Thursday

Third party videos:

The Dukes of Hazzard (2005)

How did the Criterion Collection miss this one? Perhaps they have to wait until after the film has been broadcast on Masterpiece Theater, where Johnny Knoxville and Stifler are regulars. I don't believe I'll ever forget their spectacular four hour version of Hamlet, starring Knoxville as the melancholy (but reckless) Dane. Some critics were impressed, while others questioned the need to have Hamlet deliver his major soliloquies while riding weightless on the "vomit comet."

To be fair, Tuna and I both found the unrated DVD to be ... well, not good of course, but at least mildly amusing and moderately sexy. (Movie House Review)

Anyway, it seems that Jessica Simpson may have shown more than I previously thought. Check out this HDTV clip (zipped .avi), and the caps below to see if you agree.

 

 

 

 

 

OTHER CRAP:

TheNuttyBuddy.com
  • "The Nutty Buddy is a revolutionary athletic cup designed by a pro baseball player for superior protection of your most valuable assetsThe Nutty Buddy is a revolutionary athletic cup designed by a pro baseball player for superior protection of your most valuable assets"
  • It comes in three sizes: The Boss, The Hog, and El Jefe

 

"Cheney Reminds Bush He Has Pictures of Him Naked" ... Veep Unlikely to Be Axed, Insiders Say

  • Bush axe Darth Cheney? In my opinion that will never happen. Cheney is Bush's #1 insurance against impeachment. You think any Democratic congress would hand the Presidency to Big Dick? That'd be like B'nai Brith electing Mel Gibson president.

 

I love British colloquialisms: Oh-oh. The Democrats are already cock-a-hoop. Especially Ted Kennedy.

  • I was also cock-a-hoop a while back, but a shot of penicillin fixed me right up
  • The OED has a ton on this one:

    Phrase. to set (the) cock on (the) hoop, cock a hoop: app. to turn on the tap and let the liquor flow; hence, to drink without stint; to drink and make good cheer with reckless prodigality. Obs.
     

    1529 More Comf. agst. Trib. ii. Wks. 1177/2 They+set them downe and dryncke well for our sauiours sake, sette cocke a hoope, and fyll in all the cuppes at ones, and then lette Chrystes passion paye for all the scotte. 1538 Bale Thre Lawes 1806 Cheare now maye I make & set cocke on the houpe. Fyll in all the pottes, and byd me welcome hostesse. 1540 Palsgr. Acolastus (Wedgwood), Let us sette the cocke on the hope and make good chere within doores. 1562 J. Heywood Prov. & Epigr. (1867) 54 He maketh hauok, and setteth cocke on the hoope. He is so laueis, the stocke beginneth to droope. 1606 Heywood 2nd Pt. If you know not me Wks. 1874 I. 257 These knaues Sit cocke-a-hope, but Hobson pays for all. 1611 Cotgr., Se goguer, to+make good cheere, set cocke-a-hoope, throw the house out at windowes. 1621 Molle Camerar. Liv. Libr. iii. i. 147 Resolued+to set cock in hoope, and in guzling and good cheere spent all that was left. 1658 R. Brathwait Hon. Ghost 26 (N.) The cock on hoop is set, Hoping to drink their lordships out of debt.


    By extension: (a) To abandon oneself to reckless enjoyment. (b) To cast off all restraint, become reckless. (c) To give a loose to all disorder, to set all by the ears. Obs.


    1547 Boorde Introd. Knowl. 117 Now I am a frysker, all men doth on me looke; What should I do, but set cocke on the hoope? 1560 J. Daus tr. Sleidane's Comm. 441b, There be found diuers+which setting cocke on houpe, beleue nothinge at all, neither regard they what, reason, what, honesty, or what thing conscience doth prescribe. 1576 Newton tr. Lemnie's Complex. (1633) 221 Lighting in the company of amorous and beautifull Damosels, they set cocke on hoope, and+become as merry as the merriest. 1592 Shakes. Rom. & Jul. i. v. 83 Youle make a Mutinie among the Guests: You will set cocke a hoope, youle be the man. [Some would connect this rather with 2 or 3.]
     


    As an exclamation of reckless joy or elation.
     

    1568 Jacob & Esau v. i. in Hazl. Dodsley II. 246 Then, faith, cock-on-hoop, all is ours! thou, who but he?


    as adv. in phrase to set (oneself or something) cock-a-hoop: i.e. in a position or state of unrestrained elation or exultation. [Quot. 1689 prob. influenced by cock n.1 the fowl.] Obs.
     

    1689 Trial Pritchard v. Papillon 6 Nov. (1684) 31 He sets himself Cock-a-hoop, as if there were no one that took care of the City besides himself. 1720 Gay Poems (1745) II. 123 Your eyes, lips, breasts are so provoking—They set my heart more cock-a-hoop Than could whole seas of cray-fish soupe.


    as pred. adj. (in to be, make cock-a-hoop): In a state of elation; crowing with exultation. [Here association with the fowl becomes evident.]
     

    1663 Butler Hud. i. iii. 14 Hudibras+having routed the whole Troop, With Victory was Cock-a-hoop. 1673 Marvell Reh. Transp. II. 264 You were exceedingly straitned in time; and then a little after were all Cock-a-Hoop. 1677 Coles, To be cock-a-hoop, ampullari, insolescere, cristas erigere. c1690 B. E. Dict. Cant. Crew, Cock-a-hoop, upon the high Ropes, Rampant, Transported. 1719 Cordial Low Spirits 162 The church was very cock-a-hoop, and held up its head and crow'd. 1817 M. Edgeworth Love & L. ii. i, To make Catty cockahoop, I told her that, etc. 1834 Greville Mem. Geo. IV (1875) III. xxiii. 104 The Tories have been mighty cock-a-hoop. 1887 H. Smart Cleverly Won x. 86 They are all as cock-a-hoop about her chance as ever I saw folks in my life.


    as attrib. adj. Elated, exultant, boastfully and loudly triumphant.
     

    1837 Gen. P. Thompson Exerc. (1842) IV. 201 The cock-a-hoop hilarity of the Tories. 1863 Mrs. C. Clarke Shaks. Char. iv. 102 We never lose the cock-a-whoop vein in Bottom's character.


    adv. Elatedly, triumphantly.
     

    1809 W. Irving Knickerb. iii. vi, That ingenuous habit of mind which always thinks aloud; which rides cock-a-hoop on the tongue. 1871 Member for Paris II. 10 M. Paul+began unwisely to crow cock-a-whoop before the time.


    Hence cock-a-hooping vbl. n.; cock-a-hoopish; cock-a-hoopness. (nonce-wds.)
     

    1862 Sat. Rev. XIV. 776/2 These groans and these cock-a-whoopings at the sale of the Cornhill. 1885 Globe 9 May 3/1 The younger sister—for France considers her as such—is getting too ‘cock-a-hoopish’. 1889 Ibid. 23 Nov. 574/1 The boisterous cock-a-hoopness of some of his present associates.

 

Vacation Tips: "Giant, Hungry Snails Overrunning Caribbean Island of Barbados" That headline has to be great for tourism.

From France

 

"An attempt to answer how a beauty pageant and a muskrat-skinning contest came to co-exist."

 

An 8-point buck wanders through a SuperTarget in Iowa

 

Colbert introduces the new theme song for his Tek Jansen series.

 

The HD trailer for Turistas

  • "Finn and Liam, who just want to experience for themselves the beautiful Brazilian women they’ve heard so much about. The new friends find a hazy night of exotic liquors and sensuous dancing later, they wake up alone, their possessions gone, and only the faintest traces of the nightmare to come on their lips."

 

The HD trailer for Deja Vu, a new thriller starring Denzel.

  • "It is deja vu that unexpectedly guides ATF agent Doug Carlin through an investigation into a shattering crime. Called in to recover evidence after a bomb sets off a cataclysmic explosion on a New Orleans Ferry, Carlin is about to discover that what most people believe is only in their heads is actually something far more powerful."

 

The spectacular HD trailer for Pan's Labyrinth, the new "adult fantasy" from Guillermo del Toro

 

The trailer for Deck the Halls - a family Christmas comedy

  • "A family comedy about one-upsmanship, jealousy, clashing neighbors, home decoration...and the true spirit of the holidays. Steve (Matthew Broderick), a suburban dad and Christmas enthusiast, leads a well-ordered, well-planned, and well-organized life. His new neighbor, Danny (Danny DeVito), is Steve's polar opposite: a big personality with big dreams, which have yet to materialize. But Danny's latest dream - to create the biggest holiday light display in the world, visible from outer space - is turning Steve's disciplined world into a chaotic nightmare. As Danny's home explodes with festive lights of incredible design, increasing complexity, and exponentially-growing wattage, Steve becomes a man on a mission. At any cost, he will thwart Danny - or top him."

 

The trailer for Venus, the latest Peter O'Toole movie, which comes from the director of Notting Hill

 

Can It Be? Is this the Britney Spears/K-Fed Sex Tape?

 

Politicians Sweep Midterm Elections

 

Bizarre commercial for the Borat soundtrack

 

This Week's Movies: a pretty good line-up.

  • Babel - from arthouse hot-shot Inarritu - 1200 theaters, 74% positive reviews, and some modest Oscar buzz.
  • Stranger than Fiction - Will Farrell - 2200 theaters, 73% positive reviews
  • Harsh Times - the follow-up to Training Day, starring Christian Bale - 60% positive reviews, 900 theaters
  • The Return - a supernatural thriller starring Buffy - 1800 theaters - not pre-screened for critics
  • A Good Year - Russell Crowe's new one - the only film with poor reviews (so far) this week: 33% good reviews, 2000 theaters

 

The Weekend Warrior's box office predictions for the upcoming weekend. It's a weekend for big stars in offbeat films.

  • Borat is pegged for #1 in its expansion to 2550 theaters, grossing $30m. Warrior's numbers for this film make perfect sense to me. They seem to be modeled directly on the second week of Blair Witch, which is the only film with comparable numbers. Whether he's right or wrong, I came up with the same exact prediction independently.
  • Will Ferrell is expected to be #2, but since it's kind of an arty Will Ferrell movie with about 2/3 of the normal theater coverage, the numbers are not expected to be impressive.
  • Russell Crowe is also starring in what is an atypical film for him, the one that looks like a chick-flick, a gender-reversal of Under the Tuscan Sun. This one is not expected to be a barn-burner either. amd Warrior thinks it will finish 5th.
  • Well, I suppose Buffy is expected to be in a supernatural thriller, but her drawing power is ... well, let's face it, her trail is cold. She's expected to place no better than 9th

 

PAM WAS IN ON 'BORAT' JOKE

 

Election night's Daily Show/Colbert Report hour-long Midterm Midtacular

 

Lindsay Lohan’s Brilliant Halloween Costume

 

 

Movie Reviews:

Yellow asterisk: funny (maybe). White asterisk: expanded format. Blue asterisk: not mine. No asterisk: it probably sucks.

 

 

 
 

Sugar Town (1999)

Made with an extremely low budget ($205k), Sugar Town is an ensemble comedy about the extended families of four once-famous rockers who are trying to form a band once again. Each of them was in a seminal band, but are now facing financial pressures and have a diminishing following of loyal groupies. The band consists of Larry Klein, Michael Des Barres, John Taylor and Martin Kemp. Each has more than enough drama in their lives, including addict brothers, an actress wife who is suddenly being offered "older woman" roles (Rosanna Arquette), a preciously unknown son, a pregnant wife (Lucinda Jenny), a date (Alley Sheedy) who really wants a love connection, but is being scammed by her housekeeper who wants to make it big in music ...

Etc.

The film jumps freely among the characters, with very little obvious logic or motive, but two things drive the timeline. First is the impending birth and the other is the fact that the band is looking for a backer, which they finally find in Beverly D'Angelo, who agrees to fund the group only if she gets a roll in the hay with the lead singer. He is reluctant, as he normally only does teeny boppers, but she turns out to be the best sex of his life. Experience counts for something.

I am guessing that there is more than a little truth behind this script, and the idea of seeing once-famous music personalities trying to relive their glory days is somewhat interesting, but the film had no driving central tension, and just meandered around, sometimes with amusing results, sometimes not. It might give you a chuckle or two.

This is a low C-.

IMDb readers say 5.8.

 

 

Lucinda Jenney shows breasts and a pregnant belly twice, once in the shower, and the second time, supposedly in labor.

 

 

 

 

Daughters of Darkness (1971)

Daughters of Darkness is a European/North American co-production with the bulk of the money coming from Belgium. Director Harry Kümel wanted to make a female lesbian vampire movie, and the historical character of Elizabeth Bathory interested him. She's the semi-legendary countess who preserved her youth by bathing in virgin's blood. When Kümel's producers reminded him that he had almost no budget, and what he was proposing would be a costumer, he hit on the idea of making her alive today, 200 years old, but completely preserved because of her blood drinking.

The film opens with a  scene which was then controversial. A new groom and his bride (Danielle Ouimet) are making love on a train. When the train is delayed, they miss their boat for the honeymoon cruise and end up staying at an empty resort hotel in the off-season. All is not happy with the honeymoon couple. He doesn't want her to meet his mother, who is some gay orchid grower, and so he beats the hell out of her for sport.

Soon, Countess Bathory shows up with her assistant (Andrea Rau). The papers report a series of killings where the victims all have neck wounds and no blood.  Jealousy soon sets in as the Countess begins her seduction of the bride while, as a distraction, the assistant is to seduce him. Everything gets more difficult when the assistant ends up dead after she is forced to shower. 

Daughters of Darkness doesn't feel like a vampire film at all, and is not even bloody enough to be called a horror film. The mood and tone are very Hitchcockian. It's also an interesting film photographically, and is a very watchable take on a familiar subject.

This is a C, by our reckoning.

The English dubbing is not at all bad, and the transfer is very nice. The DVD includes two commentaries, a slide show and more.

IMDb readers say 6.5.

 

Danielle Ouimet shows breasts in several scenes.

 

 

Andrea Rau does full frontal and rear nudity.

 

 

 

  

 

 

 

 

 

Some "Hankster Light" today.

When it comes to beauty. Penelope Cruz is right up there on the "Take my breath away" meter., so we take the "Time Machine" back to 1997 for a topless Penelope in "Open Your Eyes". She is awesome. Caps below, and a zipped .wmv clip here.

 

 

 

 
Dann reports on Slither:

2006's Slither is one cool horror flick. It pays homage to all the great horror flicks of the drive-in era of the 50's and 60's. You'll recognize elements of The Blob, Invasion of the Body Snatchers, Night of the Living Dead, and other horror classics, but even on it's own, it is full of fun, lameness, gore, and an outlandish plot. It's a very funny comedy in addition to being a great campy horror film.

A meteor lands outside of town, and the townsfolk are infected with alien creatures that turn them into zombies and mutants. Once infected, the host becomes "pregnant" and spews forth slimy creepy crawlies that crawl into your mouth and create new monsters.

Anyone who has ever enjoyed any of the aforementioned horror classics will love this film.

 

Elizabeth Banks Tania Saulnier Brenda James

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Notes and collages

Marilyn Monroe in Some Like It Hot

 

Aside from this being one of the greatest comedies of all time (not for the squeamish who snub their noses at the idea of watching a black & white film,) whoever decided that Marilyn be dressed hot in every outfit she wore in this film: thank you.

I first saw this film as a boy and laughed at the humor; once puberty hit I saw the movie a bit differently. Check out what she is wearing in this collage: the material wraps to her breasts...as far as I can tell she didn't wear a bra in this whole film ... and she was so pretty as well ...

The second collage shows her in that skin-tight swimsuit. YOWZA ...

 

 

 

 

 

 

Gillian Anderson in the upcoming Straightheads.

Courteney Cox posed in a kinda-sorta see-through. Not really very flattering photos, are they?

Keira Knightley in her own see-through pose. Not an exceptionally good picture of her either. What is the deal with this one. I understand with Courteney. One must be an expert to photograph women in their 40s. But Keira? C'mon. She's young and her face is perfect. I could take good pictures of her.

Once a perfect ripe young plum, Anna Kournikova has obviously succumbed to Anna Rexia, by a score of 6-0, 6-0. I think she should seek help. This does not look healthy.

Jessica Biel. She's fully dressed, but I put this photo here to make a point. Even the most beautiful woman you can imagine on screen (and Biel in the Illusionist was as gorgeous as anyone I've ever seen)  can look no better than your girlfriend out on the streets.

 

 

 

 
Pat Reeder's Comedy Wire.  Pat's comments in yellow...

Bush announced that Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld, whom he had stood by and defended for six years, had resigned.

*  Rumsfeld's resignation takes effect immediately, but it might take him
several years to figure out how to withdraw from his office.

 



With that pesky election out of the way, the media can now concentrate on something really important: Britney Spears' divorce.  Among the many stories that hit Wednesday was a report that she told Kevin Federline (now dubbed "Fed-Ex" by the media) she was divorcing him by sending him a text message on his Blackberry.

*  It was a double blow: he found out he was being dumped, AND he had to read. 

 



Late in the day, Federline filed counter-suit legal papers, seeking spousal support and full custody of their two kids. Legal analysts suspect that the demand for custody is just a ploy to get her to pay him more money to drop it and go away. 
 

*  If he can't get spousal support, then he wants a date with Lindsay
Lohan.