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* Yellow asterisk: funny (maybe).
* White asterisk:
expanded format.
*
Blue asterisk: not mine.
No asterisk: it probably
sucks.
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OTHER CRAP:
Catch the deluxe
version of Other Crap in real time, with all the bells and whistles,
here.
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Hail Mary
(1986)
Hail Mary (1986), originally Je vous salue, Marieis a Jean-Luc Godard
retelling of the virgin birth set in modern times. Mary is a High School
student, basketball player, and a virgin. She lives with her father, who owns
a filling station. Joseph her boyfriend is a taxi driver. The angel Gabriel
appears to her (actually, arrives in Joseph's cab) and tells her she is going
to have a baby. Her doctor confirms that she is a virgin. Joseph has trouble
with her story, but she lets him do his own check, and, sure enough, she is a
virgin. She gives birth to Jesus.
That's it, other than dialogue like:
"You don't need a mouthhole to eat with... and an asshole to swallow
infinity. Your ass must go in your head, and so descend ... to ass level, then
go left... or right to rise higher."
Reviewers, pro or con, focus on
the fact that this film was controversial. It does continue a common Godard
theme of a man obsessed with a woman he can't have, but if Godard was trying
to explain some deep truth about the birth of Christ, or anything else for
that matter, it was completely lost on me. That could be my fault, or a fault
of the translation ...
... but I doubt it.
The genre is French New Wave, and this
has masterpiece status within that love-it-or-hate-it genre, so it's a
must-own for Godard fans, and a must-avoid for most.
This is available from RLDVDs.com in a
Region 2/4 PAL with English subtitles. Click on the pic for info. The film is
dark, but I think that is the source material, not the transfer.
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Notes and collages
The Ballad of Cable Hogue
Part 11 of 13
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So if I told you I had caps and a clip of the former Wednesday Addams all
nekkid in a movie, you might say, "BFD. We already got Christina Ricci in the
buff." But this is not Wednesday from the Addams Family movie but
Wednesday
from the TV show. Gal's name is Lisa Loring. And she sure did grow up good.
This is one child star who grew her own mighty fines rather than purchase them
from the friendly neighborhood hooter store. The clips are in awful shape
because the videotape was old and yucky. But there she is, little Lisa with
grown-up parts. BTW, the movie, called Iced, seriously bites the big one.
Scoop's notes: Like many child stars, she lived her
life at about double speed. She was married for the first time at 15, divorced
at 16. From 1986-1992 (ages 28-34) she was married to a male porn star
(Jerry Butler). It was during this period that she made her three movies.
Although Lisa was only 30 at the time she made Iced, and still damned sexy,
the 1988 movie was the dead end of her acting career. (Precise reasons not
known to me.) Ten years after this film was lensed, in 1998, she was spotted
tending bar at O'Grady's, a neighborhood bar in Burbank.
Per Wikipedia: "As of 2002, Lisa Loring was
reportedly working in public relations for a hotel chain and touring the
United States to attend conventions where she signs autographs and meets fans
of the Addams Family." She now lives somewhere in the San Fernando
Valley, and is reported to be happily domestic with a new husband. She's only
49 years old, but that's 98 in child star years.
Second rare bit o' flesh is from Edy Williams in Lusty Lady,
or Lady Lust. I think this
was a porn film of some kind...the gal she is playing with in the second
collage is veteran pornabee Sharon Mitchell...but Edy shows little more than
her own store-bought breasts. The clip of her at a Hollywood party is an
unintentional laugh fest because Edy gets everyone's attention by dancing
around topless. Uh huh. As though that were the wildest thing ever to happen
in Hollywood.
 
Some clips that come without caps:
Jenny Wright in Pink Floyd's The Wall. Seemed there was a year or two in
which every role that called for a cute topless teenager (such as The World
According to Garp) had Jenny in it. And then, Poof! She disappeared.
Mariana Hill in Schizoid. Ms. Hill was a hottie in the late 60's and early
70's but here she beds (shudder) Klaus Kinski. To be honest, it appears more
like she is wrestling him in a no-holds-barred death match. You will notice
the same sequence of Klaus attaching Mariana's hooters is run twice. That's
the way it shows up in the movie. I figure she got fed up very quickly with
what he passed off as love-making and the editor was left with about 4 seconds
of usable footage.
This is, IMHO, one of the best dadgum nekkid scenes in the history of
cinema. "Just Say" Julie Brown, the comic actress, in Bloody Birthday. Her sister is
selling spy time to a couple of pre-pubescent boys as Julie shows boobs and
butt while changing her clothes. A truly marvelous scene.
Going to finish up with a couple of clips showing off Lana Wood's ample
bosom. Clips are from A Place Called Today and
Demon Rage. About five years
passed between the two films. The years and gravity were not good to Ms.
Wood's superstructure.
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Film Clips
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The Comedy Wire
Britain's Metro newspaper reports that a London toy company
called Compost Communications has created what they hope is the hot new
Christmas fad: plush roadkill. The first is Twitch the Raccoon, but a
rabbit, hedgehog and weasel are coming. Twitch has a tire track across his
back, and a zipper on the side, so kids can remove his plush internal organs.
He also comes with an ID toe tag stating where he was run over by a London milk
truck and a body bag to keep the maggots out.
* Plush maggots sold separately.
The satirical Christian website ShipOfFools.com has issued its annual "12 Days
of Kitschmas," the 12 most tasteless religious gifts. This year's list
includes
"The Pope's Cologne" (from the 150-year-old personal recipe of
the longest-serving Pope, Pius IX).
* It's a babe magnet!
A Virgin Mary PC memory stick with flashing red "sacred heart;" a "huggable urn"
teddy bear that holds your loved one's ashes ($50 extra for one with angel
wings); a calendar of scantily-clad female morticians from Rome posing in front
of coffins; "thongs of praise" (thongs with a picture of the Madonna and Child
on the crotch).
* A vital part of any abstinence program.
A compass that always points toward Jerusalem so you can aim your prayers in the
right direction; "The Vatican Game," a Monopoly-like game in which players are
Cardinals competing to become Pope; "Holy Toast," a mold that presses an image
of Mary into your toast.
* This could lower the sales value of REAL images of Mary
on toast.
And tackiest of all, "Christ on a Bike," a figurine of Jesus on a chopper with a
crown of thorns for a helmet and his robes billowing behind him in the wind.
* At least if He runs over your plush roadkill, He can
bring it back to life.
Tuesday, after six months of development and the spending of $250,000 on the
project, Scotland unveiled its new tourism slogan: "Welcome to Scotland." This
will replace airport signs reading "The best small country in the world." Some
people criticized the slogan, saying it sounds cold and governmental and doesn't
convey the emotion of Scotland.
* But if they don't use it, their $250,000 will have been
wasted!
Britney Spears sent Ryan Seacrest a text message denying as "completely fake" a
rumor that she's pregnant by the guy she's currently dating. She didn't comment
on any other current rumors about her, such as that she wants to adopt Chinese
twins, that she has a special sex room full of kinky S&M gear and costumes such
as "French maid" in her house, or that her white couch is so covered with
excrement stains from dogs and babies that her court-appointed monitor may
notify the health department.
* That one's not true. The excrement isn't from dogs OR
babies.
* Britney is NOT pregnant! She only looks pregnant.
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