Lust for Dracula (2004) is a Seduction Cinema direct to vid staring their number one asset, Misty Mundae. It is not quite business as usual, however, as this could well be described as an Art House Lesbian soft core Dracula film. I was pretty much at a loss after watching it what the director was getting at. Listening to the feature length commentary helped there. There are one or more naked women on screen most of the time. Tonight, I have covered just one sex scene between Misty Mundae, and Darian Caine, who played Dracula. It was long, it was reasonably explicit, and it was beautifully filmed. Both women show everything.

As there will be at least one more night of images, I will save the plot description for then, but I will say that the intent was to present a new view of Dracula. While I found it VERY hard to make sense of the plot, the photography was impressive enough that it held my interest. Tomorrow night, lots more naked women, and the basic plot.

Blessed (2004)

A blatant rip-off of Rosemary's Baby. The DVD box even has the familiar cradle. You need to read this one at the Movie House, because the pictures are the best part of it. It's a fairly funny review. You know how much I enjoy Satan movies!

Sorry, no nudity. Only a near-miss from the ever adorable Rollergirl.

• Heather Graham.

1 Night in China (2004)

China, of course, is Chyna - wrestler Joanie Laurer. These are zipped, soundless .wmv files

• Chyna opens her legs in a medium shot, while she performs oral sex (unseen)

• Oral sex close-up

• Chyna gets pounded mercilessly, bouncing up and down like mad. The money shot is on her bum hole (but we don't really see what comes immediately before that.)

Rarities

Found elsewhere on the web: Soap Opera actress Heather Tom (many years on The Y & The R, six Emmy nominations, two wins) on stage stark nekkid in "Prymate", which ran only a few days in May.

We never did see any pics of Kidman in The Blue Room or Michelle Williams in Killer Joe

• Heather Tom (1, 2)

Other Crap:

• The trailer for a documentary called Watermarks: "Watermarks is the story of the champion women swimmers of the legendary Jewish sports club, Hakoah Vienna. Hakoah ('The Strength' in Hebrew) was founded in 1909 in response to the notorious Aryan Paragraph, which forbade Austrian sports clubs from accepting Jewish athletes. Its founders were eager to popularize sport among a community renowned for such great minds as Freud, Mahler and Zweig, but traditionally alien to physical recreation. Hakoah rapidly grew into one of Europe's biggest athletic clubs, while achieving astonishing success in many diverse sports. In the 1930s Hakoah's best-known triumphs came from its women swimmers, who dominated national competitions in Austria. After the Anschluss, the political unification of Nazi Germany and Austria in 1938, the Nazis shut down the club, but the swimmers managed to flee the country before the war broke out, thanks to an escape operation organized by Hakoah's functionaries. Sixty-five years later, director Yaron Zilberman meets the members of the women's swim team in their homes around the world, and arranges for them to have a reunion in their old swimming pool in Vienna, a journey that evokes memories of youth, femininity, and strengthens lifelong bonds. Told by the swimmers, now in their eighties, Watermarks is about a group of young girls with a passion to be the best. It is the saga of seven outstanding athletes who still swim daily as they age with grace. Watermarks visits Trude (Platcek) Hirschler, the Israeli co-chairperson of Hakoah veterans' organization; Elisheva (Schmidt) Susz, a renowned child psychotherapist from Tel-Aviv; Hanni (Deutsch) Lux who tells the story of her sister, Judith (Deutsch) Haspel, Austria's greatest swimmer who paid dearly for her refusal to compete in the 1936 Olympics in Nazi Berlin"
• The trailers for Howl's Moving Castle. : Disney meets Japanime. "In the land of Ingary, such things as spells, invisible cloaks, and seven-league boots were everyday things. The Witch of the Waste was another matter. After fifty years of quiet, it was rumored that the Witch was about to terrorize the country again. So when a moving black castle, blowing dark smoke from its four thin turrets, appeared on the horizon, everyone thought it was the Witch. The castle, however, belonged to Wizard Howl, who, it was said, liked to suck the souls of young girls. The Hatter sisters--Sophie, Lettie, and Martha--and all the other girls were warned not to venture into the streets alone. But that was only the beginning. In this giant jigsaw puzzle of a fantasy, people and things are never quite what they seem. Destinies are intertwined, identities exchanged, lovers confused. The Witch has placed a spell on Howl. Does the clue to breaking it lie in a famous poem? And what will happen to Sophie Hatter when she enters Howl's castle? Diana Wynne Jones's entrancing fantasy is filled with surprises at every turn, but when the final stormy duel between the Witch and the Wizard is finished, all the pieces fall magically into place."
• HOLLYWOOD FOREIGN PRESS ASSOCIATION TO CHOOSE NEW IRAQI PRESIDENT. Awards Ceremony to Replace January Elections
• Major League Baseball tells D.C. to suck it.
• The American Family Association asks you to write Michael Powell and get him to fine ABC over Saving Private Ryan
• Read the Literary Review Bad Sex award-winning and longlisted passages
• Dutch consider infant euthanasia for children born with extreme malformations like not having a brain. Republicans are opposed to this for two reasons (1) it's against their religious beliefs (2) these babies were to be their future leaders. In fact, President Bush already has one of them on the short list for the Supreme Court nomination.
• Jessica Simpson. Lotsa cleavage.
• Clive Barker's Pinhead (from Hellraiser) may be coming to the boob tube Should be a helluva funny sitcom. Tim Allen IS Pinhead!
• Here is the trailer for Creep. Run Lola Run again - this time away from some creepy dude under the streets of London.
• E-mail 'worm' spreads holiday jeers
• Sidney Lumet to receive an honorary Academy Award
• A preview of New Line's 2005 line-up.
• Star picks the most annoying people of 2004. It was a tie for first. Can you guess the co-winners?
• Mayor says the Expos move to Washington is nearly dead.
• The Straight Dope: Did Dracula really exist?
• Pop Candy's top 100 people of 2004.
• The craziest promotional items released during the past year.
• Upcoming films: absolute raves for Million Dollar Baby - 98% positive reviews. (Best % of the year so far.)
  • "the best movie released by a major Hollywood studio this year." (NY Times)
  • "brilliant masterpiece." (Coming Soon)
  • " "The film works on every level -- acting, direction and production" (CNN)
  • "Perhaps the director's most touching, most elegiac work yet, Million Dollar Baby is a film that does both the expected and the unexpected, that has the nerve and the will to be as pitiless as it is sentimental." (L.A. Times)
  • "Masterpiece ... The kind of movie where you sit very quietly in the theater and are drawn deeply into lives that you care very much about." (Roger Ebert)
• Seldom seen and laughably bad, it's The Star Wars Holiday Special. Watch it, and you'll see why Lucas keeps it a secret. "It is Lifeday, a holiday that is celebrated on Chewbacca's home planet Kashyyyk. Chewie and Han Solo are trying to get to the planet where Chewie's family is waiting for him, but the empire is out searching for the rebels, giving everyone a hard time. While we are waiting we get a look at the everyday life of a wookie family."
• The comedy Bronze God will star Will Ferrell as a lifeguard who realizes his dream by securing a wildcard entry into a beach volleyball tournament.
• Sean Bean will join Ewan McGregor and Scarlett Johansson in the cast of 'The Island' for director Michael Bay.
• Eight new clips from Meet the Fockers. The current internet rumor is that Teri Polo will be featured in the celebrity pictorial in the February Playboy.
• About a gazillion new clips and featurettes from Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events
• The trailer for Kicking & Screaming, Will Ferrell's new comedy about junior soccer.
• Four clips from The Aviator
• Seven clips from Fat Albert
• For the capital letter lover in you: Bernard Kerik's Actual Letter to President Bush Formally Withdrawing From Answering Any Questions From Lousy Goody Two Shoes Sticking Their Fat Noses Where They Ain't Got No Business.
• The Big Ass Titties rap.
• Hollywood legend Marlon Brando will reprise his Oscar-winning role as Don Vito Corleone in The Godfather video game. Death doesn't seem to have slowed him down that much.
• Pamela Anderson has revealed she once walked in on an orgy at the Playboy mansion.
• The Daily Show's Rob Corddry profiles a man who was grossly misled by charity.
• The Daily Show: "History has shown our venture in Iraq to be riddled with mistakes. So... medals for everyone!"
• Fantastic! Soap opera babe Heather Tom nude on the New York Stage in Prymate. Heather was on The Young and The Restless for many, many years, then switched over to One Life to Live. She has been nominated for 4,312 Emmys (OK, really "only" six), and has won two. She is seen here with the veteran actor James Naughton.
• For those of you who are both horny and environmentally conscious, there are the Alternative Power Vibrators
• Roger Ebert called Clint Eastwood's Million Dollar Baby the best film of the year.. It "is a masterpiece, pure and simple, deep and true. It tells the story of an aging fight trainer and a hillbilly girl who thinks she can be a boxer. It is narrated by a former boxer who is the trainer's best friend. But it's not a boxing movie. It is a movie about a boxer. What else it is, all it is, how deep it goes, what emotional power it contains, I cannot suggest in this review, because I will not spoil the experience of following this story into the deepest secrets of life and death. This is the best film of the year."
• Frank the Tank! Frank the Tank! Oops ... Drinking game puts Perth man near death
• Here's a classic Japanese event: 1000 Photographers and 20 Models
• REGIS PHILBIN IS HOMELESS! Sources "close" to Regis Philbin say his record-breaking television appearances are due to the fact that he has no place to go, and hasn't left the studio lots in over 40 years.
• Naked Norwegians protest fur, and Pam Anderson leads the anti-fur battle with a new semi-nekkid Asian poster.
• Another woman I would like to meet.
• A Prince Edward Island couple has won approval to open a nudist campground at the province's only naturalist resort.
  • If you're willing to go naked on Price Edward Island, my hat is off to you. But only my hat. If you wanna see the rest, I'll meet you in St. Thomas.
  • "Local residents ... said that it would tarnish the region's allure as a family tourism destination." ... "Mommy, mommy, we don't wanna go to Orlando any more. We wanna go to Prince Edward Island. They have ... small craft shops ... and potatoes."
• Prince Edward Island Tourism and Travel Guide.
• If you're really serious about Christmas, give the one gift that truly means love, the greatest Christmas album of all time. You know I mean Hung for the Holidays.
  • Did you know William Hung was born on the exact moment that Elvis died? It kind of makes you think, doesnt it? Oh, sure, maybe I'm not so "well read" as some you you so-called "literate" people, but I know about these spiritual matters from watching movies. I mean, I saw The Lion King, so I know all about the great circle of life, and how all things are reborn. I think there was a song about it in the remake of Lost Horizon as well. And they might have mentioned it in Black Spring Break.
  • If you follow the link to the purchase page, there is a free 15 second clip from every single cut on the album. This guy is awesome! You HAVE to listen to Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer. The arrangement is just as good as his singing (if that's possible)! And "The Little Drummer Boy" will bring a tear to your eye.
  • Note to the terminally dense: Don't look it up. I was kidding about the Elvis date.
• The new world's most popular searches for each letter of the alphabet, according to Google. My favorite is "T". Most of the others are sensible: Amazon, Best Buy, CNN, dictionary .... then we find out that T is Tara Reid! (P is Paris Hilton, but I suppose that was predictable). You can try out the application this info was designed for, Google Suggest, by clicking here.
• Playmate Gallery - Tina Marie Jordan, March 2002 - Courtesy of PlayboyPlus.com!
• Four short sample vids from SPICE TV RAW!

Other Crap archives. May also include newer material than the links above, since it's sorta in real time.

Click here to submit a URL for Other Crap

MOVIE REVIEWS:

Words, pictures, and vids from ICMS

Love is Colder than Death (1969)

Hanna was 26 when this was made and she starred in many Fassbinder films until his premature death in 1982. She has her own volume in the Encyclopedia with quality caps from this film as well. In case anyone is interested in watching this movie, amazingly enough it is available as a region 1 DVD only, there isn't even a region 2 German edition !

• Schygulla 1 (.wmv zipped, .avi zipped)
• Schygulla 2 (.wmv zipped, .avi zipped)
• Schygulla 3 (.wmv zipped, .avi zipped)
• Schygulla 4 (.wmv zipped, .avi zipped)

Scoop's note. I guess love could be colder than death. For James Brolin, for example.

How can I piss and moan about a movie that has seven nekkid gals in it? Under normal circumstances, that fact alone would make Passion's Obsession (2002) a guaranteed Brainscan pleaser. No plot required, no acting necessary, just line em up and show em off.

But these are not normal circumstances, for you see Passion's Obsession is obnoxious and the actors are so very bland. I can take no plot, but when the thing is stupid enough to drain IQ points from my head, well that's just gone too far. And bad acting? Hey, I liked Space Thing, so I don't need to present my bona fides on that one. Yet bad is one thing and warm oatmeal on the back of my neck is another. Just call these folks one the Quaker Oats cast.

One other major fault... well, two really... and then let's move on. This was C. C. Costigan's last movie, at least according to IMDb. Thank heavens. Something possessed C. C. to pay a brick-layer to do her augmentation mammoplasty and the result is predictable. Robo-hooters so hard-looking, so misshapen, you just want to take her by the hand and lead her to the nearest malpractice attorney.

So the real reason I capped this thing was that four of the gals, including the recreationally built Shyra Deland, play strippers (Susan Hale, Joanne Choo and former Pet, Samantha Phillips are the other three...Sam is a close call, but she gets nekkid on the stage of a strip club and that is good enough for me). So what, you ask?

Well, a few weeks ago The Gimp was going on about his nekkid actress database (over 17,000 performances and, as we who read the Funhouse know very well, that number grows daily). He mentioned that he keeps track of things like what the gals were doing when they lost their clothing... sport-humping, taking a shower, changing into something more comfortable, all that stuff.

So I asked him about strippers, because it seems to me that strippers are represented in the movies all out of proportion to the number of folk employed to strip in the real world. He told me that the numbers are not definitive, in that he needs to go back and do some checking, but that he has listed 690 separate performances by 417 women as strippers.

Oh you've got your famous ones. Elizabeth Berkley, Shannon Elizabeth, Elizabeth Hurley and lots of other semi-A listers not named Elizabeth, like Goldie Hawn and Daryl Hannah, Meg Tilly. Lucy Liu and Mary Steenburgen. And then you have the serious repeaters: Maria Ford and Niikki Fritz lead that lineup. But most of the gals are one-timers who've done a few more movies as something else, like a hooker. Four hundred and seventeen of them. And that's the minimum: The Gimp figures he has a bunch more just waiting to be listed.

Now maybe it is just me, but I had no idea of the number. At least 690 credited performances (The Gimpster tells me there are more than 100 uncredited performances). I'm figuring only cops, private detectives, crooks, soldiers and doctors show up more often as characters in the movies. And most of them are men. Among women characters? Shoot, stripping may be the runaway most common profession.

Anyway, I figured you guys would want to know all this, mainly because I was so amused. It's now my new goal in life: to make sure that every performance by a movie stripper winds up on the virutal pages of the Funnhouse. Now, that's something to live for!

• C.C. Costigan (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)

• Joanne Choo (1, 2)

• Regina Russell (1, 2)

• Samantha Phillips (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

• Shyra Deland (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

• Susan Hale (1, 2, 3)

• Tawny Garrison (1, 2)

Today from the Ghost, part 2 of his look at the sequel that begged to be made..."Hollywood Dreams Take 2" (1995). There really aren't any "big names" in this flick, but there is still plenty of nudity from grade-z skin-flick gals.

• Leigh Betchley, showing off her robo-boobs as she gets dressed. According to the IMDb she is also an amateur wrestler who has appeared in a few direct-to-vid rasslin' tapes. (1, 2, 3, 4)
• Leigh Betchley zipped .wmv

• Mary Scott bares breasts and bum in some slow moving love scenes from her one and only movie. (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
• Mary Scott zipped .wmvs (1, 2, 3, 4)

• Unknown #1 aka the brunette that has sex outside. (1, 2)
• Unknown #1 zipped .wmvs (1, 2)

• Unknown #2 aka the blonde that has sex outside. (1, 2)
• Unknown #2 zipped .wmvs (1, 2)

Susan Hale
(1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)

Kris Andre
(1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)

BLOCKBUSTER TO END LATE FEES
I Only Get A Week?! - Blockbuster Video announced that starting January 1, they will no longer charge late fees. Customers have long complained about their confusing policy, with videos coming due at different times on different days, which cost renters up to $300 million a year in late fees. After January, customers will get a one-week grace period. If they still forget to return it after a week, they'll automatically be charged the retail price minus the rental fee and it's theirs to keep.