The Ultimate Attraction (2000) seems to be the first in the 'Click Series" based on Milo Manara's comic. The device is flushed down an airplane toilet to keep authorities from getting it, and goes through the roof of a health spa about to be foreclosed on, and taken over by Nina Leichtling, who wants to convert it into a trendy feminist spa. Employee/instructor Gabriella Hall and her boyfriend discover it, and what it can do, and find hilarious ways to use it to save the spa.

Leichtling shows breasts and buns at the end of the movie, when the clicker excites everyone in the spa through the electrical system. Several women show everything in an orgy scene in the main workout room at the same time. Bo Zena shows everything as an uppity woman zapped by Hall just to get even with her.

Far too much nudity for one night, as has been true of all of the films in this series. Tomorrow night, the rest of the review, and the nudity from the actresses with large roles.

Patricia Clarkson:

She's the queen of the indies now, having been in four films at Sundance, and turning in some very solid performances.

• Here she is as the cynical, sarcastic, dying mother in Pieces of April. Is that really Patricia in the photo? Damned if I know. My guess is no, but I have no support for that position.
• Here she is in The Station Agent, as the lonely artist, suffering through a separation from her husband and the loss of her son. (1, 2, 3)

Click on the names of the films above to get to my comments. They are both good, big-hearted films, and Clarkson is excellent in both of them.

????

I guess this picture of Helen Mirren must be from the promo material for Calendar Girls.

UPDATES:

Updated volumes: Angela Aames, Joey Lauren Adams, Isabelle Adjani, Valerie Allain, Karen Allen, Nancy Allen, Ginger Lynn Allen, Elena Anaya, Anna Ammirati, Mini Anden, Ursula Andress, Rosanna Arquette, Patricia Arquette

OTHER CRAP:

• Kansas State opens up a can o' industrial strength whup-ass on "unbeatable" Oklahoma

• Here is I-Film's list of episodes for The Money Shot , a dark comedy about the business side of porno. Episodes 1, 4, 5, 6, 7. Find the two missing episodes below

• IFILM - Money Shot - here's the Episode 2 missing from the link above

• IFILM - Money Shot - the Episode 3 missing from the link above

• News Of the World - Online Edition - asks if Jack Nicholson powders his nose like a girly man.

• Here's a specialty site - the Gallery of Bellydancing Librarians

• Former WCW wrestler 'The Wall' has passed away in Japan.

• Bad craziness at Owl Farm - Hunter Thompson's crazed ramblings for the week.

• Weekly World News: Tired of dieting and working out? Doctors will soon be able to place your brain into the body of your choice.

• Dave Barry's annual holiday gift guide.

• "Not All Americans Are Stupid" Quiz

• Naked protestor update.

• Chris de Burgh's Daughter Wins Miss World

• Olympic figure skating champion Jamie Sale didn't want to do anything 'sleazy.' But somehow staff with the young men's magazine FHM talked her into some hot pants and out of a bikini top. The Edmonton athlete appears topless in the January 2004 U.S. edition of the men's magazine, scheduled to hit store shelves across North America on Tuesday."

• How would different directors re-make Willy Wonka?

• From the oldie station - Another Christmas Carol

• Joe Don Baker Porkapalooza!

• Greencats - Prank Emails. This guy does an online version of Laszlo Toth's old schtick. He sends people crazy e-mails, then has a good laugh when they take him seriously.

• Free Nude Gallery of fetish girl Masuimi Max

• Bin Laden Surprises Fellow Terrorists For the Holidays "In a move that received considerably less publicity than President George Bush's Thanksgiving Day visit to Baghdad, Osama Bin Laden made a surprise visit to a terrorist training camp in Pakistan last week to celebrate the Muslim holiday of Eid-ul-Fitr. Bin Laden took a top-secret donkey ride from his cave near the Pakistani/Afghan border to Camp Death-to-America". I don't know. I thought it was just a big photo-op, and I don't think he should have filed that false travel plan on Donkey One.

• The Mouseketeer appears to have made yet another blunder with her Chinese character tattoos. The 22-year-old singer, who has decorated various parts of her curvaceous body with colourful markings, is sporting a new tattoo south of her navel, which is circular with Chinese characters. However, after much investigation, Star magazine has worked out that the symbols mean 'big available.' And people think that's a mistake because ...??? As Max Bialystock said to the NY Times critic who found a large denomination bill mistakenly wrapped around his tickets, "That's no mistake. Enjoy the show."

• A high school student expelled from Parkway High for a year for having Advil, an over-the-counter pain reliever, will not be allowed to return to the school. Zero tolerance at its best.

• International opera star Dame Kiri Te Kanawa turned up at a Scottish hotel and asked where she could store her guns.

• Nancy Reagan opposes putting Ron on dime instead of FDR, says Ron would have opposed it as well. I'd suggest a compromise. There are two U.S. dollar bills which have pictures of crappy, insignificant Presidents - McKinley is on the $500 and Cleveland is on the $1000. Either of those would be a good place to honor Reagan without shitting on the memory of FDR (whose presence on the dime is specifically related to his lifetime support of the March of Dimes). Besides, Reagan's picture should be on some big denomination beloved of plutocrats.

• A RetroCRUSH tribute to 80's babe Heather Thomas. She had one of the most beautiful bodies ever seen, but she never got nekkid in public. Her best bikini and "almost" shots are here.

• John Kerry uses the f-word in Rolling Stone interview: Regarding his yes vote on the war, Dean said: "Did I expect Howard Dean to go off to the left and say, 'I'm against everything'? Sure. Did I expect George Bush to fuck it up as badly as he did? I don't think anybody did".

• Nuria Bermúdez desnuda -- that means nekkid, pards. She's the Spanish chick who is trying to bend 'em for Beckham.

Other crap archives. May also include newer material than the ones above, since it's sorta in real time.

Click here to submit a URL for inclusion in Other Crap

MOVIE REVIEWS:

Here are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.

• The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
• If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
• A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
• If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

"Sunset Grill"
No new ground is broken in this 1993 story of a loser ex-cop private eye trying to find the killer of his ex-wife, although Peter Weller does a decent enough job in the lead roll.

Lots of sexy scenes and nudity. Some of the stuff in Alexandra Paul's collage is from the DVD's deleted scenes, which had an extended version (without sound) of her love scene with Weller. They used some really strange and very low-key lighting in many of Lori Singer's scenes, so that particular collage came out really bad, but it was the best I could do.

• Alexandra Paul, topless and a little bit of bum.
• Lori Singer, topless.
• Sandra Wild, topless and full frontal.

Raquel Gribler
(1, 2, 3)

"The Hollywood Sign"
Pokies by Jacqueline Kim in The Hollywood Sign.

• Jacqueline Kim

"Collateral Damage"
More pokies during the opening credits by Lindsay Frost in Collateral Damage.

• Lindsay Frost

"Nervous Ticks"
A brief glimpse of a couple of magnificent breasts by Zoe Trilling in Nervous Ticks.

• Zoe Trilling

"Love Letters"
Love Letters promised to be a typical sloppy telemovie but it wasn't too bad. Nice caps of Laura Linney.

• Laura Linney

"Underneath"
A brief bum view of Alison Elliott in Underneath.

• Alison Elliott

"Outta Time"
Ali Landry doesn't show much and it's the same again in Outta Time.

• Ali Landry

"Something to Talk About"
Julia Roberts is down to her underwear in Something to Talk About.

• Julia Roberts

"Down and Out in Beverly Hills"
In Down and Out in Beverly Hills there may be brief see-through exposure by Elizabeth Peña, thong by (supposedly) Tracy Nelson and caps of Bette Midler.

• Elizabeth Peña
• Tracy Nelson
• Bette Midler

"Big Trouble"
It's only cleavage in Big Trouble by Rene Russo, Sofia Vergara and Nathalie Latronico.

• Rene Russo
• Sofia Vergara
• Nathalie Latronico

"Whoops Apocalypse"
There are quite a few breast shown by some page 3 girls Christine Peak, Suzanne Mitzi, Maria Whitaker and Karen Kelly. Joanne Pearce looks good in leather.

• Joanne Pearce
• Christine Peak, Suzanne Mitzi, Maria Whitaker and Karen Kelly (1, 2, 3)

"The Haunting of Seacliff Inn"
There's a lot of promise by Lucinda Weist in The Haunting of Seacliff Inn but I think the grand sum is just pokies.

• Lucinda Weist (1, 2, 3)

"Revenger's Tragedy"
Lots of cleavage by Diana Quick in Revenger's Tragedy.

• Diana Quick (1, 2)

"Once Bitten"
Lauren Hutton plays a vampire needing blood from a virginal teenage boy to survive. Lots of low-cut dresses and a bit of a thong. Pokies by Karen Kopins and there are some other nice looking women.

• Karen Kopins
• Lauren Hutton (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
• Other babes (1, 2)