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French Cinema Nudity is updated
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* Yellow asterisk: funny (maybe).
* White asterisk:
expanded format.
*
Blue asterisk: not mine.
No asterisk: it probably
sucks.
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OTHER CRAP:
Catch the deluxe
version of Other Crap in real time, with all the bells and whistles,
here.
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Cola, Candy, Chocolate
(1979)
Drei kesse Bienen auf den Philippinen (Three saucy bees to the Phillipines),
as it was originally titled, is a German sex farce.
Olivia Pascal has a fight with her boyfriend, and her best friend, Ursula
Buchfellner, talks her into a holiday in the Philippines. Also on the trip are
the busty Dolly Dollar and her future husband, who plan on being married in a
mission run by her uncle. Olivia instantly decides she wants the groom-to-be for
herself, and starts a campaign to win him over. To stop the wedding, Pascal
figures she will cause the bishop to close the mission because Dolly Dollar has
her heart set on getting married there. The poor priest is put through hell, and
eventually the bishop as well. Other characters include a man who is constantly
abused by Pascal, a very gay motel manager, and a chimp.
The all-region DVD is in German with no subtitles but since this is mostly
slapstick silliness, the language is not much of a problem. Frankly, Dolly
Dollar's breasts are worth the price alone, and require no translation.
Ursula Buchfellner shows breasts and buns. Olivia Pascal and Dolly Dollar
show breasts, as do several unidentified Filipinas.
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Wild Riders
(1971)
For the second day in a row we look at a 1971 biker movie. This one was at least a little easier to watch than yesterday's
Werewolves on Wheels, but I
think I will swear off biker flicks.
The movie's opening scene makes you think we may have a "nude-fest" here as a topless Linda Johanesen is a "Babe in Bondage" in the
very opening moments.
From there on it was all down hill in the nudity department. Elizabeth Knowles with just a glimpse of boob
....
 
... and Sherry Bain in Bra and panties being harassed by one of the bad guys.
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Notes and collages
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HDTV clips
More of the great nude scenes come to high definition.
Absolutely beautiful quality on all of these.
Sample captures below. Note that Basinger actually provides a
very brief flash of open leg in that frame, although it's too dark to see
much. I don't think I noticed before.
More clips
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The Creeps
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Natasha
Algina Lipskis is hot, and it's a good thing, because this 2006
thriller isn't. The story is trite and predictable, the acting is average
at best, and the ending is so saccharine it'll make you want to throw up.
Thank God for the women.
Anna (Cristina Chirila) is staying with her cousin Natasha (Algina
Lipskis), and preparing to go to England as a foreign exchange student,
where she'll be staying with a vicar and his family.
Natasha is a stripper. While giving the manager a blowjob, she
accidentally sees him killed by the gang running the club. She flees, but
the bad guys figure out she was there and take after her.
The baddies go to her apartment, and by mistake, kill Anna. When
Natasha comes home and finds Anna dead, she decides to assume Anna's
identity and go to England to escape the mob. Unfortunately, they
eventually figure things out and come after her.
This one isn't a total loss, because Algina is very cute in the role of
Natasha, but overall, it's pretty poor.
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| Algina
Lipkis |
Christina
Chirila |
Jenna
Harrison |
various |
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The Comedy Wire
Comments in yellow...
Researchers at McMaster University in Canada have pinpointed an oral sex gene
that makes females excited about sucking up sperm through their mouths. It was
found in cichlid fish, which have a bizarre way of mating. Females hold their
eggs in their mouths to incubate them. To fertilize them, some males have
evolved markings on their fins that resemble eggs. The female thinks it's one
of her eggs, gets sexually excited, tries to vacuum it into her mouth, and
instead gets a mouthful of sperm. The males with the spot turned out to have
mutated genes that gave them an advantage over other
males because it encourages females to engage in oral mating.
* Not just an advantage: a TREMENDOUS advantage!
* They call it a cichlid, but it's more commonly known as the "blowfish."
* A female journalist once said of Bill Clinton that "power crackles from his
jeans," and this must be the genes she meant.
Police in Kansas City arrested David Theiss on charges of possessing a toad with
the intention of using it as a hallucinogen. They say he planned to get high by
licking the Colorado River Toad's venom glands. He was released on bail, and
the toad is being kept in custody in a police lab. An animal expert told KMBC-TV
that most pet shops won't carry the toads because their venom can sicken people
and kill pets, and that licking them to get high used to be popular, then it
faded out, then it came back as a fad, but "not a smart one."
* Police are warning the public, "Lick a toad, and you
could croak."
If you wanted to try that $25,000 chocolate sundae with gold dust and diamonds,
you'll have to wait. The dessert restaurant that was offering it, Serendipity
3, was shut down Wednesday night by New York City health inspectors after they
reportedly found stagnant sewer water in the basement, fruit flies, house flies,
mouse droppings, a live mouse and over 100 live cockroaches.
* To be fair, they do have a version of the sundae
without cockroaches for $30,000.
Heidi Klum told Ellen Degeneres that Britney Spears showed up uninvited at her
Halloween party, but the two quickly bonded because Britney gave her lots of
advice about babies and diapers that she didn't know. For instance, Klum said,
"You know these sticky things on the side? I never knew that they were there. To
close them in the front, I was always putting string around. I had no
idea."
* Remember, the stupidest people on Earth are models, and
Heidi is a SUPER model.
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