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Other Crap:
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Lewis Black whines and snivels and pisses and moans about 2005
VIDEO:
Kung-Fu Fuck You.
- Handed down through the ages ... the ancient Asian art of
flipping the bird while delivering dubbed dialogue!
The 2005 version of the annual Gorilla Mask WebTard Awards.
(Currently in the voting process.)
X-MEN 3 Announcement Teaser
Wikipedia Tightens Submission Rules
The best
movie mistakes of 2005
My memory of it is faint, but I don't think A Child's
Christmas in Wales ever mentioned decorating Uncle Llewellyn's
head ...
A
south Wales bus driver has spruced himself up for Christmas by
having a mini fir tree woven into his hair.
Here's one that's sure to fill out a spot on your gift list:
Here "comes" the bride - musical wedding panties from Victoria's
Secret.
Seven
clips from Memoirs of a Geisha (Wide release Dec 23)
Although the world is usually full of bad news, it's good to
know that there are occasionally some positive items:
ABBA will never re-form
Foxy Brown's Case Adjourned - because she is almost totally
deaf.
Holiday special: My Menorah (to the tune of My Sherona)
Will history view George Bush as the worst president ever?
- This could be our year in Texas. We're hoping for #1 in
college football, college baseball, college basketball, and
bad presidents - all in the same year! It's the coveted,
seemingly unreachable, grand slam! We're number one! We're
number one! We're number one!
- But why stop at American Presidents? Who was the worst
leader of any major country ever? Caligula? Louis the Mad?
Ethelred the Unready? (I wonder if his underlings called him
"Your Unpreparedness").
- There's tough competition. America has had presidents who
were the kind of non-take-charge guys to make Michael "Heckuva
Job, Brownie" Brown seem to be a re-incarnation of Henry V.
Despite the strong field, many scholars feel Dubya has The
Wrong Stuff
- Anyway, kidding aside, here's the key paragraph: "The
History News Network at George Mason University has just
polled historians informally on the Bush record. Four hundred
and fifteen answered. Fifty said they thought he was the worst
president ever. Worse than Buchanan."
Aniston Warns Over Topless Photos
- "Lawyers for Jennifer Aniston have warned publications
that they will face an invasion of privacy lawsuit if they
print topless photos of the actress taken recently while she
was apparently sunbathing at her Los Angeles home. In a
blistering letter sent to celebrity magazines, attorney John
Lavely wrote that the publication of photographs "showing
[Aniston] topless or in the act of taking off or putting on
her top" would expose those titles to "substantial monetary
damages." In his December 3 letter, Lavely wrote that the
topless photos were taken by paparazzo Peter Brandt, who
allegedly used a "powerful telephoto lens" from a perch more
than a mile away from Aniston's home (though the images, TSG
has learned, appear to have been snapped from a closer
range)."
DESPERATE HOUSEFLIES ... "If insects don't embrace family
values, our planet's ecology is in danger! "
Pakistan censors poetic salute to Bush
Siskel
& Ebert outtakes - uncensored. (Are they totally drunk? Are
they complete asses? Are they trying to kid around? Who knows?)
"Cast your votes for the Funniest Commercials of the Year!"
... Watch the commercials, then vote for your favorites.
Your 2005 Film Quiz
- Some movie buffs say this year has been one to forget.
Agree or disagree? Here's a test to see how much you truly
remember
"Britney's patience with Federline has reportedly come to an
end, and she's been holding meetings with lawyers to dissolve
her year-old marriage."
The
trailer for TAMARA
- "Tamara, an unattractive girl who is picked on by her
peers, returns after her death to exact revenge as a sexy
seductress."
"GOVERNMENT TO ISSUE SMALL SHARP OBJECTS TO ALL AIRLINE
PASSENGERS" ... Small Scissors, Screwdrivers To Be Mandatory
On All Domestic Flights
Cool video:
Panama Canal Miraflores locks time-lapse, 1 week compressed into
11 minutes
A gazillion pictures of
undressed women - and looks all arty 'n shit, so its guilt-free!
"Actor Vince Vaughn
has filed legal papers in Los Angeles to adopt the children of
actress Angelina Jolie, saying that he's laying the
groundwork for his eventual breakup with actress Jennifer
Aniston and moving on to Jolie in the very near future."
- In other news: "STANLEY “TOOKIE” WILLIAMS REGRETS LETTING
SNOOP DOGG ARGUE APPEAL BEFORE SUPREME COURT"
- At one point "Snoop asked Ginsburg to allow him to
approach the bench so he could 'smack some sense into your
dumb bitch ass.'"
DIRECTOR ANG LEE TO FOLLOW "BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN" WITH GAY "HULK"
SEQUEL
The first pictures from 'X-Men 3'.
- I like the one of Kelsey Grammer in make-up as Beast! It
looks surprisingly un-Frazier.
"CHENEY RECEIVES FACE TRANSPLANT; NOW HAS THREE FACES ...
Unveils Newest Face on Meet the Press"
Justin Timberlake is taking vocal lessons - to make his voice
more manly. It worked for Liberace, and it can work for
Timberlake.
If
the NFL season were now over, the Steelers and the 8-4 Chiefs
would miss the playoffs!
- On the obverse of that coin, the 7-5 Cowboys would be in,
and the 7-5 Patriots would be a fourth seed as division
champs!
Stallone in Rocky VI
Will Time Warner be split into four units?
A very cool U.S. department of the interior site:
current update
of the eruption of Kilauea Volcano |
Movie Reviews:
Yellow asterisk: funny (maybe). White asterisk: expanded format.
Blue asterisk: not mine. No asterisk: it probably sucks.
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"Dukes of Hazard"
Dukes of Hazard (2005) Unrated DVD is here, and there is good news. There are three deleted scenes containing nudity. Jacqui Maxwell and Nikki Griffin are both topless in an alternate ending, and there are two additional alternate scenes with the topless sorority girls. In one, the girls are all smoking dope, in another, they are doing body painting to get ready for an anti-fur animal rights demonstration. To round out the exposure, Jessica Simpson as Daisy Duke looks cute in shorts and a bikini, and Alice Greczyn is seen in a bra before the opening credits.
It is much like an episode of the TV show, but with the language and nudity punched up a little. It is boss Hog (Burt Reynolds) vs. The Dukes, including Willie Nelson as Uncle Jessie. Boss Hog is after their ranch for some reason, and the Dukes must stop him while winning a race.
IMDb readers have this at 4.5, but it earned $84.9M against a budget of $53M, much of which must have been spent wrecking cars, as the film is nearly half chase scenes. There are several spectacular jumps. I am a Willie Nelson fan, and he did his usual great job. Simpson made an effective Daisy, but I thought Burt Reynolds was a little weak as Boss Hog. Ebert awarded one star, and Berardinelli a half star. I didn't like the TV show, and wasn't thrilled to be watching this one. Even so, it went very quickly. This is a C-, no substance, but an ok popcorn flick.
"Camp Cuddly Pines Powertool Massacre"
Camp Cuddly Pines Powertool Massacre (2005) is a XXX spoof of teen slasher films. I ordered it based on the title, but am glad I did. Yes, it is a hard core film, with numerous graphic sex scenes, all hetero, but between them is a serious attempt at slasher genre parody, unlike most modern hard core. It runs a full 2 hours and 30 minutes, and has 13 women in lengthy hard-core scenes. Audio options include full sound, no moans and groans, no music or commentary from cast and crew.
Five friends are on their way to a concert in a van, run over a homeless guy, then have mechanical troubles. They end up at Camp Cuddly Pines, where a freaky old caretaker tells them the legends about the killings there, then the friends start dropping.
It was written by Stormy Daniels, who also plays a great dumb blonde. Other actresses include Cherokee, Devon Michaels, Jessica Drake, Katie Morgan, Katja Kassin, Keri Sable, Kinzie Kenner, Nicole Sheridan, Rebecca Love, Rita Faltoyano and Taryn Thomas. The biggest negative is that all of the sex scenes are choreographed in the same order, making the sex seem less spontaneous.
As if 2.5 hours of 13 women havinh hard core sex and a story wasn't enough, there are two full disks of special features:
The Horror: The True Tale of Camp Cuddly Pines
Casting The Victims
Scouting A Massacre
Girls of Camp Cuddly Pines
Bloopers to Die For
Camp Cuddly Pines Trivia with Keri Sable
Stormy Bangs Betty Cartoon
Rayford Cam
Behind the Scenes Sex Reel
Trailer for Camp Cuddly Pines
Extended Sex Scenes
Bonus Sex Scenes from Secrets of the Velvet Ring and The Collector
Bonus Outtake Scene from Camp Cuddly Pines
Photo Gallery
Star Galleries
Star Stats
Sex Scene Galleries
Behind the Scenes Galleries
Wicked DVD Catalog
Promotional Material
Wicked Awards - Winners and Nominations
Company Profile
Trailers
The galleries include some 765 stills!
I have way too many images below, which represent only a very small percentage of what is on this 3 disk set. IMDb hasn't heard of this one yet. While I miss public hair, sex without condoms and natural breasts, I applaud this effort to bring plot back into hardcore, making them films again, rather than just gonzo collections of active body parts. I can only hope that this does well enough that there will be more releases of this quality. This a high C+. If you have any interest in hard core at all, this is one to see.
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Yesterday we did "Avenging Angel" with Karin Mani. Today she returns in another Time Machine epic, "Alley Cat". And this time, she's the star.
So here is Karin topless and showing just a hint of bush in the shower. Then it's back to the shower and she's joined by Moriah Shannon in a topless prison scene.
Karin Mani
Karin Mani and Moriah Shannon
Moriah Shannon alone in the shower, with a little bush thrown in.
Moriah Shannon
Next, Marla Stone joins the fun with some full frontal.
Marla Stone
And finally, we wrap things up with a topless unknown.
Unknown
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Our dish of the day is Mia Sara in 1995's "Black Day, Blue Night".
In nine clips, Mia shows off her robohooters and all the rest in this film that oddly enough doesn't seem available on DVD anywhere. These clips come from German digital TV and that is practically as good, sometimes even better.
All in all you can enjoy Mia in all her enhanced splendor for over five minutes, albeit sometimes in subdued lighting, but still good enough I think to satisfy your appetite.
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Scoops-
A real mixed bag today...First up there is Michelle Trachtenberg and Victoria Silvstedt (WTF is Victoria wearing for undies, anyway?).
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| Michelle Trachtenberg |
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Victoria Silvstedt |
Next, we have Romanian (I think) beauty Ramona Cheorleu who struts her stuff on Italian television. She did a 2006 calendar shoot that was shown during prime time, and a couple of Italian cappers grabbed a mess of frames. I love Italians.
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Pat's comments in yellow...
RICHEST FICTIONAL CHARACTERS
Not George Bailey, I Notice... - Forbes magazine has listed the 15 richest
fictional characters. Estimating their wealth from clues in their books,
movies or comics, Forbes chose (counting down from #15): Lucius Malfoy from
"Harry Potter," Cruella DeVil, Lara Croft, Ebeneezer Scrooge, Arthur Bach
(from the "Arthur" movies), Willy Wonka, Thurston Howell III, Bruce Wayne,
Jed Clampett, Scrooge McDuck, C. Montgomery Burns, Lex Luthor, Richie Rich,
Oliver "Daddy" Warbucks (worth $23.7 billion), and at #1, Santa Claus.
Forbes said Santa's fortune is incalculable, thanks to his huge toy factory
staffed with low-paid, non-union, child-like elf labor.
* So it's true: all the stuff Santa brings DOES come from Wal-Mart!
* The smart ones left years ago to work for Keebler.
* If Santa's so rich, why is he always begging for money on street
corners?
* Santa must be picking up more than cookies and milk when he sneaks into
our houses.
* Have you seen the price of oil lately? Jed Clampett is richer than
Santa!
* Here's a link to the Forbes article
CHURCH SELLS NUDE BIBLE CALENDAR
Good News! - A Protestant church youth group in Nuremberg, Germany, is
selling a 2006 calendar (www.bibelkalender.de), featuring members posing in
erotic scenes from the Bible. They include a topless Delilah cutting
Samson's hair, a nude Eve holding an apple, and the prostitute Rahab,
posing in a doorway in stockings and garters. She's played by Ann Rohmer,
21, who said, "We wanted to represent the Bible in a different way and to
interest young people. Anyway, it doesn't say anywhere in the Bible that
you are forbidden to show yourself nude." Their pastor, Bernd Grasser,
said, "It's just wonderful when teenagers commit themselves with their hair
and their skin to the Bible."
* Especially when the nude women anoint their skin with oil...
* You might want to skip over November: it's a naked Methuselah.
* From this calendar, young people learn that they had Spandex in Old Testament days.
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