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"Point of Terror"
Point of Terror (1971) is from a 16 film double set of Horrible Horrors Collections. If this film is any indication, it promises to be a monumental crapfest. First, this isn't horror at all, but more like drama. Second, you might want to skip the plot description entirely, because the main character awakens at the end, and the entire movie was just a dream. Peter Carpenter is an ambitious lounge singer. Dyanne Thorne (of Ilsa fame) is wife of a wheelchair bound record producer, who decides to have a fling with him. Paula Mitchell is his girlfriend. When Thorne's hubby catches on to the affair and threatens to ruin Carpenter's career, Thorne lets him drown in their swimming pool. Carpenter wants to marry Thorne, but she is only interested in a little fun. Then a stepdaughter arrives for the funeral, and Carpenter goes after the stepdaughter, and talks her into a quickie Tia Juana wedding. Thorne returns home in time to inform him that the will disinherits her if she marries before age 25. He struggles with her, and she ends up thrown off a cliff. Just as he is about to leave on a honeymoon trip with the stepdaughter, his girlfriend kills him, then he wakes up on the beach.
Breasts from Thorne, and breasts and buns from Mitchell. The music is every bit as bad as you would expect given the year of production, the sets are nothing special, but the most unintentional laughs come from the cheesy dialogue. IMDb readers have this at 2.8 of 10. One of the IMDb comments calls it "A Sparkling Gem of Badness," which is the only way top award more than an F. So, as a bad movie, the kind to make fun of in a group, this is a C+.
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Dyanne Thorne
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Paula Mitchell
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The Chronicles of Riddick
(2004):
There isn't any nudity in this film, but since
Junior brought it up yesterday and I have seen it, I thought I'd
share my thoughts.
First of all, I am surprised that nobody has pointed
out the similarities between the Riddick stories and the Conan
stories. I guess people were fooled by the fact that one takes place
in the future, the other in the past. Both men are lone renegades,
muscular and violent anti-heroes making nomadic travels through
hostile environments. The parallel is especially evident in
Chronicles, in which Riddick, like Conan, is a bad-ass barbarian
struggling against a powerful sword-and-sorcery empire, first alone,
then with a female companion who matches his own feral ferocity.
Then, again like Conan, Riddick eventually goes all the way from
being a prisoner to becoming the king of his former enemies.
If Twohy makes a sequel, it will be interesting to
see how closely it parallels Conan the Conqueror, Robert E. Howards
only full length novel, in which a mature Conan sits on the throne
of Aquilonia. Conan was eventually unseated by evil magic, a plot
which would fit in perfectly with the mystical and evil Necromongers,
who now recognize Riddick as their king (as of the end of
Chronicles).
Junior hit on the major problem with
The Chronicles of Riddick, which is that they made Riddick a sweet
guy, even though Judi Dench kept saying that evil was necessary to
combat evil. This time around he's not evil in the menacing way of
Darth Vader, but only in the same sense that The Care Bears and
Barry Manilow are evil. This time Riddick is a cross between Francis
of Assisi (wild animals are like putty in his hands) and the
post-reformation Grinch (an incredibly adorable little girl, let's
call her Mary Lou Who, asks Riddick, "Ow you gonna beat these new
monstews, Mistew Widdick?").
The second biggest problem with the
film is that it's really Battlefield Earth in not-so-clever
disguise. John Waters would have rejected the set design is "too
campy." In fact, the only effort they made to disguise the
Battlefield Earth look of the sets was to throw in an occasional
idea from Minority Report, but filtered through a Battlefield Earth
lens.
James Berardinelli hit on the casting
and characterization problems:
"Colm Feore, the Canadian actor, is
inadequate as the Lord Marshall. "Intimidating" is not a word one
would ever use to describe Feore, yet that's precisely what's
required of him here, and he isn't capable of delivering. Supporting
actors include an underused Thandie Newton (as the scheming wife of
a Necromonger captain), Judi Dench (whose ethereal character serves
no useful purpose), and Keith David (whose Imam isn't around for
very long)."
I liked
Pitch Black a lot, but Riddick left me cold, even though it was
made by the same director. As Junior said, it's just another formula
action picture. There is nothing wrong with making an action film as
a sequel to a sci-fi film. Both Aliens and Alien turned out fine,
and many people think that in that instance the action sequel is a
better film than the sci-fi original. Maybe so, but the difference
between good sci-fi films and good action pictures is that sci-films
work best when they are intelligent, and action films work best when
they are dumb. Pitch Black was an imaginative, masculine sci-fi film
which stuck to its guns. Riddick is kinda dumb.
Not only that, Riddick is ...
Well, let me say this. I have a 14
year old niece whose favorite painter is Monet. I lent her both
films and she thought Riddick was way better than Pitch Black. So
let me finish the thought I had before.
... Riddick is for girls.
EEEW!
One more thought about Riddick.
Science fiction and its cousin dystopic fiction have invariably
limned a view of the future as an extension of the most fearful
elements of the present. Science fiction probably tells us
absolutely nothing about the future, but it always reflects the
greatest fears of the present.
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When Orwell wrote 1984, the world's
greatest menace was Stalin, so the book reflected a fear of the
ever-encroaching power of the absolute state.
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Battlefield Earth saw the future of
the universe drowned by greed, as conquering civilizations expand
their economic empires in a manner reminiscent of 19th century
England.
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Blade Runner, a product of the 70s
and 80s, saw the future as a product of class struggle, rampant
consumerism, and pollution. (And the usual corporate greed, of
course. That was de rigueur for the times.)
So what is the biggest problem of our
time? Religion. The cold war is resolved and Communism is all but
dead except in a few remote outposts like North Korea and Cuba.
Class struggle is becoming less important as the middle class
expands throughout the world. So the bugbear of our time is the
struggle between fundamentalist Muslims and fundamentalist
Christians, two forces that between them now control several nations
with powerful weapons and/or large populations
How is that related to Riddick? Well,
it seems that the film's Necromongers, the powerful conquerors of
the future universe, will not do it to build economic empires. They
just want to convert all the universe to their own religion. In
essence, they are missionaries with powerful weapons. Not unlike
today's America, in a way. If you think about it, the entire Riddick
story could be viewed as an allegory for America's invasion of Iraq.
Does it bother anyone else but me
that our view of the future never assumes that we will cast away the
negative elements of our times and build on the positives? I guess a
pleasant and peaceful future, one in which people live in harmony
and keep their religious beliefs to themselves, would make for a
boring story.
Dead Solid Perfect (1988):
Dan Jenkins is arguably the funniest sports writer
of all time. With a great ear for the way athletes really talk, a
total lack of pretension, and a raunchy sense of humor, Jenkins
rocketed to the top of the profession with his profane masterpiece,
Semi-Tough. Unfortunately, it ended up an average movie
with Burt Reynolds and Kristofferson.
One of the characters in Semi-Tough, Uncle Kenny the
golf hustler, later ended up with his own book - Dead Solid Perfect.
The book wasn't as good as Semi-Tough by a long shot, but it ended
up being made into a fairly funny movie because Jenkins wrote his
own screenplay. In fact, although this was a made-for-cable cheapie,
it is rated higher at IMDb than Semi-Tough.
If nothing else, it has one of the greatest nude
scenes ever. Uncle Kenny (Randy Quaid) and his scholarship girl
(read golf groupie) are camped out in a motel room, messin' around,
when they run out of ice. The girl (Corinne Bohrer) goes to the ice
machine, but doesn't bother to get dressed. This turns them on
enough that they end up using the ice for non-drinking purposes.
Sorry to say I don't have any audio for this (it's not on DVD), but
it's still awesome.
Other Crap:
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This bullfighting video is the ultimate in "OWNED"
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Jackazz.nl - For The Finest Ass Just pages of bum
pictures. No ads, no pop-ups, just butts.
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A non-Beyonce member of Destiny's Child falls on her ass in
concert.
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Andy Riddick grabs Mandy Moore's boob in public.
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The ten best sports moments on Seinfeld.
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Lots of Hegre nude pics of his wife Luba
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The erotic photographs of Guido Argentini.
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Lynne Cheney's lesbian novel, "Sisters" - finally online in its
entirety.
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Carmen Electra says sex on the beach is too gritty:
"'Sand gets everywhere - it's not all it's cracked up to
be"
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Persian artist explores "Islamic Erotica", which
basically involves bare hands and feet. Two good bets: (1) Larry
Flynt will not be there for the opening. (2) A bunch of relgious
nutbags will be.
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Jerry Falwell, Pat Robertson and Usama Bin Ladin have a lot in
common. Take the quiz and see if you can identify statements by
each of these 'leaders.'
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It's twin day at the Hef-links. Four vids from Playboy's Twins &
Sisters!
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Playmate Gallery - the Bernaola Twins from January 2000 - Courtesy
of PlayboyPlus.com!
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17th Century British Porn to Be Auctioned: "The world's
first known piece of printed pornography, described as the
'quintessence of debauchery,' is expected to reach up to 35,000
pounds ($65,040) when it is auctioned next month. "
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The new Paris Museum of Farts and Culture
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The other Osbournes - with "Ozzy's younger brother"
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The Museum of Advertising Icons
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JoBlo's Movie News: Rumor Attack!
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No wonder people love to shop at Target.
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Shotgun Guide- The Official Rules for Calling "Shotgun"
- Sacred Grilled Cheese Update.
"I never thought I'd come to a bar in the Everglades and see the
Virgin Mary on a grilled cheese sandwich" Yes, but the
Lord works in mysterious ways, and through mysterious processed
foods. It isn't totally unexpected for Mary to appear in Baby
Swiss, since she is the mother of Baby Cheeses, and Swiss cheese
has always been considered holey.
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Here's the trailer for Easy. Love/sex triangle thingy.
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Here's a featurette and a new clip from Lemony Snicket's A Series
of Unfortunate Events.
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Betting underway for more celebs to quit jungle. I
don't think they should be allowed to quit. Play to the death.
Last one alive wins, and wins REALLY big, so people are willing to
play. Now THAT would be a good reality show. My reality show. Mad
Scoop Beyond Thunderdome.
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Thanksgiving Day Box Office - Alexander loses to Christmas with
the Kranks - how bad is that? It finished fourth,
behind Kranks, National Treasure, and The Incredibles. I'm not
sure of the all-time record for most money lost by one movie, but
with a $160 million budget, Alexander might be a contender.
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This gives new meaning to the term "phone sex"
- "Eh there. I'm the webmaster for
www.fallujah.us. I have addded some more raw video
footage from the US military offensive in Fallujah. This time it's
from BBC's POV - 20 Minutes long / 40Mb. This video is uncut, and
unedited so you get the entire feel (curse words and all) of what
it is like to be in the military both during, and in the planning
stages of major combat. There's a couple of close moments in the
video where the cameraman almost gets taken out by a frag grenade.
On a side note, a couple of soldiers (one of them is a combat
medic!) found my site and they are sending some footage they took.
In two weeks time I should be possession of three DVDs of unedited
combat footage. Cheers to all."
Other Crap archives. May also include newer material than the
links above,
since it's sorta in real time.
Click
here
to submit a URL for Other Crap
MOVIE REVIEWS:
Here
are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.
- The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the
review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
- If there is a white asterisk, it means that
there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined
there might be something else of interest.
- A blue asterisk indicates the review is written
by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
- If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too
ashamed to admit it.
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