Beyond Therapy (1987) is Robert Altman's lowest rated film at IMDb with a 3.9. Made from a play that was purportedly hilarious, it is full of quirky characters and witty dialogue, and boast a great cast, but the whole is far less than the sum of its parts. It is essentially a Woody Allen-esque romantic comedy staring Jeff Goldblum as the bisexual man trying to find a woman and not terminally piss off his live in male lover, and Julie Hagerty as the neurotic writer for People magazine who answers his ad in the New Yorker. Most of the film takes place in a French restaurant full of other dysfunctional people, most of whom see the same two therapists, who themselves are pieces of work.

Like any play adaptation, the film is very wordy, but that is not its only downfall. There is no sane character in the film for us to relate to, which makes it hard to be really involved in the film. There is very little action to provide pace, and I felt like it might have been better done as a radio broadcast.

We have breast exposure from an unknown woman or women and Laure Killing. Critics were just as unkind as IMDb readers. Although set in Manhattan, it was actually filmed in Paris. This is a D. It is technically competent, and the acting is fine. The problem is the script.

Updates:

• Charlie's French Cinema Nudity Site is updated

"The L Word" (2004):

Boy am I dumb. I thought I was going to cover the first season of The L Word in one day, the way I do with Sex and The City. Yeah, right. Maybe I will be able to speed up later, but I couldn't even get through the pilot episode. Three basic reasons: (1) it's non-stop nudity (2) I didn't know all the characters (3) there are three naked women I haven't identified yet.

Here's the starter set from the "Pilot" (which is actually episodes one and two)

• Mia Kirshmer (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)

• Laurel Holloman (1, 2, 3)

• Karina Lombard (1, 2, 3)

Other Crap:

• With the election over, the healing begins. "I would like to apologize to Jenna Bush for calling her 'a walking DUI who could probably suck the chrome off a tailpipe.' In fact, I have no idea if she could suck the chrome off a tailpipe. This apology extends to her twin sister, Barbara, whom I referred to as 'the smart, boring one who doesn't give head.'"
• Clinton Unveils His 'Gift to the Future' with the words "Scuze me while I whip dis out ... "
• Another bizarre, unidentified, never-before-seen animal found in Texas. Oh, sorry. False alarm. It was just a Northeastern liberal Democrat here for a convention. The hotel room where the guy stayed has been turned into a tourist attraction.
• After losing their WWF name to the wildlife people, WWE introduces wrestler who has sex with trees. Wait, that isn't a wrestler. It's Ralph Nader. (They are kidding, but give McMahon time ... )
• The latest celeb tape to be leaked? Looks like Roseanne and Tom Arnold. (with picture)
• North Korea has angrily rejected reports that portraits of leader Kim Jong-Il have been taken down, claiming these are scurrilous lies spread by countries wanting to overthrow the Stalinist regime and inundate the country with foolish musical puppet movies.
• British develop beer with the same amount of caffeine in one bottle as in a cup of coffee. Because drunken British soccer fans sometimes can't destroy an entire Swedish town without a little pick-me-up.
• Here is what our panel of social experts had to say after witnessing the Desperate Housewives promotion on the last edition of Monday Night Football.
• Howard Stern was giving away Sirius satellite radio systems today in New York to promote his move in January 2006. You mean you weren't there, but still wish you could grab one?
  Here is the "free Sirius" coupon that leaked on the internet. Whoa, Siriusly cool, dude.
• Will there be a Toy Story 3? Disney is making plans for new CGI movies in a post-Pixar world.
• Charlotte Bobcats home page. Submitter writes: "Pretty cool site...Ever wonder what the view is like from courtside seats? How about the view from the rafters? This site lets you take that look as you determine where to buy your season tickets in the new Charlotte Arena (future home of the Charlotte Bobcats)."
• "Anyone with a computer will have access within a few years to millions of pages from old newspapers, a slice of American history to be viewed now only by visiting local libraries, newspaper offices or the nation's capital."  
• Archaeologists put humans in South Carolina earlier than expected. Recent evidence shows that the people of South Carolina might have been using primitive tools as early as 1956, based upon some forks and can openers found behind the South of the Border motel. The previous theory had been that there were no humans in South Carolina until some time last week, when some tourists from Connecticut accidentally took the wrong exit on their way to Florida.
• Jon Stewart reports on the 'Goddening' of America.
• The Daily Show reveals that, according to recently declassified documents, America's intelligence service, uh 'blows.'
• As long as I made the reference, here's South of the Border Online!
  • You East Coasters surely remember the drive to Florida on I-95, punctuated for 300 miles by billboards advertising the motel and amusement complex, their language filled with corny puns in politically incorrect "Jose Jimenez" Mexican-speak like "Pedro's weather forecast: Chili Today, Hot Tamale". The billboards are more PC these days, but the kitschy tourist trap is still there, a reminder of a simpler time.
  • The web site is still as tacky as ever. "Pedro got 112 meelion amigos, who stay weeth heem, opp teel now all satisfy come back, send frans...thees make pedro ver' HAPPEE...like for frans come back all time...pedro hope YOU make 112 meelion and wan happee amigos! you come back soon, too, yes?"
• Jon Stewart speaks with Thomas Frank, author of "What's the Matter with Kansas?"
• Experimental NASA jet reaches Mach 10. In theory, it could fly around the world in less than four hours, NY to LA in a half hour.  
• "Fear Factor" champ Monica Jackson in drunken row , and The Smoking Gun is there. "At one point, she walked up to a cop, wrapped her arm around his neck and, with her free hand, grabbed the officer's crotch. 'Take me home,' she exclaimed."
• Holtz out, Spurrier in?
• Britney and Kevin to come out with a his-and-her clothing line. Because every guy wants to dress like some guy who does whatever that guy does when he's not having sex with Britney. Or maybe guys just want to dress like a guy who has sex with Britney.
• Angelina Jolie wants to be a Bond girl! That headline may be a bit misleading. Actually, her dream is to be a Bond VILLAIN!
• Iraq had a program to trade oil-for-food. Australia will swap beer-for-Jesus.
• "STUDIOS SUE PIXAR, DEMAND BAD MOVIES." "The complaint alleges that with its sixth consecutive profitable and critically acclaimed film in The Incredibles, Pixar is overturning a decades-long public relations campaign waged by Hollywood studios to convince the public that it’s impossible to consistently make high quality films"
• ESPN picks the 10 worst sports/music crossovers.
• Seattle's night club for the fully hip - no, wait, make that for full hips. Checking out the clubs for chubs.
• Kerry considering lawsuit against Swift Boat author.
• A congressman has the solution to a reporter's taping the shooting of a Fallujah combatant by a Marine - get rid of the reporters!  
• WORLD'S GREATEST PICKUP LINE: 'I'M A BIG FAN OF SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS'
• At 73, Shatner's at 'full gallop'
• Celebrity Face-off: WHO HAS THE MOST STAR-POWER?
• Jack breaks his crown ... Nursery rhyme violence 'tops TV'.
• Flushing out the Reformation - Martin Luther's toilet found. This is the very seat of the Protestant Movement. This is where the eternally constipated Luther hoped to create the 95 Feces, but had to settle for Theses instead. This is where he would retreat after an exhausting Diet.
• Sam Raimi and Bruce Campbell are reteaming to produce a remake of the cult hit The Evil Dead (They will produce, but Raimi will NOT direct. Campbell - ???)
• Playmate Gallery - Natalia Sokolova, April, 1999 - Courtesy of PlayboyPlus.com!
• Four free short videos from Playboy Plus!

Other Crap archives. May also include newer material than the links above, since it's sorta in real time.

Click here to submit a URL for Other Crap

MOVIE REVIEWS:

Words, pictures, and vids from ICMS
 

Bodies (2004)

The following took place between 9 p.m. and 10 p.m. on BBC 2 last Wednesday. Scottish-born actress Neve McIntosh gets pretty raunchy on British network TV with her hubby in the series "Bodies" (2004). We had a collage of this scene a couple of days ago and I read somewhere that this would be on BBC 2 last Wednesday, so guess who was ready to record this and make 2 clips from it? I'm a bit surprised here because I didn't even know such content was allowed on public TV in the UK.

• McIntosh (.wmv zipped, .avi zipped)
• more of McIntosh's apples (.wmv zipped, .avi zipped)

Scoop's note: I'm sure glad that British TV isn't under the auspices of the FCC.

Today from the Ghost...a mixed bag of 'caps and vids.

First up, 'caps and clips from "Alien Avengers" (1996) and "Alien Avengers II" (1998). Both are lo-budget flicks written by "MAD TV" cast member Michael McDonald, and starring George Wendt and Anastasia Sakelaris. Sakelaris has a face that is as cute as can be, plus a great all natural pair.

• Anastasia Sakelaris toplessness and thong views in "Alien Avengers". (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
• Anastasia Sakelaris zipped .wmvs (1, 2)

• Anastasia Sakelaris topless in "Alien Avengers II". (1, 2, 3)
• Anastasia Sakelaris zipped .wmv

Next up...Janet Margolin is probably not a name that you recognize, but I am willing to bet me lucky charms that you've seen her several times.

Some of her credits include:

"She Killed in Ecstasy"
Noted sleaze director Jess Franco was a busy man in 1971. Immediatedly after finishing the notorious Vampyros Lesbos, he churns out this crime/horror flick using much of the same cast including star Soledad Miranda, plenty naked as usual.

Not as warped as Vampyros, Ecstasy tells of a young woman bent on revenge. When her doctor husband kills himself after a medical committee shuts down his research into human embryos, branding him an unethical monster, she decides to eliminate the members of the comittee (male and female) one by one, by killing them in the middle of sex.

Schmaltzy and campy and lame and sexy and fun to watch, a slightly lower-key Franco but Franco nevertheless.

• Soledad Miranda (big version at 900k)
• Soledad Miranda (smaller version at 380k)

Kathleen Quinlan
(1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14)

Kristina Fulton
(1, 2)

Personally, I kinda liked it for three reasons:
1.The Doors had some good tunes.
2.The last time I watched it I was under the influence of at least 2 or 3 drugs (some legal) and it seemed to have more meaning for me in that state of mind.
3.The chick I was watching it with loved it, so it got me laid.

But let's not forget that there is also some pretty good nudity from Meg Ryan, Kathleen Quinlan and Kristina Fulton.

I've never done L.S.D. so.... Did anyone else in the Scoopy Universe see this???

-JH

Subject: ABC Football ad
Hey Scoops!
Greetings from the sticks! The only thing I see wrong with the ABC football clip with Nicolette is they cropped too far up when she jumped into his arms! Let's see that butt!

TRADE IN ASHLEE CD FOR SOMETHING DECENT
Run Down This Pedestrian - Citing Ashlee Simpson's lousy music and lip-synching, a New York-based group called H.O.P.E. (Horrified Observers of Pedestrian Entertainment), in league with Rhino Records, is letting people swap her CD "Autobiography" for one "of higher entertainment quality." Visitors to www.hopeinamerica.com can trade for a CD by the Ramones, X, Ray Charles, Brian Wilson, the Grateful Dead or Joni Mitchell. H.O.P.E. has also protested Jimmy Fallon's movie "Taxi" and a Paris Hilton book signing.