulieu while gettin' it on) in vidcaps from "Vatel", by Hydargos.


    Joanne Guest
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

    The UK babe baring breasts and thong views in a variety of British TV appearances. Collages by Watty.

    Sigourney Weaver
    (1, 2, 3)

    A great rare find by Señor Skin...Weaver topless in a love scene from the French movie "Une femme ou deux" aka "One Woman or Two" (1985).

    The Funnies by Number 6
    Pat Reeder www.comedy-wire.com
    Pat's comments in yellow...

    ANYBODY WANNA JERK OFF A GORILLA?
    Call Anna Nicole Smith! - Managers at Taronga Zoo in Sydney, Australia, want to help Kibabu, the zoo's gorilla who is having trouble breeding. They planned to sedate him, then have zookeepers "manually stimulate" him to get sperm for artificial insemination. One problem: the zookeepers are refusing to help masturbate a sedated gorilla. A management spokesman said, "I believe it's done in Europe," but a zookeeper told The Age newspaper that it's "too bloody dangerous. What if he woke up?"

  • Just finish up quickly, and he'll roll over and go back to sleep.
  • This sounds like a job for Tom Green!
  • European gorillas are so much more blase about sex.
  • They should just hire a French hooker; they're used to doing this.


    MORE RIDICULOUS REALITY SHOWS ON TAP
    Or Just Pick Someone Out Of The Phone Book - If you think you could do a better job of picking a bride for "The Bachelor" than he does, here's your chance to prove it. Fox is planning a reality series called "Married By America," in which desperate singles volunteer to let viewers vote on who they should marry. The producer defended the show, saying that arranged marriages are the norm in many cultures, and with America's 50 percent divorce rate, this could work out better than picking a mate yourself.

  • But he's been married eight times, so he's a little jaded.
  • If not, they could go on "Divorce Court" and let viewers vote on who gets the kids.
  • Besides, if you are married by America, you can love it or leave it.
  • Contestants better pray that there are no prank callers with speed dial.


    TONYA MAY SUE OVER HOT SAUCE
    Why?! Why?! Why?! - Tonya Harding is considering suing the makers of "Tonya Hot Sauce," whose label features a cartoon of Tonya in front of a trailer, holding skates and a hubcap, and the slogans "Guaranteed to assault your taste buds" and "Not for the weak-kneed." Lawyers say she'd have a hard time proving defamation, since they're not saying anything false about her, but they do appear to be using her image to make money.

  • Then again, that's more than she ever did with it.
  • She may not be suing...Her exact words were, "I'm comin' after them."
  • Tonya doesn't even like hot sauce, although she is often sauced.


    WINONA RYDER TRIAL UPDATE
    Jurors Make $6 A Day - Jurors at Winona Ryder's shoplifting trial audibly gasped yesterday...not at Winona's alleged crimes, but at the prices of the things she supposedly stole from Sak's on Rodeo Drive. As the D.A. read a list of the loot and its price, spectators grew bug-eyed: a $740 blouse, two handbags priced at over $500 each, a hat priced at $210, a $112 hair bow and so on.

  • The jury may find that it was Sak's who committed robbery!
  • If she'd shoplifted the same stuff at Wal-Mart, it would've been petty theft.
  • When you're a movie star, you have to steal only the best.


    The Jury Saw Right Through Her - Wednesday, Winona herself drew gasps when she came to court in a black see-through dress. The jury could tell her bra was black and her panties were white. Her lawyer must've scolded her because on Thursday, she was properly dressed.

  • And she apologized for not having time to shoplift matching underwear.
  • She thought white panties would make her look more innocent.


    DREW AND TOM REACH DIVORCE SETTLEMENT
    Good Lawyer, Tom! - The TV Show "Extra" reports that in the divorce agreement ending their five-month marriage, Tom Green will give Drew Barrymore their house and a one-time payment of $307,000, and he keeps all rights to his "intellectual property."

  • That's not fair! She gets cash and the house, and he gets nothing!
  • Seems like Drew should be the one paying HIM to go away.

    (See Tom's "intellectual property" list at The Smoking Gun. Note that it says this property "has uncertain, if any, current value." No kidding.)