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OTHER CRAP:
Catch the deluxe
version of Other Crap in real time, with all the bells and whistles,
here.
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Horror Rises From the Tomb
(1973)
Horror Rises from the Tomb is a Spanish horror offering written by and
starring Paul Naschy.
In medieval France, an evil conjurer (Paul Naschy) and his
female vampire companion (Helga Liné) are executed by the inquisition after
their depraved activities are revealed by the conjurer's brother (Paul Naschy).
Both of them vow revenge, so his head
is removed, and the head and body are hidden separately.
Cut to the present day, where a man (Paul Naschy), his best friend, and two women become
intrigued by a medium, attend a seance, and try to contact these two ancient
miscreants. They then decide to hunt for the medieval remains, which just happen to be at
an estate owned by one of the modern characters. They find what they are looking for, find themselves
trapped on the estate, and must battle the locals as well as Naschy (ancient
conjurer version) and Helga
Liné, who create zombies to assist them. Most of the deaths result from edged
weapons, creating lots of blood.
Naschy was a busy fellow in the early seventies. In addition to writing and
playing three roles in this film, he wrote and starred in seven other films in
1973 alone. In his spare time that year he acted in three more films written by
others. As you can imagine, it is difficult to create great scripts when
churning out one per month. I found this particular one tedious for the most part, but with
some occasional good camera work.
While the movie is not especially good, the DVD is full of special features, including
the non-nude scenes shot for Spanish release, a commentary, and a choice of
English or Spanish with optional English subtitles. This is a nice job on a
Spanish cinema oddity that will please aficionados, but will certainly not make any new
converts to Eurosleaze horrotica.
IMDb readers say 4.8.
Helga Liné and Betsabé Ruiz do full frontal. Emma Cohen, María José Cantudo
and an unknown all show breasts and buns.
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Notes and collages
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Sending along a few things that were captured from videotape. All feature
former Hefmates.
First off is a trio of collages and a couple of clips of December 1982
Hefmate Charlotte
Helmcamp (aka Charlotte Kemp) in Posed for Murder. Gads, it's been
25 years since she appeared with a staple in her navel. Seems like only
yesterday.
  
Staying with the Hefmate theme, here is a pair of clips featuring Lynda
Wiesmeier, Miss July 1982.
- First one is
The Shower Scene from Private School. Yep, The Shower Scene. I would
take a college course on this scene. Not only is Lynda in it (she's the
exuberantly buxom blonde, front left of the shower) but also a young and
delicious Brinke Stevens (brunette on the left). Guys have tried to figure
out the names of the other four gals (several names are listed in IMDB as
"School Girl" but I've not seen anything definitive. Too bad because this is
at the top of the Brainscan list of most popular minutes in movie history.
- Second Lynda Wiesmeier
movie is entitled RSVP. Director Lem Amero's last effort...most of his
previous work was in hardcore. Lynda was 20 when she made these two films
and even though she had a most exuberant body, all of it defied gravity.
Couldn't act a lick but she was blessed in other departments.
Two more clips from a movie that is sometimes called Hard Vice and other
times Vegas Vice. Both clips star Hefmates.
- One is Rebecca
Ferratti, who once had a delightful all-natural body. After-markets
ruined everything.
- And the second Hefmate to appear in Hard (Vegas) Vice is
Shannon Tweed.
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Bikini Bloodbath
2006's horror/comedy Bikini Bloodbath is a monumental achievement in
filmmaking, with an exceptional cast, fantastic acting, a great script,
and ..... er, NOT.
Actually, it's a piece of crap, but at least they threw in a few
boobies to ease the pain.
The plot, if you can call it that, is that seven high school girls
gather for a slumber party after the last day of school to celebrate going
away to collage. A local chef has gone postal, too many steaks on the
grill, apparently, and is on a killing spree. Can the girls be his next
victims? Count on it.
This one is played strictly for laughs, but an inept cast and really
bad script keep those to a minimum. The only person you're likely to
recognize is Debbie Rochon, playing the girl's volleyball coach. She
doesn't get naked, and in this one, that's not a loss.
Really bad. Just fast-forward through the garbage and enjoy the nude
and bikini scenes. Oh, yeah, almost forgot. The girls spend most of their
slumber party in bikinis. Don't ask me why.
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| Leah Ford and others |
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 Film
Clips
Other
Nicole Kidman - public nipple appearance. She has
really been working that Zonker Harris tan! She makes Edgar Winter look like
George Hamilton.
Jessica Simpson in Blonde Ambition (no nudity)
Laura Antonelli in Tranches de Vie
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The Comedy Wire
Comments in yellow...
The New York Post reports that an online survey by sexologist Bob
Berkowitz and his writer wife, Susan Yager-Berkowitz, estimates that 20 million
American marriages are sexless or nearly so, and it's not just women saying no
to sex. Husbands are also avoiding sex, largely because they're just bored with
their wives. One 57-year-old husband summed it up for many, saying, "She
doesn't want anything except same place, same time, same way and that's always
with the TV taking priority."
* Remind me again: Why do gay people want to get
married?
The turducken - a chicken stuffed inside a duck inside a turkey - is now for
sissies. The London Daily Telegraph reports that for holiday dinners, chefs are
stuffing more and more birds inside each other. TV chef Hugh
Fearnley-Whittingstall stuffed an 18-pound turkey with
a goose, duck, mallard, guinea fowl, chicken, pheasant, partridge, pigeon and
woodcock. But Anne Petch of Devon beat them all with her "True Love Roast."
Inspired by "The 12 Days of Christmas," it combines breast meat from 48 birds of
12 species. It costs over $1300 (US), weighs 56 pounds, has 50,000 calories and
feeds 125 people.
* Or five Americans.
Providing further evidence that bottled water is one of the world's most
lucrative scams, the British wine drinker's magazine Decanter ran a blind taste
test of 20 bottled waters, judged by some of the nation's most sophisticated
wine tasters. The winner was a New Zealand water, Waiwera, which is $18 a
liter. In second place was Vittel, sold at Tesco supermarkets for 68 cents a
liter. Another New Zealand water that supposedly comes from 200 yards below
volcanic rock and costs $100 a liter came it 18th. Beating it and many other
expensive waters, and ranked first by one top sommelier, was London tap water.
* Ironically, if you can afford to live in London, you
probably don't mind paying $100 for a liter of water.
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