Inside Out 2 (1992) is the second of four collections of made for TV short soft-cores. Think Twilight Zone meets Skinemax. We have 9 tales, eight of which have exactly one woman who shows breasts.

Here is the summary;

Mis-Apprehended -- a man is stranded when his care dies in the middle of nowhere. He is picked up by a practical joker, and his wife, Tane McClure. You will have to watch to see who the joke is finally on. This was, for me, the best short of the nine.

I've Got a Crush on You -- was clearly inspired by the Mills Brothers classic "Paper Doll,: which end, "I'd rather have a paper doll to call my own, than a fickle minded real live girl." The girls, this time, is Dawn Brackett.

The Freak -- a post apocalyptic space invasion piece, where the human face is considered obscene. This was very dark, and not very coherent. Female lead was Sherrie Rose

There's this Traveling Salesman, See -- a man caught in a traveling salesman joke. Rather cleaver. Breasts by Brenda Swanson

Double Vision -- a woman performs the first successful eye and optic nerve transplant. Her patient falls for her, then wonders where she got the donor eyes. The doctor is Saxon Trainor

Busty Gutsy -- is a mockumentary of a "tit queen." staring Kitten Natividad. No nudity, no images, but a rather clever short.

Some Guys Have All the Luck -- A woman, Lisa Whitcraft, conspires to get a hunk in bed, but he has his own conspiracy going.

The Hitchhiker -- Linda Carol suckers men into stopping to pick her up on the side of the road, and eventually leads them to their destruction.

The Right Number -- Lisa London works doing phone sex, and makes a love connection.

All in all, this was an entertaining set of nine shorts. The quality ranged from pretty good color, to dark black and white, and the acting was all over the board, but some of the stories were worth the effort. C.

UPDATES:

• Updated volumes: Lara Flynn Boyle, Daphne Zuniga, Hunter Tylo

Love Actually (2003)

"I got a part in the Nativity play. I'm a lobster."

"Oh .... um ... is that a good part?"

"Well, yes. I'm the FIRST lobster."

Love, Actually is a Hugh Grant movie currently in theaters.

That would normally be a sufficient amount of commentary, since all Hugh Grant movies are alike, and in a typical case I would just be pointing you toward my comments about Two Weeks Notice rather than re-typing those remarks, but this particular Grant film requires some elaboration in that it is actually all Hugh Grant films. Yup, every single one. They have taken About a Boy, Four Weddings and a Funeral, and Notting Hill, and all of the others, condensed each of them into a ten minute tidbit, then wound all of those individual stories together around a Christmas theme.

Since Mr Grant is not known for the great differentiation between his characters, it would be too confusing to have him play all nine of the male leads, even given a wide selection of disguises and an assortment of floppy hair colors. He is therefore assigned only to play a pseudo-Blair version of the Prime Minister, while various other lads are assigned to play the Hugh Grants of Christmas Past, Present and Future. By far the best of all the Hughs is Bill Nighy, the Ghost of Hugh Grant Yet to Come, who plays a character very much like Keith Richards, a 50ish rock star who is completely ashamed of a commercial holiday jingle he has recently recorded from one of his older songs which wasn't that good to begin with. As a man in the later portion of his life who has taken every shot and survived, and no longer cares what people say about him, he throws all caution to the winds and tells the truth about everything, often in politically incorrect ways, and he absolutely steals the movie from the rest of the highly talented cast.

"So kids just remember this message from your Uncle Billy:

Whatever you do, don't buy drugs ....

Just become a pop star and people will give them to you for free."
 

Hugh is, of course, playing the part of Hugh Grant. In fact, it is getting to the point in his career where there is really no need for his characters to have a different name from film to film. They may just as well call them all Hugh Grant. Like Pia Zadora, he is always playing himself. Except, of course, at a somewhat higher level than Pia Zadora. Well, that and the fact that Pia's a "her". But I digress.

Hugh does quite a good a job playing the Prime Minister the way the British would like him to be: warm, human, and unwilling to let the single most important country in the development of the world be treated as a 51st state by America. (Billy Bob Thornton plays the American President as a slick but boorish cross between the worst aspects of Presidents Bush and Clinton, melding Clinton's personal amorality with Bush's geopolitical amorality.)

Not everything works in this film. Some of the eleven thousand sub-plots deliver absolutely nothing to the film, and some of the situations dissolve into high schmaltz. Critics were split. Nonetheless, I praise it whole-heartedly. It's great to see somebody deliver a romantic comedy that is rated R because the people in it actually speak and otherwise behave like adults and not like some Disneyfied Hollywood version of how adults should behave in front of children.  And I don't mean that comment to be entirely about sex, language, and nudity. I mean that the characters think in all respects like mature adults, and behave accordingly. They speak from the heart, and they are often witty. Sometimes they regret what they say and do. Sometimes their souls reach lofty heights, and sometimes they screw the pooch.

It is a film which manages to be both warm and edgy, a difficult combination to manage.

In short, it is a romantic comedy which is both funny and romantic while also remaining intelligent. Since there are so few films which accomplish that, we need to forgive its faults and love it unconditionally.

"You mean there was more than one lobster present at the birth of Jesus?"

"Well ..duh"

And nudity to boot!

• Laura Linney
• Joanna Page (1, 2, 3)

The Brown Bunny (2003)

Bonus: Chloe Sevigny nudity from the trailer for The Brown Bunny. This is Vince Gallo's controversial film which provoked such a negative reaction at Cannes. Sevigny performs oral sex on camera in this film, although not in this particular capture.

OTHER CRAP:

• A complete summary of every topless girl who was in the Page 3 Idol 2003 competition

• Monet Mazur - featured in the upcoming film, "Torque"

• The trailer for Vince Gallo's controversial "The Brown Bunny" - includes some topless nudity from Chloe Sevigny.

• Horror Movie Directory - Video Sleeve/Film Poster Pictures. Includes some with nudity.

• Exactly how much did the Matrix rip off from Dark City? It's in Spanish, but you don't need to understand the words.

• The most tasteless Jacko Jokes

• BBC Science - What Sex Is Your Brain?

• Rolling Stone hangs out with Paris

• Do you think you have found the ultimate secret? Well, don't be fooled by cheap imitations. This is the REAL ultimate secret.

• The amazing adventures of Johnny Stapleton - Sure, he's extra absorbent, but is he a secret agent? Or is he just a roll of paper towels? You be the judge.

• Warren Spahn, the winningest left-handed pitcher in major league baseball history, passed away today at his home at the age of 82. My boyhood friends and I called him Warren "Blackjack" Spahn, because he always won 21. To me the most amazing thing about Spahnie is that he had only 8 wins on his 26th birthday, but finished with 363. He won 277 games after he turned 30. He had his best W-L record (23-7) at age 42. He had thirteen twenty win seasons altogether, including 8 different years when he won exactly 21 games. Blackjack.

• Time Warner board meets to consider selling the music division

• Ah-nuld brings his first major leadership to California - Lap Dancing is back in L.A.. However, not only is there no sex in the Champagne Room, but there is no more Champagne Room.

• The New York Times's Computer College Football Ranking (Texas is #2 !!)

• Back to the NBA for the San Antonio Spurs dancers

• The A&F Quarterly catalog issued by clothiers Abercrombie & Fitch includes nude and sexually suggestive photographs of young models.

• Sorry, girls, night on the town in London proves Colin Farrell and Angelina are an item... If ever two people deserved each other ....

• Tired fo model railroads? - Buy an actual historic 1928 private railroad train car The bidding is currently at 1.5 million dollars.

• "We've heard of Method acting, but this is ridiculous. Brad Pitt, who plays the Greek hero Achilles in 'Troy,' now filming in Malta, is on crutches after tearing his ... Achilles tendon."

• Give your daughter the Powerpuff Girls Bedroom, the certain sign from your Creator that you have too much money.

• Fans of the late Johnny Cash have a lot to keep them occupied: A box set being released Tuesday contains a staggering 64 never-heard-before recordings.

• This is the new Britney/Madonna video - 4 minutes long! (.asf format)

• Indian man hasn't taken a piss in 68 years. But he is getting tired of "holding it", and is often seen doing the "pee-pee" dance.

• Weekly World News: "BOBBING for sea urchins has killed hundreds of Japanese . . . and the death toll continues to rise.
  Now the government in Tokyo is moving quickly to ban the bizarre new fad.

• Pamela Anderson is a Sunday school teacher

• NFL contact lenses for every team.

• 'Witchblade's Yancy Butler was charged with disorderly intoxication after cars had to swerve to avoid hitting her as she wandered in and out of traffic in Delray Beach, Florida.

• Michael Jackson sets up an Official Press Room to provide the "truth" about his situation.

• Mike Wallace, babe magnet.

• Computer nostalgia. Do you remember Microsoft Bob?

• Jacko wrote love letters to his 12 year old accuser, calling him "rubba".

• The real reason Ben Affleck got mad at Jennifer Lopez and 'postponed' their wedding was because she somehow obtained his password and checked his e-mails, which included messages from flirting female fans and one he wrote to Jennifer Garner consoling her on her marital split. Yeah, I'm sure he provided some excellent "consolation". From now on, we'll use that euphemism here, as in "The consolin' government was supposed to give me a big refund, and I got nothin'. I feel like I've been consoled, and I wasn't even kissed."

Other crap archives. May also include newer material than the ones above, since it's sorta in real time.

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MOVIE REVIEWS:

Here are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.

• The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
• If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
• A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
• If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

Verónica Sánchez
(1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)

Verónica Sánchez and Sauce Ena
(1, 2, 3, 4)

Carla Gallo and Clea DuVall
(1, 2)

MICHAEL JACKSON ROUND-UP
Hubba Hubba - The London Daily Telegraph reports that much of the case against Michael Jackson will hinge on explicit love letters and poems he allegedly wrote to a 12-year-old boy. A source said the boy claimed Jackson's pet name for him was Rubba and he told the boy "he was my rubba rubba friend."