Notes:

I'm taking some "working vacation," which means I'm still at my desk, but only 6-8 hours a day instead of 16. So I should be here with breaking news.

Other Crap:

Movie Reviews:

Yellow asterisk: funny (maybe). White asterisk: expanded format. Blue asterisk: not mine. No asterisk: it probably sucks.

"The Big Bounce"

The Big Bounce (1969) is the original film based on the Elmore Leonard novel, that was remade in 2004. This one stars Ryan O'Neal, with newcomer Leigh Taylor-Young as the temptress. While the two films have many of the same characters, they are entirely different films. In the remake, the caper is the story. In the original, the story is all about Ryan O'Neal's character. It takes place somewhere in California. The film opens with O'Neal working in a migrant picker's camp, and hitting his foreman in the face with a baseball bat during a soft ball game argument.

He is released by the judge, who hires him as handy man at his beach side motel. The Taylor-Young character is the mistress of the owner of the pickle farm he was working for. She is out for thrills, and, when she discovers he had a B & E record, decided he would be her new thrill provider. She tries to enlist his aid in stealing money from her boss/lover.

Much of this story is simply not logical. I saw no good reason for the judge to release O'Neal at all, and the ending was most unsatisfactory, and came out of left field. Clearly, this was a good film to remake, and most, if not all of the changes were for the better. The one exception was the nudity. Leigh Taylor-Young is naked in several scenes, including full frontal and rear, and some of it in broad daylight.

IMDb readers have this at 4.6 of 10, but with only 67 votes. The film was technically competent, and the acting was fine. It was the writing that failed. This is a C-, a competently made drama with a weak plot.

Leigh Taylor

"For Your Height Only" and "Challenge of the Tiger"

For Your Height Only/Challenge of the Tiger (1979/1985) -- The entertainment bargain of the decade has been released on DVD. First is a remastered version of For Your Height Only -- He's Tough, He's Tender, He's Three Feet Tall. For those who don't remember Scoopy's review a couple of years ago when I discovered this gem, it is a Bond spoof starring Weng Weng as secret agent 00, a Philippine midget under three feet tall, and the shortest person to ever star in a film. There is no good source material for this cult classic, but Mondo Macabro improved both audio and video making this far better than the version long since out of print. Of course this film has no nudity, and the dubbing is typical of low budget Philippine film, but Weng Weng is sure to charm you, making this one of the best "so bad it's good" films of all time.

Challenge of the tiger is a Bruce Le film, attempting to become the next Bruce Lee after Lee's untimely death. Le costars with Richard Harrison as CIA agents, out to recover the formula that has the power to render all males sterile. A crime syndicate has the formula, which they intend to sell to the highest bidder, and the Vietcong , who can't afford to bid against other interested parties decide to steal it.

While Le is a young martial arts wiz, Harrison is a ladies man. In the opening sequence, we see Harrison at home with three topless women. This is easily the best gratuitous nudity from unknown actresses I have ever seen. He is met at the gate by two topless women. Cut to a slow motion topless tennis match, and a topless ball girl. Please. someone make a clip of this scene. You wouldn't believe what a generous set of breasts do playing topless tennis. As if that weren't enough, another of the women runs and jumps into the pool stark naked, while the tennis player showers. Finally, the four are lounging when the phone call comes for Harrison.

The plot requires paying close attention, especially as there is an awful lot of nudity and martial arts to distract you from following it. Harrison has sex with both the syndicate moll Sharon Schirra and the Vietcong spy May Wong. WOng shows breasts and buns, and Schirra shows all three Bs.

I will leave the joy of following the plot to its inevitable showdowns to you. This double feature release is the perfect gift for all bad movie fans on your holiday list. I have already ordered a copy for a gift. For your Height Only is bad movie genre, but is so entertaining, I will give it a B-. Challenge of the Tiger is a C- as a martial arts film, but with amazing nudity. As a package, it is unbeatable.

May Wong
Sharon Schirra
Unknowns

Today we'll have a look at all the nude bits from the 1974 French cult film "Les Valseuses" aka. Going Places, available on DVD, region 1 and others. As you may know the story deals with a bunch of unemployed youngsters from poor neighborhoods around Paris who don't know how to kill their time. As a result they get mixed up in a number of unspeakable acts that would be unimaginable in today's France, like forcing a not completely reluctant woman in an empty train to show her breasts and suck on them, behaving disrespectfully to members of society who work for a living, destroying cars etc ...

In short, complete science-fiction by today's standards.  

The film was directed by Bertrand Tavernier and propelled three actors to stardom in France. First the subtle Patrick Dewaere who never got the better of his inner demons and shot a bullet through his head in July 1982. Secondly Gérard Depardieu, also a very fine actor, provided you leave his films in English out of the equation. In Shakespeare's language Gérard is like a fish out of the water and doesn't seem to realize what he's saying, which ruins his performance. If you can see him acting in his native language in French films you'll notice what an excellent actor he is. 

The third performer is Miou-Miou (real name Sylvette Héry), our first point of interest. She gives a 3B performance in various scenes in 9 clips. Unfortunately in some of those scenes Depardieu and Dewaere are stark nekkid as well. (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)  

Brigitte Fossey shows breasts as the aforementioned woman on a suburb train in two clips (1, 2)  

Isabelle Huppert had a small role as the young daughter of a bourgeois couple. Patrick and Gérard sniff her muff and nod in approval in a far off shot in one short clip.

JENNIFER ANISTON IS GQ "MAN OF THE YEAR"
Man, That's Stupid! - Because of her display of poise, grace and good humor during her humiliating divorce from Brad Pitt, Jennifer Aniston has been chosen as GQ magazine's "Man of the Year." But she poses provocatively inside and appears topless on the cover, although she discreetly manages not to expose anything.

* She hasn't got anything to expose: she's a MAN, remember?
* Now, that's what I call a "man's man!"
* We should petition People magazine to name her "Sexiest Man of the Year."

ENTIRE NATION THREATENS COMEDIAN
And They're Really Litigious - The Kazakhstan government is threatening legal action against British comic Sacha Baron Cohen ("Ali G"), who also plays a Kazakh character named Borat whom they say portrays them as a nation of insane drunks. Borat has claimed that in Kazakhstan, women are kept in cages, people earn their living as gypsy catchers, the national sport is shooting dogs and then having a party, and the favorite drink is wine made from horse urine. The officials call it a defamatory and unfair depiction of their people.

* They use only the finest sheep's urine, dammit!
* Their favorite drink is actually a wine that makes you WISH you were drinking horse urine.
* He got it all wrong! First, there's a party, THEN the dog-shooting!
* One comedian hasn't been threatened by an entire nation since the American debut of Rob Schneider's last movie.

IDIOT SPERM DONORS OF THE RICH AND FAMOUS
Britney Is Seriously Mad - Britain's Daily Star reports that Kevin Federline broke his hand after falling from a podium at the trendy L.A. hotspot, The Spider Club. A witness said he was showing off dancing, "throwing some seriously mad moves," when he spun out of control, slipped and landed on his butt. Federline's constant partying while wife Britney Spears is home caring for their baby has sparked rumors that she's already drawing up divorce papers.

* Then both his arm AND his ass would be in a sling.
* He probably broke his hand on purpose, so he can't sign them.
* This could be catastrophic for Kevin because if he can't impress drunk chicks in L.A. bars, it's a career-ending injury.
* Let's pray he broke the hand that he writes rap lyrics with.

My Big Fat Greek Jackass - Paris Hilton's fun-loving boyfriend, Greek shipping heir Stavros Niarchos, crashed his Bentley and paid a homeless man to pour a soda on himself. Now, his latest frolic is that he reportedly started a pillow fight at Kelly Osbourne's 21st birthday party, and it escalated into a brawl that set off the fire alarm at Las Vegas' Hard Rock Hotel. The sprinklers went off, the hotel was evacuated, and Stavros had to pay over $110,000 (US) damages. Paris reportedly yelled at him, "I don't want Hard Rock to think I bring in people who do this stuff!"

* Why would they think THAT?
* So she did the honorable thing: she blamed it on her monkey.
* She'd dump him, but she's running out of Greek shipping heirs.
* Fortunately, the Osbournes thought it was the best party ever.