Monday

Members' bonuses. "Modern Vampires"

They are among us, these vampires, and we don't even know it. There are hundreds , perhaps millions of them. They are simply higher than we are on the food chain. They must kill us to live, so they do. Like humans, some of them also kill for sport. They also have clubs, and at those clubs they keep humans chained up as drink supplies - like kegs of beer. And, like humans, these vampires don't always get along with each other. Blah, blah, blah.

The drama is too undramatic, the performances are hammy, the comedy falls flat, poor Rod Steiger makes a complete fool of himself, and the whole frigging thing is darker and blacker than Lyndon Johnson's soul. It's an embarrassment. On the other hand it is an embarrassment with lots of nudity. Really dark and barely visible nudity, but nudity nonetheless. Some of the captures are lightened (when they were images of special interest). Others are unadjusted.

Natasha Gregson Wagner

Roberta Hanley

Extras

Members' bonuses

One Fish, Two Fish

A rarity. Clio Goldsmith, who left films while still young (27) in an erotic fantasy called "Honey". Not sure where Tuna got a copy of this, but I don't think it is in general circulation. Fun fax about the beautiful blue-eyed Clio:

Although her name is Clio, she is a white woman.

She is now the sister-in-law of the Gal Who Would be Queen, Camilla Parker Bowles.

(#1 #2 #3 #4 #5)

Today is Blinky's third day of Gisele Bundchen. ( #1 #2, #3, #4, #5, #6, #7, #8)

This isn't Sunday's page Three Girl. There is no Sunday Page Three Girls. This is Jodie, from October 19 (never seen here before - #1 , #2 , #3 , #4)

Bonus from Whyscans. This article in the Sunday paper in the UK, re Sabrina the teenage witch.

From STUART WHITE in Los Angeles

STUNNING telly witch Sabrina turned a shy frog into her prince - and then made him disappear by having a romp with another hunk in a broom cupboard.

Blonde Melissa Joan Hart cast her spell over country bumpkin James Fields and whisked him off to Hollywood. There the star of hit children's series Sabrina The Teenage Witch popped James into her sex cauldron-and the transformation began.

"Melissa took me and taught me about love," says the 25-year-old from the backwaters of Utah. "She likes sex all the time, morning, noon and night. Thank God that I turned her on. "She'd decorate the room with red roses, put on beautiful, romantic music, then come out of the bathroom in gorgeous, sexy stockings and suspenders to a candlelit bedroom - the more candles the better. It was almost like some of those spooky scenes from Sabrina. But to me it was like being in a dream."

But the dream turned to a nightmare when James found out Melissa, 21, had been bewitching another man. "I suspected there was someone else-then I learned she'd had sex with an actor who she once worked with," says James. "Ironically, given that Melissa plays a witch, they did it in a broom closet."

A hurt James said abraca-damn-you-and disappeared from her life.

James met Melissa-whose Saturday morning TV series is watched by six million UK children-while she was on a skiing holiday in Utah four years ago. Within months he had given up his university education, grown his hair, bought trendy clothes and gone to live with her in Hollywood.

"Where I come from is a kinda sheltered place and I was a little shy and awkward," says James. "But Melissa showed me a lot about how to dress, about food and wine, and certainly tutored me in the art of love."

On TV Melissa plays a clean-cut innocent white witch with a talking cat-but behind the scenes she's not so purrfect. James reveals she used to brag about their love life to other actors on the Sabrina set. "If I went to pick her up from work someone would say, 'Wow, you're some lover. She was telling us all about the wild sex you had last night'," says James. "I used to complain to Melissa but she'd just say, 'Hey, I'm proud of you, I want to share it'."

James now lives in a flat of his own away from the star's luxury home-and admits it has been hard to leave her. "To me she was a princess, not a witch, although she certainly put me under her spell," he says. "She used to write me little love notes and leave them in the house for me to find. One said, 'I want you forever.' I so wish that was true. "I don't go over to her house any more. But I still love her, and we still talk on the telephone. Maybe if I get famous she'll like me again." But when she finds out that he's spilled the beans about their love, maybe Sabrina might just turn him into a frog.

accompanying picture of Sabrina sans Bumpkin accompanying picture of Sabrina avec Bumpkin

OOPS. My mistake. Patten's stuff from yesterday was the 1999 P Magazine calendar, not 2000. Here's 2000.