Uncle Scoopy's Fun House

Here's a challenge for you guys, based on a letter in my mailbox, explaining that Detmers has competition: "Carol Laure has done one hard-core sex scene in a non-porn film. The name of the film is "L'Ange et la Femme" (1977), a B&W French-language film that is still shown in French movie theaters. The movie was directed by her former lover, Gilles carle, and she has the sex scene with her then-current lover/husband, Lewis Furey. She gives and receives oral sex, is clearly penetrated, and finishes him off with her mouth, including a facial. She also kisses a penis in Sweet Movie (1974)." I wasn't aware of these scenes, but I guess I am now. I don't think I have to tell you what the challenge is. Got the caps? If not the caps, got the film I can borrow?

Something old

You may not know that the famous porn star, Marilyn Chambers, was once the Ivory Snow girl. Here she is showing off assets important to each of her careers. I met her once. We both spoke at a Kable News conference in Florida, and we both attended the party afterwards. Although I was a fan of hers, and wasn't hitting on her, I couldn't manage to engage her in any conversation at all. I was frustrated, because I never could figure out why she seemed to be avoiding me. Oh, well. C'est la vie.

Ah, we old men and our memories. This is Anita Eckberg, and she also plays an important role in my education. She and Romy Schneider were the first women I ever saw naked on screen. When we were 14 and 13 we, my friend The Wily Duck and I, conned my mom into driving us to some innocuous picture. We waited until my mom left, and snuck over to a different nearby theater that was showing "Boccaccio '70". Eckberg played a sexy poster that came to life. At the time, we felt this was the height of sophistication. I still haven't figured out why the art theater admitted a couple of pipsqueaks like us. Imagine if they had turned us away. With no ride, and no explanation, we would have been forced go back to the other theater, and to sit through Darby O'Friggin' Gill.

Another classic that I was not aware of. Shirley MacLaine nude scene in "Desperate Characters". I've never even heard of this movie. Co-stars Ken Mars, the crazy Nazi from "The Producers"

Something new

Hoorah for Beercaps. Here, me boyos, is a peek at Jenna Elfman's heretofore undiscovered territory

Huzzah for Beercaps. Here, me boyos, is a peek at Rebecca Romijn's anatomical secrets

if you are a fan of Amber Valetta (former co-host of MTV's style show), you're gonna love this because she's stark naked, full-frontal, head to toe. I wish it were in color, because her eyes are so lovely

Something weird

You know that Johnny Web is a fan of really obscure movies. We're not talkin' 1990's bikini flicks here, but 1970's Eurocrud that even the directors were embarrassed by. This first one is just for fun. It's from the legendary Jean Rollin film, "The Nude Vampire". Rollin has probably made more bad vampire and zombie movies than anyone alive, and this was one of his worst. The vampire shown here doesn't appear to be a vampire BAT, but rather a vampire REINDEER. I suppose it must be an ancient Lapp legend. Not too scary a legend, actually, when you consider that reindeer are herbiverous, and present a greater threat to your garden than to your daughters. "Look out, I think he's going to graze"

Back to the topic of naked women in crappy old European movies, here's Joelle Coeur doing her Monica Lewinsky impersonation in "Tango de la Perversion". Well, if ya gotta tango, I guess the perversion tango beats the hell out of "Hernando's Hideaway"

Here's Dominique in "Le Frisson des Vampires". Another Jean Rollin film. Rollin liked very small women, and Dominique was a tiny one.